When you yield, who holds you?

I wake up to the noise of a heated argument, the voices easily audible to anyone in another block. I quickly get out of bed and head out of the room, realizing that the voices are coming directly from my parents' room; the sound from there is staggering. Fear takes over my entire being, feeling my legs and arms tremble with each passing second.

In a moment of adrenaline, I head towards the door of the room, the origin of the argument, but before I reach the handle, Sean quickly pulls me into his room. It's all very fast, one moment I was in the hallway, and the next I was in Sean's room. As I orient myself in the environment I find myself in, I notice a figure with blond hair sitting on Sean's bed in a fetal position, with a deep expression of crying; I quickly realize it's Aaron.

Returning to my state of consciousness and normality, I ask Sean:

— Why didn't you let me go there? — I'm surprised by my tone of voice, oscillating between fear and anger —.

I notice from Sean's expression that he doesn't understand the whole situation around us, and like us, he was totally lost.

— I didn't dare to go in there, whatever is happening, it's none of our business — he replies with a fear that haunts my soul —.

I wasn't used to seeing Sean afraid or insecure, as he had always been an extremely confident person, overcoming any problem that came his way. But now it's different; he knows what's going on, but he knows he can't control it.

— How did this happen? — I say, still able to hear furious voices going back and forth in the room next door —.

Sean's expression becomes even deeper; he's genuinely afraid. Before he can answer me, he goes to a speaker resting in a corner of his room and says:

— How about we listen to some music? — he says, alternating his gaze between me and Aaron —

After that, he turns on the speaker, cranking up the volume, and then plays a song that makes the hairs on my head vibrate. Sean walks over to his desk, grabs three video game controllers, hands one to Aaron, who I notice is still trembling with fear, one to me, and keeps one in his hand. Then, he points to the television mounted on the wall just above his desk, turns on his game console, and starts a car racing game.

Everything is so fast that it disorients my senses. I don't focus on the game passing before my eyes. I notice Sean and Aaron trembling all the while holding the controllers; we don't even make moves in the game.

The only sound in the entire environment comes from Sean's speaker, which is thunderously loud. Despite all the noise trying to drown out what's coming from outside, I can still perfectly hear the argument, as if I had one ear in the room where I am and another in my parents' room. I constantly have a strong urge to go in there and break up everything that's happening, but I don't. I'm frozen, like one of those statues in the art gallery at Loftheaven College.

Sean, realizing that his attempt to ease things for Aaron and me isn't working, quickly gets up, pulls us by the hands, and heads towards the exit of the house. Outside, he leads us to the garage, where I notice a different car next to my father's SUV; it's a red sedan, looking weathered. Sean opens the doors, puts Aaron in the back seat, indicates the passenger seat for me, then gets into the driver's seat and sets off towards the street from our house.

After a few minutes of silence, I address Sean:

— Please, I beg you, explain to me what's happening with mom and dad.

He responds with a look of apprehension and uncertainty:

— We're going to Grandma Joane and Grandpa Charles's house — his voice gasps as he speaks, as if there's not enough air in his lungs —.

Everything that happens in this small span of time leaves me with a mix of emotions, like adrenaline, fear, and anger. I feel a sudden shift in emotions within me.

— SEAN! — I fervently shout at Sean, not noticing when or how I do it, it just erupts from me like a volcano —

Sean quickly brakes the car, causing both him and me to lurch forward a bit. Aaron, who was in the back seat, is startled by my shout, and I notice muffled sobs coming from his direction.

Sean looks directly into the depths of my eyes and says:

— Dad's been going out, and mom doesn't like it at all. You're too young to understand. It's adult stuff.

— Just tell me what's going on — my tone of voice remains resolute with each passing moment —.

— Mom thinks Dad has another family, with another woman and other children — I notice his expression sinking into a vast abyss —.

Silence falls in the car, a silence that I think I'll never hear any sound break again. Aaron breaks into long sobs, where neither Sean nor I can console him because, like him, we are lost in our own thoughts. Sean resumes his journey towards our grandparents' house.

The journey, although short, seems to take an eternity. As soon as we arrive, I notice a figure crouched in front of a small flower bed in front of the house, wearing an apron with some gardening tools hanging on it. Her hair is short and a deep brown. Besides the apron, I see she's wearing light blue jeans and a white linen shirt. When she sees the car we're in arriving, her expression betrays uncertainty.

Sean parks next to a silver SUV at the garage door, quickly gets out, and then opens the back door to allow Aaron to exit. I also step out, trying to identify which house I'm in. Sean said we were going to Grandma Joane and Grandpa Charles's house, but for a moment, the place seems unfamiliar.

Sean approaches the figure tending to the flower bed, and as she stands up, I quickly recognize her as my grandmother Joane, whom I haven't seen with her brown hair for years. The last time I saw her, at Grandpa Charles's funeral, she had long gray hair. Sean approaches her already embracing her, and I notice him whisper something in her ear; then, she shows a compassionate expression and points to the front door of the house. Sean heads in that direction.

After the encounter with Sean, my grandmother walks toward Aaron, who is completely distraught and doesn't understand what's happening. She picks him up, giving him a long hug and drying his tears with a small handkerchief she took from her pocket. I remain standing next to Sean's car the whole time. After she notices me, she signals for me to come closer. When I approach, she's still holding Aaron, and she gives me a subtle hug with her available arm. While she hugs me, my gaze goes beyond her body, fixed on the front door, waiting for a second person.

A few seconds pass, and a man with grayish-blond hair appears at the door. I notice he's wearing a white striped shirt and black shorts. He walks towards us, and I never take my eyes off him. His gaze shifts from my grandmother, still holding Aaron, to me. Our eyes meet, and then he breaks into a wide smile that makes me forget everything that happened before. It's my grandfather, Charles Daanyel Starstrock.

Before he gets close to us, he speaks:

— 'Aa', 'Dany'! — I loved the way my grandfather called me and Aaron, and now even more. Despite the current situation, which I believe Sean must have informed him about when he entered, he remains calm and sweet in his voice —

I disengage from my grandmother's hug and without saying a word, I embrace my grandfather with all the strength I have. I don't feel the tears coming, but soon they cover my entire face. My grandfather notices my state and continues:

— Everything's okay, 'Dany'... Everything's okay... — her voice is so serene and peaceful that I can't recall why I was crying, yet the tears still flow —

After the sobbing subsides, I look at him and notice the shimmering of the deep blue valley of his gaze. As soon as I manage to string a word after another, I begin:

— I was mis-missing you so much — I choke on the words, feeling at every instant that I wouldn't be able to utter them —.

— I missed you too, 'Dany'. It's okay, it's all over now... everything's passed — he responds with his voice, once again, making me question why all of this —.

My grandmother, still holding Aaron, starts to head inside the house and says:

— Come on, Daany, let's go inside.

My grandfather puts his hand on my back and says:

— Let's go inside, 'Dany', let's have breakfast. You must be hungry, aren't you?

I don't say anything, just nod and start walking towards the entrance; he accompanies me with calm and attentive steps.

Once inside the house, I remember the surroundings completely; the living room with two large white sofas and a carved wooden coffee table, there was also a large painting on the wall behind the sofa, showing Sean, looking about 10 years old, along with me at about 2 years old, and Aaron, still a newborn; we were accompanied by my grandfather and grandmother. I easily recognize the living room environment because, as a child, I used to come here a lot.

I walk a few more steps and come across the kitchen along with the dining room. Everything was just as I remembered it; the green cabinets, the rugs all over the kitchen floor, the very shiny wooden dining table.

I pull out a chair to sit at the dining table and find Sean, who seemed calmer with everything that happened, still in my grandmother's lap; Aaron refused to get down. My grandmother speaks up:

— I'll prepare breakfast for you all.

— Aaron, get down from grandma's lap, she can't prepare breakfast with you on her lap — Sean tells Aaron, who, after his words, clings even more to my grandmother's lap —.

— It's okay, Sean, I can manage — my grandmother replies with a smile expressing calmness and tranquility —.

My grandmother then starts preparing breakfast, still with Aaron in her arms, and my grandfather promptly starts to help her.

After a few minutes, a large breakfast table was set before Sean and me. Aaron, who had been clinging to my grandmother before, gets down and joins us at the table, with my grandparents following suit.

After breakfast is finished, my grandfather starts:

— How are things at school, boys?

Sean quickly responds:

— They're going well. My grades have improved, and I'm almost getting onto the American football team.

— That's wonderful, son. I'm very proud of you — my grandfather's expression showed genuine happiness and pride —.

My grandfather continues:

— And you, 'Dany', how are things?

— They're fine, everything's fine... — the words flow from my mouth as if a great void inside me were hollow —.

My grandfather doesn't say anything, just gives a look of acceptance and then turns to Aaron:

— And how's your first year at school, 'Aa'?

Aaron, still with his mouth full, replies:

— It's good. I'm really enjoying it. I made a friend there, his name is Robert Emilio Ortega, he's Mexican — as Aaron speaks, I notice that the fear and apprehension that previously surrounded him no longer exist —.

— I'm glad everyone's doing well — my grandfather speaks in a calm and very amiable tone —.

An unexpected silence settles in the room; no one speaks. I think the recent events may have come to mind for each of us. Since I arrived, I haven't been able to shake off what was happening between my parents. At one point, I ask everyone present:

— Can I call my mom? I want to know if she's okay.

I notice a wary look from my grandmother who responds:

—She's fine. I'm sure of it — her tone of voice doesn't instill any confidence in me —.

— I want to call her — my voice is serious, and I feel like I've never spoken with such seriousness before —.

— It's okay, 'Dan'. You can relax — Sean responds to me, but I know that he, like me, is worried —.Parte superior do formulário

— NO! — I speak with such force that it startles both those at the table and myself —I want to talk to her.

— Call her on the phone, 'Dany'. You can call her, you know the number, right? — my grandfather responds to me with the utmost serenity —

— Yeah, I do.

I leave the table still very angry and head towards the telephone, which is next to the sofa in the living room. As I dial the numbers, I notice my hands trembling. I feel like I won't be able to do it, but before I know it, the phone is ringing. A few seconds pass, and no one answers. I feel a wave of panic rush through my chest; my legs start to tingle, and in my mind, I think I'm going to faint any second. I wait a little longer, and a voice with some sniffing noises says:

— H-hello...

— Mommy? — I try to keep my voice as calm as possible —

— 'DD', is that you?

— Yes, it's me, Mommy. Are you okay? What happened?

— Nothing, my love. We were just talking with your father and things got a little heated.

— Did he hurt you?

— No, everything's fine.

— Don't lie to me, Mommy — my tone is serious and uncompromising. Whatever is happening, I won't let anything happen to my mother —.

— Everything's really fine, 'DD'. We were just arguing, adult stuff, you wouldn't understand — oh, I would understand, I would understand very well... —. Where are you guys?

— We're at Grandma Joane and Grandpa Charles's house — a slight sob forms within me, and I can't hide the choked-up voice. For a moment, I feel a great frustration wash over me, like never before seen. What happened or what will happen is beyond my control; I have no control over it —.

— Oh, that's good. Is Sean around?

— He is.

— Can I talk to him?

— Yes, just a moment, I'll get him.

I quickly return to the kitchen and call Sean. He heads towards the phone, and I accompany him every step of the way. He picks up the phone and starts talking to my mom in a tone that's inaudible to me.

Sean finishes the conversation and hangs up the phone. Before he returns to the kitchen, I call out to him:

— Sean.

— Yeah? — he responds calmly, but I sense a void in his voice —

— Is Mommy, okay?

— She's fine, 'DD'. It was just an argument between adults. Later, we'll go back home, and you'll see everything's fine.

I hear a voice faintly whispering in my ear: Is Sean already driving? I glance slightly behind me, trying to find someone, but without success. Before Sean goes back to the kitchen, I ask him:

— How did you drive here?

— What do you mean? — his tone expresses serious doubt —

— You can't drive yet.

— What do you mean, I'm already 16, you know?

— What? How come? — my confusion is genuine. I know Sean has been driving since he was 12, but he never went out on the road with the car, and whose car was that anyway?! —

— I really don't get you. I can drive, obviously. I got my license as soon as I turned 16, in the middle of the year. Don't you remember celebrating with me when I passed?

— Oh, right... —I agree, still not understanding very well — But whose red car is it?

— 'DD', I really don't understand you. Did you hit your head?

— No, I just don't know whose car it is.

— 'DD' — his tone of voice slightly changes, leaving me a little startled —, the car is mine. Dad gave it to me as soon as I told him I passed. Don't you remember us going out with it last week?

— I remember... I remember... — my response is vague; I have no recollection of going out with Sean in his car —

— Anything else you want to know? — Sean's tone is sharp, indicating impatience. I don't blame him; he knows what's going on, and it's a heavy burden, both for me and for him —

— No...

Then he heads back to the kitchen. I sit on the couch, engulfed in numerous thoughts. Sean is 16... That means... That means we're in 2011...

I rush around the house in search of a calendar to confirm my current doubt. Until I come across a large calendar next to the refrigerator, dated October 15, 2011. It happened again — I immediately think —.

I return to the living room, still lost in thought and trying to process all the information. I'm in 2011, and I'm 8 years old... Yesterday was in 2010, and the day before yesterday in 2009. I'm traveling a year each day... I remember being at Lake Ross with Levi yesterday...

A deep chill washes over me, but it's fleeting. Sitting on the couch, I am lost in countless thoughts, just staring at the turned-off television. I can see myself in the reflection, still my small child's body, my fragility, my inability to do anything for my mother...

After a few minutes, my grandfather enters the room looking for me, and as soon as he finds me, he speaks:

— 'Dany', what happened? — his tone of voice is so calm that it makes me think he lives in another world, one where there is no war, only peace —

I respond with an almost muted voice:

— Nothing, I'm just worried about my mom.

— She's okay, 'Dany', I assure you. My son, your father, he's always been a discontented child, nothing was ever good enough for him. I, as a father, knew the son I had, but your mother didn't know the husband she chose. I know the mistakes your father has made and continues to make. Your mother deserves to be happy, with or without your father. But that's something only she can decide. You can't control that.

— But I'm afraid he'll hurt her.

— He wouldn't physically hurt her, but I fear for her heart because that, I know, he has already gravely wounded.

— Why doesn't she leave him then?

— Oh, 'Dany', love is something ineffable; I can't explain it, just like no one else in the world can. In its best form, it's a two-way street, but often it's one-way. For some people, it's okay to be on only one side. I don't know why, but I believe that on this long road, what they're looking for is the love of the other. Where it may or may not be found because the other person is on other roads... of other loves... of other hearts...

My grandfather's words stir something within me that I can't quite explain. Tears no longer dwell within me; instead, there's emptiness... fear... "... the person is on other roads..." That fits perfectly with my mother and my father's situation, where he might be traveling in search of another life, and also with Daany and Levi from the future, where he's on other roads of other friendships.

He continues:

— Would you like to watch TV? — his tone of voice is welcoming, as always —

I remain silent, still apathetic about everything.

— I'll turn it on, if you want to watch, feel free — he says, getting up and heading towards the television —.

He turns it on, puts on a children's channel, kisses me on the forehead, and returns to the kitchen.

I can't process what's happening on the TV in front of me; I just watch those meaningless images. A few minutes pass, and a tiny figure with blond hair appears where I am, it's Aaron, who promptly gets excited to watch the cartoon on TV. It's as if he's forgotten all the terror from hours ago.

Aaron remains silent the whole time; he's never been one to show affection or comfort others with words, but rather through gestures. Then, in a gesture of great affection — I believe — he approaches me, lays his head on my lap, and fixes his eyes on the TV. I've never been good with words, just like Aaron — I guess it runs in the family — so I put my hand on his hair, gently stroking it, trying to show that I won't abandon him, not for a moment.

After a while, Sean, my grandfather, and my grandmother enter the room. My grandmother soon says:

— Daany, Aaron, your grandfather and I are going to the supermarket to buy some things for lunch and other stuff for you guys to eat. I spoke with Sean, and he'll be looking after you two while we're gone.

— Okay, Grandma — Aaron responds quickly —. Could you bring chocolate for me? — he adds with a slight smile —

— I'll bring it, of course — my grandmother replies with a laugh —.

She then asks:

— Sean and Daany, do you want anything?

— I don't want anything, thank you, Grandma — Sean answers —.

— And you, Daany?

— No, thank you — I respond surprisingly calmly —.

— Take care, kids — my grandfather says, looking at us with pride —.

They head towards the outside of the house. Sean sits next to me on my right side, then puts his arm around my shoulders. I feel a great comfort and security being with them; this is one of those moments I wish could last forever, despite all the adversities we face, we're together, like loyal confidants.

My grandmother always made the best lasagna I've ever tasted, and today is no different. The taste, the smell, the texture, the melting cheese in my mouth... It brings one of the greatest satisfactions of my life.

After we finish eating, my grandfather appears with a big tub of ice cream and offers it to us. Sean and Aaron indulge in three scoops of ice cream each; I can only manage one.

We go to the backyard, where my grandfather lies on a hammock, my grandmother and Sean sit on two rocking chairs, and Aaron, unlike everyone else, quickly heads to the pool. I miss going to the pool at my grandparents' house, spending the afternoon chatting with them, being lighter and happier. Today, I have the opportunity to relive that. I don't join Aaron in the pool, but I sit on the edge, just dipping my feet in.

Aaron is completely agitated, running from one end of the pool to the other. My grandfather then directs his words to me and Sean:

— Get into the pool too, boys.

— I'll go later, Grandpa — I respond calmly, all the tension from earlier having dissipated —.

— I won't be able to get in, Grandpa. I have to meet someone soon — Sean replies, taking a sip from a soda can —

— A meeting?! — my grandfather and grandmother almost say simultaneously, their voices sounding surprised —

— Yeah, I'm meeting a girl — Sean replies, blushing —

— Is she your girlfriend? — my grandfather asks, with curiosity —

— We're still getting to know each other...

— I'm happy for you, son — my grandfather says with pride —.

I really want to get into the pool and ask my grandfather and grandmother:

— I want to get into the pool. I just didn't bring clothes to change into.

— It's okay, dear. You and your brothers have some clothes stored here at home.

I awkwardly dive into the pool but quickly start swimming back and forth with Aaron. We start betting on a race to see who's faster.

After a while, I hear Sean saying:

— Grandpa, Grandma, I'm going now. Look after these two troublemakers until I get back, please.

From afar, I notice my grandmother responding to him with indulgence.

— Alright, love. You can go without worry.

— Hey, big heads — Sean says, addressing Aaron and me —. I'm heading out, take care.

— Alright, Sean — I reply, wiping the water from my eyes —.

— I'm practically an adult now, I can handle myself — Aaron responds jokingly, while trying to splash Sean with pool water —.

Sean heads towards the exit, and I can hear the car starting up and driving away.

Time passes, and both Aaron and I grow tired of the pool and decide to leave. We go directly to where Grandma Joane indicated, the second room upstairs, and then change out of our wet clothes into dry ones.

As I head towards the exit of the room, I notice Aaron lying on the bed, his eyes slowly closing, indicating he's about to sleep. I descend the stairs, yawning heavily. Like Aaron, I'm very tired; swimming in the pool always exhausts me.

Downstairs, I go straight to the living room where my grandparents are watching TV. I lie down on the other empty sofa, my eyes fixed on the large screen in front of me.

I wake up startled as someone pokes me. I realize it's Sean, feeling a bit disoriented as I hadn't noticed when I fell asleep. He says:

— 'DD', it's time. We need to go.

Still groggy, I respond:

— Can't we just stay here tonight?

— If you want to stay, you can. I'll check with Aaron if he wants to stay too.

Regaining some consciousness, I quickly tell Sean before he heads towards another room, presumably where Aaron is:

— Actually, 'Sea', I'll come with you.

— Your call.

I follow Sean to the kitchen, where Aaron is, and notice he's devouring a slice of pudding. As soon as he sees us, he says:

— Want some? — his mouth is full, and bits of pudding are coming out from all sides — It's delicious.

— Enjoy your pudding, boys. It's delicious, your grandpa made it — my grandma replies with an adorable expression —

— No, thanks, Grandma — Sean responds —. Aaron, we have to go.

— I don't want to, I want to stay here — Aaron replies hesitantly, then hugs my grandma tightly —.

My grandma says:

— Sleep here tonight, boys. I'll call your mom and talk to her.

Sean replies:

— I need to finish some schoolwork, Grandma, and Daany wants to go home too.

— Then let Aaron stay. Tomorrow your grandpa and I will take him home — my grandma says, looking directly at Aaron while he gives a slight smirk of satisfaction —.

— You'll be alright here without us, 'Aa'? — Sean asks Aaron —

— Yeah, I'll be fine — Aaron says, sounding pleased —.

— Alright then, we're off. Take care, 'Aa'.

Sean goes towards my grandma, gives her a long hug and a kiss on her cheek. Then he shakes hands with and kisses Aaron on the forehead. I go towards my grandma and give her a kiss on her cheek; she hugs me warmly and friendly. I say goodbye to Aaron with a hug and head towards the exit with Sean.

Outside, I notice it's already dark; my grandpa accompanies us to where Sean's car is parked. He gives Sean a long hug and a kiss on the forehead, then I give him a strong hug, not holding back, knowing that nothing would separate us at that moment. Sean and I get into the car and head back home.

The journey is quick, and soon we're back. The house seems oddly quiet; the lights are on, indicating someone is home. I notice my dad's car isn't in the garage. Inside, I see my mom sitting on the couch watching TV, her gaze seems distant. As soon as she sees us, she says:

— Boys, how was it at your grandparents' house? — her tone tries to convey peace, but something tells me otherwise —

Sean replies:

— It was good, Aaron stayed there. Grandma and grandpa will bring him here tomorrow.

— Ah, I see. Alright then. And how was it, 'DD'?

— It went well — I reply, my voice trembling with a long-lasting fear —

I walk towards her, giving her a long hug, but for a moment, I feel that cold embrace from my future mother. A profound shiver runs through my soul. I let go of her hug and make my way up the stairs. In my room, memories of the events of that morning try to haunt me, but I try my best not to dwell on them.

I put on my pajamas because everything that happened today has drained me to a level I can't explain. I lie down in bed, waiting for sleep to come, but it doesn't.

A few minutes pass, and the door cracks open. I realize it's Sean; he soon says:

— Can I come in?

I reply:

— Sure.

He comes over to the side of my bed, crouches down, and then continues:

— 'DD', everything that happened today was too much for me, just as it was for you and Aaron. I really wish all these things hadn't happened, but know that I'll never let anything bad happen to you two.

I notice Sean's eyes welling up, and I think he might burst into tears at any moment, but he doesn't.

— Thank you, Sean. I guess I don't really understand adult things much — I'm an adult in a child's body, but I'm not sure if I can still understand adult things... —. But, I'm afraid something might happen to Mommy.

— Nothing will happen to her, I promise. I promise you, as long as I'm here, I'll protect her, and I'll protect you and Aaron — he puts one hand on my head and another on my chest —. Are you having trouble sleeping?

— A little.

— Can I stay here until you fall asleep? — his voice is gentle and comforting —

— You can.

A few minutes pass, and I feel Sean's hand gently stroking my hair. His presence calms me. Everything around me is calm and quiet. I no longer feel agony surrounding me, just peace, pure and simple peace... A little time passes, and soon I feel the blanket of sleep enveloping me.