Hi there, old friend. I know you're gone, I know you probably won't read this, but I just wanted to let you know this.

I really do miss you, I might've only known you for eight years, and for some people, that's a lot. But I felt like it was too short. There is so, so much I still want to tell you. Ever since the day you were gone, it was hard to cry, hard to let anyone in. I didn't want to believe it, you were just gone, I didn't want to to go. I didn't tell you goodbye... I didn't say, I love you. I felt so bad for not being able to be there, and hold your hand and tell you it would be okay. I wasn't able to sit on your hospital bed, because I thought I would break you, I thought I would kill you. I was so scared, I knew I needed to be brave for you, and everyone else in the family. But I simply couldn't. It was hard to remember the good times when you were just lying there suffering, just to see her family happy again. I couldn't believe that the person who used to take care of me was defeated.

I just want to see you smiling again, not to see you with a fake smile to hide away the pain. I want to let you brush my hair(For once.) I want to tell you about my day, the truth about my day. Not "It was okay", I want to sit in the living room with you binge watching all of the Harry Potter movies, then talking about the best parts in them. I want to help you make dinner, then stay up late talking. But, yet most of all I want Grandpa to be happy again, you made him so, so happy.

I know it's been 3 years since you passed, but I'm still having a really hard time getting over you not being there. I just want to hear your voice again, even if it's only for a few seconds. I love you so much!

~<3 Betsy