× Mercury

Odds are your knowledge with the idiom "fight fire with fire" had more to do with revenge than they did with actual flames. It's not typically an encouragement to purchase a flamethrower.

So as I stepped into the building, I didn't hesitate to go down the hall to room 110. I knew Niall wouldn't be there since he and James weren't on speaking terms after what happened with him and Abby, I just hoped his stuff was still in there.

It had been two days since the dinner and when I found my essay on the floor mat of Niall's car. I had to do something before I saw him tomorrow at practice and made a scene because God only knows how long I can keep my cool.

When I got to the right door, I started knocking repeatedly.

"I'm coming! Bloody fuck!" someone shouted from the other side. A second later James' face appeared, his short blonde hair was pushed away from his forehead. His blue eyes had a striking resemblance to his sister's. "What the hell do you want? Horan's not here."

"Good," I told him and pushed myself inside the room.

"Whoa," James said and grabbed my arm before I could get any farther. From the looks of it, Niall hadn't come to get his things yet, which was a good thing. For me, not necessarily for him. "What are you doing?"

"Sabotaging Niall," I told him truthfully.

James gave me a look, like he was trying to see if I was being serious or not. Then he started laughing and gave me a wicked grin. "Then by all means, be my guest." His phone that was in his hand started ringing right then and he lifted it up to look at the caller ID. "I have to go, but if you touch anything of mine, you're dead."

I just nodded at him as he grabbed his keys and jacket and left the room.

Everything was the same since the last couple of times I had been there. Still no photo on the walls or his desk, the calendar on the corkboard was on the month of September and some of the Saturdays were circled for the days we had games. His snapback collection was still hanging on the wall. His laptop was sitting on his desk along with some textbooks.

I bent down by the bed and lifted the duvet so I could look under the wooden frame. I remember going to his place in the beginning of the month to get answers to why he kissed me. Before Niall had entered the room, I snooped around and found something I didn't have a chance to explore.

My hands landed on something cold and plastic and I took it out from under the bed. The black guitar case lay in front of me, whether it held my answers to revenge or not, the feeling I had was haunting. I roughly unclasped the case and glided my hands along the instrument. I took it out and was left with notebooks and loose papers.

I grabbed the first notebook and opened it. Page after page was filled with words and little doodles. I stopped at a random one and read the title. Ghost of You. It didn't take me long to realize that the notebook was filled with lyrics.

Was this Niall's dirty little secret? Song writing and guitar playing?

That wasn't good enough for me. There had to be more somewhere. Across the room, I saw the nightlight plugged into the wall. There had to be a reason why he was afraid of the dark.

I looked back inside the guitar case and peeking under the loose pages of notebook paper was a manila envelope. Carefully, I flipped the tabs open and peered inside. More paper.

Without thinking, I dumped all the contents out, papers, postcards, letters, ticket stubs, and photographs falling out and fluttering down on my lap, inside the case, and all around me in a mess.

I picked up the first thing I saw: A photo booth strip.

The photos were black and white but it was obvious that the boy in them was Niall. His hair was longer and down against his forehead and his face was a lot rounder than it was now. He was maybe fifteen, and there was a girl in the photos with him around the same age.

The top photo was of the two of them smiling at the camera with Niall's arm around the girl, pulling her closer. The second one the girl had Niall by the chin and was kissing him on the cheek with Niall's eyes shut tight with a wide smile on his lips. And finally the last one the girl had her hand on the back of Niall's neck and was pulling him into her, kissing rather passionately.

I sat the strip down and picked up the next photo I saw from my lap. It was of a girl, the same girl in the photo strip, sitting in front of a soccer goal. She was sitting with one of her legs up in the air almost like she had fallen off the soccer ball that was sitting between her legs. Her frozen laugh in the photo was radiant.

The girl was beautiful, but what shocked me the most was that I looked like her. We had the same shade of hair, heart shaped face. Her brows were thicker and she had a more upturned nose, but the similarities were there.

You remind me of someone, Niall had told me the night when I stayed at his place. An old friend of mine... That's why I act the way I do around you.

This someone wasn't just a friend. She must have been his girlfriend.

And I reminded him of her.

"What the fuck are you doing!?" someone shouted from the doorway of the room. I looked away from the photo in my hand and saw Niall standing there, staring at me.

Before I could even react, Niall slammed the door closed and snatched away the photo in my hand. I tried to stand up quickly but I lost my balance and ended up falling on my butt. I stayed there on the floor as I watched Niall go on his knees and gather all the letters and photos in his hands. He was rushing so he wasn't succeeding. He eventually gave up and slammed his hands down on the wooden floor and turned to me.

"Why the fuck are you looking through my shit!?" he yelled.

He was beyond angry, pissed to the point that I was afraid. If his eyes were a weapon, the piercing look in them could have caused serious obliteration. But seeing him like that only made me just as irate as I remembered the letter I had in my back pocket.

"You're angry because I'm going through your crap!?" I snapped back, sitting up straight. "So it's okay for you to do it, but I can't?"

Niall looked at me, confused. His cheeks were flushed as the blood inside him began to boil. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

I grabbed the essay from my pocket and unfolded it. Immediately his face fell and he understood, but the anger in his eyes didn't waver.

"You stole this off the desk of Professor Lawtherd!" I barked. I could feel my heartbeat quicken, the adrenaline flowing through my system. "I haven't told anyone about my parents for a reason! You have no right to take something that isn't yours!"

"So then you come and snoop around my room for revenge!?" The bruising around his nose and eye made him look even more grimacing.

"You out of anyone should know to respect people's privacy!" I snapped back, ignoring his question.

Niall closed the small distance between us on his knees and I knew this was only the beginning of the argument.

"And that gives you the right to come to my room and to go through my stuff until you found something to get even?" His eyes were no longer the light shade of blue that reminded me of the Santa Monica Ocean, but the heavens during a brutal hurricane. He grabbed one of the photos and held it up. "Was this what you were looking for? Because I reckon you were. You found the reason why I'm scared of the dark like a fucking child. Congratu-fucking-lations."

I stayed sitting and kept looking into his eyes, unable to look away from their deep depth. I shouldn't be the one feeling like the fatality, but I did. I never should have fought fire with fire and just listened to the wise words of my parents and friends. I should have been the bigger person. Now I just felt horrible.

"I'm not the victim here," I reminded him. My voice came out a lot softer than I had anticipated. That spark of adrenaline had disintegrated and I was just left with a calm that made me want to take a nap and never wake up. "I'm not surprised you did this. Anything to hurt me, right?"

The heat in his eyes didn't falter, not until I started to stand up. He quickly grabbed my wrist and I was surprised at the gentle hold he had on me. The hurricane look in his eyes was gone and it was replaced with the sky after a storm.

"Its upsetting to know that's how you think of me, but I would never intentionally hurt you, Lynn."

"Why don't I believe you?"

"Why don't you tell people that your parents died in a house fire?" he asked, ignoring my question.

There it was, out in the open for everyone to hear. I was kind of hoping that he didn't read the essay, but I should have known that he took it for a reason. Fortunately, it was only the two of us in the room, the only two people in the whole damn world (aside from my Grandma and brother) that truly knew what happened.

Niall must have taken my silence as an answer because he sighed and looked down at the photo in his hand.

"She's the reason I act the way I do around you," he began. "I didn't like you from the moment I saw you because you remind me of her. Subconsciously I knew that, but I always just thought it was because you were stealing the limelight."

He paused and looked at the photo, like he was remembering when it had been taken and wished to go back to the simpler times.

"Alina and I were together for two years, and I honestly had never been happier in my life. I thought she was happy, too. But that was before she... left. Without an explanation."

When Niall looked up, his eyes were slightly glossy. I wasn't over the fact that he had taken my essay without asking, but I was happy that Niall was actually opening up to me when he didn't have to.

"That's why I sleep around," Niall continued, keeping his eyes on me. "It's a way to avoid commitment and developing feelings for someone, just so they can... hurt me again. I don't want something where I have to open up to them and feel vulnerable. I also do it to forget. It fills this void I have for Alina leaving and it doesn't let me focus on one person. No emotions. No attachments. No pain."

There were so many thoughts flying in my head. I always thought Niall did one-night stands for the pleasure and to have control and ability to tap into his masculine male role of dominance. It had never occurred to me that he was hurt in the past. I never thought that because he was Niall Horan, the guy who did nothing but torment me.

"Why are you telling me this?" I asked softly. "Why are you opening up to me?"

That heat rose - that same heat that he so often brings forward in me - as he pulled out that half-smile of his. He dropped the photo in his hands and I watched it flutter to the ground.

"That's just it. I don't know. I believe in science; things that have answers and things I can actually understand..." He looked at me again and this time his eyes were filled with something I couldn't detect. "And then there's you."

All of a sudden, the air between us got dense and I was staring into Niall's eyes.

"So..." I trailed off, the room getting rather warm rather quickly. "This - whatever we have between us - is a lie. You've been treating me the way you are because of Alina?"

Niall leaned forward, placing his elbows on his knees, the gap narrowing between us. His eyes had changed multiple times within the last ten minutes, and at that moment they were dark with longing.

"You are no Alina," he stated simply, his hot breath barely trickling my face. "The things I have done and the things I have said to you were not motivated by her. And I think... I think I'm just starting to figure that out."

Before I could question what he meant, his hands suddenly came up and cupped my face, his thumb trailing down my lips, leaving a trail of heat in its path.

And then he closed the space between us and his lips were planted on mine. I sat there in shock. Not because he was kissing me, but because of how soft and gentle the kiss was. His eyes had told me he was looking for desire, but his lips were speaking a different language.

Just as soon as he kissed me, he pulled back. Our foreheads were touching and our ragged breaths were mixing together between us. My heart was pounding a thousand miles per hour and my skin was itching for Niall's touch.

"I'm asking for permission," Niall breathed, our eyes looked onto each other.

I didn't know if it was my hormones talking or for the fact that Niall actually took the time to ask for consent - something I had never had the option with before - but I wrapped my hand around his neck. I pulled him into me, our lips locking once again.

The first thought in my head was Bradley and how he used to kiss me so forcefully without even giving me any time to react. But this kiss wasn't tainted with that kind of poison. There was no force to it, there wasn't any need in it; just pure gentleness that made me feel weak to the bone and ignite a flare inside me.

Our lips molded perfectly together and I felt him open his mouth, making me do the same. The feel of his tongue playing with my bottom lip sent welcoming shivers up my arms and I grabbed onto the nap of his hair and pulled. Niall let out a little grunt into my mouth which only made me want to hear more.

The arm that I was still supporting myself up with shook with weakness and I fell onto my back, bringing Niall with me. He landed on my body like a cage and I heard him laugh a little before attaching to my mouth again.

The slowness of the kiss was intoxicating. It was like I wanted to keep this tempo, this pure ecstasy feeling, but I also wanted more. So much more...

"Jesus fuck, you taste so good," he breathed, his hot breath against my skin sent shockwaves through my body.

My hand that wasn't in his hair trailed down his spine and to the bottom of his shirt and I tugged at it, wanting the fabric off his body. Niall understood my motives and removed his shirt in one swift motion before he was back to my lips once again.

He was hovering above me and there was way too much air between us. I grabbed the belt loop of his jeans and pulled down hard, making him collapse on top of me. There was a smile on Niall's lips as I wrapped my legs around his waist so he wouldn't get away from me again.

Niall removed his mouth from mine and nudged my nose, making me turn my head so he can have full access to my neck. The moment I felt his lips below my ear, my mouth opened in pleasure.

I wasn't sure how far I was planning on taking this, but at the moment I didn't care. I just didn't have a care in the freaking world because I had never felt so good before. Whenever I was with Bradley, it was all for him. He had no desire to please me, and even if he would, I was pretty damn sure he wouldn't be able to. I was like his blowup doll, I only moved if he was the one to move me.

All I was doing with Niall was foreplay and I was already at my high.

One of my legs unhooked from around Niall and nudged in-between his legs. I could feel his bulge through his jeans and I felt satisfaction knowing I was making Niall feel the same way I was. I bucked my hips up to meet his and I felt Niall bite down on my neck; muffled swearing was heard against my skin as the friction between our jeans intensified.

"Fucking shit," he cussed, burying his head into my neck.

His hair was lightly brushing against my skin and it sent a new wave of goosebumps down my arms as his mouth placed kisses along my jaw.

Niall's hand trail up my shirt and cupped one of my breasts over my bra, squeezing lightly. The sensation made my mouth open with a groan and Niall took that as his opportunity to keep going.

His hand moved away from my chest and down my stomach all the way to the edge of my jeans. The silver ring from my neckless lay at the hollow of my neck, and the coolness of the medal was a great contrast from the heat of my body. Niall lifted his hips off mine so he could fumble with my pants button.

From the sound of the button of my jeans unsnapping, it was like someone threw ice water on me. I jerked and our foreheads bumped together, making Niall remove his hand from my jeans and pull away to look at me. I detached my hands from his neck and my leg that was still around Niall's waist and pushed on his chest lightly.

"Get off me," I said panting. "Please, can you-"

"Yeah, okay," Niall said just as breathlessly as me, sitting on the floor. "Did I-? Are you okay?"

I looked over at him as I stayed on the floor, propped up on my elbows as the event of what just happened washed over me. Niall didn't look angry with me that I interrupted our "moment", he didn't even look a little peeved off. He sincerely looked concerned. There was no protesting or convincing, he did as I asked as soon as I asked it.

"No, I'm really not okay," I said and stood up, trying to unfrazzle my mind. "No, no, no, this isn't supposed to happen. We're teammates and if I- if this keeps happening, we'll be kicked off the team."

Coach had told me the rule to not get involved with any of the boys on the team because the two of us would be cut off permanently. But he told me like he had nothing to worry about, like I was strong and able to kick my hormones in the ass and to never get into that kind of mess. But there I was... a weak girl who did exactly as Coach thought I wouldn't do.

"I have to go," I said and grabbed my essay from the floor and made my way to the door.

"Wait!" Niall shouted after me but I ignored him and opened the door. "Lynn!"

Before I could take a step outside into the hall, Niall grabbed my hand turned me around to face him.

"I know what you're doing. It's a biological instinct. It's when your body has this kind of adrenaline rush... it stimulates your desire for fight or flight. It's natural for you to run away from this. To run away from me."

I looked at him. My fingers had done a pretty good deal with his hair as it stuck up in odd angles. I could feel my pulse at the bite on my neck that was sure going to be a hickey.

"If it's natural, then goodbye, Niall," I told him as I removed my hand from his grasp. He didn't even try to stop me. I was halfway down the hall when he spoke again.

"You don't have to leave... you can stay and fight."