(A/N: Trigger warning for mentions of abuse.)

Today was going to be a good day.

It was Sunday, one of the first days of winter break, and Michael had just rung the doorbell -- finally, thought Jeremy. He was fifteen minutes late, and hadn't been answering his phone, so naturally Jeremy was relieved to hear him arrive at last.

He rushed down the stairs in his Squip-approved outfit (light wash jeans and a pale pink sweater), smoothing down his hair hurriedly. He swung open the door, kissed Michael in greeting, and the two of them set off for the mall.

"We're running late," said Michael, slamming the car door behind him. "I'm sorry, this old thing wouldn't start right away..."

"It's okay," Jeremy reassured him. "They won't be mad or anything, they're our friends. Here, I'll text Rich."

"Thanks," Michael sighed, clicking on the radio. "My phone died like an hour ago."

Jeremy sent the message while Michael began to sing along to whatever pop song was playing through the speakers. Jeremy noticed he got a few words in the chorus completely wrong, which led to a heated argument between the boys that ended with Jeremy searching up the lyrics on his phone only to discover that neither of them were right anyway.

As they turned into the parking lot, Jeremy got a text back from Rich.

"He said, 'not a problem, dude'," read Jeremy.

"Brooo... that's in iambic pentameter," Michael replied, awestruck. "'Not a problem, dude.'" He repeated this several more times, matching up to the beat of the song.

Jeremy laughed a little concernedly. "Are you high?"

"No!" Michael protested, then paused. "...Maybe a little. Or maybe I'm just weird. You'll never know."

Jeremy tightened his seatbelt. "You, uh... you really shouldn't drive high," he muttered.

The Squip piped up from the backseat. "He's not high, dumbass."

"Jer, I was joking -- I promise." Michael took one hand off the wheel and used it to hold Jeremy's. "I would never do that, especially with you in the car."

"Oh," Jeremy sighed in relief. He felt kind of stupid for thinking Michael would put him in danger like that. He glanced at the backseat. What's the probability of this date going smoothly?

"Whatcha lookin' for?" Michael cut in, noticing Jeremy's attention to the back of the car.

"Just double checking for zombies," Jeremy joked.

Michael was silent. He pulled the car into a parking spot and shut it off, blank-faced. He didn't unlock the door.

"Uh... Michael? Are we gonna go in?"

"Do you still have the Squip?" His voice was as cold and flat as stone.

Jeremy froze, heart racing, and choked out, "What?"

"You heard me." Michael's stare was piercing as he punched out every word. "Did you get rid of it or not?"

"I..." He tried to answer, but the Squip was telling him to deny, deny, deny, and his phone started ringing and ringing, and Michael was staring at him so angry and hurt and tearful and he couldn't think and --

"No."

The pause that followed lasted a thousand years.

"No?" Michael repeated. He pulled off his glasses and rubbed his eyes tiredly. "No. You didn't get rid of it."

The Squip scolded him. "Now you've done it. What did I tell you, Jeremy? Deny, deny, d -- "

"Shut the fuck up!" Jeremy cried. Michael jumped at the sudden outburst. "Not you, Michael, shit. I'm sorry, he -- " He looked back to find the Squip missing.

"I can't talk about this right now," Michael spat, shoving open the car door. "Let's just... just go and try to pretend -- "

"Michael, listen." Jeremy grabbed his arm and looked up at him desperately. "Please."

Michael didn't pull away just yet. He fought with himself internally for a moment before finally giving in and begrudgingly sliding back into the driver's seat. He couldn't look Jeremy in the eye. "Fine. What?"

Jeremy took a long, shaky breath. "You don't know what it's like."

"...What?"

"You've... never been Squipped," Jeremy shuddered. "You've never had someone telling you what to do, ordering you around, and -- and hurting you when you didn't listen. Or flat-out physically controlling you, or even j-just threatening to -- " His voice broke.

Michael finally looked up at Jeremy ---- Jeremy, who was wide-eyed and staring at something that wasn't there, sobbing into one hand as the other gripped his knee too tightly.

"Jesus, Jer." Michael leaned over and wrapped his arms around Jeremy. He kissed the top of his head and rocked him gently back and forth, whispering, "Shh, it's okay, it's okay. I'm here, he can't hurt you..."

Eventually, Jeremy calmed down enough to speak again. He relaxed the vice-like grip on his leg and wiped the tears from his face. "I'm sorry."

Michael shook his head. "No, I'm sorry. I can't believe I never realized he had such an effect on you," he said. "Jeremy, look at me. I'm not mad, okay? I'm done being mad at you. Just please promise me you'll get rid of him now. I can't stand seeing you hurt like this."

Jeremy nodded slowly. "I promise. But you have to be there in case he stops me again."

"Deal." They shook on it. "Do you, uh... need a minute? To talk to the toaster?"

Jeremy laughed. "Yeah, I probably should, huh? Go ahead, then, I'll meet you inside. If they ask where I am, just... just say I had a wardrobe malfunction or some shit. Don't say anything about the Squip, I don't want them to worry."

Michael nodded. He kissed Jeremy's nose, hesitating before leaving. "Hey. I love you."

Jeremy smiled, tears threatening to spill over again. "I love you too."

He waited for Michael to leave, then took a few deep breaths in preparation for the shitstorm that was about to make landfall. "Alright, come out, come out, wherever you are."

The Squip materialized in the driver's seat. He leaned the chair back and put his feet up on the dash before sighing heavily and greeting his host. "Jeremy, you're an idiot."

Jeremy rolled his eyes. Out of all the things he needed to hear today, this was not it. "I think that went well, actually."

"Yeah, that's what you think," the Squip huffed. "But now that he knows you've been lying to him, Michael has lost his trust in you. And that is entirely your fault for not listening to me."

Jeremy scoffed. "He trusts me just fine. You saw what he said, he's not mad. And it doesn't matter, because you'll be gone by tomorrow anyway."

"Will I? Because you've said that at least four times now and not once has it been true." The Squip raised an eyebrow at him. "You're smarter than this, Jeremy. See how well things have been going with Michael? It's because of me. You wouldn't want to jeopardize that."

"Listen, I -- "

"I have a plan already," the Squip interrupted, speaking excitedly. "All you have to do is get a moment alone in your room, which you've got lots of practice with, so it shouldn't be a problem. Take the can of Mountain Dew Red and drain it out the window, and replace it with plain green Mountain Dew. The can will still be full, so Michael won't know the difference, and I already know you have another half-full bottle of plain Mountain Dew in the refrigerator. Just sneak that up to your room and carry out the plan."

Jeremy shook his head. "You still think you make everything better? Every time you show up, there's a problem. All the good stuff between me and Michael happens when you're not around. Think about it. Our first date, our first kiss, our first... uh, other stuff. All of it happened without your help. And the bad stuff was your fault. The optic nerve blocking, the fighting, all of it. The fact that I'm Squipped and he's not makes -- "

The Squip gasped as an idea struck him. "In that case, you should convince Michael to get a Squip!"

"No, wait, that's not what I -- "

"Imagine if the extraneous variables he creates were eliminated -- probability of a longer relationship would skyrocket and margin of error would decrease exponentially." He composed himself and spoke more slowly and deliberately. "Picture it, Jeremy. No more uncertainty. A relationship calculated with the precision of two supercomputers."

Jeremy allowed him to finish his ramble and pondered the offer for a moment before reaching a decision. He cleared his throat importantly.

"Go fuck yourself."

Jeremy hopped out of the car and strolled backwards through the parking lot, flipping two birds at the Squip as he walked. He turned and went into the mall with a spring in his step as the Squip was left behind, too livid to even speak.

Jeremy smiled to himself. Maybe today wouldn't be so bad after all.