dad: hi sweetie we all miss you loads! your mother and i just finished fucking your sister in bed. she's cute when she sleeps!

daughter: um what dad?!

dad: don't you remember??  you used to love it! haha even though you were asleep half the time! i love you

daughter: OMG!!! WHAT THE FUCK DAD??!!!

dad: whoops! i meant tucking in! don't tell your mother. goodnight pumpkin i'm going to bang with your brothers tonight =) they miss you xoxoxoxo

daughter: dad, you need to get a different phone....