I Haven't Got Any Money             

as told by / sloanranger

Guy walks into a bar. Bartender steps up. "Yes sir, what can I get you?"

Guy looks around, bar's not too full so he says: "Well, I'll buy the house a round and I'll have a double martini, and why don't you have one for yourself."

Barkeep says, "Thank you," and proceeds to get the drinks. But the bar begins to get busy and he's unable to collect for a bit.

Finally he says: "That's three rounds, Sir - $46. I have to collect now."

Guy looks at him, perplexed: "Well, gee," he says. "I haven't got any money."

Bartender is furious.  "Get out of here before I have you put in jail" he yells. "And don't ever let me see you in here again!"

A week later, the same guy walks in but the bartender doesn't recognize him right away.

"Yes, Sir.  What'll you have?"

Guy says: "I guess I'll have a double martini. Set up the house and you get one for yourself."

So the bartender goes to the well and starts pouring the drinks when it comes to him all of a sudden, who this guy is. He delivers the drinks and as he sets the double martini in front of the guy, he says grimfaced: "That'll be $72 bucks, mister."

The guy looks at him in all innocence. "Well, gee," he says. "I haven't got any money."

Bartender is enraged, takes the guy outside and beats the dickens out of him, screaming:

"Don't you ever come back, you hear me!!"

A week later, same guy walks in and sets down at the bar. Bartender recognizes' him immediately this time and saunters over.

"Ah," he grins, menacingly. "Don't tell me - let me tell you."

 "You want a double martini," he says, sarcastically. "You want to buy a round for the house and you want to have me one, too."

Guy looks at him blank-faced, ponders for a moment.

"Well," the guy says, "you're right about the first two. But none for you - you get mean when you drink."