I reshuffled the deck of cards N.J and I had been playing with, about to deal another round, when I heard the clattering of footsteps approaching the top of the fire escape we were sat at the bottom of. Sure enough, Mila soon came bounding down the steps in a flurry of perfume and curly hair.

"You destroyed his neck, Xan." Mila gasped, "He didn't even bother hiding it, but if he had wanted to try and cover it up it would literally be impossible."

While that made Icarus a little bit smug, it made me cringe slightly.

"Yell it for the world to hear, why don't you. It's not like wolves with super hearing exist." I grumbled, dealing her into our card game now that she was here.

"Is he in the common room?" N.J stood up, about to race up the steps to go and see.

I yanked his hand back down so that he fell on his bottom, hitting the metal steps with a loud bang.

"No, I think he and his friends hang out in the library, or something." Mila frowned, "I have cross country with him after school, though, if you want to come and pick me up."

"I always pick you up; I'm your personal taxi driver. If you keep rubbing this in my face, however, you can walk from now on." I warned, picking up my set of cards.

"I'll come and see it." N.J whispered to Mila, but of course I heard.

I rolled my eyes but let it go as they picked up their own cards and we started the game. We quite often played cards on the fire escape if there was nothing else to do during free periods or lunches. In fact, we played so often that N.J, in particular, had gotten quite good. It was rare that I won against him anymore.

Today was another one of those days that I just couldn't win. N.J was on top of his game and Mila quickly ran out of patience, throwing down her cards and raising to her feet. Mila liked to win or she got sulky; she was an awful person to play Monopoly with. Absolutely ruthless. Plus, she always insisted on being the banker as the only one in our trio who studied any kind of maths or economics A-level.

"I'm bored already." Mila announced, "Let's go and get food; I'm hungry."

She wasn't bored, she was just a sore loser, but I held my tongue.

I trailed behind on our way to the cafeteria, passing dozens of students who stared when they thought we weren't looking and dropped their eyes to the floor when they realised that we had caught them staring. We stood in the queue like everyone else and ignored when people stepped aside to let us step in front. Why would we not wait?

N.J eyed the different food hungrily, eyes wide with choice. Mila was complaining that the options were always the same, but my eyes had already settled on something different. It wasn't very often that we came to the cafeteria, but now that Gracie didn't pack their lunches anymore, it had become a necessity for sustenance.

Mila was right about his neck...

He was happily chewing on some orange-wrapped chocolate, his soft cheeks dusted pink and his loose curls falling into his eyes as he ducked his head down. Even across the loud cafeteria filled with students chatting, I could hear his friends teasing him for the absolute state of his neck. If I was a half-decent person, I would feel bad, but part of me enjoyed it. That part of me was probably just Icarus. He really enjoyed it.

I had to stop my mind from wandering to what else I enjoyed about Nico, snapping my eyes away from him before he caught me staring. That would be a bad thing to focus on in school.

I knew it would be a bad idea to hook up with somebody I was in such close proximity to. Sometimes I just really couldn't help myself from making bad decisions. Why would I do this to myself? Now I have the pain and suffering of seeing him around and remembering what a good time we had.

"Is that him over there?" N.J craned his neck, "Holy shit, Xan! What the fuck did you do?"

"Shut it." I hissed, hitting him with the lunch tray softly.

"You really did a number there." Mila agreed, "It's a work of art, really. Like Van Gogh but with your mouth."

"Tell that to the next guy I meet at the club." I joked.

"Uh, uh, mister. No more club hookups for you. You're a serious gentleman now." N.J teased, "You have a duty to fulfil."

"It's time to settle down and find a nice lady to pop out a screamer with." Mila wiggled her eyebrows, "Got to start now if you want to have Dad's little army."

"You scare me." I ignored her antics.

"I'm trying to listen to their conversation, you two!" N.J hissed, swatting our arms to shut us up.

I shut my mouth at that, a little curious about what he was telling people. Hopefully nothing, but one could only hope. Mila was listening in too, straining to make out his soft-spoken words amongst the chaos of the student body. I gave listening a shot too, knowing which voice was his to listen out for.

All that I could make out was that he didn't want to speak about it, and that yes he had lost his virginity. Wait. Wait. Wait.

"Did I hear that right?" Mila whispered, her eyes as wide as saucers.

"Fuck." I gulped, "Oh, fuck. I feel bad now."

"That's rough." N.J sighed.

"He didn't say!" I exclaimed, drawing attention to our group a little.

"He also didn't tell you his name." N.J snickered, "Doesn't seem like you guys discussed much at all before hopping to it."

"Shut your damn mouths, the both of you." Mila hissed, her Alpha voice appearing, wary of the eyes on us.

She went back to listening to their conversation, but I felt too shitty to care anymore about if he was going to let loose that it was me. I felt like a complete asshole for taking his virginity like that and just leaving while he slept; the guys I usually went back with had hooked up with people enough that there was a sort of expectation to leave and avoid the awkward part that nobody wanted to deal with.

Glancing back over there, I felt my stomach drop with guilt. Realising I had probably hurt somebody with my actions was just another reason added to my list of reasons why I wouldn't be going to clubs and hooking up with people anymore. He didn't seem heartbroken; he was just eating his peanut butter chocolates, so at least he wasn't too bothered by it.

His eyes flickered up, meeting mine for a split second. Something in them seemed to change, but I switched to looking at the pasta in front of me in lightening speed. He'd definitely seen me staring, but I didn't want to see whatever emotion was swirling in his eyes. I needed to just avoid him now.

"Can we take our food outside?" I sulked, picking up my plate.

We headed through the open fire escape doors and settled down underneath an old oak tree in the corner of the school field, silently tucking into our individual meals. The food tasted bland and I had lost much of my appetite since realising I was an asshole.

"Do you wanna know what else I overheard?" Mila pushed her pasta around her plate absentmindedly.

"I do." N.J answered on my behalf.

"That he'd had a secret crush on you for years." Mila admitted, making N.J's jaw drop open.

"On him? Our Xan?" N.J was in disbelief, "Are you sure you heard him right? He wasn't talking about a different Xan?"

"How many Xans do you know?" Mila snorted, "Yes I heard him right."

Setting my plate to the side, I let my body flop backwards. I was defeated by the information. My brain didn't even know how to begin processing it.

"I have to say I'm with N.J here; why on earth would anyone like me?" I cried out, "I'm literally the worst."

"He is pretty unapproachable and cold, Mila. Are you sure it was about him?"

"Yes, it was about Xan!" Mila yelled back, frustrated with us now.

We fell into silence after that, processing it. It was really hard to believe that some random human boy had developed a crush on me, ever, let alone for years. I had never even seen him around school until recently and had been wondering why he was so unaffected by everyone's adverse reactions to me. Like N.J said, unless you knew me, I was pretty unapproachable. What was there to like?

"Maybe a crush is a bit of a stretch; maybe he just thinks you're dishy." N.J proposed, but Mila seemed unconvinced.

"Whatever the case, I'm still an asshole." I shrugged, "Doesn't matter if it's a small crush or not."

All I needed to do was put some distance between the two of us until this all blew over. Apologising or making some stupid gesture would only lead him on further, and I was afraid of doing anything that could give him the wrong impression. It was better for him to think I was just simply an asshole; maybe he would get over me that way. After all, there was no way I was interested in any kind of relationship with anyone right now.

I groaned once again, falling back against the grass and covering my eyes with my arms. This was just my luck. I really did tend to stick my foot in it, especially when it was important. Xavier tells me to keep my head down and stay focused and I go and attack a boys neck until it looks like he'd been choked out.

"At least you don't have classes together." Mila offered meekly, lifting my arms off my face to reveal my frustrated expression.

"And at least you both enjoyed the experience." N.J couldn't help but poke fun at the situation, a cheeky smile breaking out across his face.

"Very funny." Sarcasm dripped from my tongue.

"Are you gonna finish that?" N.J gestured to my pasta, "I'm a growing boy."

"Go for it." I pushed it towards him, "I'm gonna head for history."

"See you after school for my practice." Mila reminded me, making me cringe.

Nicolai would be there.

"Maybe, maybe not." I called behind me, "Depends on whether I've decided to drive off a cliff before then."

I was tempted to bunk the rest of the lessons, to skip and take my mind off of things instead, but it wouldn't be the mature or responsible thing to do. Working on that was a priority for me, and attending school was the least I could do. Plus, I was going to have to do everything I could to not let my grades drop while I began training for my new position.

Dragging my feet along as I walked, it was clear that I was sulking. Technically, I didn't have anything to be upset about, since I had been the one to hurt Nicolai, but I was still disappointed in myself and my actions. The guilt was eating me up a little.

I was nearly at class when I heard footsteps coming from around the corner and down the hall, growing louder in my ears as they approached me. At first, I didn't think anything about it. It was lunchtime; of course kids would be wandering the halls when class started in less than ten minutes. It was only when the smell hit my nostrils and Icarus jumped to attention that I realised who it was.

Panic set in and I dashed into the nearest classroom, my eyes darting around manically. I stood just to the left of the classroom door, pulling it closed so that he wouldn't catch a glimpse of me as he walked past. I was lucky he was a human and wouldn't hear me, because my heart was thudding so loud a wolf would be able to hear it across two football pitches right now.

As his footsteps rounded the corner and headed down the corridor I was hiding in, I realised he was on the phone. I couldn't really make out the voice on the other end of the phone, but his replies were clear as day even despite him keeping his voice down.

"Sorry, Dad. You know I'd visit if I could but I have a shift tonight." His voice seemed tired, "Yeah, I'll be over first thing tomorrow... Of course."

I didn't know he worked. Then again, I didn't know much about him at all. To be honest, I wasn't really interested in learning about him. That would imply a vested interest in remaining in contact, which I didn't intend.

His voice trailed off as he exited the building, heading off outside. I breathed a sigh of relief and left the classroom, heading to my actual classroom. Hiding in a classroom to avoid him was a bit much, but I didn't really want to face that situation right now.

I slipped into my desk and pulled out my notebook, staring out of the window at the clouds as they moved subtly through the sky. There were angry, grey clouds in the distance moving towards us. I was hoping that the heavens would open and unleash some real heavy rain, it would be nice to walk around in.

The majority of my lesson was spent staring out of the window as my teacher rambled about upcoming mock exams and how important they were for grade predictions and progress checks before the final exams at the end of the year.

Since it was a double period, I just worked on my history coursework for the second half, typing away on my laptop about the reports I had been reading on my subject. It kind of reminded me of the work I did for the pack meeting and I actually enjoyed it a little bit. I think if I had decided to go to University, I would have chosen to do history. Pack history books and old documents fascinated me, and I found them really useful to help my understanding of why the pack runs like it does, and how certain aspects of pack life developed.

They don't really offer a University course about pack history, however, so it wasn't worth my time or interest.

The bell finally sounded and I packed up, heading to my car to meet up with N.J. We usually waited there for Mila since her practice wasn't too long, and sometimes we got ice cream behind her back. She had smelt it on us a few times and got suspicious, but hadn't accused us of anything yet.

"Is today an ice cream day?" N.J asked as soon as I unlocked the passenger side door.

"I don't think the weather really calls for it." I nodded to the grey clouds nearing us, "Looks like the heavens are about to open."

As soon as I said that, dribbles of rain began to hit the car windscreen. N.J's face dropped as he realised this meant I was going to drag him out for a walk in the rain, but he didn't protest anything verbally. He knew how much I loved the rain.

I slid my jacket off, stepping out of the car in just a t.shirt and felt instant relief. Fat raindrops fell from the sky and exploded on my arms as they made contact with my skin, instantly cooling me down and soaking me to the bone.

I tilted my head towards the sky as I pushed the door closed, leaning against my car and savouring the feel of the rain. It had been a while since I had had the chance to just slow down and appreciate the calm and serenity of rainfall. God how I had missed it.

"You always look so in your own world when this happens." N.J spoke, but I was barely paying any attention.

I locked the car and followed the grey clouds in the sky, keeping my head tilted upwards. The way the drops would slide down my face before dripping off my chin and falling to the floor was something exhilarating to me.

The rain grew heavier and I was now soaked to the bone. I knew that Mila would be cursing the sky as she went through her cross country run; she hated getting her hair wet. N.J was following closely behind me as he walked and had pulled his hood far over his head to attempt to keep himself dry.

I sat on a patch of grass eventually, laying back with my face towards the sky and closing my eyes to relax. N.J scoffed in disbelief but allowed me to just get on with it. He ducked underneath a nearby school bus shelter and shook himself dry as best as he could.

The rain had soaked through my jeans and my shirt was clinging to my body, but I felt so free out in the open rainstorm. Thunder rumbled in the distance and my heart leapt in excitement, adrenaline rushing through my veins as I anticipated the lightening storm that the forecast that had predicted for later.

I found very few things relaxing and comforting, but rain was one of those things.