‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾　　☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

"Forgiveness is
taking the knife out of your own back
and not using it
to hurt anyone else
no matter how
they hurt you."

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾　　☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

THE SOUND of coughs and gurgles was what awoke Harlai, that and how she felt like death. She could feel the dried blood coating the inside of her throat as well as her nose. Trying to ease the pressure in her throat, she coughed only to spit up more blood into the opened palm of her hand. This time it wasn't as much, that was good... She hoped.

"Here." A raspy voice from beside her sounded.

Harlai turned to see a crouching Murphy. She hadn't realized how bad his injuries were until now, being closer to him. His banishing felt like it occurred decades ago yet she still held, however minimal, a guilt within her for not being able to do something about it. Her eyes flickered to the metal cup in his hand and she took it into her own shaking one, taking a long sip.

"Easy. Don't drown yourself," Murphy said with a snicker.

Harlai set the cup down, her eyes cutting over to the man beside her. "What did they do to you?" She gasped out. There were gashes all over his face, one of his eyes was swollen shut, he looked worse than she did. Hell, his meeting the grounders seemed more horrendous than her own. Sure, she almost died, but this... this was torture.

Any humor faded from Murphy's expression once she brought this up, made him remember. He just shot her a weak smile and held up a hand, wiggling his fingers. "Plucked off some nails, used their knives. Nothing too major." There it was again, his defense of sarcasm. Harlai didn't blame him. However he dealt with it, that was left up to him. Humor did take the edge off of things.

"Light work, huh?" She queried with a smile only to feel a cough forcing its way up her throat. Bending over slightly as she wheezed, she pulled her hand away to see no fresh blood.

"You'll be better in no time, Har." Murphy went to say something else, but someone on the other side of her woke up with a start.

Turning around, Harlai's eyes widened to see Bellamy. The lower half of his face was slightly stained with blood, as if someone washed it off. When she passed out, Bellamy hadn't been sick, so how long had she been asleep? Did he stay there by her side? Millions of questions ran through her mind only to watch as Bellamy shoved Murphy's outstretched hand holding the cup of water.

"Get the hell away from me," He grunted.

"Bellamy, you're sick, okay?" Murphy glanced at Harlai as he spoke before letting his eyes flicker back over to him. "I'm just trying to help."

Bellamy stared at him for a moment until a drop of blood rolled down from his nose. "Here," Murphy said as he grabbed a cloth and held it out to him. Instead, Bellamy wiped it away with his sleeve.

Sighing, Harlai grabbed the rag and handed it to Bellamy. He glanced at her for a moment before turning back to Murphy, his gaze hardening. "When I get better, if you're still here-"

Deciding that was enough, Harlai took the cup from Murphy and sent him a small smile. "I got him."

Murphy shrugged and he rose to his feet, leaving the two alone by going to the other side of the room.

Harlai took Bellamy's hand and pressed the cup into it, her eyes raising to meet his. "Drink, you'll feel better." She murmured gently.

Bellamy didn't seem to care about the water in that moment. This time, his dark brown eyes softened as he watched her. "You feeling better? The last time I was awake you were in pretty bad shape."

"Yeah," Harlai breathed out and she tapped his hand to remind him to drink. When he lifted the cup to his lips, she felt one corner of her lips twitch upwards. Then, she remembered he was sick because of her and the half smile faded. "Are you sick because you stayed in here? If so, you shouldn't have. I would have been fine-"

Bellamy swallowed the water and he set the cup down. "Harlai, that doesn't matter." He looked down at her, a frown etching itself into his lips, his brows slightly furrowing. "I couldn't stand being out there away from you. No one was giving me updates and-and-" He broke off before shaking his head, dipping it to look down.

Harlai blinked in surprise at the man. The last time they spoke, she was yelling at him for a multitude of things. It seemed like here lately that was all she ever felt- anger, but it wasn't directed at him. He didn't make the decisions to kill her mother, he didn't send them down to Earth.

Reaching over to take one of his hands into hers, Harlai reached up with the other to tilt his head up. "Hey, it's okay. We're okay, Bellamy. Going to be, at least," She whispered to him with a small smile.

His features began to soften and he gripped onto her hand. There was nothing left to be said. They were both alive, Harlai forgave him, all was well. Bellamy's eyes searched hers for a moment then he began to lean in closer, she met him halfway, and just as their lips brushed against one another, boots thudded against the floor of the drop ship. Harlai and Bellamy pulled away from each other only to see Clarke pausing a couple feet away from them.

"I see you two are awake," The blonde weakly teased with a small smile.

The doctor's daughter looked worse than them, like she became sick more recently. Her skin was pallor and her eyes were glossed over. Her fever was obvious when she crouched down beside Harlai to check her out, the heat radiated off her.

"Clarke, don't you think you should be getting some rest?" Harlai questioned, though she knew it was just a waste of her breath. She knew the woman wouldn't stop until everyone was healed, or at least until she did all she could.

"I'm fine," Clarke responded as she patted her friend's shoulder and she turned to Bellamy. "You definitely need to rest easy. You're not out of the clear just yet."

Bellamy just shook his head, she was wasting her breath as well. Both of them were hardheaded, Harlai learned that much easily. Though, she guessed she had a tendency to be, too.

"I'm fine," Bellamy repeated her words with a hoarse chuckle. It was nice to see them getting along, it hadn't happened often. Harlai knew if they worked together, the rest of the 100 would be a force against the grounders. "Have either of you seen Octavia?"

Harlai had only just woken up, so she shook her head. It was Clarke who spoke. "She was up all night helping the others, Murphy gave her a break."

At the mention of the boy, Bellamy's expression threatened to harden. "Don't tell me you trust him now." He muttered while glancing over at Harlai.

The brunette definitely didn't trust Murphy. She felt bad for him, something must have happened to him just by judging how he acted around camp- even on day one. Even then, he still tried to kill her when she was at her lowest point. There was no coming back from that and even if there was a chance, it would take a long while. She wanted to believe people could change, but if she did believe that, she would have to forgive her father too. That wasn't happening anytime soon.

"Trust? No," Clarke stated with a shake of her head. "I do believe in second chances, though."

Harlai's throat tightened, it was almost like the blonde was reading her thoughts. There was a short blanket of silence, the tense subject was fortunately dropped.

"It's almost dawn," Bellamy started while looking towards the makeshift curtains that covered the drop ship's entrance. "We need to get everyone inside. If we lock the doors, maybe the grounders will think we're not home."

"Not everyone is sick," Clarke warned.

"Sick is better than dead," countered Bellamy.

Harlai rolled her eyes. Here we go again, she thought. Just when she thought they were coming together, they butted heads yet again. She didn't know if it was this sickness or their fighting, both were draining.

"You don't think Finn and Jasper are gonna pull it off," Clarke said, an expression of realization crossing her features.

Harlai blinked, confusion entering her own, and she looked between the two. "What do you mean? What are Finn and Jasper doing?" What exactly had she missed while she was out?

The both of them looked at her warily. There it was again, that look that said they didn't want to tell her because they were scared she would break. Her jaw clenched and she shook her head.

"Do you? Think they'll pull it off." Bellamy's voice rang in Harlai's ears as she pulled her knees up to her chest. If she weren't stuck in here, she would have left. She didn't know where she would go considering they were practically on lockdown. Anywhere away from the supposed leaders.

"I'll get everyone inside," Clarke said as she stood to her feet. She gave one last look to Harlai, but the girl would t meet her eyes. With that, she walked out of the drop ship.

Bellamy slowly pushed himself up and he looked down at her. "Harlai-"

"Tell me what they're doing," She whispered.

"Harlai-"

"I said, tell me what they're doing," Harlai raised her voice and she stood up. Her eyes met Bellamy's, this time her gaze was different. Hurt laced her irises. "I don't understand why time after time you two continue to treat me as if I'm so fragile. Have I not proved myself?"

"You don't need to prove yourself. I knew from the moment you hopped down from the second floor without even using the ladder you were strong," Bellamy told her as he took a step closer. "We just know how much you care about Jasper and Finn. And you're still sick-"

"Please, I feel better than the two of you look."

Amusement flickered in Bellamy's eyes which only made her angrier. Throwing his hands up in defense, he closed the distance between them both. "I'll tell you, but only on one condition."

"I don't think you're in a position to make conditions-"

"Just hear me out, Sleeping Beauty."

A smile threatened to break out on her lips once he spoke his nickname for her and she nodded for him to continue. "I'll tell you where they went if we continue what Clarke interrupted."

Harlai stared at him for a moment and once she realized he was completely serious, one of her hands flew up to cover her mouth as she let out a laugh. He was so annoyingly forgivable. "Fine, but I have a condition as well." She stated, but not before chuckling once more. "I don't want to keep being left out. Any decision making, I want in, too."

Bellamy looked down at her with a growing smile and he nodded, slowly shaking his arms around her waist to pull her closer. "Deal," He said, his expression shifting to a more solemn, serious look. "Jasper and Finn went to blow the bridge up with a bomb Raven made. Hopefully it will give us more time or even better, scare them away."

Harlai blinked in surprise and she thought about it for a moment. If they were so worried she would break down with this information, she needed to prove otherwise. Even though it did scare her with the grounders out there, not to mention this was a bomb they were talking about.

Instead of answering, she decided to change the subject. Harlai had her end of the bargain to meet, so she leaned up to let her lips crash against his. Bellamy's grip tightened around her waist as he kissed her back. It was... words couldn't even describe what Harlai was feeling. The exchange was passionate and tender yet needful, wanting. She longed for the day when they could be together in a peaceful environment, not one where this could be their last. War was coming and she wasn't ready to say goodbye.

"If you two lovebirds are done, Clarke needs help outside."

Bellamy wrenched himself away from Harlai only to stare daggers at Murphy. He just shrugged, unbothered, and walked out of the drop ship.

Letting a laugh escape her lips, she looked up at him. "Five more minutes?"

Bellamy turned back to Harlai with a smirk and pulled her close once more. "Five more minutes," He repeated before returning his lips to hers once more, letting them mold together as one.

➶➴➷➹

After making out with Bellamy in a room full of sick people, they went out to help Clarke with the others. Harlai was starting to feel better, so she was able to work faster than her friends. They gave each of the healthy ones masks and began to usher them inside, Clarke was taking whatever extra measures she could to ensure no one else would be infected. With everything going on, they needed the numbers.

Harlai double checked to make sure everyone had some sort of face covering, she went to join Clarke and Bellamy at the entrance. The blonde looked worried, so Harlai patted her shoulder.

"We're doing the right thing. Everyone will be safer inside," She tried reassuring her.

Clarke opened her mouth to respond, but was cut off by a loud explosion. Everyones' heads turned and that's when Harlai saw it, the big cloud of dark smoke rising into the air.

"They did it," Bellamy breathed out.

"I am Become Death, Destroyer of Worlds," Clarke said after a moment. Bellamy looked at her with slightly furrowed eyebrows.

"Oppenheimer." Harlai's eyes didn't waver from the smoke as she spoke.

"The man who built the first-"

"I know who Oppenheimer is." Bellamy told Clarke, making Harlai chuckle.

"Know it all," Harlai teased the blonde with a nudge of her elbow to Clarke's side.

"Jerk," Clarke attempted to retaliate.

"Nice one, Clarke." Bellamy said, folding his arms over his chest as he laughed.

Harlai would take being sick and happy anytime over what they would soon face. She vividly remembered the grounder who dragged her through the forest, the one she shot down from the trees. Harlai knew it wouldn't end until one side was wiped out, there was no way they were going to back down from this. If anything, she anticipated the bomb would only anger them more. The biological warfare was just an appetizer and they hadn't even made it to the entree. This was a three course meal, dessert included.

"There, it's them! Open the gates!" Monroe exclaimed from her post at the wall.

The gates were opened and through it first walked Jasper and Monty. Harlai felt the relief wash over her once she saw them, fighting every urge to rush over and hug the both of them. Once the people began to cheer, she did too.

"Go," Bellamy said from beside her.

Harlai glanced up at him and she smiled before leaning up to kiss him on the cheek swiftly. With that, she jogged over to Monty and Jasper.

"I would squeeze you, but I don't want you to get sick," Harlai told them, her smile shifting into a grin. "Now, tell me all about it."

"I don't care, you look better anyways." Monty wrapped his arms around her in a tight hug. It didn't occur to her until then that he was shaking, either from nerves or the adrenaline. Harlai returned the embrace. "Jasper freaked out, so I basically saved the day."

"Not true! The speech may have been a nice touch, but that's an exaggeration."

Harlai couldn't stop the laughter that tumbled past her lips. She tugged the two over to the fire pit, so she could hear it all. Her eyes flickered past them to the entrance, watching as Finn practically carried Raven into the camp. She looked sick, but she knew Clarke would handle it. Raven was just as strong as she, she would pull through.

➶➴➷➹

BELLAMY'S POV

With Harlai still distracted by Monty and Jasper, Bellamy decided to follow Clarke to the cemetery. He stood next to her, his eyes scanning the mounds.

"You're outside of the wall without a gun," He said while sliding his hand over the gun attached to his side. Clarke's aloofness didn't surprise him anymore, he knew she cared about everyone else more than herself. Harlai had that in common with her.

Clarke met his eyes for a moment before looking away. "Fourteen graves."

Bellamy let that sink in for a moment. Fourteen graves, there were only seventy-five of them left. Most were the grounders' faults. His nostrils flared and he shook his anger away. Instead, he directed his thoughts to the real reason he came out here. Why he was glad Clarke went outside of the camp and away from Harlai. He didn't favor lying to her, but he heard her conversation with Murphy before she even knew he was there. She wouldn't be able to make the hard decision whenever it came down to it, Clarke could.

"We need to talk about Murphy."

"He was right about the bridge," Clarke brought this up while looking at him with raised eyebrows.

Bellamy knew Murphy would be useful when he decided the boy could be his somewhat right hand man. He betrayed whatever little trust Bellamy had for him, but Clarke was right. His information was valid, he could strengthen their offense.

"We'll see," Bellamy settled for now before sucking in a breath. He glanced at the gate then back to Clarke. "Octavia says the Mountain Men are pissed, whatever that means."

"I'd say it means we need as many soldiers as we can get."

"So what, we have pardon power now?" Bellamy asked, his eyebrows furrowing slightly. He still was opposed to letting Murphy off the hook and it seemed like Clarke was deciding to let him stay alive and at the camp. If he knew that, he would have let Harlai come.

"It's hard running things," Clarke looked at him with a sympathetic expression. "Fourteen graves," She repeated and after a moment, she turned to walk back into camp.

Bellamy looked at the graves once more and he understood. He didn't want to lose anymore of their people either and they needed all the numbers they could get, but he didn't want to lose Harlai. One of the people Murphy tried to kill- he could never forget that.

➶➴➷➹

HARLAI'S POV

After listening to Jasper and Monty's retelling of their adventure, Harlai realized she hadn't seen Bellamy in a while. She parted ways with her friends to go look for them, going to the drop ship after searching his tent. Pushing one of the flaps up quietly as to not wake any sleeping patients, she saw Murphy bent over someone. It was nice to know he was picking up the slack when Clarke wasn't around, hopefully that would ease Bellamy's mind.

She walked further in the room, but she paused when she noticed the person Murphy was with began to thrash around. Her eyes widened and that's when she realized it- by getting closer, she watched as Murphy held a wet cloth over his mouth. Harlai froze in her place, she didn't know what to do.

"Bygones," Murphy whispered.

This snapped her back to reality. She suddenly rushed Murphy and knocked him sideways so they both fell to the floor. Harlai straddled him and quickly grabbed ahold of his wrists, pinning them down as he grunted, trying to shake her off.

"Too late, Sleeping Beauty. Kid already took his last breath," Murphy spit out and he smirked at her.

Harlai's heart sunk to the bottom of her stomach. If she moved quicker, she could have stopped him. But no, Bellamy and Clarke were right. She was fragile, she couldn't even save one person. Murphy took this moment of weakness to his advantage and he moved quicker than Harlai could register it, slamming his forehead into her nose. A crack rung in her ears, immense pain shooting through her whole face. Crying out, Harlai fell back and blindly kicked at him as she clutched her nose, blood pouring from it once again.

"Bellamy's not here to save you this time," Murphy said from behind her with a mocking laugh.

Harlai quickly turned around and she scrambled back away from him. Her hands patted her pants to find her knife, the one Bellamy gave her. Murphy grinned and pulled his hand from his back.

"Looking for this?" He asked as he revealed the knife, twirling the hilt through his fingers. "Fell out when you so rudely pushed me over."

"Go to Hell," Harlai said before spitting blood in his direction.

His grin only grew wider, he looked like the definition of a madman. "Oh, I am and I'm taking you with me." He pounced for her, bringing the hilt down on her head. For the tenth time since she had been on Earth, Harlai fell unconscious.

➶➴➷➹

GUESS WHO'S BAAACK! Me🤪 And I am DEDICATED to finaaally finish this book. So, here is my apology for being gone: a looong chapter with twists, turns, and oh my's!! Enjoy and be on the look out for more xoxo