* * *

Here I was, laying on top of my bed, staring up at the ceiling. Both Alena and Isaac were downstairs watching a movie but I just needed some time to myself, away from the constant questions like "Are you okay?" "Wanna talk about it?" I know they all mean well, but getting asked the same question by so many people was slowly getting to me.

It's been a crazy couple of weeks to be honest. I think I have gone through more trauma this year than any average teenager should ever have to go through. Just last week I found out about this secret account my mum has for us, the life insurance funds and her letter which sat on my bed side table in a frame. I had to frame it, these were my mums last words, I couldn't bare to see it get thrown out. I had always admired my mums handwriting, it was beautiful and delicate. Just like her.

I was in a weird state of mind at the moment. I had all this money in the account for us and I've been scared to look at it, let alone use it. I felt guilty about having it in my account. I tried to give some to Drew but he flat out refused to take any of it, insisting that I leave it for Alena and I. My dad refused to let me pay him back for paying for our education. I understand they both are looking out for us, but this only made me feel more guilty but it also made me want to be more responsible with the money. I wanted to make my mum and dad proud, I didn't want to just waste it on meaningless things. I plan on using this money to help build our futures. I can now make sure that Alena can go to high school and eventually University. I now didn't have that burden on my shoulders anymore.

Speaking of school, they thankfully gave me an extension for my final exams which I completed last week after the reading. I wanted more time but that was all they could give me. Normally I would be able to know how I did but I was completely unsure. I had no idea if I did well on these exams or not. If I didn't then I could kiss University of Melbourne goodbye, there was no chance of getting in with a shit enter score. I think what pains me the most is the waiting, just tell me if I did good or not, don't make me wait for weeks which really feels like years to me. I let out a sigh as I positioned myself up right to look around my room.

I looked around my room until my eyes fell on Noah's photo that was on my vanity table. It was the service booklet from his funeral and I couldn't find it in my heart to throw it out, so I left it on my vanity.

F  L  A  S  H  B  A  C  K

"We are gathered here today to celebrate the life of a son, a friend and a nephew. Noah was a bright young man with a great future ahead of him, taken away from his family too early. The Daniels family would like to thank each and every one of you for coming out today to share this special day. Mr Daniels, Noah's father would now like to come up and say a few words."

I took in a deep breath as I sat there, in the far back corner waiting for his father to go up onto the small stage. My eyes wandered around the room until they fell onto Lenny and Crystal who were sitting next to each other. It's like he could feel my eyes on him as he turned his head to look directly at me. We stared at each other for a few seconds before I broke away from the contact and looked straight ahead.

"It's okay." Isaac whispered into my ear as he grabbed a hold of my hand, squeezing it for reassurance.

I was glad Isaac came with me today, at first everyone thought I was crazy coming but Isaac understood. Despite what Noah did, he was my first love. He will always have a spot in my heart, no matter how cruel he turned out to be. I swallowed the lump that sat in my throat as I watched his dad's hands shake as he looked down at his paper.

"We stand before you today to do the unthinkable, to say farewell to our beloved son, Noah. This is one of the hardest things a parent has to face, never in your wildest dreams would you ever want your children to pass before you. Noah was extremely passionate about the things he loved, sometimes going a little too far.

My son had a bright future ahead of him. Unfortunately, he recently lead a dark path which soon caught up with him. Please, do not judge him for the mistakes he made, remember him for the young beautiful man he was. I could go on but no more words can express how distraught we are.

My son, we will never get to see you finish University, we will never get to see you walk down the isle and we will never see you have grandchildren. There is so much we wanted for you in this life and now it's been taken away from us. I thank each and every one of you coming out today to be here with us"

I sniffed as my eyes began to water when his voice began to break. I looked up at him to see that he was looking directly at me before finishing his sentence, "I know that my son is now in a better place and I know he would want you to remember the good times and not the bad times. I know he loves each and every one of you. Thank you."

I sat there as he walked off the stage crying, the tears slowly fell from my eyes as his words rang in my head. I looked at the open Casket but couldn't make out his features. I wish they didn't do an open casket, why couldn't they keep it closed? I could tell myself not to look when the time came but I knew myself, I knew I'd end up looking because it was going to be the last time I saw his face. It wasn't the type of closure I wanted.

I let out a shaky breath as I watched people begin to stand up and pass their condolences to the family. I was scared shitless because I didn't know how they would react. What if they called me out in front of everyone? What if they get angry and kick me out? There were so many possibilities running through my mind. I let out a sigh as Isaac squeezed my hand, together we got up to go pass our condolences. I had my eyes on the floor like a chicken, too scared to make eye contact. Just as I was about to pass his dad, I felt him grab my arm gently to pull me back, this was it, he was going to lose his shit at me. To my surprise he pulls me into a bear hug, only succeeding in making me cry.

"I'm so sorry for what my son put you through." He whispered before letting me go. I couldn't find the words as I just cried, shaking my head at him. My eyes landed on his mum who refused to look at my direction.

Isaac grabbed my arm to guide me through the line. My eyes landed on Noah's casket which was now a meter away from me. I walked over to him and stood there looking over his features. He looked so peaceful. He looked exactly like the Noah I fell in love with, the sweet Noah. I reached over to softly brush my finger tips against his cold face. Here I stood, too frozen to move, too scared to walk away knowing this was our final goodbye. All these flashbacks started to come through my head, the first time I met him, our first date, the first time he said he loved me, the first fight. All the good and bad moments started to flash over and over in my head before the inevitable happened, me shooting him and watching him die in my arms. I shook my head to clear it from those images that still haunt me at night.

"Let's get out of here." Isaac whispered. Without saying anything, I nodded as I grabbed onto his arm. I was finally walking away from the one thing I was always truly afraid of. As soon as I walked out those double doors, I felt like the world had lifted its weight from my shoulders.

I could breathe again.

E N D F L A S H B A C K

My phone rang, making me lose my train of thought. I looked at it as my heart began to beat in my ears. This was the one conversation I was most scared about because I knew there was no love stronger than a mother and her only son. I took a deep breath as I answered her phone call. At first she was quiet on the other line but before I could greet her, I could hear her crying on the other line.

"Why, why did you take my son away from me?" She cried out.

I opened my mouth but no words came out, I knew I was to blame but at the same time I feel like I didn't have any other choice at the time. It's not like I purposely shot him, I was trying to avoid getting shot. I let out a sad sigh as I just stayed on the phone with her.

"I'm sorry." I whispered.

"Sorry isn't good enough. Sorry isn't going to bring my son back." she yelled out.

"I was just trying to protect myself-" I began to say before I stopped. She knew exactly what happened that night, there was no need for me to justify my actions. Without saying another word, she hung up on me.

I shook my head in sadness as I clicked my screen off before tossing it onto my bed.

"You okay?" Isaac called out.

I look at him as he leaned against my doorway.

"Yeah, it was Mrs Daniels on the line. Just reminding me of what a bad person I am." I said as I looked at Noah's photo.

"You're not a bad person. You were literally fighting for your life. If she can't see that, she's just as much of a fool as her son." Isaac responded, anger evident in his tone.

"No, I know. I don't know why, but I feel that despite all of what has happened, he was a good guy once upon a time. He was pure, what happened to that?" I asked.

Isaac let out a chuckle as he shook his head.

"What?" I asked, a little offended I was getting laughed at.

"He showed you what you wanted to see. He only got to you because of me. He knew it was a race and he wanted to win." He said

"A race for what? With who?" I asked

Isaac shook his head angrily as he let out a sigh, "He knew I was going to make a move on you and he didn't want that. He knew what kind of guy you wanted and he turned on his charm. He was always a sick bastard, you just refused to listen and saw what you wanted."

"I-" I was stumped for words.

"Don't worry, I'm not in love with you anymore but imagine how different all of this would have turned out." He said before smiling and walking away.

I let out a growl as I threw my pillow in his direction, hitting the back of him as he began to walk away. I smiled as I rolled my eyes when I heard him chuckling at me.  

* * *

A/N: This song is sooo fitting for this chapter! Fun fact, this was one of the first songs I ever picked for this novel. At the time I just wasn't sure who was going to die in the novel.

Next Chapter: The last chapter before the Epilogue.