she'd gotten me into a certain haze,
a haze in which i couldn't focus on why i shouldn't be doing this,
why i should spare my own feelings.

but in the process, she'd somehow
gotten my shirt over my head,
somehow i'd forgotten about why she couldn't see me shirtless.

"Clyde, what the hell?"

she'd seen the cigarette burns on my chest.
i'd forgotten they were there,
pushing her off me, i tugged my shirt back over my body.

"don't act like you care."

"i do care, you're my friend," she fired back,
her words like tiny knives.

"but not your boyfriend, huh?"
i'd exploaded,
why was she so high and mighty?
why wouldn't she be official with me?
why does she think she's too good for me?

"what-"

"nothing." cutting her off,
i kicked my chucks on the perfect tan carpet underneath me.

"i knew we shouldn't have started this,"
she was talking about dating,
pushing a hand through her blonde hair, her blue irises stared into mine,

"Chuck, do you wanna be more than..."

i sighed, knowing that she'd reject me.
"no."

"good."