× Mercury

According to a legend, Zeus once tricked his first wife to turn into a fly and then proceeded to swallow her so he would prevent a prophecy that his son would overthrow him one day. But Zeus' wife was already pregnant with Athena at that point. Then one day, Zeus had a terrible headache, so bad that he asked Hephaestus to hit his head with an axe. As soon as his head was opened, Athena jumped out fully grown and attired in battle armor.

At that very moment, I understood Zeus' pain.

All during the night I had leaned over the bed to puke my guts out in the trash bin, only taking thirty minute naps in between before I had to throw up again. I honestly felt like a freaking goddess was breaking through my skull from the huge migraine thumping through my skull.

The more I threw up the alcohol, the more my memory became foggy. By seven in the morning, I didn't remember much of anything.

I was in a bed that wasn't my own, I knew that much. I also wasn't alone as someone shifted beside me and their arm tightened around my torso. My back was pressed against the person's warm chest and I could feel stubble scratching against your neck. I moved my head a little, slowly to not disturb the person, to see that Niall was sleeping behind me. From the sight of his face, flashes of last night played in my head. There were bright, sporadic lights, biting, and I distantly remembered someone holding my hair back as I threw up...

Niall mumbled in his sleep as I tried raking my mind for something - anything that might tell me what the fuck happened the night before. My gaze trailed down Niall's face, past each freckle on his cheek, then down to his jaw and neck and Adam's apple. And that was when I saw it; a purple/red mark near the hollow of his collarbone. My eyes went wide.

In a flash, my head was clear and I removed the duvet and sheets off our bodies and noticed that my dress had abandoned me during the night and only left me wearing my underwear.

And that was when I saw the clothing Niall wasn't wearing.

Like a spooked cat, I jumped out of Niall's arms and fell off the bed, landing on a pile of clothes on the floor - our clothes. I quickly looked back up at Niall to see if he was awake, but the sudden coolness on his naked body didn't seem to disturb his sleep.

Sitting on the floor, I looked around the room to see if it could give me anything as to what happened last night aside from the mound of apparels. A desk was pushed up against the wall with a laptop and some books and loose papers scattered around the surface. A calendar and one sports poster was the only thing on the wall. In the other corner of the room there was a single chair and then a wooden dresser under the window along with a closet door, but nothing that told me anything.

I reached over and grabbed the trash bin to see if there was a condom in there, but all I saw was my throw up. Then I looked under the bed but only saw his guitar case and shoes. That was when I started to panic. No used condom or the wrapper anywhere in the room, which left me to believe if something happened...

That was when my brother came to mind. Anders. Shit, I left him at the club.

I remembered that I didn't bring my cell phone to the party because I didn't have any place to put it. So I grabbed Niall's black shirt from the floor and tugged it on over my head before I started looking through his jean pockets for his cell. When I found it I cursed under my breath. I didn't have Chloe's number memorized.

Out of desperation, I turned Niall's phone on and prayed he had Jace's number saved. He would have been the perfect person to call because he would understand why I was calling on Niall's phone so early in the morning. But it didn't matter because the phone was locked with a passcode.

"Damn it," I muttered under my breath.

I put the phone back in his jeans and stood up, looking at Niall. His blonde hair was a mess, every little piece on his head sticking up where it shouldn't. I walked closer to him to examine his body for any more damage I might have created, but I didn't see any scratch marks on his back or any more visible marks. When I moved the collar of the shirt away from my neck to look at my own body, I saw a couple purple bruises on my skin. And some bite marks.

"Shit..." I whispered as I dropped the shirt collar from my grasp and stared at Niall again, this time with revulsion.

Snatching the pillow from the bed, I started hitting Niall with it to wake him up. "Get up, Horan! Get the fuck up!"

Even once he was conscious and spitting out profanities under his breath, I was still hitting him, getting my anger out with the pillow. He was sitting up, trying to block my blows, but he was too groggy to try very hard to deflect them.

"Jesus, Christ," he said dazedly. "Would you stop hitting me!?"

"Not until you tell me what the fuck happened last night!" I yelled and hit him again.

He looked at me oddly and it pissed me off that I even had to explain what I meant.

"You're fucking naked, Niall! I woke up in my bra and panties. Tell me what happened or I"- another hit with the pillow- "swear"- another blow- "to"- smack- "God-"

Niall's hands reached out and snatched the pillow from my grasp to prevent me from hitting him another time. I noticed then that his lips were a little swollen and his cheeks were flushed.

"I don't fucking know, Lynn!" He plopped the pillow down in his lap, like he had just now realized that I was right and that everything was visible. "I don't have a goddamn clue, just like you!"

I raked my hands through my already messy hair and turned my back on him, afraid that I might do something stupid and start hitting him with my closed fist or something. This wasn't good, this wasn't good at all. Literally anything could have happened last night and neither of us had the answer.

I was never drinking again. Not even a sip, not even a goddamn wine cooler or freaking beer cheese soup. Nothing with any percent of alcohol in it whatsoever.

"I'm sorry," I heard Niall say. His voice was husky and very low and I wondered how much sleep he had gotten during the night. "I mean, fuck, I don't know what happened last night, but it was probably my fault."

I turned to look at him, the fight completely drained out of my veins from the softness of his voice. His eyes were sad as he ran a hand down his face in utter frustration.

"How..." I took a step closer to him. "How do you know it was your fault?"

Niall just shrugged like I was missing the obvious. "Because I'm always the one messing up."

I reached down and picked up my black dress, feeling the material between my fingers. Bradley came to mind then and that one victory party at his frat house after a winning game of soccer. I could still feel the burn on my wrists from what happened that night. It was a hard memory to reminisce, but I knew that if I could remember what happened that night so vividly, then maybe what happened last night would eventually push its way through, too.

"Something tells me that isn't the case," I finally admitted into the silence.

Niall's sad eyes found mine. "What do you mean?"

I took a seat on the chair in the corner. "I mean that the last time I drank, I got really, really drunk and I didn't... um, I didn't respect other people's boundaries. What happened that night is the reason why I vowed to never drink again."

Niall removed the pillow from his lap and quickly covered himself up again with the blue duvet. I should have told him to get dressed and that he being naked was beyond inappropriate, except in all honestly, I didn't want him to. Not because his bare torso looked fantastic, but because knowing that I wasn't the only exposed one in the situation gave me a sense of liberation - that I'm not the only one who might have messed up.

I knew Niall was having a mental debate in his head from the way his brows were furrowed and eyes squinted, watching me carefully.

"What happened that night?" he finally asked carefully, like I might blow up if he said the wrong thing.

"I was with Bradley at the time," I admitted, looking down at my dress in my lap. "I was throwing myself on him, practically bagging for him, really. So of course, he wasn't going to pass up the opportunity. He took me to his bedroom, like he normally did, except this time - this time was different."

I dropped my dress from my fingers and wrapped a hand around my wrist gently, my thumb moving over my blue veins. From the maddening memory of that vicious night, my hand involuntarily balled into a fist, my nails digging into my palm so hard that I nearly drew blood.

"He was rougher with me than usual. I was wasted, but I remember telling him to stop, saying our safe word over and over again, pleading with him, but he ignored me and just kept going. He... he took advantage of my vulnerable state. I remember crying... and the pain."

My eyes glazed over with the memory of my body being slammed against the wall, an edge of a picture frame digging into my shoulder. Bradley's white teeth nipping into my flash in burning increments, and his nails mining into every curve of my body. The slapping, pulling of the hair, the abusive words, the lack of oxygen in my lungs from his hand around my throat. And then finally the restraints.

"He tied my wrist together over my head," I explained in a soft voice, finally looking up at Niall. "But instead of using a belt, Bradley used a zip tie."

I removed the dress from my lap and stood up; walking across the room to the bed Niall was sitting on.

"You can still see the scars."

Slowly, with his eyes locked on me, he reached out and grabbed one of my hands with his. What surprised me the most wasn't his tender touch, but that I didn't move away. As his thumb gently traced over the thin skin of my wrist, I prayed to God that he wouldn't notice the shivers that shot up my arms from his touch.

"But I deserved it...." I finally said into the silence.

Before I could blink, Niall had both of my wrists in his grasp and pulled, making me have no choice but to sit on the bed, inches away from him.

"Don't say that," he scolded. "No one deserves that."

"But, I-"

"He raped you, Lynn," Niall pressed, a whole new light in his eyes now that reminded me of the angry glow of fire. "Don't you get that? You said no, you even said the safe word, but he ignored you. That's rape."

"I was asking for it, Niall. All night at that party I was on him, bagging him. I deserved what I got. I deserved what was coming-"

"You don't fucking get it!" Niall protested, brows furrowed in rage. He pulled me in closer, probably as a desperate attempt to get me to understand. "I thought you were a feminist, that it doesn't matter what someone might say or what they might be wearing, rape is rape. Why do you think that doesn't apply to you!?"

It was like a slap in the face because, well, he was right. Rape was rape.

That night with Bradley, I never really considered it as rape because I was too wrapped around his finger to ever think so negative of him, but Niall was right. Bradley had raped me. And even if I may have pushed him to that stage, I eventually asked him to stop, which he bluntly ignored.

I looked up at Niall. The amount of times I might have compared Niall to Bradley was ridiculous, but the more I thought about it, they honestly couldn't have been more different.

"Bradley really fucked me up," I proclaimed sadly.

I thought about all the things he had talked me into doing. I suddenly felt sick, and I was pretty sure it wasn't because of the hangover.

"He's manipulative," Niall soothed, finally letting me go from his grasp. Almost like he was listening into my thoughts, he added, "And everything he might have made you do wasn't you're fault, no matter how much you might think it is. This is all on him and you need to stop being so harsh on yourself."

That's an abuse tactic, Niall had said when Bradley showed up after one of my games over a month ago and said that no one but him cares about me. Lynn is worth the world, and there will always be more than just you that cares for her.

That was when I came to the conclusion that whatever had happened last night, no matter how wrong it may have been, that I was glad that it had happened with Niall because at the very least, I knew that he didn't use me.

I wasn't sure what I was supposed to say to Niall, so luckily I saw something long and skinny lying on top of the duvet at the foot of the bed. I reached over and grabbed it.

"What is my hair tie doing over here?" I asked as I looked at the broken band.

Niall eyed it suspiciously, and then almost like someone turned on the lights and illuminated his muggy mind, he started laughing.

His laughter was warm and hearty, a sound that shot straight to my heart. It was a laugh that could create world peace and bloom flowers. I've never been attached to a laugh before, but I could listen to him for hours.

"Jesus Christ," he said through giggles. "It's over here because last night I took it out of your hair. It snapped apart in my hand and flew across the room."

"You remember what happened?"

Niall nodded and ran a hand through his already unruly blonde hair. I might have been imagining it, but I swore I saw heat rise to his cheeks, but the smile was still playing on his lips.

"Let's just say you effectively went to blow job city," he told me and then pointed to the chair I was sitting in a few minutes ago. "Right there."

I covered my face with my hands. I felt a familiar heat rise to my face, but I found myself laughing nevertheless.

"Was that all we did?" I asked, even though I was terrified to know the answer.

Niall bit his lip. "There was a lot of kissing, and touching... and I distinctively recall you wanting me to fuck you, but we fell asleep before we could get that far."

"Oh, God," I groaned, into my hands.

"There was also a lot of that, too," Niall smirked.

"I'm so sorry," I confessed. "I was drunk and out of control."

Niall took my hands and removed them from my face. "Don't be sorry. I rather enjoyed myself, you have a gifted mouth."

"Fuck off."

"You already did, last night."

I knew that if I were to continue, he would just come back with another blunt innuendo, so I stayed silent knowing that was my best weapon. Niall was just trying to make light of the awkward situation, and deep down I was thankful for that, but it still didn't change the fact that I was on his bed with no memory of the night before.

"Wait, hold on," I said and looked at him oddly. "It sounds like you had a good amount of alcohol in you, so how did you, um..."

"Get it up?"

"Yeah."

"You," Niall smirked. "You're like... you're like a walking Viagra to me. Honestly, I could be dead and you could still get me hard."

Suddenly I felt very naked in only my underwear and Niall's shirt. I wasn't going to lie, I might not remember what happened last night, but I don't think it would take much for Niall to turn me on as well. That's already been proven the past few times we have kissed.

I got off the bed and grabbed my dress and headed for the closet.

"Where are you going?" Niall asked. I could practically feel his eyes roaming up and down my body as I opened the closet door and stepped inside. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that. But you asked and it was the truth."

"I'm just changing," I replied and shut the door, consuming myself in darkness.

I was well aware that Niall had already seen me in my underwear, obviously, but I didn't really need to put on a show trying to shimmy my way into my tight, black dress after what happened last night.

Even if I didn't remember what happened, I knew that Niall was telling the truth. Everything made sense, as to why he was the only one completely naked, why I didn't find a used condom. It was unfortunate that it had gotten as far as a blow job, but glad that it didn't get any further than that.

"Did you know that you're a biter?" I asked as I stepped out of the closet, fully clothed. The bite mark on my neck was still burning.

Niall had changed, too, kind of. He was still sitting on his bed, but at least now he put on his boxers.

"I've been told," he said as he leaned back against his headboard, watching me closely. "Last night you said something... did you and Harry really end things?"

Pulling the dress down my thighs as far as it could go, I nodded slowly. "Yeah."

"I'm sorry."

Raking my fingers through my tousled hair the best I could, I shrugged. It sucked that I had to end things with Harry and it would probably take a while to get over it, but at least we're on good terms. I don't know what I would have done if things ended differently.

"Can we pretend this didn't happen?" I asked as I stepped towered the door.

"You know I can't," he said. "We need to talk about this, Lynn. You can't always run away from your problems."

"Running is what I do best," I admitted and opened the door.

I peeked into the hallway quickly to see if anyone was out there, not wanting them to see me leave Niall's so early in the morning.

And then I stepped out and began my walk of shame.