× Mercury

Who knew a little plastic stick would ruin my life forever.

My period was over a week late, but I didn't think much of it because ever since getting on the pill, it had been sporadic and sometimes didn't even come at all. But it wasn't until I woke up two mornings ago to throw up in the garbage bin did a funny taste develop in my mouth, and it wasn't because of the vomit.

And ever since those two things coincided, it was like any other thought was illogical.

I scrutinize every single part of my anatomy for signs of pregnancy. I had felt my boobs and wondered if there was a difference between pregnancy and period soreness. I looked at my body in a mirror before I showered and stuck out my stomach just to see if it was something I could get used to. I had pushed gently against my abdomen and speculated if I felt an organ or a fetus. I knew that there was no way I'd be able to feel the pregnancy at that point, but I decided that I could anyways.

I was going out of my mind. I couldn't be pregnant. I hated babies!

But the morning I threw up, I had dug through the bottom of Chloe's dresser drawer and took out a pregnancy test, putting my future on a plastic stick.

Positive.

I could put up with a lot, but there's nothing more terrifying than your whole future crashing down around you in less than an hour. It was unfortunately a feeling I was used to.

It wasn't a puzzle to figure out who the father was. For the past two months, I've only ever been with one person. The only problem was that I wasn't supposed to be with that person. We weren't supposed to be anything but teammates, which was why I didn't tell him that morning. Instead, I hid the test in my desk drawer only to take it out two days later and stare at my future in the eyes, or more accurately, at the little plus symbol.

That wasn't the only reason I didn't tell him. In all honestly, it was because I was scared. From the way Bradley reacted to Lucy being pregnant, I didn't think I'd have the heart to watch Niall walk away from me. He had once told me that one of his biggest fears was to knock someone up... well, now here we are.

I couldn't be pregnant. There was too much at stake. I just... couldn't be.

Thinking like a real rationalist I knew I wasn't, I identified that I needed more proof than just one test. So I dug in the plastic bag with the drugstore logo on the front and took out another test, this time in a different brand.

Just as I was sticking the package in the front pocket of my white UCLA sweatshirt, my phone started ringing, making me jump like I was caught doing something wrong. But I guess in a whole, this entire thing was kind of wrong.

I picked up my phone from the nightstand and pressed answer.

"Hey, Jam," I said with an exhausted smile. I wanted to be happy to talk to my friend, but it was really hard to get excited about something with a pregnancy test in my pocket. "What's going on?"

"Everything!" she exclaimed elatedly. "You won't believe what just happened!"

I stepped out of the dorm room and started my walk to the bathroom down the hall. "Just tell me what's going on."

If Jamie picked up on my melancholy mood, she didn't comment. Maybe her own excitement overtook all the negativity away. "Ethan Vendor is going to prison!"

I stopped in my tracks. "What?" I asked, disbelief dripping from my voice. "How? We didn't get any proof when he confessed."

"I did!" Jamie explained. "I knew something was off about Ethan when he came to your door, and when he mentioned you're parents, it was like a gut instincts to record the conversation. So I did. I took my phone to the police when I got back to California and the moment Ethan touched down on US soil again, he was handcuffed and sent to jail for questioning."

I tried wrapping my head around this information as I stepped into the women's bathroom and into one of the stalls. "But I... I didn't get a call or anything. Wouldn't they call me saying that the guy who burned down my house was caught?"

"They'll probably call you soon," she clarified. "He was literally just handcuffed like a half hour ago. His trial isn't for another month, but he's being held in jail until then. There's no way he'll be able to get out on bail. Praying he's sentenced for life. This is good news, Lynn! Why aren't you screaming with joy?"

Because I'm currently peeing on a stick to determine my fate, I thought, but decided against telling my best friend about this until it was for certain.

"I'm just a little shocked, is all," I confessed. "I'm happy my parents are getting justice, but it's just a lot to take in, you know? Thank you for recording the conversation, though. That was a smart move."

"Pays off binge watching Criminal Minds, eh?"

I laughed at her joke, even if I wasn't totally in the mood for banter. I then told her that I had to go and we said our goodbyes, promising to call her before I went to bed.

After wiping off the pregnancy test, I stuck it in my pocket and washed my hands before booking it out of the bathroom and to my room again, closing the door shut behind me. I grabbed the first test from the desk and went to my bed.

Sitting on the mattress, I stared down at the test in my hands as I counted down the seconds. The first test seemed like it took an eternity to get the results. I knew this time wasn't going to be any different.

The next thing I knew, the door was opening and stepped in Niall, a sly smile on his lips.

"I saw Chloe walking into the Lee House when I dropped Jace off after practice and knew it was safe to come over. Thought we could go-" he stopped the moment he saw my panicked face. "What's going on? What happened?"

All I could do was stare at him.

Then Niall's eyes landed on the plastic stick in my fingers. "Lynn...?"

Niall was smart; he didn't need to be told what was going on. The look on his face told me that I was right. The alarm pulsing through him was unmistakable, but he didn't say anything at first, which scared me most of all. He just calmly closed the door and leaned against it, silently freaking as he stared at the test in my hand with wide eyes.

I stood up slowly, but I didn't dare take a step toward him. "Niall, listen to me," I bagged in a calm voice that didn't sound like my own. "Don't freak out, but I think... This is the second test. The first one was positive, but I'm going to try it again to make sure."

I knew he was anxious because he wore the same look I did the first time I saw the plus symbol. I remembered I could feel it building like an unstoppable snowball in the pit of my stomach. My heart had begun to beat harder and faster, my adrenaline level rose, and my brain started to fire out negative thoughts like a machine gun. The arguments in my head get so fast and so disturbing that my brain shut down my body.

"Niall..." I whispered. "Niall, please say something."

I watched him closely as his hands came up to run through his hair. "I don't- I just..."

This wasn't how I wanted to tell him. I hadn't thought it through, but I knew this wasn't the way to go about it. I probably would have sat him down, calmly and confidently break the news to him, and let him roll through all the emotions on his own. But this was a mess because neither of us were confident, which meant we were left with our wild imaginations and blind fate.

"How did this happen?" he asked softly. "When?"

"Does it matter?"

He shook his head and pulled on his hair, tilting his head back against the door in utter frustration. I wanted to reach out for him, to take his hand or to do something to let him know that we can work through this, but I was afraid the moment I touch him, he'd shake me off. The same way Bradley did with Lucy.

"I hate for this to happen," I whispered, standing in the middle of the room. "Things are so good right now, but it's way too soon for us to be thinking about..." I paused, unable to even think about having a baby let alone saying it out loud. "I'm going to go to the Health Center and make sure. If I am pregnant then I'll-"

"I hope it's true," Niall interrupted.

He was looking at me now, but he didn't look angry, or nervous, or any emotion that would indicate of being a new father - to having a baby. Instead, he looked... excited.

"What?" I asked because surely I didn't hear him right.

"It's really not what we planned or the right time, but..." he trailed off and took a step toward me. "A baby with you? How can that be bad?"

I gaped at him. I knew he always wanted a family, but he can't honestly be eager about it right now. "You know how I feel about children," I stated.

"Lynn, you'll feel different about it when it's your own kid," he argued, a stupid grin on his face. "Just, God... think about it for a moment. Imagine a little kid, with your hair and my eyes-"

"What I'm imagining is our future being ruined," I interrupted sternly. "I don't think you understand how much commitment and time is needed to take care of a baby. Let's not forget that this-" I gestured between the two of us "-isn't even supposed to be happening."

"All I'm saying is..."

I wasn't sure what he was going to say because at that moment I stopped listening to him. Not because he wasn't being rational (which was odd because he was meant to be the reasonable one), but because I remembered that I was holding the test in my hand and I just now noticed the results.

Niall had stopped talking and stood in front me, looking down at the test as well.

"You said the first test was positive, right?" he asked quietly, like speaking any louder might disrupt the results.

"Yeah."

"Then maybe we're arguing about something that's not even going to happen."

I held both tests up side by side, one positive and the other negative.

I was always one to have my day planned out, from the moment my feet touch the ground to when my head falls on the pillow. Having all these literal mixed singles hanging over my head was only going to disrupt my perfectly balanced schedule. I needed to remove this worry once and for all.

"Let's go to the clinic."

× × ×

The clinic was almost as bad as hospitals.

The room was the same ugly beige color as the hospital room I was in for my ankle and when I visited Morgan. The counter was white and the sink was chrome-plated brass. A cabinet attached to the wall above the sink was full of bandages, little plastic cups, bottled pills, Q-tips, and anything else you might find in a room at the Health Center.

"What do you reckon the limit is on how many condoms we can take?" Niall asked, standing at the counter with the little cylinder container filled with Trojans in his hand.

I wasn't listening. I was sitting on the edge of the exam table, too busy with my head in my hands, thinking about everything I'd have to give up now that I was going to be a mother to pay any attention to Niall.

The doctor would be back in the room any minute with the results that determine my future.

Abortion was still on the table, but I knew Niall wouldn't be so thrilled about that idea. I didn't want to be that person who goes against the father without talking it through, even though I had all the rights to make the decision on my own. I told myself that I was going to keep this relationship healthy and if that meant sitting down and talking over something as major as this for hours on end, then so be it.

"This is all my fault," I said monotonously.

It wasn't meant to be heard, but the next thing I knew Niall was standing in front of me, grabbing my hands that were covering my face and pulled them away, lacing his fingers with mine.

"Hey, look at me," he said softly, grabbing my chin and forcing me to look up at him. "This isn't your fault. This isn't anyone's fault. It just- it happens."

"I should have been careful about taking my pill and making sure to use a condom."

"This doesn't just fall on your shoulders, Lynn. I should have been more careful, too."

I sniffled and looked into his eyes. "I've never been more scared in my life," I admitted, my voice breaking at the last word. "I was scared when my brother went off to the air force, I was scared when I learned my parents were dead, when my ankle gave out both times, and I'm scared every time I step foot on the soccer field. But none of that compares to this. I'm not capable of raising a baby. I don't have the mindset nor the ability to-"

"Shhh," Niall interrupted soothingly. "We'll work it out. We'll make it work, okay?"

At this point, I had started crying. It amazed me that I managed to go this long without shedding a tear, but the shock was finally starting to wear off and was replaced with total realization.

From the sudden waterworks, naturally the thought came to my head that I was already hormonal. This damn baby was already starting to affect me and I wasn't even sure if I was pregnant yet.

"It's going to be alright," he continued, pulling me into a tight embrace. "Everything's going to be okay, Lynn. And I'm going to be there every step of the way."

I wrapped my arms around his neck and cried into his shirt. His hand running up and down my spine was an unusual comfort I hadn't really felt from him before. It seemed like he was holding me together, which was something I desperately needed at that moment more than ever.

Everything may not be okay, but I hung on his words that he would be there with me no matter what. Bradley had tampered with my mind too much already; I didn't need him to convince me that Niall was the same way.

This was all so crazy.

A baby. With Niall?

The whole idea of it was insane. I mean, in the beginning we didn't even like each other. So how in the hell did we end up here?

We had nothing in common, other than a will for the right result in the end. I was the one lead by emotion and him by cool logic. I wanted to run out and heal the wounded; he knew it would take resources beyond what we had. He buried himself in work that would bring in the things we needed but I could never pull my head out of the small details.

The door to the examination room opened and the doctor stepped through the threshold, closing the door behind her. She flashed me a soft smile as Niall and I broke apart, though he kept his hand securely in mine.

"The results came back," she said, stuffing her hands in her lab coat.

I wanted to yell at her. I didn't need this bullshit suspense. I couldn't tell from her face what the results were and I knew she was loving every moment as she drowned out the truth.

"And?" Niall asked, clearly just as impatient as I was.

"You're not pregnant."

I jumped off the table with excitement. The words barely left her lips before my arms were around Niall again, this time in relief. He responded just the same, swaying us back and forth, a huge smile on my lips.

"To avoid this from happening again," the doctor spoke up, making us pull apart once again. "Just be more careful. I see couples like you come in here all the time and it breaks my heart to see them get the results they weren't hoping for. Fortunately, you're not one of them. But it could of have been, and I hope this scares you enough to be more cautious."

"Yes, absolutely," I agreed, holding my hand out to her. "Thank you so much."

"Sure," she said, shaking my hand before walking out the door and leaving us alone once again, this time with light hearts and happy thoughts.

I looked over at Niall who was stuffing the free condoms in his back pockets. I couldn't help but laugh at him. Despite the scare, he was still thinking about sex.

"What?" he asked, a sheepish grin on his mouth. "She said to be more careful."

"That she did," I acknowledge, walking over to him.

Grabbing the front of his shirt, I pulled him against me and didn't give him the chance to respond before I was kissing him, hard and hot. Being Niall, he had to take the lead, so he pushed me against the beige wall, taking over the dominant role.

As his warm hands slipped under my shirt the same time his mouth moved away from mine and to my jaw, soon leaving needy kisses along my neck.

From the wall beside me, I saw our reflections in the small mirror over the sink. Thinking back on the two of us only four months ago, I would have laughed in your face if you were to tell me that we would end up here in the Health Clinic because of a pregnancy scare. The thought of ever being with the blonde jerk would have been absolutely absurd.

But that was a time in my life that I was lost, even if I didn't know it at the time. I had been lost for so long that I didn't even know when I found what I was looking for. And he was reflected in the mirror beside me.

The idealist and the realist. I'm not saying that we always agreed, but we never lost respect for the other. The journey wouldn't have been so pleasant if the other wasn't there.

"If we continue this," Niall panted, breaking away from me so his face was hovering above mine. His lips grazed my own and it sent my skin on fire. "There's no way I'm leaving this office without taking you on the examination table."

I grinned at him. "At least we don't have to worry about the condom."

× × ×

You have zero faith in me if you really thought this was going to turn into a pregnancy fic.

-Jess