× Horan

"So are you going to tell me what's going on or am I going to have to force it out of you?"

Jace looked up from his beer. "What do you mean?"

It was Monday night and Jace and I were spending it at The Courtyard Bar. The place was packed - there were no empty seats anywhere to be seen. The sound of cheering came from a group of lads at the other end of the bar watching the sports station on the telly, girls in short skirts and low-cut shirts sat at a booth in the back scooping out their next pray, and about three dozen other people mingling and laughing as their sober thoughts quickly disappeared as fast as their drinks.

"I mean you putting up a wall and refusing anyone entrance," I clarified. "Ever since last weekend you haven't said much of anything, I was surprised you even agreed to go out with me tonight."

"Well, I couldn't refuse a date with Niall Horan, could I?" he joked with a sly smile that didn't reach his eyes.

He was beating around the bush and I was finished playing games. "Can I take a wild guess? Does it have anything to do with Hazel?"

Hazel was the girl Jace dated back in secondary school that dumped him without a reason only a few months later to start dating his best friend. It was just one other thing on the list that the two of us had in common: we were both deceived by the person we loved.

Jace's jaw dropped and I knew I hit the nail on the head. "How could you possibly know that?"

"I saw you texting her the other day," I admitted. There wasn't a point in lying to him, he would find out the truth one way or another. "I just figured that was the reason you were being so distant."

"If you knew, then why didn't you confront me sooner?"

"Because I wanted you to come to me. But a week passed and I was getting worried that something was wrong." I paused. "I really thought you would have come to me. I mean, I told you everything that had been going on with Lynn and I."

Jace looked away and down at his beer. "No, you're right, I should have told you sooner," he said dejectedly. "I just thought I could handle it on my own, but the longer I thought about Hazel's offer, the more conflicted I felt."

I opened my mouth to ask him what he was talking about, but the second I did, commotion caught my attention and I looked over my shoulder and saw James walking into the bar. But he wasn't what caught my eye; it was the girl next to him with matching baby blue eyes and bleached blonde hair. Abby.

I hadn't talked to Abby Moor in a long time, and from what I could recall, she and James still weren't speaking. But I guess a lot could happen in a few months.

They walked to a group of people in the corner and sat down. They didn't even see us sitting at the bar. Good. I didn't want any confrontation right now.

I turned back to Jace. "What did you mean when you said 'offer'?"

"That's what I'm freaking out about." His jet black hair was a mess and his blue eyes were almost glowing in the soft yellow hues of the hanging lamps over the bar counter. "Hazel asked to meet up. 'Just like old times' she said, like nothing happened between us."

"So, what are you going to do?"

"I don't know." And then he laughed suddenly. "Of course she would do this to me - pop out of nowhere when I'm happy with some other girl. It's like she knows. And no thanks to her, I've been kind of an arse to Jamie this past week, ignoring her calls and texts..."

I looked around to see if there was anyone working nearby and waved them down to order another round. I knew Jace was going to need at least five more pints if he was ever going to figure out what to do. Normally, I would recommend making decisions sober, but Jace was different and I knew he made better judgments when smashed.

"Okay, listen. This is what you need to do," I started and made sure Jace was paying attention to me before I continued. "Go to a strip club."

Jace looked at me oddly. "What?"

"Scientifically speaking, boobs make everything better."

His light blue eyes never wavered from mine, and from the look he was giving me, there was no doubt that he thought I had lost my mind. "I'm not doing that."

"Fine, suit yourself. But answer this for me," I said once full, cold beers were in front of us once again. I took a long drink of mine before I asked, "Do you like Jamie?"

"Yes."

"And are you happy when you talk to her?"

"Yes."

"Then why add extra drama when you're perfectly content where you're at?"

Jace looked away from me, but not before I saw the doubt on his face. He was going to go see Hazel, and no matter what I could say to change his mind, it wouldn't work. The curiosity would kill him, and if I was being honest, he needed to see her. Jace needs that closure and deep down I knew that he knew that, too.

Someone on the other side of the bar turned up the telly on the wall facing us and a reporter in a gray suit and a thinning hairline was speaking in front of a fake city skyline.

"The London University of Roehampton football team went against Loughborough University on Saturday, November 19," the reporter started. "The seats filled with over four thousand fans at Craven Cottage Stadium in London to watch the intense play. Roehampton's forward right, Lynn Mercury, made a match-high of 3 goals at their last game, which was good for them since their other forward, Niall Horan, didn't step foot on the pitch once," he continued and stared into the camera like he was personally scolding me.

I quickly looked over my shoulder and saw eyes on me and knew that the reporter on the telly had the whole attention of the bar. Everyone was giving me the same judgmental looks, like it was my fault that my knee was acting up.

"The U of R is scheduled to travel to Southeast England for a 1 p.m. match against Middlesex University this weekend on Saturday, December third. They're on the bottom to go forward to the BUSA; one more lost game and they're out. I don't know about you, but if The Royal Duo doesn't do anything groundbreaking these next two games, then this might be the last we hear from Roehampton for the year."

I looked over at Jace as the reporter moved onto something else. "What does he mean by the Royal Duo?"

"You and Lynn," Jace grinned devilishly. "That's what people are calling you two now. You're the King and she's the Queen."

"Seriously?"

Jace nodded and took another drink of his beer. I guess calling Lynn Princess wasn't so insolent anymore if she had been upgraded to Queen. I was going to have to rethink that nickname.

"So..." a deep voice said behind me. I closed my eyes and braced myself for whatever might come at me in the next thirty seconds because I didn't need to look to know that James had decided to join us. "It must be nice to have your name mentioned on national television even though you didn't play, huh?"

"What do you want, Moor?" Jace asked as he took another drink of his beer.

James laughed and clamped a hand on my shoulder roughly. "Who said I wanted anything? Maybe I came over here to chat with my good old pal, Niall." Then he leaned forward on the counter so I had no choice but to look at him. "Slept with anyone's sister lately?"

"Sorry," I said with a leisurely shrug that knocked his hand off my shoulder. I grinned indolently and said, "I don't have a roommate to do that shit anymore. Honestly, it's nice not worrying about disturbing my roomie whenever I come home with a new girl, I should have thought about dumping your ass on the curb a lot sooner."

"Too bad I beat you to it, Horan," James fired back.

Abby moved from behind James and grabbed his arm. She was wearing her traditional dress and her blonde hair was pulled back in a tight ponytail. Silver dangling earrings shimmered in the yellow lights above.

"We should go," she said, not even bothering to look in my direction. "You don't want to start a fight."

"You're right," James stated and looked me up and down in disgust. "Besides, I'm not sure Niall can take another shiner from me."

"Try to be the bigger person, Moor," I said mockingly. "It might actually get you some place in this world."

James flicked me off before he and Abby exited the bar, leaving Jace and I alone once again. Jace's phone rang right then and he pulled it out of his pocket and looked at the caller. Jamie's name flashed on the screen but instead of answering it like I had predicted, he pressed ignore and stuffed it back in his pocket.

I furrowed my brows. "Didn't you just tell me that you were being an arse to her? So why did you ignore her call?"

"Because I'm here with you right now," he said as he finished off his second beer of the night. "That would be rude."

"You really are the perfect date," I joked.

There wasn't any doubt in the world that Jace Layton was my best friend. The second we were introduced to each other three years ago, we just hit it off. I didn't have any doubt that he wouldn't keep my secrets just like I would keep his. He was honest with me and if I was doing something stupid, he wouldn't hesitate to call me out on it. We also shared the same childhood lifestyle, which was a great icebreaker for us. We both hated our parents just as equally. It had been a long three years, and I was happy that he was beside me through all of it.

"What are your plans for the night?" Jace asked as he looked around the bar. "I see two girls giving you suggestive looks right now. Planning on taking one of them back home with you? Or maybe both?"

I shook my head. "Nope. I haven't slept with anyone in over two months."

Jace looked up at me, surprised. "Wow. Two whole months, you must be having withdrawals by now. Is it just not satisfying anymore, or is it an entirely different reason, something perhaps that starts with the letter L?"

I finished off my beer and stood up. "Sex is a tactic we use to meet our psychological needs," I stated. "But it's not a need itself."

"So, it is Lynn?"

"I'm leaving," I said and turned away from him. "I have to go find a book at the library for chemistry before they close for the night. Have fun walking home."

"Have you decided yet, if it's worth it?" he called after me. I stopped and spun on my heels, knowing damn well he was still talking about Lynn and I. "Whatever you choose, just make sure the risk is worth the reward."

× × ×

Row after row of neatly lined up books with their spines facing outward, color coded and organized in alphabetical order. Comfy leather arm chairs, tables for quiet study, stifled silence, librarian at the help desk, hushed atmosphere punctured by the occasional beep of book returns, stiff inexpensive carpet on the floor, people with laptops, tutors and students, posters for book club on the wall, shelves of CD's and movies.

The library.

Abstract Convexity and Global Optimization, Abstract Convexity and Global Optimization... I repeated over and over again in my head as I searched the library shelves. I looked around to see if there was someone who could help me, but the only people I saw were students cramming in last minuet readings for their tomorrow classes.

"Shit," someone said from the next row over just as the sound of books fell to the floor.

I walked around the corner and saw Lynn, standing on her tiptoes and stretching to reach for a book on the top shelf, fingertips brushing the spine of the novel she wanted.

"Do you need help?" I asked, stepping toward her.

Lynn jumped from my voice and knocked down more books. "Dammit," she cursed under her breath. She took a deep, aggravated breath before looking up at me. "No, I don't need your help. I don't need you here, not now."

She bent down to pick up the fallen books and put them back where they belonged before she tried to reach for the book she wanted once again. I couldn't help but notice the thin peek of her skin between her jeans and sweater.

"What are you talking about 'not now'?"

"Just go away."

I stepped up to her and grabbed the book she was reaching for on the top shelf with ease and looked at the black cover. "Forbidden?"

Lynn plucked the book from my hand and walked away. I followed her to the back of the library and came to an instant stop when I saw the setup she had created. Books after books littered the table of all titles ranging from Romeo and Juliet, A Walk to Remember, Lolita, and The Great Gatsby.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, taking in the array of literature.

She looked up at me from the black book in her hands. "I thought I told you to go away."

I grabbed a chair from one of the unoccupied tables and pulled it up next to Lynn. "Is this about what happened in English? That you were wrong?"

Lynn's jaw tensed and she slammed the book down on the table. An echo surrounded us and a student in a green sweater viewing the fiction section looked over.

"No, it's not because I was wrong," she snapped. "It's because you were right."

I wasn't sure how I was supposed to respond to that, so instead I looked back at the pile of books on the table. Looking at them all, it was easy to come to the conclusion what they all had in common.

"I came to the library to prove you wrong," Lynn explained. "But the more I looked, the more I hated that you were right. Forbidden love is nothing but death and sadness. Romeo and Juliet - killed themselves. The Great Gatsby - Jay's shot dead. Lolita - dies in childbirth. No one wins and you were right."

"You can't base that off of fictional stories," I said, picking up a book with a picture of a red house on the cover. "I mean, Flowers in the Attic is a horrible example. The siblings have sex with each other, how fucked up is that?"

I had hoped my words would have made her feel better, but Lynn just stared at the book in my hands like it held all the secrets she was looking for.

Her mood changed then, I noticed. She was no longer determined to prove me wrong and to find one story with forbidden love where there was a happy ending. Now she just looked... defeated.

"It's not supposed to be like this," she said softly, staring off into the distance. Maybe she was looking for answers in the current, like all the solutions lay in the little specs of dust floating in the sunlight. "Every baby is born to search for love, so that makes love the default setting for everyone. It's not supposed to be sad. It's not supposed to result in death."

I wondered what had driven her to do this point, to go through all this trouble of pulling out these books. It was more than just to prove me wrong. There was something else, and I wanted to know what it was.

"Maybe we like to be broken," she whispered so quietly she could have disrupted a ghost.

Lynn grabbed a book from the table and stared at the cover. I knew her mind was moving a hundred miles a minute, but you couldn't tell by the blank look on her face.

"Maybe the reason why we chase after the unattainable - after the ones we know will ultimately break our hearts in the end - is that we've lived so long with rejection," she continued, never taking her eyes off the book in her hands. "It's easy to love someone who will never love you back because it's all in your head. You can imagine all these scenarios, plan out your life together, pretend that maybe someday, they'll open their eyes and see that you're the one after all, that you've been here all along, anchoring them to the ground while they've been chasing daydreams. It's a constant kind of pain. It's a pain that you're used to, a bitterness that stays by your side. Most days, you convince yourself that you're happy - that you don't need anyone but yourself."

The two of us were alone in the back corner of the library with nothing but the books to hear us talk. It wasn't that Lynn was talking so brokenly - so quiet - but the disconsolate look in her eyes was what drew me in closer to her.

"And then you're alone, once again. We always want what we can't have, and that's what destroys us in the end."