Snow flutters across the windowpanes, catching on the frozen calligraphy etched into the glass by Jack Frost. I watch the pristine white gems glow golden in the streetlights as they descend to the earth. The red face of our shared digital clock reads midnight. Warm blankets wrap around my slim form as I snuggle deeper into my bed. Sleep has evaded me yet again, though it seems sleep is a frequent companion of my roommate.

I can make the silhouette of his profile out in the darkness, his body positioned in that all too familiar display of peaceful sleep. Little known fact about Yami, he holds himself in his sleep. Both hands resting on opposite shoulders as he presses his cheek into the pillow. He looks so peaceful. Besides being absolutely adorable, I imagine the position brings him some comfort, like a thunder jacket or a swaddle. He sighs in his sleep as if he can somehow feel my stare.

Glancing away, I nestle my head against my pillow, cradling it in my arms as I slip further beneath the blankets. Restlessness settles beneath my skin. Despite my best efforts to close my eyes, they cannot remain shut. A deep sigh escapes me as I kick off my blankets and rise from the warmth of my bed with a grumble. There's no point in fighting this any longer. Laying here is only going to piss me off, especially when I can look over and see Yami sleeping with such ease, completely undisturbed by anything and everything around him.

I sneak across our room, carefully avoiding the creaking floorboards, heading towards the door. My fingers just graze the metal doorknob when I hear it. "Yugi..." My whole body freezes, bones locking in place. "Yugi..." He sighs again, the breathiness of his voice falling into the pregnant silence of sleep. I glance back at him curiously. His face snuggles against his pillow, arms crossed across his chest.

He's dreaming. I sigh, relieved he hadn't caught me sneaking out. Considering his reactions to my earlier absences, I can expect another wouldn't go over well with him. My fingers smoothly pull open the door as I slip into the hallway.

My phone buzzes in my pocket as I'm halfway down the stairs. Pulling the phone from my pant pocket, I roll my eyes. It shouldn't surprise me to see Joey's name on my caller id. I miss the days when he would sleep through the night without bothering me, rather than this new schedule where he gets up whenever his workaholic boyfriend gets up. "This better be damn good." I grumble, opening the text message.

So how is your plan working?

It isn't.

What do you mean?

I don't know how you and Kaiba do things, but I was taught that it's poor form to flirt with someone who's unconscious.

Oh God...you were asleep.

Most people would be at 12:05 in the morning, Joey.

My lips quirk in amusement as I imagine the grimacing expression he adopts whenever he feels guilty. Allowing myself a brief laugh, I choose to put him out of his misery.

Is there a reason you are texting me so early in the morning?

Not really.

The confession would normally infuriate me, but considering my naturally awake state, I have no excuse to be frustrated with his actions.

We were just wondering how things were going. If you've made any progress.

OH, this is a group text now? Tell Kaiba to mind his own business.

The grey speech bubble pops up as I step into the kitchen.

Ok...you caught me. I just wanted to make sure you weren't chickening out of talking to him.

Goodnight Joey.

I reply before putting my phone on Do Not Disturb, silencing any further messages.

I shouldn't be surprised. I shouldn't be, yet somehow I was unprepared for such a direct criticism this early in the morning. Sliding into my seat at the kitchen table, my thumb ghosts over past messages in the conversation, many of which are criticisms about my lack of forward progression. Why did he feel the need to ruin my mood so early in the morning? I could have lived without that conversation. But he isn't wrong.

Direct, open flirtation has never been one of my strengths. Anyone who's known me for longer than five minutes will tell you the same thing. Exiting messages I can't help but notice the twenty new notifications in my email. My thumb hovers over the app, struggling to commit to opening the app and reading the neglected messages Grandpa has sent me from the states. I know he's only trying to keep in touch, keep me apprised of how his new business is going, but I can't bring myself to open them. Whether this aversion comes from selfishness or disinterest I can't tell. The only certainty is that I can't bring myself to look at them just yet.

Setting aside my phone, screen side down on the table, I head over to the stove. I flick on the stove and begin melting some butter as I grab all the ingredients for pancakes. Turning on the radio, careful to keep the volume low enough not to disturb the sleeping royal upstairs, I drown out my thoughts with Christmas music. In all fairness, it wouldn't matter what station I switched to. This time of year Christmas music is the only option whether or not you celebrate it.

A small smile graces my lips as I ladle the first pancake into the pan. The satisfying sound of butter sizzling fills the air along with the familiar, rich scent of buttermilk and vanilla. Glancing out the kitchen window, I see several inches of snow had fallen overnight, blanketing the world with its shimmering cover. The pristine landscape sloped and smooth, undisturbed, it's just begging for someone to jump in or walk through it.

"We'll have to put up the decorations today." I murmur. The memory of Yami first witnessing slow floats to the forefront of my mind. He pulled me to the window, holding me near as we witnessed the shimmering descent of snowflakes as they broke through the darkness like falling stars. His eyes gleamed with such unbridled excitement and happiness as he took it all in. "I guess now I'll have to think of something to do in the snow today." I chuckle, grabbing sausage from the fridge, adding it to the empty pan.

The sweet smell of pancakes and the savory smell of sausage permeates the air. Christmas music fills the room as I flip finished pancakes onto ceramic plates, placing them on the table accompanied by two full glasses of milk. I don't know what possesses me to set a place for Yami, considering how his royal highness normally sleeps well past ten on any given day, yet it doesn't feel right to enjoy his favorite breakfast without at least making a plate for him.

Sinking into my seat, I feel something jump into awareness inside of me. My palms become slick with sweat as I set down my fork, struggling to decipher the sudden flush of emotion. Blood roars in my ears, the deafening pound of my heart swallowing all other sounds. Placing a hand over my pulse, I feel its erratic jump as adrenaline courses through my veins with such concentration it makes me feel woozy. What is happening?

"Yugi!" I hear my name being called, but its muffled beneath the overwhelming sensations. Remaining seated, I wait to hear it again. I wait for any sign this tsunami of sensation will pass. Arms wrap desperately around my shoulders, an action that makes me flinch in surprise at the sudden touch, yet the touch remains. Turning in my seat, I am greeted by the sight of Yami's sweat slicked skin wrapped around me. My pulse slows, and the roar of blood devolves to the usual silence as he holds me.

Yami's once serene expression is strained, his breathing uneven. He scrunches his eyes shut as he buries his head in my shoulder, concealing his expression from view. Tentatively, I reach up to touch the arms encircling my neck. A quiet spark of electricity travels through our point of contact, but neither of us reacts to it. He tightens his hold on me, an action which fosters the blossom of blistering, pleasureful heat in my chest as I allow myself a moment to enjoy the closeness of his form. My enjoyment is short-lived as the trembling of his hands grabs my attention. He whispers another breathy utterance of my name into my skin like a prayer. The sound all but shatters my heart.

"Yami." I struggle to speak through the barricade of his arms, my voice coming out muffled. "What's wrong?" He responds by tightening his hold on me. A quiet ache takes up residence in my shoulders as his heartbeat roars in my ears. Heat warms my cheeks, the symphony of his pulse coaxing me into surrendering to his hold, pressing my body against his without question or regret as he breathes me in. "Are you alright?" He shifts his head subtly, the gesture offering a silent affirmative. "Are you sure?"

"Yes," he breathes, his voice sounding rough and ragged as if he were hoarse from screaming. "I just... I lost my composure for a second." He loosens his grip on me, his hands slipping away, taking his heat with him. "I'm sorry if I startled you."

"You don't need to apologize." He startles when I grab his hand, momentarily halting his retreat. "You don't have to pretend with me, you know that, right?" Silence answers me. "If you're feeling upset, be upset. You don't need to pretend to be composed around me."

"I could say the same to you." He murmurs, his fingers tentatively curling around mine. "There is no need to keep me at such a distance. I know you Yugi, every aspect of you." His thumb brushes over my knuckles as my breath catches in my throat. "You don't need to pretend. I know who you are. I always have, so please don't push me farther away. You're all I have."

My heart plummets, crashing against each of my ribs on its descent to my stomach. This certainly explains the hyper-focus on my whereabouts. I give his hand a gentle squeeze as he folds into me, burying his face in the junction of my neck and shoulder as his knees press into the floor. Words fail as I hold his hand, gentle touches anchoring both of us in the moment as I listen to his breathing.

"Did this start when Grandpa left?"

"I've always felt like this." His lips brush against my skin with unintentional tenderness. "You have been my only family for years now, Yugi."

"You're not alone anymore, Atem. You know that, right?" He says nothing, tightening his hold on me in response to his birth name. "We have built quite the family since finishing the millennium puzzle; I don't know how we did it but we even adopted Kaiba and Bakura along the way." A warm feeling of security and affection spills through his side of the link, his vulnerability and exhaustion making him honest. 

"Thank you." I feel his smile curl against my shoulder.

"You don't need to thank me. But I would thank you to help me eat this breakfast I've made."

His attention shifts. The wall of silence settles back in place as he slips away from me. Biting back my disappointment, I settle in my seat as he sits beside me, wordlessly grabbing his utensils. Breakfast passes in relative silence as we enjoy our meal; my heart claws its way back up to its rightful throne in my chest, finding motivation in the unspoken double meaning of his words. I'm all he has. Now if only he would admit I'm all he wants. This selfish monster within me may finally know satisfaction.