I had never felt so out of control. Like when he touched me, nothing else mattered. He could have me any way he wanted me, and that scared me more than anything. The balance of power lay in his favor, and I couldn't control myself around him.

Now that it was over, I couldn't face him. It was like as soon as he kissed me, I had been swept away by his touch. How could I face that? Any confidence I had felt was gone now. My hands moved to dig into the wooden table when he moved to pull his trouser back up while I avoided his gaze. To be so close, to have their body entwined with yours and then to feel so awkward after about it wasn't something I had any experience in.

I had been there every step of the way, but I still couldn't face him. I blamed myself for my momentary weakness that had led to this. He made me weak, and I hated it.

He retrieved our clothes and set them beside me. He touched my thigh, and I finally looked at him. There was no smugness, just concern.

"I didn't mean to hurt you." The gentleness in his voice stung.

Again, I felt like the power had shifted into his favor. I was at a disadvantage again. He had been with countless women and I had only ever been with him.

I shrugged as I moved off his desk and redressed. I turned my back to him after I saw the marks where I had dug my nails into his skin.

"I'm um.. fine."

Only when I was fully dressed did I face him, feeling more protected. He hadn't bothered to put his shirt back on, and the marks I had left on his skin made me uncomfortable. It reminded me of how he had moved my world.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

I frowned and crossed my arms defensively. "Didn't tell you what?" I snapped sharply.

I was feeling so much and I needed space to work through it, not in the confines of a room shared with Angel, who was studying me closely.

"That you've never done this before."

I pressed my lips together, not wanting to admit that no one had made me want to. The only time I had ever tried was the drunken night I had tried to seduce him and look at how that turned out.

"What does it matter?" I asked, feeling my cheeks heat.

"It matters Kira. I could have been more gentle and prepared you more."

I had been afraid if I had admitted it, he would have stopped it altogether if he knew he was about to take a virgin. It wasn't like I was saving myself. I had just been fussy about who I wanted to sleep with.

"How have you never done this before Kira?" He moved closer and I stood my ground, refusing to show him how much he affected me.

"It's sex Angel. Nothing ground breaking." I rolled my eyes, trying to brush his concern off as being over dramatic.

"How is it you had no problem stripping to get attention, but you never been with a guy?"

I shrugged, not knowing how to answer his question without revealing stuff I didn't want to.

"It just never happened." What did he want from me?

He studied me.

"Are you using any means of birth control?"

This was a conversation I never thought I would have with him. I shook my head. There had never been a need for it before.

"It's probably best to use some for the time being."

I wasn't ready for this conversation at all. I'd just had sex for the first time only moments ago.

I nodded stiffly. My eyes went to the door, my exit.

"We need to set a date for the wedding and start planning." He put his shirt on and buttoned it up. His muscles rippled beneath the thin fabric and I had to swallow as I remembered how his body had felt against mine.

Get yourself together, I told myself, but I was still in my head somewhere between memories.

"Sure whatever." I didn't care about weddings or planning. The only thing I wanted was to get as far away from him so I could figure out what had happened to me and I could make sure it never happened again.

"I like this more subdued Kira. Maybe I should do this more often to get you compliant."

I scowled at him. He really knew how to push my buttons and set me off again. "If you think for a second I'm going to become one of those wives that you can walk all over, you have another thing coming. Do you hear me?"

"I wouldn't have it any other way." He did something so uncharacteristic that it set me back. He smiled.

I could probably count the number of times he had smiled at me. The strange feeling from before grew into the middle of my chest and it felt like my heart fluttered. I didn't know how to handle this Angel.

"I believe we have covered everything we need to for the time being. Do you have questions for me?"

"No." I just wanted to get out of here. I reached the door and held the door handle.

"Just one thing," he said, and I stopped, but I refused to turn to face him.

I didn't want him to see that what had just happened between us had me rattled. It would show a weakness I knew he would exploit to his advantage.

"What?" I asked, feeling irritated.

"We still need to discuss your security."

This time, I turned to face him. "Is that really necessary? This place is like Fort Knox."

Never mind all the security, like the guards and dogs, I knew there was surveillance and hidden passages. What next laser alarms like in the spy movies?

"Fort Knox?"

"This place has hidden passages, Angel." I pointed to the bookcase that opened the secret passageway I had used to escape the day before.

He gave a slight nod. "I'm more worried about your safety when you leave the property. You'll have a designated bodyguard and I'll get my head of security to run you through our security measures in house and on the property."

"It sounds like a lot," I murmured, feeling a little overwhelmed. Was he expecting the Vincents to retaliate? I wasn't brave enough to ask him for fear of the answer. I was already having sleepless nights. The less I knew, the better at this point.

"There is always going to be some level of danger for my wife. It's not to say you're in any imminent danger, but I want to be careful." His tone was calm and his words measured.

Him referring to me as his wife was the strangest thing and for a moment; I felt like I was in alternate reality.

I held the door handle tighter. "You're not just saying that, so you don't freak me out?"

I had a feeling he wasn't telling me everything, but I wasn't sure I was ready to hear it all. Having talked myself into a marriage with him to save myself, I didn't want to talk myself out of because of fear. Last night had been a restless night of dark figures after me in my nightmares.

What if it became too much? What if I wasn't strong enough for this? This life wasn't for the fainthearted. Did I have it in me to survive it? It's not like I had a lot of choices. This was the only way to keep me safe.

"I meant what I said to Kaiden. I will protect you. You never have to doubt that." The fierceness in his eyes took my breath away.

With a brief nod, I opened the door and left. I walked straight upstairs to my room hoping no noticed how skew my shirt was. Could they tell what had happened? I hurried to my bedroom and shut the door.

Leaning against the door, I expelled a breath. Sex with Angel. I closed my eyes briefly. Images of his mouth on mine, his hands on me everywhere. I swallowed. I felt hot all over again just remembering it. Putting my hand to my forehead, I tried to collect my thoughts.

The feel of his mouth on mine. My fingers traced my lips. His bold touch was all over me. Never after that night he had sent me fleeing from his room, heart broken, did I believe it would ever happen. And now that it had, I didn't know how it made me feel.

I knew the logistics of it but the emotion it attired wasn't something I had been prepared for. Angel had lifted me to heights I had never experienced, and I already craved it again.

I didn't like the power he had over me. I saw it as a weakness that I couldn't allow him to use against me.

It was only a little later in the shower as I lathered my body did it finally dawn on me. We had used no protection and what that meant.

A pregnancy. The thought blew my mind, and that scared me more than the Vincents or Angel.