I try, I wonder, but yet I just can't understand.

How can someone feel so alone in a place that they should call home?

How can someone feel as though they've changed so much that there is no way that they can come back from the edge? The internal turmoil is so great, so consuming that it slowly starts to disintegrate the heart before moving to other parts.

I try to figure it out but yet the wonder, the question, it all lies there...

How can the happiest day of my life feel so sad?

Why does even hearing a familiar voice make me want to break down and cry? Everything that I'm so familiar with suddenly feels cold and lost as though that very important piece of me is gone, never to be found again.

I once was accustomed to my life but since I've changed, I don't know why being around the people I love makes me feel so uncomfortable, so lost, so out of sorts. I can't stand to be in my old life because it kills me inside.

Now I'm torn, tormented and my heart is torn and there is no way of getting out the same. Maybe that's what I'm afraid of? Maybe I'm afraid that I'm enjoying the person I am now and if I change back to the person I was, I would be trapped again as that cold, lifeless, obedient child hellbent on my previous goals...

And then fear grips me... fear like I've never felt before.