2016
"Please bite into this..." a doctor said and put in front of my mouth something like a mouthguard but with a tube for breathing. "But first make those restraints nice and tight, I like it rough love..." I joked and bit into the mouthguard. Why the hell did I agreed to this? Not a bloody clue. Maybe it will light something up. Or extinguish. "It will be just a moment... hit it please..." the doctor said placing electrodes on my head. I went to spasm. My whole body went to spasm. It didn't actually hurt. It was just unpleasant. I woke up a few hours later. Light headache. "Hey! Come untie me!"

"Meds ladies and gentlemen, time for your medication" nurse said and little window to nurses' room. I slowly stood up from the bench and threw the cigarette to the ground. Walking back inside looking at the nurses. The thing about nurses and doctors at sanitariums? They never trust you. But you are never just a number to them. "Sarge, your meds..." she said and handed me a beaker with something way too weak to sooth the pain and something to suppress the nightmares. I started dealing the painkillers for cigarettes. I lost two packs in cards. "Don't forget to come for the group therapy... today it's your time to speak." She added to which I replied with a weak smile. "You know what I think about this bullshit love..." I said and showed her my mouth so she knew I swallowed it. I had it hidden behind my lip. "Give it a try... please" she said and bit pleading looked at me. "And only because of your beautiful eyes?" I asked and nodded "for your beautiful eyes..." I muttered and headed back to the table with cards. She had a beautiful eyes. Asian, blonde with dark brown eyes. I would call her cute but the uniform. It was scaring me. Whole sanitarium with bloody lunatics. And I was locked in it. Whose idea was it? Mine. And now I can't even leave because they diagnosed me with some serious mental shit. PTSD? No shit mister Obvious. For fucking 3 years. And I survived. "New game pals?" I asked and sat down putting a cigarette behind my ear. "Also Jackie... 4 cigarettes." I said and smiled widely. "What! That's unfair! Last week you wanted only three!" He shouted and slammed the fist to the table. "Shut up you idiot..." I hissed "4 because she is starting to be suspicious. That's fucking why. So 4 cigarettes or next time try to get someone else..." I said and handed 20 bucks to a guard passing behind me. Next time he passes I will give me several pills of Vicodin. It was good to make new friends. "Fucking fine... without your accent I would say you are a jew." Jackie muttered and passed me 4 cigarettes "good boy... and fuck you too." I said and shuffled the cards. "Texas?" I added and gave out the cards. "You are small blind stat the bet" I said and pointed at Jackie. "Yeah... 2 dollars" he muttered and put there 2 cigarettes. "Better worth the risk..." I muttered and threw 4 since I was big blind. I had a pair of Kings. Decent start. "The therapy!" A guard shouted and started slowly gathering us to the centre. "Bullocks! Mate give us 5 minutes." I complained to the guard and showed him my cars. "Can't do Sarge... OCD of others doesn't allow that." He said and patted my chest. A few pills of Vicodin slid inside a pocket and I nodded. "Fine, but you owe me 4 cigarettes." I said and stood up "what will it be today? Room or therapy." He asked already leading me towards my room. "No... I will take the therapy... tell Kai it's only for her beautiful eyes." I said and headed by myself to the circle of chairs. You simply had to make fun of your situation. They all thought you are crazy. So why not keep them in those thoughts. "Shock therapy would be more pleasant to you sergeant Simmons?" Kai asked with polite and bit sarcastic smile as I set down. "Oh you have no clue... do you know how perfect is a car battery on your nipples? We can try that after your shift." I replied with the same smile as hers. "No I mean it... it is great... until they put it away. Then the real pain begins." I added and bit frowned as I went back in my memory. Sharp pain, muscle spasm, smell of burning skin. Dull pain, it's so hot. I want to die. Just die. Nothing more. But it continues. They put it away and let you look down at it. Black burned flesh. A shock. But not from the battery. But the body needs to do something about temperature and pain. Shaking, bitting my lip till blood bursts out. A cold water flowing down my face. I breathed in some. Someone is calling my rank. My name.

"Nick are you with us?" Kai said standing right in front of me. "What... yes... yes... of course." I got out of myself and slapped myself. "I was just..." shitting my pants from being scared to death again that's the just. "Back there? You know you should tell someone." She said and set back down after she made sure I was back in the land of living. I nodded but I kept my mouth shut. Someone started laughing. I turned my had to the person everyone was calling a doc. He killed his wife, quite brutally. Well actually it wasn't all. If you know book Suffering of Prince Sternenhoch... he cut of her head by a knife and then had sex with her body. "Why is he always laughing?" I asked and pointed at the doc. "I mean... every time someone talks about death or suffering he is laughing" I added and stood up walking to him pushing away the guard and bowed above the doc. "So you like suffering of others? What about your wife? Were you laughing too? Or... do you know this joke? A man walked down the street and then someone rams an axe through his head. That's funny isn't it?" I said almost shouting at him. He started laughing even louder "and do you know why he is still laughing? Because he is messed up! Only cure would be a bullet or an injection." I shouted and turned to the others. "And these people? They are 6 years old in their head! Why do I feel as only sick person! Cause you know sick person can be healed! It's like the movie with Nicholson. You know the One who flew over the cuckoo's nest? I am only sane person... even you Kai, you have to be bloody nuts to work here!" I shouted and set down hiding my face into my palms with a quiet sob. "How do you tell apart sane and insane person? You don't... after a few days at Asylum they are the same. I gotta get out of this place..." I rubbed my eyes and lit a cigarette even though it was banned to smoke inside. "You can't..." guard said and moved to take the cigarette from him. "Shut up! You two wanted me to talk so I am talking!" I shouted and winced as he tried to take my cigarette. "Oh... we did so messed up shit..." I said with nervous and bit scary chuckle. The doc started laughing again "shut the fuck up doc! I will ram your face to the toilet!" I shouted pointing towards the bathroom. "Bloody cunt..." I muttered. Kai gestured at the guard to let me be. After 3 months I started talking. "I have like 137 notches on my gun... and now I don't even know where she is." I complained and threw my hands to the air and let them fall back down. "Stop giggling!" I shouted once blowing out the smoke, rubbing my eyes roughly and nervously. "I... they took captured me... and well... I still have the scars, they still hurt..." I sobbed and pulled up my shirt shoving the nasty scars. The bullet wounds, burns, cuts and something which looked like someone rammed a broken bottle against my stomach. "You mentions she? You mean your gun? Does she have a name?" Kai asked and made few notes. And at this point I realized she wasn't a nurse. But a doctor. "I..." I gulped "I call her Jennifer... is that important?" I asked and Kai simply replied "does the name mean something to you?" She asked and that felt like car battery on my skin again. "I... I am done for today... actually I am done with whole this bullshit. I want to use my right to call my sister... I am getting out of here!"

"Sergeant... please stay" Kai said as I packed my things 2 days after my last session ready to leave once I sign some papers. "You made a great progress..." she added and put the papers in front of me. Though her face was saying how much she didn't want to let him go. "Yeah... but I heard you are not dating patients so I am leaving to ask you out." I replied sarcastically and sign it, Jemma standing right behind me gently squeezed my shoulder. "Polite..." she whispered and looked at the room I was living in. "I am sorry..." I whispered and stood up putting on my army jacket. "But the date... I am a wonderful cook. And you already have my number and address so it would be only fair to give me yours." I said and smiled. For the 2nd time since I came in, it was a warm smile. "Well... but do I get to meet the real Nick? Not the sergeant?" She asked writing down her number. "We will see... depends if the car battery is still on the list." I teased her back and nodded. "Call me in office hours..."

"Did you just ask your doctor out?" Jemma asked and let me drive this time. "Kinda..." I admitted and with light smile I headed towards my favorite Pizza restaurant. "You know she is like 10 years older?" She asked with light smile, she kept watching me close. For any change in my appearance or in eyes. I looked less depressed. But that could be just the meds. "Plus she isn't my doctor and you know my opinion about Medical codex." I said and boosted the volume a bit as good old Guns'n'roses started playing. "Hey without the uniform she is cute. And she has beautiful eyes." I said and gave Jemma a light smile. She chuckled and shook her head "right, eyes... that's never a bad reply."

Now
"How is he?" Felicia asked standing in her suit and domino mask in the SHIELD security room. "We... don't know... I don't know..." Jemma replied and wiped her eyes. She knew Felicia only from the occasional little chats with Nick. But it almost killed her when she saw she didn't even had red eyes. "We captured him in his house... a sonic grenade killed the symbiote. Or we hope so... he doesn't show any sign of being a host. And he suffers a withdrawal..." she added and her hands started shaking. She felt a strong yet gentle grip on her shoulder. "He will be ok... it's not his first withdrawal." Felicia said soothingly and headed out of the room. "Hey Nick... how are you?" She asked as she got to the cell. It was concrete, metal and something like a glass... see through material. "Who... oh you are Felicia... I think you have mistaken me with someone. I am C'thulhu, that's how agents used to call. But for scientists I was Mariner..." I said with light smile until I realized how she called me. "Nick!" I snapped and hit the glass or something by my fist. "How do you know that name!?" I shouted and winced "yeah I know it's Felicia Hardy but I am not Nick!" I replied to the symbiote. "I am not Nick! You hear me!" She turned away slowly walking back to the security room. She set down and hid her head in her hands. She sobbed loudly "how... how long..." she said and felt Jemma's hand at her shoulder this time. "It is changing. It is like bipolar disorder... I am trying to do my best. Nick is still my brother..." she said and hugged her gently. "But it's not the Nick I know..." Felicia whimpered and her claws slid out in the rage as she stood up, almost jumping from her seat. I kept repeating the name Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. "Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia. Felicia." I started shouting until I ran towards the glass and hit my head.