Felix groaned.

"The prisoner is awake!" a voice somewhere nearby announced.

"Are you sure?"

"He just groaned, he has to be awake."

"Maybe he was snoring. Mortals do snore."

"Are you sure he's a mortal?"

"What thought you? He's clearly no elf. And he is not short enough to be a dwarf or halfling either."

Felix sighed. Was that conversation going to come up wherever he went?

Slowly he hoisted himself into a sitting position and opened his eyes. The two elven-guards had stopped their talking when he moved, and stared at him with something in between curiosity and haughtiness. They'd clearly decided on one thing — whatever he was, they were above him.

Felix grinned to himself. They were wrong; he was a Prince of Asgard, and he was definitely above a mere elven-guard.

"Where am I?" He demanded in what he thought was a fairly authoritive tone.

The guards exchanged a glance and decided that there was no harm in telling him.

"You find yourself in Mirkwood, King Thranduil's Palace,"  the tallest of the two replied. And then he added with a smirk, "as prisoner."

Felix rolled his eyes.

"If you want to keep me prisoner that's your problem. Just get me to your king-thranduwhatsis so I can tell him who he's dealing with."

Don't take this too far, Felix,  a little voice inside his head warned him, after all, King Thranduil had no problem keeping "King" Thorin under lock and key for a century. 

Thorin escaped in under a week. 

It's the thought that counts.

Seeing as how that's a thought talking, I can't take that saying seriously.

Oh shut up.

HA! Usually I'm the one who says that.

The elven guards still seemed semi-unimpressed, but after a moment's whispering the shorter elf (not that he was short, just shorter than the other one) moved off to what Felix assumed was the direction of the Throne-room, or the elvish equivalent.

Felix rubbed his head as small scraps of what had happened came back to him. He had been knocked-out. Then he'd vaguely come to as he'd been dragged to the castle, but he was never fully conscious. His head hurt, but what hurt most was his pride — he'd been knocked out by a girl. An elvish girl, but a girl nonetheless. It was a good thing Sam hadn't seen it.

Sam.

The name hit Felix like a brick. A soft, fluffy brick that looked harmless but could kill you nevertheless.

Fluffy brick? I'm going mad.

Correction — you already are.

Haha very funny.

Are you thinking about cats?

Uhmmm... why? And besides, you're my thoughts, remember? You should know.

Are you?

I am now.

Then you can officially say you have a brain full of cats. Congratulations.

I am so unimpressed right now.

I am you, remember? So I should know.

Stop repeating me.

The guard is back.

I said STOP REPEATING ME.

I wasn't repeating you. I said the guard's back. And you were repeating yourself.

Felix glanced up at the short(er) guard, suddenly realizing that he was still sitting on the floor. He stood up quickly, dusting himself off.

"Our lord will see you tomorrow at dawn," the guard announced, and Felix raised an eyebrow.

"We'll don't blame me if I'll have left by then."

"We're locking you up in the dungeons. You're not going anywhere."

Felix shrugged.

"I warned you."

You have no idea how you're going to get out of this do you?

Of course not. But the more uncomfortable I make them, the better.

True. Keep going.

Felix marched on in between the two guards, glancing at the one and then the other.

"Don't you have more princely quarters than the dungeons?" He enquired.

"Not for you," the taller elven-guard grumbled.

"That's mean of you," Felix answered, "and certainly no way to treat me. But that's okay, I'm sure your execution will be short and fast."

The two elves glanced at one another, and the tallest was clearly a little confused and at least a tiny bit put off.

They whispered together in Elvish, and by their tone of voice Felix concluded that the shorter one was reassuring the taller one. He grinned to himself; he'd succeeded in unsettling them.

Well, the tall one anyway.

"Don't let him get to you, Dalyor and Erendriel," a melodic voice sang down the passage, "he's a feisty one."

Felix internally groaned when he recognised his captor. What was her name again? Val-something.

"Valóra!" the tallest of the two, Erendriel, exclaimed a little too happily, "he's finally come to. Our lord will see him in the morning, so we were just escorting him to the dungeons."

Valóra. Of course.

Valóra smiled.

"And I'm sure you're doing fine. Shall I come with? I've got nothing to do until the morning either."

"You mean you're grounded 'til dawn," Daylor, the shorter elf, sniggered.

Grounded? I wonder what for...

Valóra rolled her eyes.

"Shut up Daylor, I wasn't asking you."

"I was worried you know," Erendriel pointed out, "you disappeared into nowhere!"

"I can take care of myself, Erendriel. Besides, if I'd told anyone where I was going then it would've been beside the point."

"You could've at least informed me," Erendriel muttered.

"Cheer up Eren," Daylor smiled, "your lady has returned unharmed, and won't be leaving again anytime soon."

He turned to Valóra for confirmation, but she remained silent rather awkwardly.

'Your lady'? They're together?

Why do you sound jealous?

I'm not. I like Sam.

Huh.

What?

You admitted it.

...

Hehe.

Go annoy someone else.

Valóra didn't seem too pleased to be referred to as 'his lady', which was somehow reassuring. But instead of lingering on that thought, Felix broke into the conversation.

"Hello?" Felix complained, "I'm still here, you love-triangle-freaks."

The she-elf jumped a little, Daylor laughed and Erendriel blushed.

Valóra recovered quickly, retorting with a snort.

"Look who's talking. You're obviously deeply in love."

The urge to yell "am not!" was extremely strong, but Felix knew it was the worst thing he could do.

"But unlike you, I don't bother to deny it."

Valóra turned away as her cheeks tinged reddish.

"Now he's getting to you Valóra," Daylor grinned, "maybe you shouldn't have been so quick to judge us for being uneasy. This young lad's got a silver tongue."

Bet you never thought you'd thank your dad for being known as the 'God of Lies'.

I'm not even going to tell you to shut up.

You just did, indirectly.

...

Bye.

"Are we going to the dungeons or not?" Felix asked, breaking the tension.

"Yes, let's," Valóra grabbed onto the opportunity to drop the earlier topics, and they walked in silence towards the dungeons.

Felix 1: Elves 0

You mean Felix 1: Elves 2

Why?

They knocked you out and imprisoned you.

... True. That means I have a score to settle.

Spoken like a true Laufeyson.

How many times have you said that?

Two? I think.

Have you noticed how Valóra speaks so much less fancily than the other two elves?

Have you noticed that you're changing the topic?

I give up.

Tsk tsk, what would your father say about that?

Do I care?

Yes.

...

Felix: 1, Elves: 2, Brain: 2677.

Shut up.