TRIGGER WARNING: depression, suicidal thoughts, anxiety, panic attacks, and overall terrible mental health, please be careful besties.

note: jenna finding out about isobel happened PRIOR to girl's night. <3

—

Pain was so much worse than Eden remembered. She'd forgotten what it felt like to wake up catatonic. To cry herself to sleep and wish she'd died halfway through the night.

She'd forgotten how it grappled her bones and constrained her veins in a noose, hanging her in her own despair.

In a horrible sort of way, she missed it.

The dependability of pain was surer than that of pleasure.

Pleasure had come and gone through Eden's life. It slithered and snaked through her heart and sent it pulsating before the pain would come and stop the heartbeat entirely.

Pleasure was the preface of pain. The prologue to her own anguish. Pleasure longed for comfort but it never stayed long enough to find any. It scratched and clawed and beat down every possible sense of stability.

Pain comforted Eden.

It was a blanket. Cold and covered in holes, but there, nonetheless. Pleasure swooped in and patched up the holes but tore them bigger when it departed.

Pleasure was fleeting.

Pain never left.

Perhaps Eden was always meant to live in pain.

And loving Elijah was too pleasurable for her to keep.

—

Harry's face was deathly calm as she explained through her tears what happened.

After showing up in the middle of the night, sobbing into the floo and falling to the floor, Harry and Ginny pulled her between them and held her. They offered a calming drought and she cuddled between her friends as her heart ached.

They listened to her retelling and Ginny swore loudly, ranting about how she'd learned a particularly effective castration charm, but Harry was quiet.

Too quiet.

Eden understood the different levels to Harry's silence.

The first level was the most painful. He would drown out his loved ones and focus solely on his own self-hatred and grief. He'd lock himself in a room and let anger become him until the silence left and the pain quelled.

The second level was the quietest. It was an acceptance to the inevitability of his own self-sacrifice. A heroic escape to find peace in the raging world around him. A strong silence that loomed over his loved ones and quieted their own fears. It was the calm in the storm, the intelligent, observant, accepting silence. It was comforting and gentle and needed no words to fill the space.

The third level was the loudest. It was the simmering anger. The boiling, festering, volcanic rage that started as a fire and evolved into an inescapable pit of vengeance. It was the rage that destroyed Dumbledore's office in fifth year. It was the rage pointed at Dolohov. It was the promise of darkness and cataclysmic destruction in retribution for the pain he was feeling.

Eden could tell Harry had skipped the first two levels.

"I'm alright though," she sniffled, cuddling closer to Harry. She didn't want to see him ruin himself for her sake. "I promise. I'll be fine."

Harry said nothing. She hated when he didn't say anything. He was either thinking too much or too little and neither would end up beneficial.

"Do you want to stay here for a bit?" Ginny asked softly, stroking Eden's hair. "You could stay with us."

The idea was tempting.

To return to a place she loved with people who loved her. People who would never betray her in the way her friends in Mystic Falls had.

But she couldn't do that. She couldn't leave Jenna and Jeremy and Elena helpless while Klaus came for her niece. She would channel her anger in a healthy and effective manner.

And she would tear him to pieces because without his stupid ritual, her friends would still be her friends and Elijah would be fine.

"I can't," Eden replied quietly. "Klaus is still coming. He's still going to hurt Elena. I can't...I can't just leave her."

"I'd say she has more than enough protection," Ginny scoffed. "She's not exactly been grateful for your help."

"Gin," Eden chastised lightly. "She's like Harry. All selfless and altruistic. She'll never want my help but she needs it."

Harry still said nothing. Eden glanced to him, finding his jaw clenched and a dark look in his eyes. She looked away. She hadn't seen that look in a long, long time.

"Still," Ginny rolled her eyes. "Bloody gits deserve to be set on fire for hurting Elijah. We never even got to meet him. I was going to make him bangers and mash."

Eden hummed in agreement. "I love your bangers and mash. Can you make some before I leave?"

"Since you're my pretty girl, sure," Ginny placed a kiss to Eden's head. Her brown eyes were kind as they stared into Eden's. "You can stay if you'd like. But I know if it were my brothers, there isn't much they could do that I wouldn't forgive."

"Even killing Harry?"

Ginny pondered the question. "He'd just come back to life. Third time's a charm, aye?"

Eden smiled at Ginny's words and Ginny winked before getting off the bed and walking out of the room, closing the door behind her.

Eden turned on her side, facing Harry, who was staring at the ceiling.

She poked his side.

"Potter," she whispered. "What are you thinking?"

Harry was quiet for a moment. "I'm trying to figure out how I let this happen," he answered finally. "You were meant to be there for safety, to bring yourself happiness. And, now...you're worse off than with Fred."

Eden's heart sank at his words, knowing he was shuffling the guilt into himself.

"Stop making this about you," she poked him again. "You're such a drama queen."

A smile pulled at Harry's lips and he turned his head to her, their noses a few inches apart. "I hate this for you," he told her softly. "You're my sister and I fucked up. I should've checked and triple checked to make sure you'd be alright. Now you've been kidnapped multiple times, tortured again, and your closest friend in Mystic Falls has just killed your soulmate."

"Well, when you put it that way..."

Harry smiled, pressing a kiss to her head. "What do you need from me, bon?" He asked her in a whisper.

Eden bit her lip, contemplating the question. What did she need from Harry? He could provide comfort and love to her but she didn't want to bring him into another war. Not when he was finally happy, finally safe. She didn't want to ruin the life he so desperately deserved.

"What you've been doing is nice," she replied softly. "I'm scared I'll never be happy again."

Harry said nothing else, but his silence was different. It was the second silence, now.

Harry would be fine.

Eden would be fine.

Everything would be fine.

—

Eden avoided the Salvatore's for as long as possible, spending time in Europe with her friends. She'd blocked Damon and Stefan's numbers and only texted Jenna and Jeremy before her return.

She would have stayed longer but it seemed Alaric still hadn't told Jenna about Isobel and when his ex-wife appeared at the Gilbert house, Jenna lost it.

Eden returned to explain everything — vampires, Isobel, Elijah, everything. And standing outside the Gilbert house for the first time since the night of Elijah's death nearly five days prior, she wanted nothing more than to curl up and cry.

Maybe she and Jenna could cry together.

Eden used the spare key and unlocked the door, immediately stiffening when she spotted Elena.

"Eden."

Eden observed her niece for a moment, a pang of betrayal twisting the wound in her chest like the dagger buried in Elijah.

"Where's Jenna?" Eden asked.

Elena pointed upstairs. "I...we were going to tell her, can you just —"

Eden held up a hand. "Spare me the lies, 'Lena," Eden mumbled, brushing past her niece and heading upstairs to Jenna's room.

"Jenny?" She knocked on the door, pushing her own pain aside for Jenna's.

A shuffling sound, a small sob and then the door opened.

Red-rimmed eyes, messy hair and sweatpants, Jenna stood before her with a heartbroken look on her face.

"Did you know?" She asked through a sob.

Eden nodded, tearing up. "I thought they would tell you," She whispered. "I'm sorry."

Jenna sniffled, covering her face. "Are you crying for me?" She asked tearfully.

Eden shrugged. "And for me."

Jenna nodded. "Want to cuddle with me?"

Eden nodded, humming her response and pulling her sister into a hug. The girls sobbed together, falling to the floor and clinging to one another as the only life vest in the ocean of their anguish.

—

When Jenna had calmed and Eden was reduced to sniffles, the pair sat in defeated silence.

"Isobel's a vampire," Eden told her sister softly. "I can explain what that means but...in Alaric's defense, she is technically dead."

"I would ask if it's a joke but you once showed me a picture of Voldemort and I think I'll believe anything at this point," Jenna sighed, rolling onto her back and throwing her arm over her eyes. "Why didn't he tell me?"

"I don't know," Eden responded gently, leaning her head on Jenna's shoulder. "I think he was trying to protect you? I don't know. It doesn't make much sense to me, I've wanted to tell you for months."

Jenna was quiet. "You knew for months?" She asked softly.

"It's bigger than Isobel, Jenny, and I've...had a bit going on. I'm sorry. I think a part of me wanted to keep pretending things were normal when I was around you, but...it's all fucked now."

Jenna nodded, moving her arm from her eyes and looking to her sister. "Tell me everything, Dee."

—

"So let me get this straight," Jenna sighed, rubbing her eyes. The pair had burst into giggles numerous times and Eden had to stop Jenna from rushing downstairs to confront Elena twice, but the sadness had lessened.

For a moment.

"Stefan and Damon are vampires, Elena has a weird twin from five-hundred years ago named Katherine — she's the one who compelled me to stab myself, so you really are still the clumsiest in the family — and Stefan and Damon also both loved her. And she's trying or has been trying to kill Elena, who also knows about vampires, didn't want to tell me because...she's a child and nothing she does makes sense. Jeremy knows, had his mind wiped by Damon because Elena didn't want him to know — I am seriously going to step up and ground that girl — and you've been tortured since coming to Mystic Falls, which put you in a terrible mindset. Elijah met you when you were kidnapped by Rose, who is also a vampire, Isobel wants to help Elena and Alaric and Damon and Stefan and everyone else, I guess, kill this guy Klaus who is an older evil vampire from the Vikings?"

Eden nodded. "And Caroline's a vampire too."

"Oh my god," Jenna rubbed her hands over her face, groaning into her palms. "And Elijah was never a historical author, he just wanted to get to know me because I'm your sister, while also trying to figure out Damon's plans because he's Klaus' secret brother, but he's not evil, because he's your soulmate? And he wanted to let Elena die but you had a plan to save her so she wouldn't really be dead? Is that...everything?"

"The gist, yeah," Eden nodded. "How d'ya feel?"

Jenna sighed, blowing air out through her cheeks. "Sweet sister, your therapist doesn't get paid enough."

"I don't have a therapist, Jenny."

"That brings it all together."

They were quiet for a moment, Jenna running her hand through Eden's hair softly. Eden wrapped her arm around her sister's waist and pulled her close, clinging to her. She felt the familiar prickling in her eyes. Now that the pair had settled into another silence, the pain in Eden's chest flared up.

Jenna squeezed her tighter. "It's okay," she kissed Eden's forehead softly. "I'm right here, Dee, I won't go anywhere. You're never going to lose me. I know stuff now, I can kick butt with you. Kick ass. Take names. Jenna and Eden, like when we were kids. Remember that time you visited for a few weeks when you were nine and we TP'd that douchebag Calc teacher I had?"

Eden burst into laughter, nodding. "He came outside in his knickers and threw a newspaper at us."

Jenna cackled in remembrance, a small snort escaping her. "He called us gremlins."

Eden laughed until more tears pricked her eyes and then she let out a sob. "I'm so sad, Jenny," she sobbed against her sister. "I'm so sad."

"I know," Jenna hugged her sister, smile leaving her lips. "I know, sissy, but it'll be okay."

"What if it's not? What if I'm never happy ever again? What if I'm not allowed to be?"

A beat of silence passed before Jenna responded. "If anyone is meant to be happy, Eden, it's you. This isn't the end of you and Elijah. I know it's not because he didn't ask permission to date you, so if he's as old-fashioned as he claims to be, he's got to come back to life and finish that."

Eden smiled weakly at her sister's joke before she thought of her soulmate. She wondered what Damon and Stefan had done with the body. Burned it? Dropped it at the bottom of the ocean? Locked it in a coffin with an undetectable extension charm?

"I think I want to kill Damon," Eden thought aloud. "Is that wrong?"

"No," Jenna shook her head. "But you've killed people before, Dee, I'll just have Alaric do it. He owes me for the whole lying about Isobel thing. And if he's a vampire hunter, maybe he actually can."

"I hope so."

—

Jenna decided to stay with Eden for a few days, take a breather from the rest of the family. Neither were particularly mad at Jeremy, but Jenna still wanted space from it all. And time to abosrb everything Eden had told her.

Eden, however, was past the processing stage in her grief. The denial had left her and the sadness hollowed the only piece of her heart that allowed her to feel.

What remained was anger. A thirst for blood. Damon's blood, in particular. A man who she trusted deeply and had shared dark, traumatizing truths and confessions with. Someone she had trusted explicitly until finding her soulmate.

A part of her was mourning the loss of their friendship, too, but it was locked deep inside the pain marked "Elijah" and she wasn't sure she'd ever have the energy to sort through it and understand what went wrong.

A part of her blamed herself.

If she'd explained their solution more or pushed Elijah to be kinder to Damon and Stefan, perhaps they wouldn't have killed him. If she'd spoken with Elena about her future instead of playing into the game Elijah had set up, maybe he'd still be with her.

But she wasn't the one who pushed the dagger into his chest. Alaric was. And it was Damon's idea. And they were her closest friends. Damon was her closest friend.

If she harbored some of the fault, Damon had the rest. He was the reason her soulmate no longer smiled to her. He was the reason she'd never get to look Elijah in the eyes and confess the extent of her emotions. He was the reason she and Elijah would forever be unlabeled as a couple because when she was finally ready to agree to moving forward, Damon killed him.

Eden grabbed her bag after convincing herself that shopping for food — and not getting the Grill the fourth time this week — would be good for her. As she headed to the door, she stopped, screaming in pain and falling to the floor.

Her body felt like it was on fire. She'd been burned by fire only once in seventh year, singed off nearly all the skin on her right arm when Goyle set the Room of Requirement on fire, so she knew what it felt like.

It was this.

Jenna rushed from the room, half-asleep, rushing to her sister's side.

"Eden?" She cried out, holding her face.

Eden struggled for words, sobbing and trying to move her limbs but she was being flayed alive. Her arms burned and her legs burned, and her bones burned.

Everything burned.

"Eden, I don't — I don't," Jenna's hands were cold against her face. She knew, logically, that she was fine. Her body was fine. Her eyes could see down, and her body was fine, but it hurt so badly and —

"El-Elijah," Eden managed, connecting the dots.

They must be burning him. Did they know it would harm her too? She'd felt the pain when he was daggered, surely they saw that she felt it? And they were doing this anyway? Why? Didn't they know his body wouldn't burn? He wouldn't burn, it was only going to—

"Eden, look at me."

Jenna's face was tear-tracked and worry filled her gaze. She held Eden softly, and a few seconds later, the pain ended.

Eden broke into sobs against her sister, body trembling and spasming from pain.

—

After deciding the only cure to Eden's physical and mental torment was alcohol, she and Jenna walked arm-in-arm to the Grill, surprised when they found a band playing.

"In the WW, there's a band called the Weird Sisters. They're my favorites," Eden explained to Jenna as they approached the bar. Jenna gave one look to the bartender when he asked for Eden's ID and the man sighed, shrugging and pouring them both a shot. "Tonks, Remus' wife, the one you thought was cute, she loved Weird Sisters. Once, in fifth year, Ginny, Tonks, Hermione and I went to a show and I've never seen someone lose their voice so fast. She was so funny."

Jenna smiled softly at the story. "You don't talk about them," she pointed out after asking for another round. "Any of them."

Eden nodded, throwing her head back with the drink. "It hurts," she admitted quietly. "But I think...I don't know. With Elijah gone..." she closed her eyes. "I don't think I have room for the hurt anymore. I have to...let go of some of it."

Jenna smiled sadly at her sister before her eyes flickered to the door. "Elena's here," she nodded to the three girls entering the Grill.

Eden sighed, glancing back to find Elena, Caroline, and Bonny, smiling and looking around excitedly.

"I can't even be mad at her," Eden confessed to her sister. "Damon's an adult. He understands the extent of the soulmate bond, and he was my friend. Elena is..." Eden sighed. "She reminds me so much of Harry sometimes. She'd do anything for the people she loves, and we'd all do anything for her. She didn't want Elijah dead. She's not the one who killed him."

Jenna handed Eden another shot. "Three down, ninteen more to go."

Eden grinned. "We're beating the night of your twenty-first?"

Jenna smiled back. "Feels like it's that kind of night."

The pair laughed and took another shot, erupting into giggles as the alcohol hit them. Eden gasped, clutching her chest when a warmth shot through it. But not an...uncomfortable warmth. A heaviness. A fullness.

"'Lij," she whispered, and then grimaced when the emptiness settled again not a minute later. "I have to go," she looked at Jenna with wide-eyes. "They're doing something to him, I don't know — I don't know what, but I think..."

"What?" Jenna asked in concern.

"I think if the dagger is taken out, he'll come back," she met Jenna's baffled stare. "I know it sounds way too simple, and honestly, if it is, I don't know why they haven't tried to hide his body yet, but I...I think I can bring him back."

Jenna blinked. "Go fucking get him," she shoved Eden lightly and they both laughed when Eden fell off the stool. "Get your man!" Jenna held up her shot glass, her cheering drowned out by the noise of the band.

"Love you, Jenny," she kissed her sister's cheek and rushed off, tripping a bit on her way out the door.

A newfound sense of hope filled the young witch as she realized she might be able to stop her pain herself. Every situation, all her life, people had been taken from her and she'd never been able to stop it.

But this?

Eden would bring Elijah back.

—

Apparating was as uncomfortable and terrible as Eden remembered, but she was incredibly grateful she'd taken a sober-up potion prior to trying and that her focus had never been more clear.

Upon barely landing on her feet, Eden felt to the ground in pain, wand slipping from her fingers as another wave of fire singed her body. No, her soul.

"Please stop," she whimpered, crying in pain. "S-stop hurting h-him," she begged, curling to the ground.

Seconds passed before the pain stopped, much less time than the first. Trembling again, Eden reached for her wand and held it tightly, aiming it at around the room, but found nothing and no one there.

Looking down to her wand, Eden scoffed. What would she have done, anyway? Hurt him? She'd only just apparated for the first time in months. She'd only used a Muffliato before that. She couldn't hurt Damon.

But now they had the perfect way to hurt her.

Eden slowly got to her feet, tucking her wand away as she pushed herself further, leaning on the wall for support and taking deep, slow breaths to calm her racing heart.

They were so stupid.

Honestly, so, so stupid. Didn't they know how to hide a body? Draco would laugh at the brothers. He'd mock them for being foolish enough to believe that their own basement was safe enough to keep a dead Original in.

It wasn't.

Eden opened the door and winced, walking downstairs slowly. Something rushed past her, but she couldn't focus on who. Her feet led her through the creepy Salvatore basement to the voices in another room and leaned against the doorway, entire face softening when she spotted him.

"Elijah," she whispered.

The dark veins were still on his face, his clothing burned — he would hate that, he always loved his suit, that one in particular was a very nice Brunello Cucinelli, which he'd confessed he hadn't purchased many of, but was gaining an affection for — and his hair was messy.

He never liked his hair messy unless she ran her hands through it. His eyes were closed. She missed them. She missed how soft his eyes were, how they would gaze upoin her as though she were the only thing that mattered and —

"Eden," Damon's voice regained her attention and she stepped in view of Elijah's body. Someone else sped past her — who else was here?

Eden peeked her head around, wanting to get another glimpse. If she could only see him, maybe he'd feel her. Could he feel her? Was he truly dead? How could she feel him earlier.

"You're using your wand now?" He asked in confusion, looking down to her wand. "When did that happen?"

Annoyance flooded her at the question. Why did he care? He didn't have to know everything about her anymore. She didn't want him to.

"When I decided the best way to save the man I love, is by any means necessary," Eden glared at him. "Take it out."

Damon shrugged, nonchalant. "I don't know what you're talking about, Paradise."

"Don't call me that, we're not friends," Eden snapped. "Take the dagger out or I'll make you."

"I don't think so," Damon rolled his eyes. "You're done pretending to be scary. I'm not actually scared of you, Eden. I've seen you puke in my car four times and you sleep cuddling a stuffed bunny, so you're not exactly —"

Anger surged through her and she aimed her wand at Damon, shouting a blasting spell. He flew back against the wall of the cellar, eyes wide.

"I hate you," Eden said through tears that gathered in her eyes. "I hate you so much, Damon. You know those things because we're friends. I loved you as much as I love my other friends. And you betrayed that love and—"

"—What about me?" Damon shouted, standing up. "What about betraying me for the first guy to get between your legs? I loved you, Eden! You were my best...you were my best friend," he finished sadly. "And you picked him and threatened me and...I was protecting your family."

"So was I," Eden countered softly, the anger dissuading some. "Elena would have been fine, Damon, we had a plan to keep her safe. She would technically be dead, but not really. I'm a witch, Damon. I don't use my wand much anymore, but I am no less one than my friends. I would never let Elena die."

Damon's jaw clenched and his eyes flickered to Elijah, who remained lifeless on the floor, before he sped around her, taking her wand from her and shoving her into the cell opposite Elijah's.

"Good luck, Paradise," he shrugged from outside the cell, closing the door. "I'll be keeping this."

She heard a snapping sound and her heart shattered, looking at him in complete shock.

"Why...why would you..." Tears blurred her vision. "My wand," she whispered. "That's my wand."

"I'm sorry it has to be this way," Damon said quietly. "It's only temporary. I just can't trust you."

"Damon, please," Eden's voice trembled. Memories gathered in her mind and she blinked back the anxiety that threatened to consume her. "Please don't leave me here. Damon, Damon, I—"

But he'd run off.

Trembling, Eden crawled back into the corner of the cell, looking around in fear.

She was alone again. Elijah was dead only a few feet away, behind two heavy doors and she had not only lost her wand, but it was gone.

The childhood she'd clung to so desperately, the people she was only beginning to allow herself to mourn, the loss and love and memories with that wand, those spells, those gifts...gone.

Remus touched that wand. He'd shown her how to perfect her magic with it.

Fred touched that wand. He used to toss it in the air alongside his and balance it on his nose to make her laugh. He'd used it a handful of times to get them out of difficult situations when a prank went awry.

That was her wand. That was the wand she'd killed three people with. The wand she used to escape Dolohov.

And now there was no escape.

Only Eden and a cell.

For a moment, she recalled Mason's words to her about a wolf. That there was something strange about her. She felt like she understood it now.

Eden was loyal like a wolf. She'd do anything for her pack, even if they betrayed her.

And now she'd be caged like one.

Always stuck in a cage.

—

okay SOOOOOO before y'all come for me about eden not being a badass, remember it's been a LONG time since she's used magic like that and while, yes, it's akin to riding a bike, she doesn't want to hurt Damon. She still loves him and loyalty is Eden's biggest strength and weakness. i also really wanted jenna to know what's going on and put some jenna content in there. also, fuck damon lol. i want to throw him off a building and watch him go splat because who does this to their friend. ugh. anywayyyysssss we are SO close to klaus and when I tell you I will absolutley lose it when this man comes on y'all don't even KNOW. also there WILL be repercussions for damon for this, this is only pt 1 of the houseguest epidoes k?
okay lmk your thoughts i'm boutta start working on the next chapterrrr <3