× Mercury

"Do you think there's someone here who would have sex with me?" Jillian asked.

I thought that was a stupid question. We were at a party with half the people around us already drunk off their asses, I was sure someone was willing. But I didn't say so. The only reason she was asking was because of her ex-boyfriend, Alex. Ever since she caught him cheating on her, she had been crazy hooking up. She had always disliked Chloe for that exact reason, but apparently that didn't apply to her.

"Maybe you should take it easy tonight, Jill," I suggested. "I get that you're young and heartbroken, but sleeping around to get an easy fix isn't going to help you."

"Oh, what do you know, anyways?" she said with a wave of her hand. "You've been dry since you got to London."

She wasn't right about that, but I wasn't going to correct her.

"Maybe you need to get laid tonight," Jillian continued as we moved through the crowd. "You wouldn't believe all the boys that talk about you in my classes. It's like, because you're on the football team you have this position to attract every tosser there is. You should give one of them a go."

I looked at her with raised brows. "I think I'm okay."

"Are you sure? Because there is this really cute boy named Michael in my English literature class and-"

"I'm sure," I interrupted.

It was New Year's Eve and everyone was celebrating it with cheap booze and party hats. The good vibes flew through us like a virus, all hyped up and ready to give us a good time.

Everyone inside the campus house was sweaty. It didn't matter how cold it was outside, they were sticky with sweat. In the kitchen people talked and took vodka shots, in the living room people danced to some rap song, in the halls people were making out, and in the bedrooms people were taking it one step further. It was only ten in the evening, but that didn't stop them from getting what they wanted, apparently.

I was never a fan of New Years. It didn't make much of a difference to me; just another day that people use as an excuse to get shit-face drunk. The clean slate illusion trips a lot of people up, thinking because January 1st begins another 365-day cycle that mistakes from the past year are irrelevant. I've known that to be not true first hand as I am still paying for my consequences years later. The whole idea of having parties or staying up until midnight just didn't amuse me. There's so much build up to midnight, then in a split second, the year changes... yet everything and everyone look exactly the same. And the kiss at midnight? Why? Who came up with that anyway? Why not a midnight drink or piece of cake? I just don't understand the hype, and the only reason I was there was for Jillian.

Jillian leaned against me, already chugging down her third beer. She tripped over her own feet and her head was tilted to the side like the weight of it was too heavy to hold up.

"Well," she said, "one of us should get laid, and if it's not you, then it's going to be me."

I should have probably stopped her, knowing she wasn't actually like this and was only acting out in spite of Alex. But I let her do what she wanted because in all honestly, I didn't care what she did. If she wanted to have sex with a stranger, good for her, I guess. Who was I to tell her no?

"I saw someone in the dining room checking you out," I encouraged.

"Oh, shut up, he was probably looking at you."

"You need to have more confidence, Jill."

"And you need some alcohol, Lynn."

I looked over at her oddly. "You know I don't drink."

Jillian waved her hand like it wasn't a big deal. "Yeah, I know. But it's about to be a new year. Why don't you have a beer and just let loose? You're always so caught up in work and football, have some fun once in your life."

And then suddenly she was gone. I looked around to see where she went, but I couldn't find her anywhere. For being as drunk as she was, she was pretty damn fast. Before I could even move from my spot, she was in front of me again; a cold can in her hand.

"Take it," she demanded, and I did as she said. "Now open it and take a drink." Hesitantly, I popped the tab on the can and lifted the rim to my mouth before taking a sip. The bitter taste hit my tongue and I tried my best not to show it on my face. "Good. Now I'm going to go find that guy you mentioned from the dining room, and when I come back to find you, you better be drunk. You got it?"

"Got it." Jillian accepted my agreement and left once again, leaving me alone in the entry of the living room.

The beer in my hand was disgusting, it tasted like stale crackers. I had always hated the taste of it ever since my dad let me have a sip when I was ten.

Making my way through the crowd of people, I found myself in the kitchen. I put the beer can on the counter, knowing someone desperate will find it and finish it for me, and looked around for something else to drink. This was a rather large house with six people living inside, surly there was something other than beer and water to drink.

"Lynn," someone called. I saw Matt and Thomas at the kitchen island, waving me over to them. "You need to try this."

Looking at the array of beverages in front of them, it was easy to figure out what they were doing. "I'm not trying anything from you guys unless you have skills in mixology."

"I helped with tending the bar at my cousin's wedding," Matt told me, like that was enough to be certified. "However, I was drinking more than I was making..."

"Come on," Thomas said and held up a red solo cup. "Live a little."

And that was all it took. I was standing in the kitchen, looking at the concoction the two of my teammates made up, and the next thing I knew I was in the living room, in the middle of the crowd, swaying my hips to the upbeat music as the room around me spun. Flashes of colorful lights were beaming around the room, making it even harder to stay on my feet. I was laughing; I was laughing a lot for no reason at all. It just felt so good to laugh. And the people around me were so energized and bubbly that it was contagious - it was impossible not to join them.

I was dancing like it was my last night on Earth, but I think that was just the way my mind avoided thinking about the hangover to come. There was so much sweat on my skin and not all of it was mine. The strobe masked so many of my movements, every clap of my hands looked like they were on pause at different moments. Tomorrow there will be hell to pay, but tonight the alcohol keeps on flowing in like it's on an IV drip.

And then I had to pee.

Getting out of the crowd was a lot harder than getting in. But after some unfortunate touching and accidental grinding, I managed to break free. There was a line for the bathroom, but I somehow managed to get to the front of it. Once it was open, with my drink still in my hand, I stepped inside and locked the door behind me.

As I washed my hands, I saw my reflection in the mirror. My hair was a mess; tangled up to the roots and slightly damp from sweat. My eyes were huge with excitement and my cheeks were flushed from the alcohol in my bloodstream. I looked totally trashed and I loved it. After running into my old neighbor, after watching the video my mom had made for me and Anders, and after my ugly argument with Bradley, I deserved this. I deserved to get fucked up.

There was a knock on the door and I figured I used up all the time I had in there and left the bathroom.

It was eleven thirty, only a half hour until the New Year.

When I rounded the corner, I saw a familiar head. He was talking to a group of people in the dining room, and I watched from the side as he laughed, his dazzling white smile literally lighting up the room. Without thinking, I ran over to him and wrapped my arm around his waist, sloshing the drink in my hand as I did so.

"Whoa," Harry said, obviously surprised. When he turned to see who it was, he grinned, exposing his dimples that I loved. "Jesus, Lynn, you scared the shit out of me."

"Sorry," I slurred and removed my arms from around him. "I just..." I trailed off, not really sure what I was going to say.

"Are you drunk?" Harry asked, eyeing me suspiciously. "I thought you didn't drink?"

God, those green eyes were going to be the death of me. "I don't drink," I said as I raised my chin proudly. "But I needed somethin' to... to let loose a little."

My hands gripped the cup in my hands. The walls became part of a fun house, changing figures in a blink of an eye. My mouth was sore from the amount of alcohol that I poured down my throat. I felt the earth rocking beneath me and my mind drifting in and out like a tide.

I leaned against the wall as Harry looked down at my glass. "What are you even drinking?"

It took me a moment to respond to him because I got distracted. His hair looked so nice, so soft and fluffy. I was jealous of his hair; always had been. It had a nice curl to it and the color was like milk chocolate and I suddenly got a craving for Hersey's Kisses.

"Lynn," Harry warned, drawing me back to reality. His voice was deep, so fucking deep that I felt it all through my body.

I just shrugged my shoulders, unable to recall what Matt and Thomas mixed up. "Some Caribbean coconut stuff," I said. "It's mixed with- with Dr. Pepper... I think."

Harry's green eyes went wide and then he dragged me away from the group of people he was talking to. "Are you talking about the rum?" he asks and grabs the glass from my hand. "Lynn, mixing that stuff with anything else is dangerous. You can't taste the alcohol so you just keep getting more because your brain thinks it's harmless until it's too late. How much have you had?"

I pouted and reached for my drink. "Give it back."

"Answer me."

I sighed dramatically and dropped my shoulders in defeat. "I had two cups," I slurred. "Or maybe eleven, I can't remember."

"Eleven!? Fuck, Lynn. I'm cutting you off."

"Why? I'm fine?"

"You're bloody sloshed."

I giggled and placed a hand on his arm, rubbing up and down as I stepped closer to him. "Why do you care so much?" I purred as I closed my eyes and leaned in. "We're not together; you don't have to take care of me."

"I'm taking you home," he said and removed my hand from his shoulder.

I stomped my foot. "No, it's New Year's Eve, Harry. I'm staying here."

I may have been drunk, but I could see the struggle going on in his head. He knew how I acted when I was wasted, but the thing he didn't know was that I felt absolutely fine. I didn't have any desire to suck anyone's dick this time around. Although, Harry's lips tonight looked rather appealing, but I wasn't going to tell him that.

"Will you promise me to stay by my side all night then?" Harry asked, looking me in the eyes. "I'm doing this for your own good. You'll hate yourself in the morning if I let you do anything stupid."

"Fine," I said, even if I didn't necessarily agree with him.

We roamed the party, moving between groups of people and dancing bodies. I stumbled a lot, grabbing onto things to keep me upright. I was wearing flats, but it was like I was walking on stilts. Harry's arm was around my waist to keep me up right, and I had to admit that I loved the feeling. As we roamed around, I had to think why I even ended things with him.

Harry was perfect, like so perfect that it actually pissed me off. He was handsome and funny and the nicest person I knew. I didn't know what I did for him to enter my life, but I hope I never fuck up to make him leave. He was the one good thing to come out of London.

Eventually we found our way to the living room where a new song started to play. The dancers shifted to the new beat and continued where they left off. Harry led me to the edge of the couch in the corner of the room and sat down, pulling me down next to him.

"I think we should stay here until midnight," Harry said as he looked around the room. "Then I'm taking you home, okay?"

I nodded slowly, starting to feel a little tired. There was maybe fifteen minutes until the ball would drop there in London, and I got to thinking... would it be a New Year for me, or would I have to wait until it drops in California time? In fifteen minutes, would I be in the future...?

Slumping further and further into the couch cushions, I started to feel a headache form at the back of my head and I knew I was starting to sober up already. But the buzz was still there, I could feel it when I closed my eyes. I leaned against Harry and rested my head on his shoulder with my eyes closed, the vertigo making me dizzy.

"Have you ever fallen in love with- with someone you shouldn't?" I asked over the music, my voice blending from the alcohol.

I couldn't see him, but I could feel his eyes on me. "No," he stated calmly. "Have you?"

I laughed. "Not yet," I explained. "But I can feel it..."

"Feel what?" he asked, shifting so he was facing me. "What do you mean?"

Removing my head from his shoulder, I smiled. I couldn't stop smiling for some reason. Harry was looking at me and I knew that I needed to give him an answer.

"Do you ever just feel like... like your fallin' and you can't stop?" I asked leisurely; dazed. "That gravity is a heartless bitch and won't give you any sympathy?"

His green eyes were looking into mine, and they reminded me of the green that pushes its way through the piles of melting snow to remind us that spring was coming, that churning, passionate green that the ocean turns during a storm, that color of the forest after it rains. It was a color I liked, but they didn't remind me of Santa Monica waters.

"Falling is scary," I continued. "And I feel it; I feel it every time I'm around him."

"Around who?"

I was slow to register what he had said, and I opened my mouth to speak, but before I could, the music died in the room. Everyone stopped dancing and looked over at the source of disruption.

And then someone shouted over the chatter, "Sixty seconds until midnight!"

Throughout the house, I heard people chanting, counting down the seconds until the New Year. But Harry wasn't focused on them; he was too busy looking at me, waiting for answers.

"Lynn, is there something you need to tell me?"

"Whenever I'm with him, I just fall deeper," I continued, a lazy smile on my lips. I didn't know where these words were coming from, and I knew damn well that if I was sober, I wouldn't be saying anything. "I don't know what it is. It's like... it's like I know why Eve ate the apple - the temptation was just too good. This is more than that, this is..." I paused, tongue-tied around a word I didn't know.

"Thirty! Twenty nine! Twenty eight!"

"Lynn, do you even know what you're saying right now?" Harry asked.

I did know what I was saying. I may be wasted, and my words may not make any sense to anyone else, but I understood them. If anything, being drunk opened everything up, like a dam breaking and a rush of water pouring in.

I looked over at Harry, really looked at him. He had a silly grin on his face now, like my jumble mess of words was amusing to him.

"Ten! Nine! Eight!"

I had always been comfortable around Harry, right from the very beginning. Okay, that wasn't really true. When I first met him at that jazz bar with Eli, I didn't know him, didn't even give Harry the time of day until I kissed him to get back at Eli. But when he showed up at The Courtyard Bar, that was where it really started. If I had known then that he was so nice and caring, maybe I would have backed off; declined that coffee date and never talk to him again. It would have been easier, no one would have gotten hurt, and I wouldn't have been so disappointed that I didn't feel anything for such a good guy.

"Four! Three! Two!"

I looked Harry in the eyes as the last seconds ticked down, waiting, hoping, and grasping at something that wasn't there.

"One!"