Life was hard. Too hard for EIGHT legged hairy spider.

Since the day I born and got to know that I won't ever receive fatherly love because apparently my mother had eaten him during 'Bam bam in the ham'. It's legit word!

I was in diapers when I had to survive from getting killed by my siblings in a fucked up tournament where mother decided to play the role of bloody anchor. I had barely saved my cute ass from my cannibalistic mother and insane siblings.

I had seen so much shit in my early days. Like all those times where my mother chased male spiders who tried to ran away during 'Two-person pushups', barely covering their dignity.

Needless to say, they never make it alive.

When I had enough of their ass, I chose to live in 'Little bugs orphanage' and attend 'Bugs high' away from family drama. But drama never left my adorable ass.

Other spiders in orphanage envied my handsome and optimistic personality and bullied me for that. Calling names and insulting my mother for sleeping with other spiders when their own parents were hooking like bunnies. Talk about double standards.

But my little spider spirit never back down, I threatened to spit on other faces or lay eggs on their body.

I had learn many things about human in my 'Humanology class', taught by teachers how peculiar and odd humans were. Dumbasses spent one hour in cooking their food when they can eat it raw. They were very enthusiastic about wars like it helps them get off in nights. My society was female-dominated and never had to face any wars. We were better than petty humans. If we ever get in argument, females would just eat the person in front of them. Problem solved.

I have also learnt about their kinks in 'Human fantasy' classes like how they would love the person who'd drop their coffee on them or how they would kidnapped the person they love. No shade but that's fucked up.

But I was always intrigues by human and knew their behaviour. What I don't understand is how could I got 4 out of 100 in humanlogy. It must be that hostile Mr. Crabby. I am sure he never likes me.

One fine day, he was teaching us about female humans having four limbs but chose to walk on only two, while males were occupied by five. They would scratch their ass and poke nose, like eww.

Then after lunch I felt itchy everywhere on my body and accidently poke my ass. Instantly paparazzi was on me and I was label as traitor, siding with humans. Mr. Crabby gave the statement that my habits were dangerous and I have humanity in me, while smirking.

I was kick out of society, no one came to support me, no friends or family.

Eh, like I need them.

I didn't know where to go, everything was new and strange and I ended up webbing on secluded bricks. Soon, I fall in a routine, I would do the hard work, hunting worms and catch flies, then at night, making a new web bed. Life was beginning to feel normal.

But one creepy-crawly day, I opened my eyes and found myself canning in wall. God, knows how I had save himself. Selfish humans have stole my bricks to make their own home. But did they care about my little hairy ass? No.

In mindset of envy and revenge, I had bitten the couple, silently smirking for this meme to happened in next morning.

When I was again on streets, I was aid by kind farm chicken, she helped me by letting me stay in her 'Coop which was full of poop but I didn't complained'. We were roaming in streets one day and she went away to get something to eat from a shop. I was looking out for her when suddenly I looked up at the name of shop.

'KFC'

There I understand that she's never coming back.

Once again, I was on the streets - to find a real estate property.

I was a country boy and came into contact with a city Labrador. He was an agent by profession and demanded money for my house. I was totally broke and needed huge money on short notice. I had arrange some money and peacefully carrying the suitcase full of money but I don't know what the deal of humans? Why were these busybodies screaming and running away from me while shouting 'Bag is walking on its own'?

Like Seriously bitches get out of superstition and see under the bag.

He traded a enormous mirror house in exchange of money. It was like my dream house, super clear, shiny and glittery. The house had everything I need; I had taken the attic politely and used an empty box as toilet because I ain't some gross animal.

It all beautiful and sunshine but the rooms, ceiling were transparent and the couple residing were too much active. I couldn't sleep for five days straight and knew soon my time in this house would end. Barely packing my belongings, I took off running when I accidently saw the creepy images of engaged couple moaning under the attic. I needed bleach to cleanse my pure eyes that gets tainted in that God-forbidden house.

Rolling my eyes all the way to Mars when once again I was on streets. I roamed in whole South Korea, gets chased by wasps and street dogs, almost trampled by humans but I didn't lost my patience in finding a suitable house.

Some houses weren't of my preferences, some had ugly paint like who the hell paint their house in jade green. I ain't a vegan cow. My pride didn't let me stay there.

I was wandering around helpless and homeless when I caught sight of a lone house in the middle of nowhere. It appeared haunted and I was almost back away when seven fine specimen not more that me, came out of the house. They were odd and definitely insane like who the hell plays rock paper scissors enthusiastically, to get shotgun. There I decided that this house was the safest in the world.

It didn't matter if they were mafias or something, I wasn't afraid of anything of these crackheads. And made it home in the corner of Namjoon's room, settling my belonging- some cobwebs curtains, a web pillow, leftover flies on a casserole.

I made friends with a lady lizard who was very proud of herself. She taught me the important life lessons which the bug's high failed in teaching. Like how algebra will save my ass when scorpion would be on me?

She told me that bugs are superior than humans. With one glare of insects and animals, human shiver in fright. I thought she was bluffing but when she walked on floor smugly and everyone human in the mansion strap themselves on wall, nearby tables. I knew she wasn't wrong.

Life was getting in a slow rhythm and I was finally enjoying my young days. I would taste the feast prepared by Lady Maria before anyone could eat, I would shower first by terrorizing the occupant. Slowly and steadily, I was getting comfortable and making my presence known in the mansion.

Soon, I sum up the characters of people residing in this enormous mansion which they call 'Bangtan Mansion'. So cheesy.

On one bug morning, I saw Namjoon stumbling on coffee table and closed my eyes on his idiocy Upon seeing it on daily occasion, I wanted to burn my brain. One time, I woke up and saw my rentee's face illuminating from his laptop's light, creepy grin with a thin trail drool hanging. It left my Spidey sense in disgust. I had officially lost all my respect of this man.

And one time I was strolling, inspecting the house for it's cleanliness, and some fucktard was blind enough to step on me. I would have become salsa gravy if it was not for an angel who had chased away the guy. Even going beyond and above, attacked the fucktard like a monkey and saved my life. I had been traumatic for several days but that angel's face didn't left my mind.

I was busy webbing on the ceilings when my love and some perky ass guy were arguing about something. When he insulted my girl by saying she looks like Spider queen and I couldn't stop myself for falling on the visual of my girl cosplaying a spider and I literally fell on her.

She's still clueless on this day , as why that perky ass ran away while screaming in terror.

One time, I was daydreaming in hammock made by a bralette when all of a sudden I was put on a washing machine. I can't even imagine getting deep clean on that specific part but just like my 'Darling the Darla' was, she opened the lid at the right moment and took out the bralette out of dirty clothes, murmuring 'It won't hurt to wear it fifth time? would it?'

But I was an absolute gentleman and immediately jump out of it before she could change her dress. My love was pure not like some wanna Gangster.

I knew I was eye-candy, even though as an outcast, I was one of the most handsome spider in the town. I had seen female spiders fangirling over me but my standards were high. My dreams were something big. Not that nasty hoes.

I had learnt from the gossip around the house that my crush had a crush on her crush. Thankfully that suit didn't go far. And I still had a chance.

I found myself falling for Darla hard but I dread one question. 'Would she like me?'

Sure, I was intrigued with human, found them extremely beautiful. It didn't matter if they have longer legs or walk like a kangaroo. They even a weird nose like thingy which had hair inside but that didn't matter. What can I do, if they have everything in twin sets- like two eyes, two ears, two hands, two cheeks. He can argue with the world that they are two butt cheeks not one. Even clumsy Joonie can't win against him! Hah!

But I was just a spider. Will she associate herself with a nobody like me? Self-depreciating thoughts came in my mind and I find myself burrowing like a burrito in my room without eating or drinking anything.

Then my eyes caught a blue light emitting and found roommate's laptop open left in dark room, the sound coming out of it attracted me and I went towards it and scroll with a big mouse. What a weird name, this was definitely not a mouse! Then why was heck it is called one?

Anyways-

Then I saw a furry video and some cosplays, it changes my perception, it enlighten my dim innocent soul and led me to infinity.

Apparently humans loves to get engaged with other human, animals and even 2d characters, they cosplay and foreplay with ridiculous costume.

There, I determine to win Darla's heart with my newfound knowledge, if people can love doggy style and love furry then I'll be her little furry. I have hair on my body for God's sales.

I was nervous to confess my love to Darla. Should I bring some weed. Not that weed dumbasses or do I make DIY necklace with my food's wings. It could charm my love.

I had stood there, hands clutching a cute necklace, haphazardly beading it not caring if a fly was still attached to it or not. My heartfelt eyes become teary, pure agony flows from my heart, wrenching squeaking comes out when I saw Darla with a 'Hello kitty' suitcase ready to leave Seoul on Taeshit's order.

I had gone to depression and didn't ate any flies for whole month because of my first heart break but after the emotional moment, I knew what I had to do. Revenge!

Poor Winterbear didn't even how he always felt cold despite wearing woolen sweaters. That was Spidey's doing, I had made holes on it.

The gang leader was always blaming on Jungkook that he always drink his smoothie when all those time, me the intellectual Spidey would push the glass on sink and make a chocolate moustache on Little's shit's mouth when he was napping and wait for the blame game.

I had been terrorising the whole mansion since my first love had gone to God knows which state. All that Taeshit says 'Darla had gone to States'. Fuck that dumbass.

After waiting for almost one year, my love had came to me. I had been waiting for her with my open arms or eight legs or whatever.

But she broke my heart by bringing a tall elf.

I didn't moped around this time and did everything to win her heart but things didn't go in my favour.

Then someone else caught my eyes. One of the maids who deliberately leaves the corner of room unclean, so that I won't be homeless.

Her kindness had won my heart and I find myself falling for my second love.

Hopefully she won't reject me!

*Squeak squeak*

Maid : STAY AWAY FROM ME DEVIL!!

A/n :- What the hell did I just write?

Sorry my imagination isn't most bright.

I hope you enjoyed my little surprise!

Love y'all❤️❤️❤️

-by dork