× Horan

I was drunk and Lynn looked so fucking good in my clothes.

I couldn't stay asleep, not knowing that she was sleeping in my bed just a few feet away. That wasn't something I did often... actually, never. I have never done that before. If there was ever a girl sleeping in my bed I was always right next to her.

It was three thirty in the morning and I had woken up twice since we both fell asleep. I was on my stomach, leaning over the side of James' bunk, looking down at her. She must have gotten warm sometime during the night because she was on her back with one leg sticking out on top of the duvet.

I was a man of science; I needed answers and logical explanations. But the things this fucking girl was making me feel - making me do - was so out of my control, so foreign, so... not me, that I was going to lose my self-control one of these times. Scratch that, I already had with that kiss.

But I liked seeing her in my clothes. They were big on her as expected, but they just fit so right. She was wearing my favorite shirt, the FAI jersey with the Ireland crest on the front with the large number 33. The neck hole had slid to one side and exposed some of her right shoulder. The bottom hem was pushed up slightly over her stomach and the legs of the boxers were riding up her thighs. I could tell she wasn't wearing a bra, not because I had noticed her black one next to the door with the rest of her wet clothes, but because I could... see.

The simple thought of her just being in my bed, wearing my clothes, getting her smell all over my things drove me completely out of my fucking mind.

Lynn moaned in her sleep then and rolled over, her back to me. She kicked at the duvet tangled around her legs like she was trapped inside a box and needed to get out. I understood that feeling. I felt that same way only a few hours ago in a small, cluttered room. Then Lynn turned again so she was facing me and the look on her face told me that she wasn't having a pleasant dream.

I stayed where I was knowing it was never wise to wake someone from a nightmare. But as she continued to thrash and turn, I got worried she might hit her head on the headboard and hurt herself.

Suddenly sobered up and without hesitation, I was climbing down the ladder and striding over to her. At first glance I noticed that Lynn was burning up like she just broke a fever; her clothes sticking to her skin and hair plastered down on her cheeks and forehead.

Pulling the blankets off, I called her name, but to no avail.

She started to toss and turn again so I did what my brother used to do with me when I had nightmares when I was a kid - I crawled on the bed with her, planting my legs around her hips and grabbing her face to force her to stay still.

"Mercury!"

Suddenly, her arms were in the air and were grabbing at anything she could get her hands on. Unfortunately, anything happened to be my face as her nails made contact with my skin.

"Ow, fuck. For Christ sakes, Lynn!" I shouted again, the pain from her scratch burning my cheek. "Wake the fuck-"

Before I could finish, Lynn's knee bucked up and hit me in the groin. I doubled over at the waist and cursed loudly, clutching my crotch. I've been hit in the balls before - that was always a downfall playing football - but nothing truly hurt as much as a knee coming up and hitting you in the goods when you least expected it.

Suddenly, my cheek didn't hurt so much anymore.

Lynn gasped and finally woke up, eyes wide as she took in her surroundings.

I was bent over her, waiting for the pain her knee impacted subsided. It didn't take her long to figure out what was going on.

"Oh my god," she breathed, her hands going up to her mouth to hide her surprise.

I finally sat up and looked at her fully, the pain in my lower region still there - still burning for attention (and not in the way it usually was when I was in bed with a girl). Her deep blue eyes were big as she stared back at me, filled with confusion and shock. I also saw a little bit of embarrassment, but I wasn't sure if that was right. I didn't think Lynn Mercury ever got embarrassed. But maybe subconsciously kneeing someone in the balls crossed that line.

"You were having a bad dream," I said weakly. I felt like I had to defend myself on why I was straddling her on the bed, which was probably a smart thing to do. "And you also, uh, kneed me in the balls."

"I'm so sorry," Lynn said through her hands that were covering her mouth. She was still looking up at me with that hint of humiliation. "I don't... I haven't had a nightmare in years. I'm so sorry. I..."

She failed to continue what she was saying, realization robbing her words right out from her mouth. I looked at Lynn then - really looked at her - and wondered what kind of life Lynn Mercury lived where she used to have nightmares.

Deep sapphire eyes stared back at me, and being this close to her, I could see soft freckles scattered along her cheeks.

All the lads on the team said she was hot, attractive, and "insert inappropriate words here", but I never actually got a good look at her for the reason that I wasn't really supposed to. Coach's number one rule with her on the team was to not get involved. The easy way of doing that was to just simply think of her as one of the boys.

But right then, as I was straddling her, it was really, really, hard to think of her like one of the lads. Suddenly, the burn at my groin didn't have anything to do with the pain.

"Did I..." Lynn started and I watched as her eyes trailed down my body to my lower region and I couldn't help but grin at the heat flaming up on her cheeks.

"I'll live," I assured her with a smirk.

I finally removed myself from on top of her, but instead of getting off the bed completely, I just shifted my body to the side so I was lying beside her. I was tired, I was drunk - really, really, fucking drunk - and I was positive if I were to have made my way to James' bed, I would have collapsed on the floor before I could have made it.

So, logically, of course, it was better just to stay where I was.

Lynn didn't protest. Actually, she didn't do anything but continue to lie on her back and stare up at the ceiling like it held all the answers. And believe me when I say this: it doesn't. I knew that because back in Ireland when I was seventeen, I spent most of my time doing the same thing Lynn was doing then; asking for answers about that lurid filled day of my past.

"How did you know I was having a panic attack?" I found myself asking into the silence.

Lynn didn't turn; she just continued to look up at the heavens. It took a little bit before she spoke. "My brother, Anders. He has claustrophobia, which is ironic for the career he has now." A small smile was playing on her lips. "I recognized the signs. He had a rough time with trying to control it, so I made it my obligation to help him through it. I know all the tricks and secrets."

Lynn never mentioned having a brother before. Actually, now that I thought about it, she hasn't mention anything about her family. I looked over at her, and not for the first time I wondered who exactly was Lynn Mercury.

"Why were you asking for me?" Lynn asked. "At the party when you were having the attack. The girl you were with said you were asking for me."

I thought back to the party, trying to gather any information I had on the incident. I remembered that I was with a brunette - I think her name was Bonnie - and she brought me into this cluttered bedroom, but the bed looked promising enough. I remembered that I had the upper hand at the time, but then Bonnie pushed me onto the bed and was suddenly on top, that was when something changed - that when the air around me grew dense and I was suddenly drowning.

I wasn't really sure what happened after, just that I could feel myself losing control of my body and the pressure of the water closing in on me. I remembered that it felt like my head was going to pop off at any second. I did not, however, remember ever asking for Lynn.

"You remind me of someone," I ended up telling her. I wasn't ignoring her question, but it probably seemed like it to her. What she didn't know, though, was that I was giving her more than she bargained for. "An old friend of mine... That's why I act the way I do around you."

"What happened?" I could feel her eyes watching the side of my face intently. I turned my head to look at her and came face-to-face with deep blue eyes. "I mean, what happened with the two of you? It's not healthy to keep things closed in all the time."

"You're right, but you're the last person I would tell."

She looked really tired, her eyes half closed as we watched each other at close proximity. This whole thing seemed so intimate, being in the same bed but not... doing anything. It was strange because I've never done this before. I never wanted to before. I was drunk off my ass and uneasy from my panic attack, but I knew just wanting her next to me, to be in her presence, went far beyond my intoxicated level. I just simply needed her, point blank, in the dark or not.

I needed this girl beside me more than I thought I ever would. And it scared me because I couldn't completely understand why.

Scientifically and psychologically speaking, being near someone - just simply lying in bed with someone - stimulate chemicals in the brain that creates trust. But I didn't want trust with Lynn Mercury. I didn't want anything from Lynn Mercury.

So why the fuck was I in bed with Lynn Mercury?

That was when the space between us narrowed.

In year five I had learned that our brains are endlessly making predictions even without our knowledge. We're usually not conscious of those expectations until our predictions are wrong. Surprise tells us that we were imagining something other than what we got, even when we didn't know we were expecting anything at all.

But when Lynn's lips were suddenly on mine, I wasn't surprised... I was dumbstruck to the highest degree.

It was like I was having withdrawals or something, because I was just so hungry for the taste of her lips again. All week I had kept my distance from her, but it was killing me from the inside out. I couldn't stay away, and the longer I did, the more I needed her.

I grabbed Lynn's face in my hand and pressed my mouth hard against hers. Not even a moment later, my other hand trailed up to her waist and I didn't hesitate to flip her over and move on top of her.

I found my hand trailing across her collarbones and down her shirt, only to go back up under the soft fabric to feel the smoothness of her stomach underneath. Lynn bit my bottom lip and tugged, turning me on instantly.

Her hand found my hair and started tugging on it, making my mouth open in a low moan. I trailed down her jaw and to her neck, her hips bucking up to get closer to me. With a smile playing on my lips, I pressed myself down against her - thin fabric of boxers the only thing separating us.

Maybe it was the alcohol or some fucked up version of transcendent intimacy gone wrong but I couldn't find a place in this to call it strange. The energy radiating off of her went straight into my bloodstream like my own personal brand of ecstasy. Like they needed each other, like they were always meant to end up here - accident after accident.

Lynn was silent for the most part, except when soft moans would leave her sweet lips. I wanted desperately to speak, wanting to let her know just how I was feeling - what she was making me feel. But I didn't in fear that she might break out of the trance she was in and realize what exactly was happening. So I stayed silent, enjoying myself until that happened.

That was until Lynn got the upper hand somehow and she was on top, an inflamed grin playing on her lips. It was when she started kissing around the curve of my jaw and neck while circling her hips on my lap, did my voice betray me.

"Fuck," I growled.

It was low, and it was quite, but it was enough.

Just as I predicted, my outcry seemed to have broken the barrier of her sanity because she froze on top of me, eyes wide in horror. Quickly, she crawled away and tripped off the bed, nearly falling on her ass in the process.

"Lynn-" I started, leaning up on an elbow and reaching out for her.

"No," she said stiffly, stepping away from my out stretched hand.

She wasn't angry, she wasn't upset or disappointed. She didn't show any emotion and it made me nervous. I would have settled for anything, really, rage or hysteria if need be... but not nothing. I didn't know how to work with nothing.

"You're drunk," Lynn stated. "And you're feeling vulnerable. You don't actually want this, Niall."

"What if I do?" I defended, sitting up straight in bed, the duvet twisting around my waist. "Scientifically speaking, drinking makes your thoughts more clarified and real. For instance, your ass looks really good in my boxers."

"Niall-!"

"And let's not forget that you kissed me."

Her eyes flashed and I knew I had her trapped. She pursed her lips to keep herself from saying anything and picked up the pile of clothes she was wearing when she got to the Hall.

Without a word, she walked out the door and slammed it shut behind her.

Groaning, I reached beside me and grabbed my pillow, throwing it at the wall in frustration. The pillow knocked a poster off the wall and a cup of pencils and pens from my desk onto the floor.

I stood up and walked over to the mini fridge and grabbed a can of beer, opening it.

I wasn't drunk enough for this shit.