I jumped off my bed when I heard a car pull up in front of our house. It was already 7pm and it had been exactly 13h and 8 minutes since they drove off.

News.

Heading down the stairs, taking two on each step.

Quicker.

I burst trough the door that leads to our garden and ran straight up to the silvery car that just had stopped. A woman left the automobile and stared at me with eyes full of sorrow, shame and regret.

She looked so exhausted.

Had she even eaten anything all day?

"Mom."

She walked up to me and pulled me right into a thigh hug, not letting go, just letting out long, uncontrollable sobs. I could feel the tears sinking into the wool of my oversized, red pullover- her favorite color.

"I'm so sorry for not calling you, honey. So, so sorry."

The words were barely spoken, more of a cry, and all mumbled into my hoodie.

I ran my fingers up and down my mothers back carefully and steady, trying to comfort her as good as possible.

"It's okay."

I could smell the cigarettes and the smoke in her clothes and it made me uncomfortable, burning in my nose, but I kept holding on to her drained body.

She nodded her head slightly against my shoulder before I brought her inside and wrapped a warm blanked around her skin and placed her on the couch.

"What happened?"

I wasn't expecting an answer.

But I still got one.

"The doctors... They said, they prognosed her final days... They said that she only has three to six months left to live."

The end of the sentence was all shattered and drowned in sobs, but there was one thought that made it way to the front of my mind:

Three to six months is not that bad, considering the low expectations she had before...

But there was something I already knew that day, just didn't dare to speak out loud, because hope is good and I needed to hold on to it as long as I possibly could, and by saying it, it would've become more real.

I didn't want it to be true, and it was stupid.

Someday I would have to face and accept it.

I tried my best to bury the thought deep down in the darkest corner I could find, I didn't want it to develop in form and strength.

Life was never this generous.