N.J was practically vibrating on the spot with how excited he was. He was gesturing wildly to the checkout, where the smell was permeating from. Without a shadow of a doubt, the checkout boy was the source of the smell, which created a lot of problems for me. I knew from that moment why the checkout boy smelt like the pack and how he got that scent.

I knew.

Icarus was going absolutely ballistic and it immediately set me on edge, sending my mind racing and my heart pounding. That faint pack smell was attacking my nostrils, barely detectable under the overpowering chocolate and lavender smell. Peanut butter chocolate. Of course, it was that same peanut butter chocolate.

My ears rang and my mouth went dry. I couldn't take my eyes off of the boy as he absentmindedly wiped down the till with a dirty rag, keeping himself busy in the quiet store. He hadn't even noticed the three of us gawking at him from behind the shelf. N.J took a step, as if he was going to approach the boy, so I slapped a hand over his mouth and pulled him back to me to keep him quiet and out of sight.

The words from the passage Xavier showed me were burned into my mind...

In the rare instance that a wolf may have relations with a non-human before they are aware that they are mated, this scent may arise as a marker that the human has been through the mating ritual, despite not yet being of age to mate. It works as a practical scent marker for other wolves, to keep them at bay and warn others that this human is to be mated to a wolf upon the age marker being reached.

"Fuck." I cursed, backing away and shaking my head.

"Xan, what does it mean?" Mila whispered, still staring at the source of the smell.

"Let's go."

Not waiting for them to keep up, I left the store abruptly and climbed back into my car, resting my head against the top of my steering wheel and trying to calm my panting breaths. Thoughts were moving so fast through my brain that it felt impossible to digest a single rational emotion in that moment. The rain pelted against the roof of my car and the sound echoed through the vehicle. For the first time in my life, however, it failed to calm me.

I vaguely registered the sound of my car door opening and shutting again, the two of them now sat, staring at me while waiting for an explanation.

"It means that Nicolai is my mate."

The words felt sour leaving my mouth and Icarus sent me up the wall with how hyperactive he was acting. It felt as if a whirlwind had just come along and blown me into an alternative universe where everything was going wrong. It was as if I was falling backwards, through an abyss, and my only safety line was a spool of thread.

"Oh my god." Mila whispered, her eyes darting between N.J and me.

I heard a giggle from the backseats, making me snap around to face N.J who was trying to suppress his giggles.

"You've got to admit," N.J began, "It's a little bit funny. Like karma, or something."

Mila sent him a warning look, to tell him that now was not the time, but I couldn't even bring myself to react. My mind was still whirling. Was it Karma? I mean, out of all people, why did it have to be him? And why now? It was right when I was finally getting to a point where I had found my focus. My direction.

The thing that was beating me up inside was that it was my own fucking fault. Xavier, Icarus and the elders had all been trying to tell me that if I continued with this reckless behaviour it would end up jeopardising everything I had worked for and they were right. It felt like all my hard work was going to crumble away.

I had so much responsibility coming my way and now I had this to worry about too.

Never before had it been so important for me to be focused and ready, and now I had a major distraction. I had hoped I would never meet my mate, like Ava, but apparently fate had a sick joke in store for me. Sharing my every thought and feeling with somebody else was just something that didn't appeal to me. Other than Mila and N.J, I liked my solitude. It made me who I am.

Before long, we were back at the pack house.

"Look, maybe it's not such a bad thing." Mila spoke gently, trying to bring me some comfort.

"Yeah, I mean you liked Nicolai anyway." N.J chimed in.

"I don't need a distraction." I shook my head, "That's all a relationship is. A distraction."

"Alexandros, I know opening up is hard for you and everything, but having a mate is so important. It's partly our fault you feel this way, and I'm eternally sorry for that, but you shutting out Nicolai is no different to the rest of the pack shutting you out, and how does that make you feel? Think about it." Mila whispered, trying to not be overheard by anyone who may be loitering nearby.

What Mila was saying was only half true. I did feel a lot of resentment towards the pack for how they had treated me as a child, but I understood. Being close to the Alpha and Beta was always going to intimidate the other kids on the playground, but what did that have to do with a human mate? He wouldn't even understand this world.

"I'm going to reject him." I decided, my face stoic.

This decision was easy to say now, but I knew it would be a lot harder when it came down to it. After Nicolai's birthday, when he turns of age, the emotions I feel towards him would be intensified to an extreme I had never felt before. Even now, while we were unmated, my heart was hurting thinking about rejecting him.

Mila's jaw dropped and N.J's eyes welled up.

"Xan, this is self-destructive." Mila whispered, "Just give it some time. At least wait until you feel the mate bond before you make your decision."

"No!" My voice cracked with emotion, "I don't want to wait until I'm manipulated by some stupid mate bond. I want to make the decision for myself while I can still think, unaffected. I don't want to ruin my life because I'm being controlled by some bond. It's not fair that the decision is made for me, against my own will. It's not fair!"

Silent tears continued to run down N.J's cheeks as he watched me. I was starting to lose it myself, my eyes welling up.

"I think we should go and tell my Dad." Mila decided, taking control of the situation.

I wanted to say no. Everyone would just tell me that I was being rash and silly because they were all enamoured by this romanticised story about fate, but I just didn't agree. How is it fair that humans can choose who they love and when, but we wolves are forced to mate with who we're told to.

This has nothing to do with Nicolai and everything to do with control over my own life.

"First I was forced to be the Omega and now this," I sobbed, "It's not fair. Why do I not get to decide what my own life looks like?"

Mila went quiet, looking at me with pity in her eyes.

"But you're good at being the Omega." N.J blubbered, "You help Mila and I."

"I'm good at it because I have to be. I don't have a lot of options."

"That's not fucking true, Xan, and you know it." Mila scoffed, "You love your job. You've scarified everything for this new role and you're about to sacrifice your true love for it on top of everything else."

"True love." I scoffed, "I barely know him!"

"I think this conversation should be taken inside, don't you agree?"

The alpha voice was so overpowering that I initially thought it was Xavier before realising Mila had been the one to speak. Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted Cameron, Gracie and Xavier approaching.

"I agree." Xavier spoke, "Let's go to my office."

Mila and N.J made a move to follow Xavier, but Gracie and Cameron stopped them. Xavier placed an arm around my shoulders and led me away from them, alone. We made our way to his office in silence, but he didn't once drop his arm from my shoulders. Guiding me to a chair, he let me take a seat while he went to his desk.

"You seem to be spending a lot of your time in here recently, hey?" Xavier hummed, lightening the mood slightly.

Xavier returned with a box of tissues and handed them to me so that I could sort myself out. He fixed himself a drink and sat in the armchair across from me, the ice in his drink clinking against the glass he took a long and slow sip. Dabbing away my tears, I avoided eye contact with him out of awkwardness.

"I've got some bad news for you, kid." Xavier sighed.

I looked up at him then, my eyes studying his face. What could it possibly be?

"I'm going to be straight with you, Xan. You can't reject your mate, even if you wanted to." Xavier spoke steadily, his voice unwavering.

That felt like a sucker punch to my stomach. Confusion seeped through every pore in my body before it dawned on me and I sunk into my chair in defeat.

"I already completed the mating ritual."

Xavier took another long swig, swirling the ice in his glass. He let me sit with that in silence for a moment to let me process it. I couldn't quite believe how totally and utterly stupid I had been. This had never even occurred to be a possibility to me.

After a while, Xavier spoke.

"When I first found out that Cameron was my mate, I had a similar reaction to you. Initially, I was over the moon, but when I realised he was a human I felt like it would be irresponsible of me to pursue the bond with all the trouble the pack was facing at the time. I felt like I had no choice in the matter and the elders disapproved, so I would have to forget about him. The decision had been made for me."

As Xavier told his story to me, he smiled fondly at the memory.

"It was Cameron who convinced me that I always had a choice. Hell, even he had a choice. He almost rejected me, you know? He made me fall in love with him, on top of the initial mate bond. We did it the human way; we flirted, went on dates. It made me fight for him, to fight for our love. I told the elders where to stick it and, despite some rocky moments, look at us now. I chose this life."

Xavier's story was touching, but I didn't really get what he was trying to say to me.

"Just know that the choice is always yours, Xan, but that your mate will surprise you. I guarantee it."

Xavier drained his glass and set it on the side, getting up from his seat. He patted me on the shoulder and left the office, leaving me to think.

Despite his words, I still felt that I didn't have a choice in this situation. The ability to reject my mate, my only way out, had been taken from me due to my own stupidity. I truly didn't know where to go from here.

Standing from my armchair, I wandered around Xavier's office absentmindedly. Usually I would try to find a book to help me in the shelves upon shelves of Xavier's library, but I truly felt as if I was the only person to have ever experienced this. Everyone else just seemed to accept the Moon Goddesses decisions at face value.

The moonlight trickling into the room illuminated the chandelier, sending dancing beams of light across the room that twinkled as I mulled over what to do. The beams of light danced over a particular radiator cover that peaked my interest. I hadn't read her diary in a while.

Reaching behind the cover, I grasped the worn and tatty, leather-bound book. Tracing my fingers over the embossed letters, I felt a strange comforting sensation flood my body. Shrugging off my jacket, I squeezed my adult frame into the small spot that used to feel so spacious to me once-upon-a-time. Strange how things change.

'Dear diary,

Xavier has come back from Uni and has met his mate. A human mate.

He says that the elders have decided he has to reject him because the pack is weak with a new Alpha and Xavier can't risk everything for a human. Noah balled his eyes out when Xavier told him his plans. He's such a hopeless romantic.

I told him he's being stupid and that he should meet him properly first but he won't listen. Stupid Alpha.'

I traced the smudged ink words with my finger as I read, humming in consideration. Everyone has always made remarks about how N.J is just like his father, but I think as he grows into himself it's becoming even more obvious. I didn't even know Noah and even I could see it.

'Dear diary,

Xavier has lost his mind.

That's the only explanation for what is happening right now. It's insane; Xavier has taken to stalking his mate. The poor human must be so confused. Instead of just ignoring the elders and telling the kid what's happening, he's decided to just follow him about and pine after him. At least, that's what it seems like.

His mate is quite a hot-head from what I've been told, so he should put Xavier in his place. Just last night he had the Alpha chasing scraps of paper across a garden like a dog for a slither of attention.'

That made my smile waver. Xavier definitely seemed to go a little bit soft when it came to Cameron and while most people thought that it was sweet, it made me concerned. The Alpha's weak point was obvious and that made them vulnerable. It felt awful to say as Xavier and Cameron had always been loving and supporting towards me, but I felt that way nonetheless.

Icarus seemed to disagree with me, however, reminding me that Cameron had been the one to kill the rogue all those years ago. Xavier's weakness had been his bond with the rogue and Cameron, his mate, had been the stronger one to do what he did to help the pack. Perhaps I was wrong about Cameron being a weakness.

Xavier had chosen to observe Cameron from a distance until he was sure of what to do and it had worked out for him, so maybe I should do the same thing...

A pang in my chest urged me to raise from where I was sat, moving to put the diary back in its hiding place. Icarus wanted to see him. I was fighting myself over it, but decided to give in. I wanted to learn more about him before I made my decision. It would be like keeping your enemies close. If I knew more then I would have the upper hand in this decision.

My first goal was to learn when his birthday is; to know how long I had left on the clock before my time was up and the mate feelings would take over.