SO I know I haven't had an actual update in this book for awhile so I'm going to explain a lot here.

WARNING: This is about to get extremely personal and deep... You have been warned

Alright where do I begin? How about three years ago, yeah, that's when this started. Or was it two years ago? The voices tell me different things. Confused yet? If you are well I have voices in my head. Not the normal kind that are song lyrics that sound like the original artist. No. They sing me their own songs, in their own voices. Sometimes I enjoy the company of them, but others I hate it. When they try to tell me to do wrong I attempt to drown them out with music.

I know I know, by now you think I am just seeking attention but Im really not. I do hear these voices. Sometimes they are male and sometime they are female. I'm just like you, almost. Do you ever wake up in the morning with a plan of going out in the world and doing something, but when you're about to walk out the door you just stop? Well that's almost like me. Even though I cant legally drive(although I know how to) I still walk places a lot. But sometimes the voices are too much and I just go right back inside and go into my room.

It sounds odd but for the past two-three years its how I've lived. I haven't told my parents because I don't want to get help for it, not yet at least. Back to the voices. They have told me to do things I never thought I'd do, and I'm not proud of them. All those sleepless nights holding my hears because they just wont shut up. I've never been good at public speaking because they tell me I cant do it. So I believe them. Call me crazy, hell, call me insane. I don't care. I know who I am. I know why I cry. I don't care anymore. I understand that the voices are there and they wont go away. Sure they are annoying but I have to live with them.

I have been playing this game for years now, and now I'm winning. But I wont be for long. When the summer is over and school starts the voices will get louder. They will cloud my thoughts, make me cease to think for myself. I used to wonder why they were there. Now I cant imagine my life without them.

Another topic.

People wonder why I cry so much. My response, "The sky does. So its okay." People wonder why I scream. I simply reply, "The does. The thunder is its screams." Yes I know its odd, but true. Why is it so wrong for me to cry when no one questions why the sky does it. After all this I know you think I'm insane. But what is insanity really? Is it the point in which you need help? Or is it more? I like to think that I am on the verge of reality and insanity. Why you ask. Well its simply because I could be classified as societies 'insane', or I could be classified as my own insane. Two completely different things.

What tells us that we have to wear expensive close to be popular. Those who don't are insane. Over used if you ask me. No one is really insane, because everyone's definition of insane is different. Why is it that people can bully others for being different? Is it fair to me that I was bullied for being the only left brained student in my grade? I was called insane and was made by my peers to take the test again. Each time coming out 100% left brained. Does that make me insane? Or does it make me special? I like to believe it makes me special, it means that I know how to use numbers and logic better than others. Right brained people are thought to be creative right? Well here I am, a 100% left brained person being creative by writing. Does that make me insane? Odd? Different? Special?

All my life I have been different. Not many friends. No one really talked to me, unless it was to get answers for worksheets at school. I stayed silent. The back of the classroom was my home. Isn't it odd that here I am, a silent person speaking my mind on the internet. I never told anyone I was writing my first book until my mom was behind me watching me. She had asked what I was doing and I had to be honest. As much as I wanted to lie I knew it was for the better. I had shocked her because I had always complained about writing in school. But this was different. The voices one day told me that I needed to make room for them. So I made an account here and began clearing my head.

Why is it that society frowns upon people that are different? I'm just like any other person, but at the same time I am unique. Curiosity killed the cat. But it never killed me. I like to believe that curiosity saved me. I was curious about my voices, they hurt me, but they saved me. They told me to listen to someone that was trying to help me. He was trying to help me fix what they caused me. Don't you see? Every one of my stories brings me back to my voices. They are part of me. They make me who I am. I cant change that. Why should I when I know that they can make or break me? Sue me for saying this but I love the voices in my head. I wouldn't give them up for the world.

Well I hope you like this actual update. It was different but I want to know your thoughts in the comments below!! I really dont care what you say, its my life. Ask me questions as well!! I love getting feedback.

-Frostleaf/Nikkerson