× Horan

I had woken up early to make us breakfast, fluffy pancakes, sunny side up eggs, bacon, and some orange slices on the side.

Lynn was still sleeping on the rug in front of the fireplace, the blanket tucked up under her chin. Our clothes were still lying on the floor around her, minus my jeans that I had put on when I woke up. She looked so peaceful sleeping; it would have been hard to know everything she had gone through just in the past couple of weeks if I didn't know any better.

Last night was nice, but today I was hoping to sit her down and talk about everything. I needed to know how she was doing, with the new information on her parent's death, being outed at our last game, and even the pregnancy scare. We skirted the main points when she thought she was pregnant (me being okay with it, and she completely against the idea), but because of what happened last night and not using a condom, I needed her to know that she has to be confident in what she was doing. The pill or not, something could always go wrong. And the two of us together seemed to be a beacon for the unexpected.

Just as I was placing the last pancake on the plate, Lynn sat up from her spot on the floor and looked around dazedly. When she spotted me in the kitchen, I gave her a lazy smile as she reached over and grabbed my jumper from the floor and tugged it on over her head. I watched as she slowly stood up from the floor and made her way over to me.

I couldn't help but notice the way she was walking.

"You okay, love?" I asked, a knowing smile on my lips. "You seem a little sore."

"No thanks to you," she mumbled, clearly feeling stiff and uncomfortable. "I would have been fine, but you just had to wake me up in the middle of the night for round two, didn't you?"

"Sorry. I just needed ya."

"Yeah, at five in the morning. You couldn't have waited until at least seven to take it upon yourself to get things going?"

"Don't think my penis would have allowed that," I smirked. "I'll make it up to you, promise. Just let me finish making breakfast first."

Lynn hummed like she wasn't so sure I could do that and took the few steps to me and leaned against my arm. She looked down at the plates of food on the counter. "You really shouldn't be cooking bacon without a shirt," she noted.

"I'll risk it. Besides, my jumper looks better on you."

The hem went down to the top of her thighs and the sleeves went past her finger tips. I've always loved when she wore my clothes, ever since that first time she almost stayed the night and wore my favorite jersey to bed.

"However," I added. "I'd much rather see you in that lingerie."

She made a face. "The bralette rubs under my boobs and irritates my skin. But I'll put it on tonight for you."

I smiled to myself, already thinking about the possibilities to come. After learning about her kinks, I couldn't really think about anything else, if I was being honest. But we didn't need all that - the hair pulling, bondage, or roleplaying. I was one hundred percent willing to explore that territory, but it wasn't necessary. What we were doing right now was working wonders for the both of us; we can mix it up another time because like Lynn said last night... we weren't going anywhere.

"I talked to Grandma yesterday before you kidnapped me," Lynn said, leaning into my arm with a whimsical smile on her lips. "She heard what happened at our last game and wanted to check up on me - to check up on the both of us, actually."

I looked away from the cooking bacon and turned to Lynn with slight horror. "Wait... your grandma knows what happened? Like, she knows what we did... on the video? What I did to her granddaughter!?"

Lynn laughed, and the beautiful sound filled the silence of the large space. "Oh, relax. She may be my grandma but she's not innocent. She knows exactly what we've been doing behind closed doors."

Shaking my head, I went back to the food in front of me. "No, no, no," I said under my breath. "That's your grandmother! I've been in her house! Does she know what I did to you in your room when she was just outside, twenty feet away?"

"You need to stop freaking out, Niall," she said through a fit of laughter. "Nona respects you. She likes you a lot and even told me that she approves of this. You already won her over so don't even worry about it. On the phone she said that you're welcome to come back for a visit anytime you want. What you do to me, with your magic fingers and skilled tongue..." she trailed off, like she was imagining exactly how I would touch her, "makes no difference in how she thinks of you."

I still wasn't okay that Nona was aware of what we've been doing under her own roof, but I couldn't deny the swell in my heart knowing I had won over Lynn's grandma.

"You're just lucky my dad's not alive," Lynn added as she found her way behind me and wrapped her arms around my waist. "Otherwise you'd be the one dead right now."

I wasn't sure if I was supposed to laugh at that, but when I felt Lynn chuckle behind me, I let out a shaky breath and a small smile. If her dad was alive, I would have been working extra hard to get his approval after the stunt Chloe pulled on us, no doubt about that. It took me over a year to get Alina's father's consent, and that was without the mess of the world knowing how I was treating her.

The conversation quickly died down and the two of us slipped into comfortable silence. I finished up the breakfast and Lynn kept her place behind me, her head against my shoulder blades. It wasn't until I put the last bacon on the plate did I feel Lynn's hands start to wonder down my stomach. I stiffened when I felt them trace the waistband of my jeans, slightly dipping her fingers inside.

"Be careful, petal," I warned. "You'll start something you'll have to finish."

"Maybe that's the point," she purred.

Her lips were against my shoulder, gently trailing up to my neck. It had gotten really hard to concentrate on the food in front of me as her fingers plunged further into my jeans. I felt my dick twitch in eagerness and my breathing change from slow steady breaths to quick short puffs of air. But before she could go any further, I grabbed her hand in mine and stopped her, bringing her palm to my lips and leaving a kiss on her skin.

"Are you turning me down, Niall Horan?" she asked against my ear. "I never thought I'd see the day."

"Later," I said and placed the finished bacon onto a plate. "Now, we eat."

× × ×

Spending the day inside with Lynn had been one of the best days of my life. We were away from civilization and any drama. The world could be ending right outside the door and I wouldn't have been any the wiser.

The two of us were on the couch, a football match on the telly and the fireplace lit. I was leaning against the arm of the sofa with Lynn sitting between my legs and leaning against my chest, tapping away on her phone. I could see over her head that she was talking to Jamie, and from the words court and Ethan, I quickly put together what they were texting about.

"Has anything been said yet?" I asked.

Lynn sighed and dropped the phone on her lap. "No. He's being held but there isn't a court date yet. Jamie thinks it should be soon, though."

She spoke so monotonously about it, like we were discussing the weather and not the killer of her parents. It worried me because the last time she acted like this was when we were at the clinic waiting for the pregnancy results.

"Do you want me to talk to my mum?" I asked. "She's a lawyer so she might have the ability to speed the process along. If nothing else, she would have tips and some advice."

Lynn grabbed my hand and started playing with my fingers. "Thanks, but I'm not sure that's a good idea. Your mother doesn't like me very much, remember?"

It was true, but secretly, I was hoping since the whole world knew we were together and my chance of going professional was pretty much shot that Mum would be a little more lenient on Lynn since she kind of helped my downfall and possibly push me into the direction my mum wants. But it was a big reach, so maybe it was safe to just keep quiet and avoid my mother all together.

"Do you want to talk about what happened?" I finally asked.

"There's not much to talk about."

I sighed and rolled my head against the back of the couch. "Lynn, you haven't said much about it. You can talk to me, you know that."

Lynn removed herself from my chest and sat at the end of the sofa, looking down at her phone. "I know, it's just hard. For the longest time I thought I was the one who set the fire. Learning that it wasn't was both liberating and devastating."

The fire reflected in her pupils, and it was like seeing the past through her eyes. She had witnessed the fire. It was one thing to hear about it, but another thing to see it happen right in front of you. And thinking you were the one to start it would have easily made me insane, so looking at Lynn, so strong and brave and completely in her right mind made me feel for her. I could only wish to be as courageous as her, but knowing deep down that if any of this were to happen to me, I'd be on all kinds of medications just to keep me leveled out and from preventing me losing the last string I probably would have had. Not just Lynn, though; her brother as well. They were both strong, and it really made me wish I could have met the parents that had raised them to be like this.

"I wasn't okay with it, but I was with peace knowing I might have been the cause," Lynn continued, her voice breaking at the end. "I knew my doing was an accident, but when Ethen came to my room, it opened a new door of things I could have done to prevent this."

"Lynn, you can't blame yourself," I said, scooting over to wrap my arms around her.

Automatically, her arms went around my neck and she placed her cheek against my chest. "Yes I can. I shouldn't have ratted out Katie about doing drugs in high school; I should have just let it go. My ankle would be fine and my parents would be alive."

I trailed my hand up and down her back as Lynn sniffled against my neck. "How is your brother taking all this?"

Sighing, Lynn removed her arms from me and sat back on the arm of the couch. "I have no idea," she said honestly. "I'd hope the authorities had gotten a hold of his commander and told him, but I haven't talked to him since the night of our date. Grandma's in a rage. She's been trying to get access to talk to Ethan, but they won't let him have any visitors. She just want's answers and no one is giving her any. I told her all that I knew, but she wanted to hear it from him."

It baffled me as to why Ethan would do this. To do it, and then confess to it three years later. I understood that he was sick, but setting a car on fire seemed a little extreme to me. But what did I know? I knew chemistry, not the science part that explained why we do the things we do. I'll leave that to the psychologists.

Suddenly, my laptop lit up from the coffee table, singling a FaceTime. I reached over and saw a familiar name at the top.

I looked over at Lynn. "It's your brother."

Instantly, Lynn sat up and scooted in close to me, taking control of the laptop and clicking Answer. The first thing I noticed was the dreadful look on Anders' face. He had scruff along his jaw and his hair was a mess, a result of running his hands through it. I've only seen Anders a few times, and every time, he never had a frown on his face. I didn't much like it on him.

"Hey, Anders," Lynn said, a small smile on her lips from the sight of her brother.

"Is it true?" he asked, ignoring her greeting. "About what really happened with the fire?"

From beside me, Lynn sighed and bowed her head. "Yes."

Anders swore under his breath. I couldn't tell where he was, but I knew he wasn't alone in the room as I saw someone walk past in the background. They paid no attention to Anders. They probably knew just as well as anyone else that it wasn't easy to contact family and when they did, they would give them as much privacy as they could.

"I thought maybe..." he said, trailing off with a shake of his head. "I don't know. My commander just told me and I didn't believe him. I had to talk to you to make sure."

Lynn told him the story from beginning to end of the encounter with Ethan. It was still clearly hard for her to tell it, but I was there the whole time, my arm around her for moral support. Anders took it all in, clearly emotionally wrecked that this whole time, his parents weren't at peace.

For both of them, this new information was going to take time to heal. I could imagine that it wouldn't be much different from the first time they lost their parents.

"It's all so crazy to me. I just... why?" Anders asked, clearly not wrapping his head around this. "I get that the house wasn't his target, but why bother lighting your car on fire?"

"It probably sounds crazy because it is," I spoke up. "Bipolar disorder can go from one extreme to the next. If Ethan was off his meds, then he could very well be capable of setting a car on fire if he was angry and motivated enough. It also didn't help that he was a pyromaniac."

"Jesus," Anders said under his breath and ran a hand through his hair. "I wish I was there with you, Lynn. I can't imagine what you were thinking when he was telling you this."

"Jam was there. If it wasn't for her, he'd still be out there roaming the streets."

"You know, I've always liked Jamie."

Lynn sat up like she just realized something. "Uh, Anders. Why did you call Niall?"

"I tried calling you, but it went straight to voicemail. So I tried Niall, figuring you'd probably be with him."

Lynn laughed. "Why would you assume that?"

For the first time since the call started, he smiled. "Because I'm not dumb," he teased. "I knew you liked him when I was there in London, I knew it was only a matter of time before things got serious... if they weren't already."

This time, Lynn frowned. "Yeah. Serious is definitely a way to put it."

Anders raised his brows. "You're not telling me something. What's going on?"

When Lynn started explaining the ordeal that happened to Lynn and I, I decided to leave the two of them to talk. I didn't go far, though. I stayed in the kitchen and watched from nearby. We have been secluded in the woods were only a few people know where we are, but I didn't dare leave her sight.

I thought about the conversation I had with my English Professor. He clearly went through something similar to us, but there was a huge difference in our stories: They didn't fight. Lynn and I got over fears and battled obstacles to be together, and now that we have, we've never been stronger. That alone is what was going to keep us together.

A few minutes later, Lynn and Anders were saying their goodbye. I got up from the stool and made my way over to her just as she was closing the laptop. Lynn leaned back against the couch just as I was stepping up behind her.

Lynn tilted her head back and her eyes locked with mine. She reached up and grabbed my shirt, pulling me down so my face was right in front of hers.

"Thank you," she said softly. "For bringing me here."

I grabbed her face in my hands and gave her quick kiss. "Anytime."

Lynn closed the rest of the space between us and kissed me again, this time drawing it out as long as she could. This was something I knew would never get old.

After a few heartbeats, we pulled away slightly to catch our breath. "I think we need to talk about what happened last night," I said against her lips, rubbing my thumbs along her cheekbones. "About not using a condom. For someone who likes to be overly protective with this, you're sure lacking."

Lynn groaned heavily. "I know, it's just hard to go back after not using one."

"Believe me, I know. But no more. No more sex without a condom. It's that or the slight possibility that you'll get pregnant. Unless... that's what you want?"

Right then, a log shifted in the fireplace a few feet away, making Lynn jump suddenly. She sat up straight, pulling away from me and looking at the fire in front of her, our conversation pushed to the back of her mind and long forgotten.

"Do you want me to keep the fire going?" I asked Lynn with a sigh.

When she slowly nodded her head, I walked around the couch and grabbed some kindling I had gathered last night and threw it into the fire. After poking and probing with an iron stick, the fire was quickly back to full height.

"Can I ask you something?" Lynn spoke up softly.

"Anything," I said as I joined her again on the couch.

She stayed in the corner of the sofa, looking down at her hands that were placed on her lap. I could tell her mind was reeling and I was desperate to know what she getting at.

"Do you trust me?" she finally asked.

I grabbed her hands in mine and laced our fingers together. "Of course I do." Then I paused because her question didn't seem right to me. "Why? Don't you trust me?"

"With my life," she quickly assured. "But..."

Sighing, I removed my hands from hers and sat back, not sure if I wanted to know what more she was going to say. "Lynn, stop this consternation bullshit. Just tell me what's on your mind."

"I'm just not sure I can one-hundred percent trust you to be faithful," she said, her eyes wide with nerves. I opened my mouth to protest, but she cut me off. "I'm not attacking you or faulting you for that, Niall. Just let me express my fears, okay? I know you said you've changed, but you've been this womanizer for a long time. What if you slip into that role again? Even if it's once. On accident."

"Lynn, I love you," I said. "I know you have fear because of Bradley, but I'm nothing like him. I've only slept with one person since meeting you, which was before anything even happened between us. I don't have any desire to sleep with anyone but you." I paused and looked at her in the eyes, to see if anything I was saying was getting through to her. "You just have to trust me."

"One?" she asked, sniffling. "What about at the party a few weeks ago?"

"It never got that far before you interrupted."

I watched her closely as Lynn reached up with a shaking hand and brushed a strand of hair away from her face. "I know sleeping around prevents you from getting hurt, but wouldn't it had been easier to not sleep around with those girls?" she asked. "Because you're only hurting yourself by your own reputation."

"Being with you will settle my mind because I know you won't hurt me."

Lynn's eyes were watering and I cursed myself for letting her feel so broken up. I reached out and cupped her face in my hands, brushing away a strand of hair from her eyes.

"This may not be the time to say this, but I ran into Morgan Cross a few months ago... At that gallery with your photographs," I told her, whipping a tear from under her eye. "She cussed me out and told me she resenting me. I made a promise that day; I promised myself I would never give you a reason to feel bitter about me."

"I don't resent you," she whispered.

Laughing softly, I nodded my head. "And I hope you never do."

"I just can't help myself from thinking ..." she paused as she sniffled. "Can't help thinking about all those stories I gathered in the library, going through the same situation as us. I can't help but think what our downfall is going to be. Or maybe it already happened. Our forbidden love was caught. Maybe this is the end."

"I'm still here, Lynn," I assured her. "We're both still here. And like I said when I found you in the library, you can't base this off fictional stories. We are more than what authors write about for entertainment. We have our own fate by our own hands. Don't let them win."

I was hoping to do this later, but Lynn brought up the perfect opening. I excused myself to the other room and grabbed what I needed before walking back into the living room. Lynn had moved from the couch to the rug in front of the fireplace, legs crossed and watching the flame intently.

"Lynn," I said softly.

She looked over her shoulder and her eyes went wide when she saw what was in my hand. I walked around the couch and took a seat.

"Would it be totally cheesy if I sing you a song I wrote?" I asked, adjusting the guitar strap around my shoulder.

She spun around so she was facing me, but she didn't make any move to get closer. I've seen Lynn surprised before, but never like this. Within the past few months, I've been dabbling with the instrument in my hands. It was still hard since all I could think about was the guitar back in my childhood bedroom that Alina had given me, but I thought it was about damn time I gave it a different memory - a memory I could share with someone else.

"Yes," Lynn finally spoke, a small smile on her lips. "But do it anyways."

I hadn't played a full song on guitar in a long time, but singing was another story. I had no desire to sing if my instrument wasn't being used, so I prayed my vocal cords didn't fail me because there was no doubt that I was going to be a little rusty.

"Keep in mind that it's been years since I've played," I warned her. "And the only time I've sang was in the shower. So don't make fun of me."

"No promises."

I laughed and balanced the guitar on my knee before placing my fingers in the right position. I started with three notes, a soft, hollow sound that rang through the quiet room. The strumming sound had a hypnotic soothing quality that I craved. I braced myself, closing my eyes and putting my full attention into the song.

"Tried to break love to a science, in an act of pure defiance; I broke her heart. As I pulled apart her theories, as I watched her growing weary; I pulled her apart."

I remember waking up one night at three in the morning and not able to go back to sleep. Falling back into old routines to when I was a teenager, I had taken out a notebook and pen and just started writing. There wasn't any reasoning to the words I was putting down on the paper, or at least I didn't think so at the time. But when I finally got to sleep and found the notebook in the morning, it was pretty clear what I was writing about.

"Of all of the things that she's ever said, she goes and says something that just knocks me dead," I continued, finally opening my eyes and dared to look into Lynn's. "You won't find faith or hope down a telescope, you won't find heart and soul in the stars. You can break everything down to chemicals, but you can't explain a love like ours."

The lyrics swam through me like a wakeful dream, the notes relaxing, enabling the song to call to my entire being. I remembered when I realized I was in love with the girl sitting in front of me. It hit me like a lightning strike. I never saw it coming. I never thought that a girl like that could change me. I never thought one person could rearrange my whole world so much. But she did. And I would never be the same. And I was okay with that.

The moment I realized I loved Lynn Mercury was life changing. Ever since then I would wake up to an empty bed and get this hollow feeling in my chest. That was when I knew that if there was any doubt about how I felt, that that was real. I never wanted to wake up alone.

Especially now, now that I was with her and couldn't be happier.

"It's the way we feel, yeah, this is real."

The last note barely left my fingertips before Lynn was on her feet, sitting on my lap and leaning over the guitar to wrap her arms around my neck tightly.

I removed the strap from my shoulder and placed the instrument down before holding her close, smelling the familiar peppermint that I had fallen in love with. Lynn may never see the whole extent of my love for her, and it was crazy to even think about, but the world could end tomorrow and as long as she was by my side, I'd die happy.

"Do you remember in January when you got into a bar fight?" Lynn asked into the silence. "And I brought you into my room to clean you up?"

"I remember."

"You said something to me. In Spanish. I tried translating it on the internet but couldn't remember the words," she explained a little shyly. "What did you say?"

My hand ran up the back of her shirt, my fingers trailing up the length of her spine as I thought back to that night in her room. "I said that I was desperately in love with you, and that you were my light in the dark."

I held her close to me, a crippling thought going through my head. There always seemed to be another force against us. Whether it be Coach and the rule, Chloe and the outing, my own fucking mind, or the fact that the two of us are simply incapable together.

We are irresistibly drawn together, yet the truth remains that we are just fleeing company to each other, and sooner or later our time will run out. I hate how I don't know where we are going from here. The future is uncertain, the circumstances are ever changing, and love is scary.

In the end, we both wanted two different things. I wanted a family, Lynn wanted to travel. So the real question was: who's willing to break first?

But that was a conversation for another day.