"Clyde, you can't keep living like this..." Bonnie had said one night, she'd came over and had to kick past some empty beer bottles to enter.

and then she'd seen that my room was trashed.

i could see
the worry
in her eyes.

"just fucking forget it,"
i muttered, encasing her body on the door,
trying not to care about the hickeys that littered her neck.

"i'm serious, he's hurting you."

"you're hurting me. my feelings don't fucking matter,"
and i tried to end the conversation there, i'd said too much.

i'd said too fucking much.

"Clyde, will you just let me in?"

"No!" I couldn't help but yell, pushing myself off from leaning on the door and running a hand through my hair, "no, i-i can't, not again."

and i looked up at her shocked face, "unless you want to fuck, i suggest you leave."

and she left.