× Mercury

Those words were enough for me to break out of whatever shock I was in and cry.

Niall didn't even hesitated as he sat beside me and pulled me into his chest. I instantly buried my head into his neck and bawled, grasping at his shirt for dear life.

He was right, Niall was the last person I wanted to talk to about this, but he was there. And he cared. If he didn't he wouldn't had bothered to come see where I was at, let alone stay to comfort me no matter how out of his comfort zone it was to be tender. Especially with me.

I cried as if I was being shredded from the inside out. Emotional pain flowed out of my every pore. The whole world had vanished around me, now there was only pain enough to break me. I shouldn't be feeling this way, not because of him. He didn't deserve my tears, but I was beyond all reason, beyond all natural methods of calming.

The feel of Niall's arms around me was nice, strong and protective. I was tucked under his chin and clinging onto his shirt in a ball of sobs.

I was weak and it killed me for Niall to see me that way. I worked hard to be the liberated, vigorous woman who plays with the boys on a soccer team. I worked hard to get that hard shell and be tough, and all it took for it to shatter was a stupid boy from my past to woo me over again.

But I wasn't the only one who broke their reputation tonight. The boy who had come to find me wasn't his irritable, selfish self, either, and I couldn't help but think that I had uncovered another side of Niall Horan - another side of the dice.

I never saw his face when he found me against the wall, but I could hear the worry in his voice - the panic, the uncertainty. He was the old Niall when he was pounding on my door and spewing out profanities so I would let him inside. He stuck with that hard exterior until the moment he stepped inside the room.

Because he was scared, I realized.

"How are you feeling?" Niall asked once my ugly crying had quieted to sniffles.

"I... um..." I said in a hoarse voice. I thought of a word to describe how I was doing, but I wasn't even sure a word like that existed.

"Can you tell me what happened?" he asked. His chest vibrated when he spoke and I felt his arm lace around my lower back. "Did that lad hurt you? Because if he did, you need to tell someone."

I closed my eyes but didn't bother to move away from him. I wasn't sure I wanted to see his face when I told him - when I confess that it was all my fault.

"He didn't hurt me," I started with a sniffle. "Not physically, anyways."

Niall's fingers started moving up and down my back soothingly. I was sitting between his legs, his knees up and caging me against his chest. With a sigh, I let go of his shirt and dropped my hands to his waist.

"His name's Bradley," I said softly. "He was the guy I was... I was seeing in California. He has a way to, uh, hypnotize me into thinking he truly cares, like saying all the right things at the right time, and then... uses me for sex. Then he would throw me away until he needed another release."

Niall reached up and wiped away a tear from my cheek. The simple touch sent a wave of butterflies coursing through my veins, their fluttering wings easing the dread that had settled inside me.

"I was his victim," I concluded.

"And he followed you," Niall said, easily putting together the pieces.

"He, um..." I paused. My emotions were too mixed up to speak properly. "I found him at my door when I left practice. He said- he used his words against me and I- I was under his spell again. He had his way with me before he just... left."

That was it. That was the story. He had gotten dressed and walked out the door without even giving me a second glance. What killed me the most was that it was completely consensual. I let him do it without complaint.

"That's when I broke," I said, my voice cracking.

Bradley seemed really hurt about me leaving, but it was all a game, I learned later. I knew that at the time, too, I just kept telling myself that it was all a lie and that he wanted me to feel bad for what I did to him. But he somehow got through my thoughts and he had his wicked way with me. Again. I was foolish enough to play putty in his hands, it was all my fault, and now that he had left again, I was left alone with my thoughts and mistakes.

I wasn't alone, though, I thought to myself.

Out of anyone, I never would have expected Niall to come to my rescue. I didn't think anyone would come seek me out and I was just going to have to gather my bearings on my own. But there he was in front of me...

"Where is he now?" Niall asked after a moment of silence.

"I don't know and I don't fucking care," I told him honestly. "If I see him again I swear I'll kick his fucking face in."

Niall laughed, making his chest vibrate under my cheek. "I love it when you swear."

The rhythm of Niall's heartbeat in my ears was rather soothing. I closed my eyes and focused on the sound. He smelled really good, but he always did, the shirt he was wearing was really soft, and his body was comfortably warm.

"If you don't mind me asking, but what exactly did he say that made you sleep with him again?" Niall asked, breaking the silence once again.

I sighed and removed myself off his chest and went back to leaning against the wall, facing forward. I held my hands out in front of me and saw them shaking, though the shaking of my heart had calmed remarkably in the past couple of minutes.

Niall stayed where he was on the floor next to me, watching my hands with concern. I balled them into fists and placed them in my lap, not wanting to get worked up again.

"He said... he told me that he had changed, that my leaving was a wakeup call for him," I told Niall as I played with my fingers, avoiding his gaze. "He seemed so broken when he told me that I just, I don't know- I just fell for his shit again."

The silence was a poison, for in that void of sound the shallowness of my story was laid bare. He now knew how pitiful I was. Bradley could say a few words and I would end up in his bed; that was all it took.

"I'm sorry," I said, a stupid smile playing on my lips as I moved my hands to cover my face. "It's pathetic. I'm pathetic..."

"Hey." Niall sat up and leaned over so I didn't have a choice but to look up at him. "That's not true. This Bradley is the pathetic one. It's not your fault; you know that, don't you? He knows exactly what he's doing to you."

I reached up and wipe a tear under my eye with a shaking hand. "And I fall for it every time."

He kept silent as he leaned away. He was looking out in front of him, at the photographs tacked onto the wall.

"Coach showed us a video a couple months ago of you playing a football game," Niall started, scooting farther down the wall so our shoulders were touching. "He called you fast, stealthy, and dedicated. But he forgot an important adjective." He looked at me, his blue eyes searching mine. "Strong."

My throat closed up, but for an entirely different reason.

"Don't show Bradley what he had done to you," Niall continued. "Show him the girl I saw on the video, kicking ass on the football field."

I didn't know who I would become when I left Bradley. I didn't want to change; I wanted to stay the person that I was when in California. I didn't have anything to worry about, though. Because I had discovered that I am more myself without him. I was the old Lynn before he had entered my life, and I could thank London for that.

I just didn't consider that I could fall into that easily manipulated person again the moment he would step back into my life.

But I should really be thanking Bradley, because Niall was right. I was strong. And I owe it all to Bradley. So thank you for destroying me. Thank you for completely breaking down my walls. Thank you for showing me how I shouldn't be treated.

If I would have stayed in California... stayed with Bradley, I wouldn't have known any different. I never would have put my own strength to the test. I would have been okay with lukewarm affection. But in his absence, I realized that I didn't need him or anyone else to make me happy. I braved the world without him for the first time in months and it was liberating.

Niall reached up and ran a hand along his stubbled jaw, looking at me with a lazy smile on his lips.

"You're wearing my shirt," he observed, changing the topic. He reached over and tugged gently at the loose fabric of my sleeve.

I looked down and saw the green jersey with the Ireland crest in the corner; it was the shirt I had worn at Niall's when I was going to spend the night before we... made things complicated.

"Oh," I said, a little embarrassed. "It was just, uh, it was the closest thing I saw and put it on. I was going to wash it along with the boxers and return them, but hadn't had a chance yet..."

"No rush," he told me sincerely and looked down at his hands. "That's actually my favorite shirt; Football Association of Ireland. Their nicknamed The Green Army."

"I like the Portland Thorns," I admitted. "That's actually my dream team to get on."

"I don't think you'll have any trouble getting on it."

The two of us had a lot going on and how we were supposed to deal with each other, so I knew that this civil communication wasn't going to last and that it was more than likely going to go back to "normal" by tomorrow. And I was thankful for that. It was how I was welcomed on the team, it was reassuring to know that despite what insults he might spit at me, that he didn't completely loath me. He cared, and that was enough.

"What was your nightmare about?" he asked all of a sudden. When I stayed silent, he elaborated. "When you stayed the night at my place and I woke you up because you were having a bad dream."

That was nearly a month ago, I was surprised he even remembered that. But I suppose getting kneed in the crotch would be a good trigger to remember that night, not to mention what happened in the bed shortly after.

"My parents," I started. From the memory of my dream, my body started to heat up, the flames getting a little too close for comfort. "I used to get night terrors all the time in the beginning. I used my classes as chances to sleep because that was the only time they wouldn't appear."

"So they were about your parent's death?" Niall asked.

I nodded. "The fire. It's always the same dream - me standing in front of the house, helpless and alone, as I watched my childhood home burn to the ground."

"Is that how it really happened?" Niall pressed. "Like, you were standing and watching it happen in front of you?"

That was when I went silent. It was nice actually talking to someone who knew what happened to my parents again since my brother was a million miles away, but some things should stay in the shadows. So I went silent.

Almost like an instinct, I reached up to clamp my hand around my father's wedding band on the chain around my neck, only to discover that it wasn't there.

Sitting up in alert, I looked around the room.

"What's wrong?" Niall asked, looking at me suspiciously.

"My necklace," I whispered, leaning over to look under Chloe's bed. "It's missing."

Still in my sitting position, I reached over and moved the stack of Chloe's magazines aside, falling over in a mess on the floor. Before I could stand up and look harder, something dangled in front of my face.

"Is this it?" Niall asked, holding the necklace up.

"Oh my god, yes," I told him. I grabbed it in my hands; the cold medal of the band against my skin filled me with joy.

I unclasped the chain and wrapped it around my neck, but it was too short to see what I was doing without a mirror.

Seeing my struggle, Niall reached out and took the necklace. "Let me help you."

Hesitantly, I nodded and shifted so my back was to him. I pulled my messy hair away from my neck and felt the coolness of the band as it hit my chest, followed by the gentle touch of Niall's fingers. The simple graze sent shock waves through my body and I had to bite my lip from shivering.

"There," he said when he was finished.

I reached up and held the band in my fingers, twisting around to look at Niall.

"Uh, it's getting really late." He stood up from against the wall and adjusted the jacket he was wearing. "I should leave before Chloe gets back."

I removed myself from the wall and stood up. I felt really naked in my little boyshorts and Niall's big shirt falling off my shoulders. I clamped my hands together in front of me to cover what little the shorts weren't.

"Scared to be caught with me?" I accused. I was joking, of course, but I was also curious of his answer.

Niall shrugged and walked over to the still open door. "Yes," he grinned. "But mostly because I don't want to face her when she comes back. I kind of left her at a bar to find you."

"Thank you for that, by the way. And for letting me cry on your shoulder."

"Thank you for leaving makeup stains on it," he joked, a playful smile on his lips. I felt my cheeks heat up from embarrassment. "Lock the door when I leave. I don't want that lad coming back during the night."

"I will," I said as I followed him out the doorway and stopped, watching him walk down the hall. "Goodnight, Niall."

Niall spun leisurely on one foot and nodded at me, his hands in his jean pockets. "Sweet dreams."

I shut the door and made sure it was locked before going to my vanity mirror propped up against the wall on top of a dresser. I looked at my reflection. I grabbed a makeup remover wipes and dabbed at the makeup that had managed to smudge around my eyes.

Once I had achieved to get rid of most of it, I flung myself on the bed and grabbed my phone. There were fifty two missed calls from Jamie, twelve from Jace, and three from Niall. I quickly called Jamie back to apologize and to tell her that I was okay.

"Don't you fucking do that again!" she shouted. "You scared the living shit out of me, not to mention Emily and Macey! I was calling Jace to see if he knew where you were!"

"I'm sorry," I said with a small smile. She may have been small, but her voice sure could hit some loud octaves.

"No!" Jamie protested. "You are not worthy to apologize to me, not after what you put me through."

"Bradley's here," I found myself saying, knowing that would shut her up.

The silence on the other end was definite. I could hear her breathing and probably trying to find the words to say. "Oh, god... Lynn."

I told her what happened, from the very beginning when my grandma had called me saying that a young boy had visited and asked where I was, to the very end when Niall came and consoled me.

"Niall!?" Jamie asked, obvious shock in her voice. "What? Why in the world would he be there to help you? Did he scold you for being an idiot and falling for that dick's words, or did he tell you that-"

"He comforted me," I confessed, making her shut up for the second time that night. "He didn't judge or accuse me of anything. He just... held me and told me soothing words."

There was a pause. "Lynn, I don't like that. You know the kind of guy he is, he likes to push your buttons. And then now he does this? I just... it's off-putting."

Jamie was right, and to think that I hadn't even told her about Niall stealing my essay yet and she still thinks like that. Not to mention Jillian's warning that he was bad news. I knew all that, I knew that he was someone I shouldn't get involved with and that I shouldn't trust him. But tonight... tonight was different and I was left with a heavy heart because Niall wasn't the problem at the moment. Bradley was.

"To be honest? I don't care," I sighed into the phone. "I'm too exhausted over boys that I don't really care what their motives are. But I should really get going, it's late and I'm tired."

"Okay," Jamie said, though I could tell she wasn't sure she wanted to hang up yet. "I'll let you get some sleep for your game tomorrow. Sorry I can't come to this one, but hopefully the next one. And take care and be careful. I mean it, Lynn."

"I will," I promised her.