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*Hope POV*
"I can't believe you, Hope!" the shouting of an older sister vibrated throughout the whole building of SHIELD. Venom was laced in her word as you were able to tell by the angry, she carried for her younger sibling, aka me. I was able to tell that she was disappointed in my as well as worried about my wellbeing, but I was too angry. Because of the lies and the truth that she has been hiding from me. I mean telling me that I did die before I became what am today is a big deal, don't you think?
This anger boiled inside me as my sister continued to yell at me in front of other about my behavior. White knuckles from clenching my fist too hard, and gritted teeth from effort to remain silent, my hunched form exuded an animosity that was like acid - burning, slicing, potent. My face was red with suppressed rage, and when Carol even set a finger on my shoulder, I swung around and mentally snapped.
"So, what?" I spat back towards once my body was officially facing hers. "You have feed me with more lies, hide the truth from me. Or will have to almost die again for you to tell me the truth?" every word stung only fueling the fire that burned inside of me. Every violated phrase was like gasoline to it, my fists began to clench, and my jaw rooted. When the final mento had been added to the coke inside of me I exploded with anger, with no control objects levitated and broke. Literally, my powers were growing heavier as I pushed my arms up and pulled them back down in towards a gesture motive. This gesture caused the air that I controlled to levitate different images and objects that was spread near me to be smashed into the floor the next second later.
Burning rage hissed through my body like deathly poison, screeching a demanded release in the form of unwanted violence. It was like a volcano erupting; fury sweeping off me like ferocious waves. The wrath consumed like, engulfing my moralities and destroying the boundaries of loyalty. My anger would come like an impossible build up steam, burning me on the way out, burning the one on the receiving end. I can tell you honestly, every time I ever blew, I reckoned the other person deserved it. There was the explosion and then the mental framework afterwards to avoid guilt, avoid owning the shame that was mine. That's how I stayed so foolish for so long, so immature, refusing to learn over and over - sacrificing who I was supposed to be to keep a pristine ego. But that pain, that realization, when I let it in, was more school than any classroom ever was. If I kept on being angry, how could I love anyone right? How could I begin to love myself?
A look of realization filled my sisters face as she turned her head towards me stared deeply into my eyes. She knew that I knew. The only question that lingered in her mind was "how?". That was when I decided to pull out the similar badge as push it forcefully towards the girl that I once trusted, that I once called family.
"Look familiar to you" I responded back cockily towards her as I turned my body away from her and started heading started walking down the white hallway. I started to reach the room that I was set in and decided to try and cool myself down as well as figuring out my emotions towards my sister, towards the trust, towards everything.
There were four different emotions that was flooding through my body right now; the first one is emotional pain.
I am in so much pain that my complexion is ashen. My natural golden skin has sunken in tone to something so lifeless it scares the living hell out of everyone that walked pasted. My hazels eyes are closed, and I suck myself into a deeper place to cope. I couldn't help but compare the day with my own state of mind. Just like those clouds, insides my head were in a chaos. A mess. Something was bothering me. Something was hurting me. Something ached inside me. Something... or someone felt so wrong, so invalid but I couldn't tell what. I tried to pin point the cause for this unexplained pain but failed. I tried to reason this unbearable burning but didn't find any. Everything felt so confused, just like a jumbled set of a puzzle.
A puzzle that I didn't know how to solve.
Slowly I tried to get up but quickly realized how futile it was when I had to bite my lip to keep from crying out. Sharp pain lanced through my head and colorful spots flashed in front of my eyes, it felt like my whole body had been beaten and every movement caused some muscle or bone to ache. Regardless, I needed to get out of here...away from those liars. Emotional pain has a biological purpose, to teach, to educate us away from unhealthy patterns and relationships. I've been pushing back against pain for so long, medicating with friendship, with romantic notions, yet it returns in my weaker moments, devastating my mind. To keep repeating this pattern will only prolong it, keep the pain underneath when in truth it must rise.
There were three different emotions that was flooding through my body right now; the second one is sadness.
I can pull myself to standing, I always can, yet tears come in such generous streams as I long for a hand to reach down. It's good that I can climb hearing only the echo of my feet, I just think that it would transform to something brighter all the faster in a different environment, maybe even with Peter. My hazel eyes shifted to the side again and became glazed with a glassy layer of tears. A I blinked, they dripped from my tanned turning to pale eyelids and slid down my cheeks. I bit her lip tightly in attempt to hide any sound that wanted to escape from my mouth; my heart sank. The tears flowed unchecked down my cheeks and dripped from my chin. I was too sad to cry out or wail, I just stood there as still as a statue while the magnitude of my lost in trust towards my loved ones swept over me.
The word sad sounds so childish, like something flimsy, something one should be able to cast off with a happy reflection or the smile of a friend. But sad is nothing of the sort. It sits inside like the germ seed of depression, just waiting for the right conditions to grow, to send out roots to choke the hope out of your heart. It is the trough in which we struggle to return to the peak, always afraid that this time the rungs will be too slippery, too far apart or simply not there at all.
There were three different emotions that was flooding through my body right now; the third and last one is the feeling of heartache.
In this heartache the sun won't shine, birdsong passes as if the melody can't glide through the air as it once did before. But the truth is, I'd rather forgo comfort than keep a lover who doesn't love. So instead I will let this heartache be as my teacher and the reason to keep seeking one who can hear the playful calling of their own soul. The nausea swirled unrestrained in my empty stomach. My head swam with half-formed regrets. My heart felt as if my blood had become tar as it struggled to keep a steady beat. My melancholy mood hung over me like a black cloud, raining my personal sorrow down on me wherever I went. Even the colors of the spring day were drab to me now and the birdsong like so much noise on a child's glockenspiel, grating my nerves.
I would describe my heartache as like the music of a great orchestra. At times it was quiet and allowed me to function, at other times the violins would play, and I would be sad, then at other times it would rise to a crescendo and the anger would burst from my chest in a vicious shout of anguish.
I slowly heard footstep travelling down the halls although there were many people within the building, I knew those feet from anywhere. My sister appeared around the corner of the doorway although the shock expression that she held earlier has disappeared. It was been replaced with guilt and regret, it was easily identified especially when she stares at me. My eyes looked over her features before looking down at the floor in a trance, I was in deep thought.
"Hope" her light voice talked lightly towards me as her expression from her face matches her tone. "Can we talk?" a small pause filled the room before she continued her sentence with one word, "please". She took slow step towards me as she didn't know how I would react epically since I smashed a couple of things earlier and cried to myself down the hall to my room.
When she approached me, I tried my hardest to avoid eye contact by staring at all different directions of the room. Although I tried not to look at her the guilt that was starting to build in me was like a dragon, in need to get out and release it fire again.
Guilt.
The guilt sat not on my sister chest but inside her brain. What she had done she could not un-do. She could make amends in subtle ways, but confession was out of the question, even to her priest. Only in her silent prayers could she speak her heart to God and beg for His mercy. She didn't feel like she deserved the love of Jesus Christ, but she clung to it and hung the shreds of her sanity on it. She prayed that one day she would feel removed from her sin, washed clean of it, but the guilt was a stain on her, an ugly scar. She had to believe in redemption and rebirth, she had to leave her deeds in past and move on. The guilt was like gasoline in her guts. Her insides died slowly in the toxicity, needing no more than a spark to set it ablaze. The fire burnt her out so badly there was nothing left but a shell, an outline of a person. As she orientated to the world again, I filled the void, bringing my perfect love to rebuild her anew.
There was reason towards her lie as she stood there stressing out the fact that she lied and not the villain that we accounted. Although she wasn't truly shock that the villain owned something like this badge but is shocked that I discovered it. Maybe there is a possibility that she knew who the villain is but right now I couldn't watch my sister break anymore.
As much as I wanted to save my sister from her broken statue, I couldn't help but let my anger fill me. I couldn't forgive as easily then I thought I could therefore I couldn't stop myself for letting the word flow out of me.
"Get out!" two simple words can create such a big impact on a person life especially to someone that already feels guilty for their wrong doing. I lifted my head up so I was able to see my sister facial features, confusion was writing across her face. "Get out!" I repeated but this time I stood up from my seat, so I was close to her and looking into her eyes deeply therefore displaying my emotions to her.
She started to slowly walk backwards in order to get out of the room. Although before she fully left, she turned around to look towards me and said three words. "I'm sorry Hope".
When I'm triggered it is so very hard to have self-control, I'm doing the actions, it is my behavior but it's as if the gas pedal got stuck down and, in that acceleration, in that momentum, the steering wheel gets all jammed up too. It's all fright or fight and it's so disappointingly primitive but I can't override it unless I have a friend to help me, to guide, to release that emotional pressure so that I can take back the steering and make good choices.
I was losing control over myself and my emotion therefore causing a sudden feeling of pain to wash over me. I let out a piecing scream as I felt myself brake and fall to my knee. When I let out my screen there was a force being released therefore causing everything that surrounded me to be pushed backwards violently.
My power had control now and I was losing my self-control over myself. The images of my sister lying, and her face was on replay in my mind therefore causing more emotional pain to rush through my body. One foot stepped on the broken glass that was spread in this room although the glass didn't affect me as much because I had trainer on although the crime sense looked like a mess.
When I was fully standing, I saw myself in the mirror that slightly hanged from the corner of the room. My eyes were glowing a bright purply blue as I some blue veins started to appear on my arms, I felt stronger. The stronger I got the more effect that I had with my power for example the veins on my arms only sometime that will appear depending on the strength I carry. Although my eyes always glow when I start to use my powers or when my emotions over take my body like the devil.
The rage was shown in everything I do whether it was through my facial expression or my body language, even in my movements. I placed myself in second position and started to lift my arms up therefore causing stuff that was on the floor to start to rise and fill the air.
Pushing my hands at each side of me, one at a time, as the objects that was flying all around the place was now smashed against the wall. Small sobs escaped my lips as I could feel all the pain that was kept inside me for some long escape. I didn't want to be the monster that people might think I was, but I couldn't help that upsetting feeling inside my stomach. The feeling of someone ripping my gut out of my while I was awake.
I leaned my back against the wall that was currently located behind me and was almost in destroyed be the impact I gave it. I let my body slide down the wall as I placed my head in between my knees lightly. The sobs that was escaping my lips was getting louder as well as the tear falling down my face began to flow quicker. The word that other might believe I am was replaying in my mind therefore leaving me with one question in my thoughts.
'Maybe I deserved to die all those years ago'
As suicidal that sound I knew better then to take my own life then I made myself a promise. If I am going to die that it got to be worth fighting for, whether it was by killing the villain that calls himself 'The Mute' or whether it was fighting for those that I love.
A knocking sound kicked me out of my own deadly thoughts as I just sat there not bothering on looking ups. I was staring into nothingness, emotionless, although there was knocking sound the took me out of my though it didn't stop me from staring into thin air and try to avoid staring at the person that just knocked on the door. Although I couldn't see who was currently standing by the door, I had a rough idea on who it is.
When I heard footsteps slowly make there way towards me slowly, I kept my focus down low. I still didn't want to be around her or see her, but I need answer and the only way on getting them answers is by speaking to her. I wanted to so badly to avoid her, but I knew that I wouldn't be able to run away from her forever, we needed to speak.
I lifted my head up slowly therefore displaying my red puffy eye. A small stream of tear stains kissed my checks as I could feel them dry up like sand. My hazel eyes looked towards the one that I thought was family. Staring deeply into her green eyes as I was throwing all my emotions towards her. Anger, sadness, pain, heartache. Communicating through my eyes my sister released a small nod as she knew exactly what I was thinking.
"What am I?" I spoke quietly as I looked down towards the ground. I lifted my right hand up and rubbed my noise in order to clean the mess of my sobs from earlier.
My sister carried a confused look towards me as I asked her that question although it sounded like a stupid question it has some come of significant meaning towards it. Her eyes searched around the room as she tries to figure out the question although it took a while to think about, she final figured what I meant by it, "You are Hope Danvers, the most amazing and talent girl that I have ever met. You will become the hero that no-one else has ever seen before in their whole lifetime. You contain something that no-one else has and that what make you... you". She spoke lightly towards me and carefully thinking about her words as she spoke to me. Her eye stared towards me as she wanted me to know that it was the truth coming out of her, that I can trust her again.
I nodded my head at her answer as I felt a little pride enter me especially when I believed that my sister is known as overpowered. Knowing that she thought that I was stronger was her sent the pride to get bigger but not too big to grow her full trust. Then a sudden question entered my mind and I needed to know the answers. "How comes you and this 'villain' have the same badge?" this time I decoded to stare into her eyes as I wanted to know if she going to be truthful with me or not.
A huff of breath released from her lips as she stared towards me and then towards the floor before matching my eyes again. "When I saw him today, I didn't recognize him at all although when him and I started fighting and you bring this badge to me it adds to my thought on the day you gained your powers and died. He was there".
"What?" I muttered out lightly that she could barely hear my whispers.
"I fought him as hard as I could, but he was stronger than me especially since I didn't know my true power then. So, you decided to run in front of me in order to save my life but he... he created some sort of blast. You were dying and I needed to save you, so I placed you in the river of GAIA and hoped for your life back." She explains throughfall towards me as sadness and pain laced through her voice.
"Okay" I nodded my head as I tried to understand the situation. "You can leave now" I spoke bluntly towards her as I stared towards her in the eyes. Although she looks hesitant at first, she gladly followed my request therefore she slowly got up and made her way towards the door.
Even though she was making her way towards the door she turned around slowly at looked towards my direction. She wanted to say something, anything but she couldn't think of how to say it towards me. As it looked like she was going to fully leave again she stopped herself once more and tried to face fully towards me. "I come back later and tell you anything that you want to know, I promise" although I didn't have any trust in her I knew that my sister always keeps her promises, at least I hope so.
I needed time to myself and to find some way on calming myself down therefore decided that now would be the perfect moment to message him. I grab a hold of my phone and quickly search down the list in order to find his name. When I final reach his name I tapped on it lightly and started typing although every moment I typed the sentence didn't sound too right to me.
There I have been going back and forwards with my words to always end up with the same meaning. As simple as a text sound it is stressing me out therefore, I wanted to get this over and done with, so I won't stress anymore. So, I tried typing another text by changing some of my words, but it never worked out as planned. I let out a small scream and knocked my head against the screen therefore causing a swiping sound to escape the phone.
Quickly I picked my head from my phone to see that the message that I did text Peter was official gone from the texting area and into an actually sending message. "Shit" I muttered to myself as I saw the text sending and panicking on the inside. I decided o try and calm my breathing and shock down so I will be able to re-read over my message again and again.
To Peter Parker
Hey Pete, I was wondering if you wanted to meet up later at the diner that we were at before, maybe? Only if you want to. Tbh I'm not even sure if I can meet but I guess I can always sneak out.
I began to stress out more and I read over the text not knowing if it was going to be okay or if he thinks that I don't want to meet, when I do. Seconds turned into minutes as I waited patiently for the text back from him but then I suddenly remembered that he is Spider-Man after all. Hopeful he won't bother looking at his phone lately because he is too busy fighting crime.
Oh, how could be so wrong? A small ding sound escaped my phone as the thought left my mind therefore creating a sense of panic. But the excitement that was inside me escaped and therefore causing me to want more about his text. I wanted to know so badly whether he agreed to my offer or thought that I was some sort of weirdo and decided to leave. But I knew Peter, he was the kid that is currently risking his life for other and would never mean to be cruel to anyone intentionally.
I decided to get a quick glance at the text but when my mind registered the text a small smile performed on my face as well as happiness and excitement.
From Peter Parker
I would love to meet up with you, just text me when your free.
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