Breathe.
It'll get better they say.
Take deep breaths,
Hold your knees to your chest
and wait for life to get better.

That's what they tell me,
that's what I do
when I feel the sharp edges of the world
cutting too deep.

But nothing can help me now.
Breathing does nothing
to stop the inevitability of losing you.
Breathing does not stop my heart from breaking.
Breathing does not stop the pain from ruining me.

Nothing exchanges.
No oxygen fills my lungs as I stare at you,
wondering when I wouldn't get to hear your voice
or watch your face growing older each day.
Carbon dioxide does not leave my body
as my lungs collapse.

Nothing seems to matter.
Nothing seems to register
when I look at you and you don't look back.
Not because you won't but because you can't.

Screaming feels like an empty noise
as I try to stop the future from sneaking up on me.
Lying on cold floors in dirty room solves nothing
but leaves me breathless and broken.

Getting angry and lashing out proves nothing
to anyone because they waited for this-
For this outburst.
For this reaction.
To see me explode when I tried and failed
to hold my broken pieces.

No one could understand my hurt-
not because they aren't feeling what I feel.
But because I refuse to let them in.
This hurt is mine and mine alone.

So no,
Breathing cannot help because
breathing does nothing to save me from this hurt.
This neverending pain.
This infinitesimal display of emotions
that are here to stay.

Breathe. Written by A. E.
For mom