× Mercury

Slinging my soccer bag over my shoulder, I exited the locker room and made my way down the hallway. The game had ended forty minutes ago so everyone who had suffered through the rain to watch us run around on the field had already taken off.

I knew having a shower would be fruitless since I'd be taking another one when I got back to my hall thanks to the rain, but I needed to get the mud out of my hair. The memory of slipping and nearly putting the team out of the BUSA was bad enough; I didn't need to be reminded by the mud on my body.

Subconsciously, I reached up and grabbed my father's wedding band around my neck.

It had always brought comfort to me whenever I was feeling unsure of myself. It reminded me of all the times my dad reassured me that I could do anything if I put my mind to it.

Before my shower, I had gone online and found some interesting posts about the game I just played. Some of them were accurate, saying I nearly lost the game because of my slip and was lucky James was there to take it. I didn't argue with that because, well, they were right. But when I kept digging deeper, I found some posts that were a little more rude and completely out of line.

Mercury may have fucked up today, but at least she looks good all wet and dirty, read a tweet that was posted shortly after the end of the game. And that was only one of the degrading tweets I found.

Down the hall, someone shouted my name. I spun around and saw Matt catching up to me.

"Can I ask you something personal?" he inquired a little shyly. We continued walking down the hall, our footsteps echoing against the walls. "I mean, not personal for you, but... your brother."

I looked at him questionably. "What do you want to know about my brother?"

"Is he gay?"

Stopping in my tracks, I looked at him oddly. "What?"

Matt muttered something I couldn't understand and looked away from me, his fingers running through his unruly, damp brown hair. Then he let out a sigh and looked at me in the eyes.

"Is your brother gay?" he asked again, this time his voice was firm and confident.

"Anders isn't gay," I assured him and continued walking.

Matt kept his pace beside me and continued to drill me with questions. "Are you sure?"

"Pretty sure. He would have told me if he was."

When we turned the corner, I saw my brother talking to Niall and Jace. He was drenched head to toe in rain water from standing outside watching the game, but he didn't seem bothered or uncomfortable in his coat. He was probably used to it; being rained on a lot while he was in training for the air force.

"Well, how about we go and ask him?" Matt questioned, taking the lead and striding over to the group.

"Matt!" I yelled and quickly caught up to him.

When we approached, all three heads turned in our direction.

"There she is!" Anders shouted and engulfed me into a wet hug. I wanted nothing more than to pull away and yell at him for getting me damp after I had dried off from the shower, but I knew I was limited on these hugs so I didn't utter a word. "You played a good game. I'm proud of you."

"I made a fool of myself," I mumbled as we pulled away. "I slipped on my ass right when I was about to make the winning goal. That's nothing to be proud of."

Jace laughed. "Who gives a shit? We still won! It was slick as hell out there, it could have happened to anyone."

"But it happened to me," I deadpanned and looked at Anders. "I'm having a hard enough time trying to get the image of being a girl out of people's minds, and then I go and do something like that."

Anders' looked at me oddly. "You're being too hard on yourself. I'm sure no one thought of it like that."

"I'm having trouble believing they wouldn't."

In a world where the ideal of sexy is a ditzy blonde with big boobs, a small waist, and a round ass, it was a wonder that I managed to escape my teen years with my self-worth still intact. I had insecurities about my body - I'm human and I have some of the same uncertainties that other woman do. Aside from the positive influence from my family, there was one clear reason why I made it out relatively safe: sports.

Now that I was older, I see now that being in sports as a female was never easy, and so much worse when on a team with all boys. No one takes you seriously. No one gives you a chance. You're known as the "eye candy" and to draw in more of a crowd.

I thought joining the men's team would help break that line, but I should have known better. It was going to take a lot more than little me to do that.

"Come on, let's go," I said and ducked my head down and walked away, hoping Matt will stay with his teammates and not investigate my brother on his sexuality.

Anders said bye to the boys and starting walking away. The second we were out of earshot, I discreetly looked over my shoulder and saw Niall and Jace in a heated discussion, walking the other way down the hall. There was no doubt that they were talking about what happened in the woman's locker room before the game.

"Wait up," Matt said, coming up on the other side of me.

I closed my eyes in frustration. Was this necessary? Why was Matt so persistent on knowing if my brother was gay or not? I already told him that he wasn't, why couldn't he accept my word?

"Hey, uh, Anders..." Matt started, drawing my brother's attention to him. "Lynn has a question to ask you."

Looking at Matt, I made sure to give him the look and to make sure he knew I wasn't happy with this situation he was putting me in. He just grinned back at me, knowing exactly what he was doing.

Turning to Anders, I saw him looking at the two of us strangely. "Anders, are you gay?"

He laughed. "What? Why does it matter?"

"Because Matt seems to think you are."

Anders looked over at Matt, who suddenly looked like a deer caught in headlights. "I'm not gay," my brother told him.

I smiled with triumph at Matt. "Told you."

"I'm bisexual."

"Oh," Matt said, breaking the silence that followed the news. He looked between the two of us. "I'll, uh... My ride is waiting for me."

Anders and I watched as he walked passed us and out the door. I should have gone after him and demanded why he wanted to know my brother's sexuality, but I was rooted to the spot.

"Bisexual?" I finally asked him. "Why... how come you didn't say anything?"

He ran a hand down his face with a sigh. "Can we talk about this later, please? I'm hungry and need a nap."

"Fine," I said, knowing this conversation wasn't over. "Then tell me what you were talking about with Niall and Jace."

"Niall mentioned a party tonight at some club nearby," he said, his brown eyes bright and wide with excitement. "Can we go? I've never been to a college party before and this might be my only chance."

He looked like a little kid asking for permission to ride the little mechanical car outside a supermarket and I couldn't help but laugh at his expression. It was true though, he never went to a college party because he never went to college. After high school, he went straight to the air force and never looked back.

"I'm your sister," I reminded him with a smile. "A younger one, at that. I'm not going to say no to you."

"So you'll come with?"

"I didn't say that."

Anders' smile turned into a frown. "Why not? I want you there."

I thought back at all the parties I'd gone to since being in London and knew that it was just a bad idea. I never seemed to catch a break. If I wasn't being pushed into a pool, then I was being summoned to help out a teammate who was having a panic attack. The latter wasn't necessarily a bad thing, but considering it resulted in me kissing said teammate later on in the night when it was forbidden, then yeah... it was kind of bad.

"Why do you want me there?"

"Because I only have so much time with you and I don't want to waste it," he explained with a pouty face that would put Chloe's to shame.

"I'll think about it, okay?"

The smile was back on Anders' face. "I can respect that."

"So, what else were you and Niall talking about while you were waiting for me?"

"You. And how you two aren't talking anymore. He didn't tell me why, though."

I just laughed. I wasn't exactly sure what had happened in the locker room, but I knew that it was a terrible idea.

Every scenario I play out with you and me ends badly, that was what Niall had told me, and that was when I knew I needed to stay away. Stay as far, far away from him because he was right. Everything we do ends badly.

"He's kind of the best and worst thing in your life, isn't he?" Anders asked into the quiet.

I looked over at him and saw his brown eyes looking at me, like trying to solve an unsolvable puzzle.

"Yeah," I told him. "He kind of is."

The two of us stepped through the front doors of the arena and into the rain. It wasn't until a few feet away from the arena did I remember that we didn't have a ride, which meant we had to walk five miles in the rain. I took a quick glance back at the building, wondering if Niall or Jace were willing to give us a lift.

That was when I heard little feet padding against the parking lot toward me. Looking over, I saw a little girl who was no older than five years old wearing a London Lions jersey that was three sizes too big as it hung on her tiny frame like a dress. She had a maroon headband in her long, brown hair and the gold face paint on her rosy cheeks was smeared from the pouring rain.

She was the most precious thing I had ever seen.

The little girl stopped in front of me and looked up like I was some kind of superhero from her dreams. Her mouth was open in awe and her bright brown eyes were sparkling.

"Hi," she finally said with the biggest smile I had ever seen.

"Hi," I smiled back at her.

The mom came over right then, out of breath like she was following her little girl for miles. "I'm so sorry about this," she said. "My daughter is your biggest fan and she insisted that we wait in the rain for you to come out."

"No, that's okay," I assured the mom. Then I dropping my bag and squatted down so I was eye level with the girl. "What's your name?"

"Emily."

"Emily... I have a friend who has that name," I told her. "You know, I think you're the cutest fan I've met so far."

The little girl giggled and held out a sharpie I had just noticed she was holding. I took it from her little fingers as she turned around, exposing the back of the jersey to me. I saw the large number thirteen and above that my last name in bold white print. I couldn't help but smile as I wrote my signature.

When I capped the marker and handed it back to her, I didn't have any time to react before the little girl's arms were around me in a hug. She was so small that I was afraid I would crush her, but from the tight hold she had on me, I was kind of afraid for my own safety.

And then she was gone, running around in circles in the middle of the deserted parking lot as the rain fell around her. I heard Anders laughing behind me.

"Thank you so much for this," the mom said to me. "She's such a big fan of yours and even though she's only five, it's been her dream to meet you."

"It was really no problem," I said. "You have a cute daughter."

"Thank you," she said again before she walked away to her child and back to their car.

I grabbed my soccer bag and Anders and I started walking again. The parking lot had a rainbow sheen to it, reflection of the street lights glowing in the puddles. The sky was dominated by tumbling grays; smoky and silver. It really put a damper on my already gloomy mood.

"I'm kind of impressed," Anders told me.

"Why?"

"Because you hate kids," he explained. "You were really calm with her and not like you were totally disgusted."

I just shrugged, not wanting to get into an argument about my dislike for children and how I never want to have any in the future.

I held my bare arm out in front of me, the droplets splattering on my outstretched fingers. I was never one to be too excited about rain living in California, I was much happier with sunny weather. But I think it could be something I could get used to.

Just when I was going to turn to my brother and see if we wanted to catch a ride to my hall with Jace, someone shouted through the rain.

I looked through the downpour and squinted. I saw a red car a few feet away with someone standing by the driver side, waving at me.

"Harry!?" I yelled, even though there was no denying those long, lanky legs. Adjusting the bag on my shoulder, I ran the rest of the way to him and wrapped my arms around his neck. "What are you doing here? I thought you couldn't make it to the game?"

"Band practice got done early so I thought I could pick you up," he smiled at me. And then he looked over my shoulder at Anders. "Who's this?"

I removed my hands from around his neck and hugged myself, starting to feel the cold of the rain through my clothes. "Harry, this is my brother Anders. Anders, this is Harry, my..."

"Friend," Harry spoke up for me and held his hand out to my brother. "It's nice to meet you."

Anders grinned and shook his hand. "You, too. Lynn's told me a lot about you." Then he cut his eyes to me in a knowing look and that was when it hit me.

I was a horrible person. Anders had been here for three whole days and I had only mentioned Harry once, briefly back at my dorm when he asked about the jacket on my dresser. But even then, I didn't elaborate on him because I wasn't sure how. I mean, we weren't together, but we were something and it made me feel awful.

And then the time before the game. Harry didn't come to mind once, not until after I was pinned against the lockers. Not until after I kissed Niall. Not until Harry's words popped into my head to decide if I wanted to be with him or not.

"We should get out of the rain," Harry said as he opened the driver side door. "Get in and I'll bring you both back to the Aspen House."

We did as we were instructed - me getting into the passenger seat and Anders crawling into the back. My brother and Harry fell into small chatter, Anders asking him about his band and Harry bringing up the air force. As they talked, I sat with my bag in my lap and stared out the window, thinking back at what Sam had told me a few days ago.

The car ride was short, way too short. Anders thanked Harry for the ride and got out, but I stayed were I was, still staring out the windshield.

"You coming, Lynn?" Anders' asked as he opened my door to get out.

I blinked and looked at my brother. "Um, actually, I'm going to talk to Harry for a second." I dug around in my bag and pulled out the room keys and gave them to Anders. "You go on ahead; I'll be there in a bit."

Anders nodded and shut the door, heading into the Aspen House. I looked over at him, his head down looking at his hands in his lap. His legs were too long for his little red car so they were spread out in his seat - one leg leaned against his door and the other over the gear shift.

"Harry-" I started, but something caught it my throat and suddenly I couldn't speak.

"I know," he said in response, looking over at me. His green eyes were foggy like the stormy sky outside.

They were just simple words that didn't even make up a whole conversation, but we both knew what they meant. This was it - the ending to whatever this was. I thought a weight would have been lifted from my heart, but if anything, something even heaver took its place and I felt even more awful than I did before.

Harry didn't deserve this, didn't deserve me. He was right when he said that my heart wasn't in this, and Harry was a guy who deserved someone who was willing to put their all into this. I just wasn't that person.

"Remember that bet we made if I scored a goal on you?" he asked into the silence. "I'm ready for you to pay in."

"What do you want me to do?"

His eyes were bright now as he looked at me. There wasn't a smile on his lips, but his face was lively as if there was.

"Be happy," he finally said.

I almost laughed, but this was Harry we were talking about. I'm not the least bit surprised he would use his bet on something so selfless. And that was when I did laugh, a small chuckle that spread across my face as I leaned my head back against the seat.

Then Harry was laughing, too, and I knew that we would be okay.

As I was getting out of the car, Harry grabbed my hand to stop me. "Also, just because we're not... together anymore, doesn't mean you have to be a stranger. Okay?"

I leaned back into the car and gave Harry a big kiss on the cheek. "Never."