Eloise chews her thumb nail as she paces outside the apartment building. It's 7:30 in the morning and the chilly air raises goosebumps over Eloise's bare arms. She didn't even think about grabbing a jacket but now, standing outside in the cold, she's regretting it.

It's a Tuesday so she should be on her way to school; however, the events of last night shook her to her core. There's no way she'd be able to go to school and pretend to be a normal, functioning human being. That's why Bucky's on his way over. Once Eloise got ahold of him, she couldn't stop the images of killing her own parents out of her head. Despite being fully awake, she still felt the slightest urge to take the knife and enter Mr. and Mrs. Jones's bedroom. It terrifies her. Over the phone Bucky tried to get her to calm down and breathe. Once she wasn't hyperventilating anymore, he told her that it's okay—that she just hit a bump in her healing process. But how is almost murdering your parents in the middle of the night okay?

Bucky knew that Eloise shouldn't have been alone the rest of the night, so he told her to get Peter, knowing the kid was just next door and would be incredibly understanding. When the two hung up the phone after Bucky said he would come over the next morning, Eloise cleaned up her bloody mess. She cleaned the knife and put it away. She wrapped the cut on her palm and scrubbed off the blood that she dripped onto the floor. Once she was done she should have gotten Peter.

But she didn't.

A rusty dark green truck rolls up to the curb. Eloise watches Bucky through the windows as he puts the vehicle in park before looking up at her. He gives her a tight smile.

Eloise lets out a deep breath and gets into the passenger side. The truck provides a barrier from the crisp spring breeze as the heater expels warmer air. Bucky puts the car in drive and glances at Eloise.

"Is it too hot in here?" Bucky asks.

Eloise tucks a stray hair behind her ear and looks out the window. "It's fine."

There isn't a lot of talking during the majority of the ride. It's no secret that Eloise barely got a wink of sleep that night, so when she leans her head against the window and closes her eyes, Bucky tries to avoid the potholes the best he can.

Thirty minutes pass and Bucky finally pulls up to the Avengers Headquarters. He doesn't wake Eloise up until he parks and turns the truck off. She flinches when he gently nudges her shoulder.

Eloise sighs and rubs her heavy eyes. "Sorry," she apologizes, groggy.

Bucky gets out of the truck and rounds to her side. He opens the door for her. "Have you had breakfast yet?"

She slips out of the truck. Bucky shuts the door behind her and shoves his hands into his jacket pockets as the two walk up the sidewalk to the front doors of the facility.

"I'm not that hungry," Eloise replies quietly. How could she still have an appetite after last night? If Eloise ate anything she think she'd barf.

Bucky opens the front door and holds it as she slips past him. Once inside, the pair walks through the facility to get to the common room. There are two couches and three chairs with a coffee table in front of both couches, and at the front of the room is a large, sleek, flat-screen TV. It probably costs more than Eloise's apartment. Although it isn't her first time in the facility, she is still on edge in the room. She feels so out of place and feels like she's intruding. Tony Stark for crying out loud basically owns the place. Her last time with him, she tried to kill the billionaire. How would he react knowing that she's back in the building?

Bucky takes a seat on a chair after peeling off his jacket. His metal arm would have caught almost anyone else but Eloise off guard.

"Make yourself comfortable," Bucky says, motioning to the couch next to the chair he's in. Eloise glances at the furniture before stiffly taking a seat at the end closest to Bucky. He notices her tense shoulders and her anxious eyes and says, "It's okay, it's only us and Vision here, but don't worry about him because he's busy learning to cook."

A small laugh slips through Eloise's lips at the image of Vision following along with a how—to-cook YouTube video. However, the smile quickly fades. She purses her lips and stares at the ground.

"Can I see your hand?" Bucky asks, extending his flesh hand.

Eloise places her hand in his, palm-up. Bucky carefully runs a thumb over the fabric of the bandage that is wrapped around her hand.

He looks up at her. "How deep was it?"

Eloise takes her hand back and tucks her hair behind an ear. "Not too deep, but it did bleed for a while. I put some antibacterial stuff on it and wrapped it up."

"Good." He nods and shifts in his seat. His blue eyes pierce right through her walls and she feels like he can see everything—all her pain, all her pent-up sadness and frustrations. Everything that she has been hiding from the people around her and herself. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Eloise lets out a shaky sigh, nodding slightly. "I just... everything was going so good, you know? I was always hanging out with my friends, Peter was doing a lot of good work on the streets and was barely ever getting hurt, and I could sleep." She bites her lip and closes her eyes tightly. The images of her nightmare plaque her mind. "But after that attack at the dance I've been getting them—the nightmares."

Bucky nods, but his lips are curved in a slight frown. "Did you tell anyone?"

"No. I thought that they'd just go away," Eloise confesses, her throat tight. "But they didn't and they kept getting worse and more real." She pauses to take a breath. "My nightmare last night felt so real, like I was actually killing that woman. I could feel her. I felt the wind on my face. And when I woke up I still—" She cuts herself off as tears pool in her eyes. "—I still wanted to hurt someone."

Bucky stares at the ground hard. He rolls his bottom lip between his teeth and furrows his brow in thought.

A tear escapes Eloise's left eye and drips onto her red cheek. She quickly wipes it away.

"I know what you're talking about," Bucky breaks his silence, his eyes lifting from the ground to the wall. "The feeling that you need to hurt someone and you actually feel it in your muscles, and you imagine yourself in the act and the rush you get when you see yourself doing it. And you just feel like it's, like it's necessary. You know it's not good but it doesn't feel bad either, you just want to."

Eloise chokes back a sob.

Bucky's eyes flicker to hers. She's struggling to keep herself contained as she wipes her tears off her face and her body shakes.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you." His voice is soft, sincere.

Eloise shakes her head and covers her face with her hands. She can't breathe because everything Bucky just said, she felt.

He looks away guilty, hating hearing the hiccups and gasps of breath she takes between each sob. His jaw locks and his own eyes begin to water.

"When did it stop?" Eloise croaks, her sobs subsiding. She fixes her hair and looks at Bucky with desperation.

He sighs. "It didn't completely stop. I still feel it every now and then, but it's much easier to handle." Bucky scratches his beard and asks, "So, did you happen to get any sleep when you got Peter?"

Eloise's eyes dart to the floor. "Yeah."

She feels his stare burning the side of her face. You really can't hide anything from him.

"I didn't go get Peter last night," She confesses sheepishly.

Bucky frowns at her. "Why not? You know he'd be understanding and would be more than happy to help you. He cares about you."

Eloise sniffs. "I feel weak enough as it is, I didn't want to have to run to Peter to be okay."

"You're one of the strongest kids I know, Eloise," Bucky counters with a furrowed brow. "You've been to hell and back with a positive and hopeful smile on your face." When Eloise doesn't respond, Bucky sighs. "Can I offer you something?"

She perks up. "What?"

"I could teach you some self defense and combat stuff," Bucky suggests lightly.

Eloise wipes her nose with the back of her hand. "Wouldn't that just make me even more dangerous?"

"You already have inhuman strength when you're out, so I don't think it matters what shape you are in when you're yourself," Bucky points out. "Plus, you'd have a lot better chance of meeting Natasha."

Eloise's eyes widen. She has met multiple members of the Avengers, but her favorite Avenger (besides Peter) is Black Widow and she hasn't met her yet. Eloise used to fantasize about meeting Natasha, and Bucky's offering that chance. Of course she's going to take it.

"When do we start?"

🕸

Eloise slowly opens the front door, tip-toeing into the apartment. She cringes at the click the door makes when it shuts behind her.

She hears her mother's giggles from the living room. It's the evening, so her parents probably had a fancy dinner and drank a little too much wine. Usually Eloise would be annoyed, but her parents being tipsy would make sneaking past them that much easier. She quietly slips her shoes off and shuffles through the kitchen and pauses in front of the living room behind a wall.

Peering into the room, she spots Mr. and Mrs. Jones sitting on the couch with empty wine glasses on the coffee table. The TV has some old comedy on, but the couple isn't watching the screen. They're too distracted by laughing with each other. Mr. Jones's has traces of his wife's red lipstick on his own lips, and Mrs. Jones's eyes crinkle as she throws her head back and laughs.

Eloise quickly sneaks past the living room into the hallway. She doesn't stop to take a breath until she closes the door to her room and leans against it with her eyes closed.

The day seemed to slip right through her fingers. Bucky lent her some spare training clothes that consisted of basketball shorts and a tank top to train in. Although it was hours, it felt like she was only learning to punch and to defend a punch for mere minutes. Bucky threw slow-motion punches for Eloise to block and showed her how to punch using a punching bag. Bucky adjusted her form multiple times, but she's learning quickly. She broke a sweat despite not really doing much physically, and her body is already sore.

I am really out of shape, Eloise thinks to herself as she leans away from the door and flops onto her bed.

She hasn't checked her phone for a while, so she pulls it out of her back pocket and unlocks it. There's two texts, and they're both from Lucy.

Eloise's eyes scan her room. There's a small stack of books by her door with a yellow sticky note on it. She texts Lucy back.

Eloise turns her phone off and rolls off her bed. She lumbers over to the stack of books and picks them up. On the sticky note, written in cute sloppy handwriting, there is a smiley face and the words, "Your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man."

What a dork.

A smile tugs at Eloise's lips, but it quickly falters. Peter and Lucy like each other. She can't like Peter like that anymore.

_____
okay so I get that everyone's upset about Tony's death (I cry on the regular as well) but I feel like people aren't giving natasha the honor she deserves. she's been around since iron man 2 and has had such a big impact on the mcu and her backstory is just so complex and her character and her relationships with the team are so complex and omg guys am i the only one crying over natasha's death???

Chapter Song:
Superhero | Lauv