After I finished with James I went back to my room and crawled under the covers. I was feeling pretty low and the lack of sleep was too much to deal with. I ended up drifting off to sleep.

It was late morning when I woke, I got up and showered. On my way to breakfast I noticed there was a lot of activity. It was strange that there were men going through some of the rooms, including Angel's study.

I saw Jack. "What's going on?" I asked.

"We sweep the house regularly for bugs and things like that."

It was another reminder of what was considered normal in a life of crime, constantly worrying about law enforcement infiltrating. You had to worry about the good guys as well as the bad guys.

"Do they ever find any?" It was curiosity that made me ask the question.

"No. It's more of a precaution."

Well that was good, wasn't it? I never remembered his father doing that.

"Where is Angel anyway?" I asked, not seeing him around.

"I don't usually have any details about his schedule but I did see him head out."

After telling me they needed to discuss wedding details he was a no show. Typical. Last night it had been so important and now it wasn't.

The thought of staying and watching strangers sweep the house stressed me out so I decided it was better to go out. Besides at some point I had to start looking at wedding dresses.

At the third bridal shop I was on my fourth glass of champagne and more than slightly tipsy. I had tried on four dresses but none of them had felt right. I don't know why I cared, I should just pick one and get it over and done with. It wasn't like it meant anything.

"We have selected some of our best dresses," the lady helping me announced.

Jack had not only played the part of my bodyguard, his job today included giving his opinion on ever dress I tried on. He was a typical guy and thought they were all beautiful, so he was no help at all.

It also made me a little emotional that I was doing something that my mother should have been here to do with me and the fact that she wasn't tinged the whole experience with sadness.

I tried on a couple but it was the third that touched me in a way the others hadn't. It was simple satin with spaghetti straps with a revealing cleavage, tight waist and ended at my ankles. It was beautiful and subtle. There was no beading, lace or frills. No pretense.

Jack was looking bored but when I walked out he straightened up. His expression said everything and he gave me the thumbs up and he smiled. He only confirmed what I already felt. It was the dress I had been looking for. Or maybe he was just relieved I had chosen something. Maybe I would have chosen something more extravagant but it was perfect for loveless wedding to Angel.

"I'll take it," I told the saleswoman hovering nearby.

At least the dress was taken care of. I had completed one important task.

When we got back to the house there was a buzz of activity, it was unusual to say the least. I went to the study and knocked. The alcohol I had been sipping for the last couple of hours had relaxed me and I was ready to share the news that I had chosen a wedding dress. Angel had been so insistent on moving forward with the wedding plans, it would be a step in the right direction.

"Come in," Angel said. My stomach fluttered at the sound of his voice. It was disconcerting.

When I entered James and Angel were standing by his desk. They looked like they had been in a deep discussion just before I had arrived.

"Everything all right?" I couldn't help feel the tension that still hung in the air. There was something going on.

"What do you need Kira?" Angel's voice was harsh. It put my back up straight away, killing any happiness I had earned from picking a dress I was going to marry him in.

My smile fell. "It's fine. It's not important." I retreated, closing the door. I took a shaky breath before I turned my heel and headed out of the house.

Feeling hurt that I had been spoken to like that and I hadn't done anything wrong made me go up to my room and close the door. I couldn't seem to do anything right. Maybe I was just too sensitive and taking everything too personally.

I was supposed to move my stuff into Angel's room but it was the last thing I wanted to do. I would have rather have moved all my things right out of his house.

Feeling despondent I went to have dinner. I was alone as usual. Was this what my life was going to be like? I didn't have much of an appetite so I pushed my plate back and left the dining room to head back to my room.

I got ready for bed, determined not to follow Angel's instruction to move into his bedroom. It was something I wasn't ready to do. Besides he seemed to be so preoccupied with work that he probably wouldn't even notice.

It was later and I was still wide awake lying in bed staring at the ceiling in the dark. Sleep hadn't come which left me alone with all my insecurities and vulnerabilities. How was it that problems always seemed so much worse at night than they did in the light of day?

I heard Angel when he came upstairs and I turned onto my side while watching my bedroom door. I don't know if I was hoping he would notice I wasn't there or not. I had mixed emotions. Maybe, right then, I needed to know that someone missed me in some capacity, even if it wasn't declarations of love.

But I held very little hope due to Angel's mood from earlier on. His footsteps disappeared until I couldn't hear them and I sighed. No one even cared, even if it was him.

I don't know why it hit me so much, maybe I was feeling low and the alcohol had only amplified everything I lacked in my life right now. I let out a heavy sigh.

Feeling tired, I let my eyelids lower. Then I heard Angel's footsteps. When they stopped outside my door I opened my eyes. He opened the door and switched on the light.

"Get up," he commanded, he was angry.

I held my covers up to my chest as I sat up. "What are you doing here?"

He walked over and lifted me off the bed. I tried to struggle but his arms held me in place as he took me the short distance to his room and dropped me on his bed.

"You can't just man handle me to do what you want Angel." I was angry but there was also an feeling of something else I didn't want to look closer at.

He took of his jacket and I tried to move off the bed. "I'm warning you Kira, one foot off that bed and you will regret it." He turned to face me and I stilled.

"You are going to be my wife and you will share my bed. There sooner you get used to that the better. This attention seeking behavior has to stop Kira." He studied me and I lowered my gaze from his.

Was he right? Did I act this way to get his attention? I folded my arms and I swallowed as I lifted my resentful gaze to his.

"You don't need to flirt or play hard to get. It's a waste of time, I'm going to be your husband, you have me already." He sounded so business like and I realized that I needed more. This would never work if he was going to treat this like some business arrangement. Marriages needed more, or maybe it was me who needed more.

"But do I really?" I asked. "I never see you. You never do anything with me and I spend more time with my bodyguard than I do with you."

"What do you want from me Kira?" he asked. He sounded tired.

"I know this whole thing is to keep me safe but I need to know someone actually cares about me. I need to know I matter."

"If you're looking for declarations of love you won't get them here."

It was the last thing I was expecting from him. I just needed to know someone was with me in this, that I wasn't alone. He really knew how to batter my heart when it was already feeling raw.

He moved closer to the edge of the bed. "I went to great lengths to keep you safe Kira. That alone should show that you matter."

It wasn't exactly what I had been wanting to hear but it was the best he could do. I nodded. I needed more but he didn't understand that. Was there any point in putting them into words or trying to make him understand?