My first official date with Connor hadn't happened until months after Halloween.

Not wanting to rush things, I'd played the friend game with him, telling everyone there was nothing between us and just getting to know him. I denied how happy I was when it was just the two of us, telling myself not to get too excited. He was exactly the type of boy I'd fall in love with, and I was in no hurry to do so. Being in love was so not a sophomore thing. I needed to wait until at least my junior year.

After he'd returned my Snickers (which I ended up splitting with him for lunch) we'd sort of just started talking. It had only been now and then at first, one of us would text some joke or meme or share something about our day. Make fun of the other person's outfit. Talk about some song that had come up in our suggested for you. Mary was relentless in asking me about him, turning the entire friend group into my personal cheer squad. Frankie was hardly any better, excited that I finally seemed genuinely interested in a guy. Before Connor I'd been on a few dates, all of which had been absolute train-wrecks. I guess that was why I wanted to take things slow, embrace the friend stage. I could tell that this time would be different, and I in no way wanted to be the one to fuck it all up. That was ironic, in the end.

The day before he'd asked me out, Frankie and I had had a long talk about how to get a guy to stay interested. It'd gone a little something like this:

Frankie: Dude he likes you. Make a move or he'll get bored.

Me: We're just friends. I don't want to ruin what we have. Besides, if he liked me, he can make the first move.

Frankie: I should tell him to ask you out.

Me: No you should not. Don't try to peer pressure Connor.

Frankie: But he makes you so happy! You should go for it!

Me: No, I should not go for it.

Frankie: But you like him?

Me: Well yes, I think so.

Frankie: Okay, just sent him screenshots of this. Look cute tomorrow.

Me: BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It turned out that Frankie hadn't actually sent him screenshots of our conversation, instead just texting him and telling him to get a move on. She wasn't wrong in assuming we liked each other, I couldn't deny it any longer. But I was way too pussy to do anything about it. It didn't matter in the end anyway. I found myself following Frankie's advice to look cute the next day, even though I found it a tad humiliating. I woke up early, taking my time to choose a school appropriate outfit—dress code was ridiculous—and put on a little mascara. I wasn't one to usually wear makeup, waking up at 6:30am everyday during the week was enough for me, I didn't want to get up any earlier. But I found myself dressing to impress, unsure of what the day would bring.

It ended up being a waste of time. It was pouring, and by the time Lee and I got to school, I'd mentally prepared myself to make the journey across the student parking lot and face the rain. I made it to my first class on time, but soaked to the bone. I'd done my best to shield my hair with my backpack, carrying it over my head in an effort to make some form of shelter, but it had all been in vain. Fortunately, it seemed everyone else was in the same boat, all of my classmates grumbling about the weather. 2019 was off to a great start, with constant grey skies and cold rain for weeks.

I took my usual seat next to Frankie and another girl named Stella. She was nice enough, but Frankie and I agreed that she definitely didn't like us for whatever reason. Why she didn't switch tables and just go talk to other people was beyond us. I guessed that she simply didn't like anyone in our class, and had decided we were the lesser of all evils.

"I'm going to guess that you looked nice." Frankie grinned as I sat down, and I threw her the finger. Bitch.

"Thank you for the confidence boost, really." I rolled my eyes. "The rain certainly didn't like how I looked, it tried to drown me on the way to school. All the streets were flooded." Frankie nodded. Despite living close to each other, we never carpooled. Frankie usually stayed after-school to tutor kids or participate in one of her many extra-circulars. I, on the other hand, couldn't wait to leave and return to the safety of my bedroom.

"Tell Lee to get over his fear of the interstate and stop taking backroads." Frankie said. "If he did that, you'd get to school in half the time, and avoid flooding."

"Believe me, I've tried." I threw up my hands. "That boy's middle name is stubborn."

Our teacher cleared her throat as the morning bell rang, signaling the beginning of first period. She gave us brief instructions, putting up a couple pre-calc problems on the SMART board. I flew through them, I'd been studying for the upcoming test so all of the information was still fresh in my mind. Stella struggled with the third and fourth one, so Frankie and I both helped her, going through the steps and explaining the process. She thanked us, but it lacked sincerity. She definitely didn't like us.

"You gonna see Connor today?" Frankie nudged me, keeping her voice low so that Stella wouldn't hear. Not that Stella seemed to care anyway, her permanent glare was trained on Ryan Berner, who sat at the far end of the classroom. It felt good to know she disliked someone else more than she disliked me. I nudged Frankie back, taking a page from Stella's book and shooting her a glare of my own. It didn't seem to faze Frankie in the slightest.

"Fine. I have bio with him today after lunch." I whispered, and Frankie's grin widened. God, I hated her. "I swear, if you actually did anything, I will kill you." I threatened, but Frankie just waved a hand in dismissal.

"You'll be thanking me later." She promised. "Just you wait."

Before I could respond, Mrs. Weston jumped into her lecture, and I had to tear my attention away from Frankie and Connor. Thinking about math was not even remotely close to how I liked to spend my time, but for now I didn't mind. It cleared my head, at least from thoughts of Connor and what Frankie had said to him.

The rest of the day flew by, my friends constantly making little comments to me during class or in the hallway. By the time lunch came around, I was dreading sitting with all of them, already knowing what would be the subject of the conversation. At least the weather was nicer now, the sun was out, birds were chirping, that sort of stuff. I'd spent the day thinking of ways to not go to bio, although a part of me longed to see Connor. I liked him, but all of this was too much too soon. And I hated that everyone seemed to know what was happening except for me.

I thought about not even showing up for lunch. I needed some time to myself, especially if what I thought was going to happen was going to happen. My friend's wouldn't miss me, they'd probably assume I was going to the bathroom or talking to a teacher. Or just hiding, which I guess I was.

Either way, it wasn't the first time I'd avoided going to lunch. Sometimes I just needed to recharge, to take a moment alone and gather my thoughts after hours of school. Nobody ever questioned it; I guess they just knew and accepted that it was something I needed to do. After walking around the school aimlessly a few times, I'd found a few spots to go to that were usually empty and quiet. My favorite was in the most inconvenient spot, but the view made up for it.

There were a few ways to get to the roof. For starters, you could sneak out of one of the windows on the second or third floor, though you were usually at risk of being seen or caught by a teacher or someone from the janitorial staff. Another way was to climb the ladder on the side of the gym—nobody knew why it was there, and nobody ever really used it. It was old and rusty, and I'd bet money that one of the rungs would break as soon as any weight was placed on it. That left sneaking up behind the air conditioning units off of the second floor. If you timed it right, you could climb up before anyone saw you, and if you hid behind the units, you couldn't be seen.

I made my way up the stairs, waving to a few people. The friends who were only school friends. I seemed to have a lot of those. There was nobody around, so I made my way up onto the roof and over to my usual spot on the left where one of the taller oak trees blocked out the sun. I sat down in the shade, looking around me. From where I was I could see across campus to the student parking lot and the faint traces of a neighborhood beyond. They always seemed to put public schools in crappy neighborhoods. I guess it was in an effort to make everything look more presentable. Or clean up the city somehow. Whoever had thought of that was an idiot—high schoolers were slobs.

The low humming of the air conditioning faded away into meaningless background noise. I let the few rays of sun that broke through the tree's shade soak into my skin, relishing the warmth after being cold and clammy from the rain. My stomach rumbled, but I wasn't really hungry. I didn't know if I could eat, with all of the nerves wracking my body. I had butterflies. God damn butterflies. Those alone should've been enough to fill my stomach.

Butterflies were a good sign though, right? Weren't you supposed to be excitedly nervous when you had a crush? I'd never been like this when guys had asked me out before, but then again, it'd always taken me by surprise. I hadn't known in advance that they were going to do it. And I'd never felt this way about anyone. Connor was different, I'd made him different, by waiting, talking, being patient. There was something about him that had told me to take things slow, to get comfortable. I'd done that. So why was I so afraid?

"Frankie said I would find you here."

I almost fell off the roof. Looking back, what happened was funny, but in that moment, I felt so humiliated, so embarrassed, so stupid. I'd been so wrapped up in my own mind, so entranced within my thoughts, I hadn't even noticed Connor climbing up to sit beside me. How dumb was I.

"Oh! Hey." I brushed myself off, trying to look normal. My hands were sweating. Why were they sweating? They'd been fine a second ago. Was I blushing? I was definitely blushing. God, this was so embarrassing.

"You okay?" Connor looked concerned. If I'd been him, I probably would be too. I guessed that I looked the way I felt: a wreck. I could tell I was starting to sweat, my face felt hot and flushed, and I was anxiously pulling at my fingers and adjusting my hair. His eyes were wide. Okay, he'd realized I was crazy. That was fun while it lasted.

"Fine." I cleared my throat. "Sorry, you caught me off guard."

"I didn't mean to startle you." Connor laughed. Was it forced? "I figured you'd hear me coming. How the hell did you climb up here? I could barely reach the top and I'm significantly taller than you." Now this was a question I could answer easily. I felt myself calm down a bit.

"Did you try climbing up the side facing Ms. Jason's class?" I asked. Connor nodded, and I shook my head disapprovingly. "You gotta go up by Walsh's, the roof dips down a bit so its just like skipping a few steps."

"I'll keep that in mind next time I have to find you." Connor smiled, and I instinctively smiled back. How in the hell was he so chill? I wanted to strangle him. I really hoped he was just good at hiding his emotions and that he felt the same way I did.

"Bold of you to assume there'll be a next time." I stuck out my tongue childishly and he rolled his eyes. "What did you come up here for, anyway?" Smooth. I was so smooth. I wanted to punch myself in the face, did I not think about what I said before I said it?

Connor didn't seem to mind my bluntness. "I just wanted to talk to you. You know, as friends do." Friends. I felt my heart drop in my chest. Frankie had been kidding, I'd gotten myself all worked up for nothing. I was overanalyzing the situation once again, and I'd set myself up to get my heart broken. Maybe Connor had liked me when Mary had introduced us, but that had been months ago. I'd waited too long to make a move.

"Oh what, you need help finishing the bio homework or something?" I joked. Connor smiled and shook his head. All I could think about was how good he looked in the sunlight on the roof. I was so stupid.

"No, I actually wanted to ask you something." Connor locked eyes with me. "Are you free on Saturday?" Okay so I was stupid. I had overanalyzed. Just the wrong thing. Typical of me. I was suddenly struck by how lucky I was to not be a cartoon character. If I had been, my jaw would've dropped, and I would've died from embarrassment.

"This Saturday?" I said dumbly. Before Connor could respond, I opened my mouth again, unsure of what I was going to say. "I'm free, yeah. Are you free?" Stupid was my middle name. I'd thought the word stupid so many times in the last minute or so that it didn't even seem like a real word anymore. Stupid, stupid, me.

"Well, yes. I mean I asked you, so naturally I would also be free." Connor looked amused and I was overcome with the urge to strangle him again.

"Okay." I tried to minimize the damage. "What did you want to do?"

"Go on a date with the girl I like, for starters." Connor grinned. I thought I might pass out.

"Sounds nice." I was blushing. "I'm sorry, I'm really nervous right now and I don't really know what to say to you but I'd really like to go on a date with you too." The words tumbled out of my mouth before I could process what I was saying. Connor's grin widened.

"Really? Couldn't tell." I settled for punching him rather than strangling him. "Hey!" He said in protest. "It's cute, chill!"

The bell rang and I stood up reflexively, staring down at Connor and pointing a finger as if I was lecturing him. "You'll pick me up." It wasn't a question, more so a statement. He nodded, still smiling. "Okay, see you then. Bye." I grabbed my bag and climbed off the roof, Connor jumping down after me. Before I could rush to hide myself in the approaching hoard of students, he grabbed my hand.

"You do know you cant run away from me, right? We have bio together next. You have to walk with me." He pointed out.

"Shut up." I huffed, but took his hand anyway. Instinctively, I adjusted my hand so that his thumb rested on top of mine. It was a little thing, a little detail, but I instantly felt calmer. Happier. So maybe him asking me out had been a disaster on my part, but it had happened. It had actually happened.

I looked up at him and smiled. We walked to bio.