Come on, not a single loophole? Think, you idiot! Think!

There had to be something. Something that could ensure that both myself and my country could be forever free of Germa and that disgusting family known as Vinsmoke. I just had to use my brain.

It had been four days since the festival, and I had somehow; by much luck and effort, managed to avoid them all for the most part. Their stench still permeated the castle, with no amount of incense or perfume strong enough to save my poor senses.

I briefly considered the possibility of sneaking out to sea, only to return with a far more suitable husband from some far off land. Surely my parents couldn't annul the marriage if it was another royal, right? What could Germa possibly offer us that other nations couldn't, anyway?

"Ugh, why does Papa have to have his head so far up Judge's ass?" Kicking my bare feet in the shallows of the stream I sat by, I turned to address my rhetorical to a member of my entourage. A nearby thrush, who chirruped in response. "If he really cared about me, or Fell, then he'd never even consider going through with this..."

No, he just hasn't seen them for what they truly are...

"Wait." I perked up as my brain repeated that previous thought, earing a cock of the head from a large, chubby salamander floating by my feet. "Guys, what if I can get them to mess up?! Piss them off until one of them snaps in front of Papa, or someone he'd believe?! Then bam! Bitchiji goes byechiji!"

Yes! Eureka!

It was a risky plan, for sure, but as far as I knew it was my only option for the time being. I was more than willing to risk a few scars or broken bones, even a brief coma, if it meant I would be able to be free, and spare my people from whatever Germa had in store for them.

Reaching down, I plucked up the hefty, peachy orange salamander, lifting him as though he were an infant before me.
"Think I can pull it off, buddy?" I asked the slimy creature, smiling brighter when it lolled its tongue out to give a lazy, affectionate lick to the air between us. "Yeah, you're right. I totally can."

"Not the worst plan I've ever heard, but it's unlikely to work."

I gained an impressive amount of air when I jumped, the surrounding animals, save for the chunky amphibian in my arms, scattering in a panic. Reiju stood a few feet away, unphased by my reaction to her sudden presence.
"Wh..Why not..?" I asked with a slight stammer, mostly because I was yet to fully recover from the startle. "Aren't they all stupidly temperamental?"

Nodding, Reiju moved closer, though she kept somewhat of a distance, eyes on the slow running water rather than my form.
"Yes, but you seem to be forgetting that they are also disciplined. If our father has said not to do a certain thing in front of others, then they won't. I have never seen them disobey an order."

What are they? Machines?

Deflating, j looked down into the shimmering water, following a darting minnow with my toe.
"Then what am I supposed to do? I know they're your family, and I mean no offence to you, but I don't want to marry into it..."

Heaving a sigh, much heavier than I had ever heard from her before, Reiju glanced up to the tree branches, where some of the thrushes had started to reconvene.
"Niji has the shortest temper of the three, by far. If there were any possibility of your little plan succeeding, he would be the most likely to snap. Ichiji has far too much pride, and Yonji far too much interest in your feminine assets to really lose it in the manner you're intending."

She's giving me advice? I knew I liked her for a reason. She's the only good one. Aside from poor Sanji...

"However," Her voice became somewhat stricter; sharper, as though she was ensuring that she had my full, undivided attention. "you need to keep in mind that Niji is not at all above hurting women, royalty or not. No offence, but I seriously doubt you could take one of his strikes."

That didn't come as any kind of surprise to me. Niji had always seemed more...well, monstrous than his brothers, at least openly. Even back when we were little kids, it had been pretty obvious that the fuse of his temper was short, if there was even one to begin with. I had learned many a colourful swears from him in the early days, and witnessed many violent outbursts when it had just been us children.

"At this point, I'm willing to take that risk." I admitted as I titled my head back, straightening my legs until my shins breached the surface of the water, becoming a small island for my salamander friend to situate itself on.
"Suit yourself, but I'd keep it quiet unless you want them to find out what you're up to. You never know where they might be lurking, and conversing with your...little friends...is hardly wise."

As if on cue, raucous, obnoxious laughter thundered throughout the still of the forest, shattering the tranquillity and sending the animals yet again fleeing for their lives, but in far greater numbers. Of course they had decided to come all the way out here.

Heaven forbid I get a singular peaceful moment!

"Be careful, Princess. They hunt in packs." Reiju gave me her unnecessarily alarming warning before sauntering off, leaving me to fend for myself. I couldn't blame her for not wanting to get involved. She'd had to deal with them their whole lives, after all. How she still retained a scrap of sanity I'd never know.

Lifting my nose to the air, I caught their overwhelming intermix of scents from downwind, and scoffed to myself. Some hunters they were, if they were trying to get the jump on me. Bidding a quiet farewell to my amphibious friend, I got to my feet and hurried to ensure I would remain hidden from the princes.

Fell Wilds was a wondrous nation, filled to the brim with both flora and fauna found nowhere else. From nutritious, medicinal, toxic, there were so many different kinds of plants, and I had been lucky enough to have been taught that some were even capable of masking ones scent.

Odoremacae, known locally as 'Sneak Moss', was a go-to for the village hunters, who used it to their advantage when tracking game. It grew in abundance by bodies of fresh water, so it was just my luck to find some quickly. A little of this stuff went a long way, but just to be safe, I was incredibly generous, squeezing it tight in closed fists before smearing it all over my clothes and skin.

It wasn't a pleasant smell, by any means, but it was better than dealing with the numbered maniacs. Promptly, I located a shallow den nearby, likely belonging to some kind of fox or badger, long abandoned, and slipped inside, preparing to wait them out for as long as it took.

"Huh. Trail ends here." It wasn't long before I heard Yonji's voice, mildly perplexed, and I could almost picture him scratching his stupid onion head as he peered about for any sign of me.
"She'll be around somewhere. It's still fresh." Ichiji responded, sounding far less confused than his youngest brother, if at all.

Why can't they just leave me alone? Tormenting me can't be that much fun, can it?

My skin felt sticky, and the dirt of the den coagulated all over, but it wasn't all that uncomfortable, if not a little cramped. I could stay here for hours if I needed to, and it wouldn't be the first time. There had been plenty of instances where I had wanted to be left alone, and hidden out in all manner of nooks and crannies.

"There's nothing to do here. It's all trees and grass and sticks and shit." Yonji complained, huffing like some disgruntled child.
"Then go stick your nose up some skirts in the village. I didn't ask you to follow me." There were a few pacing steps, nearing then backing away again. I held my breath, listening closely.
"Nah, most of these Fell women look pretty dirty. Cuz of all the aforementioned trees and grass and sticks and shit."

Excuse the fuck out of him?!

We weren't dirty. Sure, whilst Fell Wilds wasn't a modern country, we were still incredibly hygienic. We worked alongside the earth, so of course we'd get a little unkempt as we did so. He was speaking about my people as though we were filthy wretches.

"Then go back home, if all you're going to do is complain. Chew on a laundress or something." Ichiji sounded somewhat distracted, distant, and it was almost as though I could visualise his every movement. Each step, each turn, each twitch of his lips. It made me extremely uncomfortable all of a sudden. Moreso than usual.

What if he can feel it too..? Maybe I'm just stressing out too much...

It took a little while longer, but eventually, after some rather one sided bitching from the youngest prince, they agreed to continue upstream, though I didn't dare move from my hiding place. Why were they trying to track me, anyway? It had to be some kind of nefarious reason, and I didn't want to find out first hand, that was for sure.

If it meant avoiding them, Ichiji especially, I could stay burrowed away for hours, well into the night, but why would fate be so kind to me? Just as my nerves began to settle, a sharp pain tore through my scalp, and I was dragged right out of the den, roots and grit scraping my exposed arms.

"You're a sneaky little thing, aren't you, Princess?" Niji's toothy grin was the first thing I saw once I was torn from my safe place, and a pulse of dread shot straight through me at the sight. How had I not caught his scent? It was easily the harshest of the trio, but right now, in this moment, he smelled of nothing.

"L..Let go of me..!" I hissed out, reaching up to try to claw and twist at his enclosed fist, still gripping my hair at the scalp. My nails didn't seem to do a damn thing to his skin; like a mitten-clad baby's hand.
"Why would I? I caught you fair and square, didn't I? Why hide if you didn't want somebody to find you?"

Does he really think this is some kind of game?!

There was no way I could get a read from his eyes, always covered with those stupid goggles he wore like an extension of his body, but I could tell by those teeth, near cheshire-like, that he hadn't the slightest good intention.
"Look at you! You're all filthy!" He lifted me a little higher by the hair, my toes barely managing to maintain contact with the earth. "You stink like ass, too. Whatever would your parents say, seeing their little Princess covered in dirt and shit? Don't you worry, I can fix you right up!"

Hold on-

If I'd had the strength to rip my own hair from my head, I would have when Niji began to tow me towards the river, my nails still desperately trying to make some kind of gash in his hand; even a scratch would do. Even when one snapped clean off, I continued to try.

My near silent kicking grew loud once he pulled me into the river, water and loose gravel splashing high into the air, especially when I began to punch and tear helplessly at his side. His clothes gave way to my aggressive resistance, but his actual self? It wasn't natural.

"Wh..When-"
"What? When your father hears about this? Is he out here, Princess? I don't think so." Niji snickered, finally stopping once the water hit his knees, and just shy of my hips. I was terrified. I had seen what I considered to be a significant range of how cruel Niji could be, and if those past experiences were anything to go by, he could seriously hurt me, or worse.

"Alright! A..Alright! I'm scared! You win, Niji!" I yielded in a higher pitch than I would have liked, panting from my attempts to break free. "Y..You win, so let me go..." There was a brief silence as the man stared at me, but I was stupid to hold any kind of hope.

His amused snort rushed hot air directly into my face as he lifted me higher, to eye level, allowing me to see my blanched reflection in his lenses.
"No, I win once I have your unconscious body bent over those rocks by the bank."

Every cell in my body seemed to freeze solid. He had said it so impassively, so coolly, that I knew he had every intention of doing just that. The horrified look of realisation that passed over my face did nothing more than heighten his amusement, his grin, somehow, twitching wider before he slammed my head down under the water.

I tried to fight against him. I really did, but there was an insane gap between my strength and his. There wasn't even the slightest give in his arm as I thrashed and writhed, panic overwhelming any sense as my screams turned to flurries of bubbles around me, each one taking away much needed oxygen.

He's going to kill me. No, he's going to do worse.

The stinging in my scalp was long forgotten, now replaced with a burning sensation growing in my lungs. I hadn't been given the chance to take one last breath before he dunked me, which meant I wasn't going to last long, especially if I kept fighting the way I was.

I knew that. I knew yet I kept on flailing and floundering like a fool, veins feeling taut as I strained, coherency rapidly declining as I repeated one thought over and over in my head. Help me. Somebody fucking help me.

Please...

Just as I was about to succumb; the faint burn in my chest having erupted into a blaze, the force keeping my head underwater was gone. When I was lifted up, breaching the surface, I gasped in a deep, garbled breath, a cacophony of coughs and gags following immediately after.

The first thing I heard was the wet slap as I was hoisted over what seemed like a shoulder. The sudden heat after being under the cold water was almost shocking, but I quickly welcomed it, along with that subtle scent of spice.

Wait...

Before I could quite register who was carrying me, I was unceremoniously plopped down onto the bank, where somebody was ready and waiting to prod at me with an oakwood stick.
"You look more like a drowned rat than a princess." Yonji chortled, lifting a few tangled, sopping strands of my hair with his little tool to inspect it.

I didn't even bother batting him away. There were only two things I cared about. One was, obviously, catching my breath, and the other was staring incredulously up at the slowly reforming blob of red that was undoubtedly Vinsmoke Ichiji, who stood, still in the river, before me.

"What the fuck did you go and do that for?!" I couldn't even be mad at myself when I flinched, hard, my head whipping around to find Niji, way down the river, clambering out of the deep. His mouth was set into a vicious snarl, and his usually swept hair was hanging flaccid over the right side of his face. It would have been laughable, if not for the circumstances.

"I could ask you the same." Ichiji's voice was somehow much calmer than I had ever heard it before, and it was unnerving. His face gave nothing away, completely flat and neutral, but his entire aura gave off a dangerous warning.
"I was just messing with her! Damn...Didn't have to go and suckerpunch me, asshole..."

I did not just get saved by Vinsmoke Ichiji...Absolutely not...

As the two eldest princes went back and forth, I finally glanced to Yonji, doing a double take when I realised that he was just as drenched as I was. He caught my eye, and seemed to catch onto my confusion.
"Saw some weird bloated lizard frog thing upstream and tried to catch it. I missed." He shrugged, and if I hadn't just nearly drowned I would have used my air to heave a sigh of relief.

"If King Arden asks, we were all swimming. I'm sure we can collaborate on such a story?" Ichiji caught my attention again, and just like his brother, whilst I couldn't see his eyes, I could feel that he was issuing an indirect threat. Clenching my jaw, I chose to comply with my silence, too exhausted to try to argue. I had no proof, aside from a sore scalp and a broken nail, which wasn't uncommon for me.

Yonji wandered over to where Niji was attempting to climb out of the river, making a game of repeatedly knocking him back in, leaving me with the eldest prince, who had since returned to dry land. He moved to extend his hand to me, and I clambered backwards a few inches, tucking my legs under myself so no part of me would be close.
"D..Don't fucking touch me..."

Whilst my vision was still hazy, I could have sworn his hand flinched, ever so slightly, before he withdrew it, turning away to take a few steps towards the treeline.
"It'll be dark soon, so get a move on. We all need to dry off before dinner."

I just watched as he took his leave, his brothers following suit, smacking and elbowing each other as they went. Slowly, I brought a hand to the soaked fabric on my chest, squeezing it slightly and feeling the water drip through my fingers in a steady gush. Ichiji's scent was clinging to me, from where my front had been laid over his shoulder, and it sickened me.

It sickened me because it made me feel just a fraction safer...

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***Damn, Niji, didn't have to go and waterboard her like that.

Next Time: Unromantic***