N.J was half asleep at the dining table, his cheek turning red from the pressure of his palm holding his head up. Cameron was looking between Mila and I in a 'I told you so' way, but Mila was too invested in her conversation with aunty Beth. Per usual, Beth had arrived drastically early and had been here since before the table had even be set. Mick, her mate, was just happy to watch her bounce around excitedly, catching up with everyone while we waited for the others to arrive. 

She was currently retelling Mila the story of how she had met Mick while visiting as a soldier from another pack way back when N.J was born. We had heard this same story a million times, but Mila never failed to hang onto every word like it was the most romantic tale she had ever heard. Her wolf is a bit of a hopeless romantic like that; they're both very excited to meet their mate.

I knew from the diaries that her own parents' love story was less than romantic.

"How is Mike doing?" Cameron asked Mick, "It's a shame he can't come to these things."

"He's not cool enough to know the wolf secret." Mick boasted smugly, "He, Heather and Fred are the only ones who haven't been told, you know?"

"If we had reasonable cause to tell them, we would." Cam sighed, "Unfortunately, they don't have a reason to know like the rest of us. The elders would never clear it."

I could hear commotion by the front door and couldn't help the smile that finally slipped onto my face as I sensed who it was. Before I knew it, I was being engulfed in a suffocating hug as aunty Ava wrapped her arms around me, tussling my hair. I knew she was coming, but it always warmed my mood to see her bright expressions whenever she saw me. It felt good to be welcomed so openly and keenly.

"Well, if it isn't my favourite nephew! I'd say sorry to Noah Junior but he seems to be asleep." Ava cooed, "You've grown so big!"

"I literally saw you the other week." I cringed away from her grasp.

"And yet you've grown! You'll be taller than the trees soon enough."

She finally let me go as she realised she'd left her husband to carry the bags by himself, running back down the hallway to give him a hand. She only returned with one bowl, however, unable to carry much in her state. Aunty Ava was my favourite because she was the only one who really understood my perspective. Once I was old enough to understand, Ava had explained to me that when Xavier and Cameron first met she was put into a position where she was scared that the pack would isolate her for being involved with the Alpha, Luna and Beta, and how she had to work through all the negatives that came with that. 

Ever since I was old enough to recognise people's behaviours changing around me, she had been there to guide me through it and comfort me when things got tough. Always patient and always understanding of my frustrations; especially when I received my own pack role and had to accept that my wolf was largely uninterested in socialising with the rest of the pack, making matters worse.

"Oscar insisted on bringing coleslaw to brunch for some reason. Not really a brunch food if you ask me, but whatever." Ava announced, placing the tin-foil covered bowl on the table.

"Everything is appreciated." Gracie patted his back, removing the tin foil for serving.

"Who else are we waiting on now?" Xavier appeared, not wearing a suit for once in his life.

"Phil and Margie can't make it today, so nobody now." Cameron clapped his hands, "Let's eat!"

"Where the fuck am I?" N.J grumbled, the clap startling him out of his slumber.

"Up late last night, young man?" Xavier chided, "What have I told you?"

"I was just fascinated by the book I was reading." N.J lied through his teeth, "Couldn't pry my eyes off the page until I found out what happened to the dinosaurs."

I stifled a laugh at that, adverting my eyes from the suspicious Xavier. N.J loved to push his luck with Xavier and found it funny to rile him up because of how tightly wound Xavier tends to be. Due to my pack role, I had been spending an increasing amount of time with Xavier in Alpha, leader of the pack mode, and it's drastically different to how he behaved back when he saw us as just little kids playing hide and seek in his office. The last few years, his expectations of us had changed and the pressure that Mila, in particular, was experiencing was growing.

"Dinosaurs? What a horrible thing to call the pack elders." Mila tutted, "We were doing our pack readings until late. Weren't we, Xan?"

"Sure." I nodded, "Learnt a lot."

The adults at the table all exchanged unconvinced glances and Cameron shook his head hopelessly. N.J ignored them, grabbing at the array of food on the table, oblivious to the suspicious adults. I often wished that I was as carefree as N.J, happily coasting through life without a second thought. His wolf was bold and silly; always seeking the joy in life. He was so upfront with his emotions and unguardedly open to everyone around him; it made him extremely likeable.

"A lot on your mind, honey?" Ava snapped me out of my thoughts from where she sat next to me.

"Sort of." I hummed, "Just the same as usual."

"Things will get easier as you grow into your pack role, you know." Ava attempted to comfort me, "Nobody expects you to know what to make of it so young. It's a learning process."

"It's not much of a role, though, is it?" Venom would have once laced my words, but I had made my peace with Icarus and knew it was nobody's fault.

"It isn't much of a role if you make it that way, sure." Ava shrugged, "I've told you many times before, being an Omega is just what you make it out to be. You can retreat in on yourself if you want, fall out with your wolf and take it to mean that you're the runt of the pack... Or, you can make it what it really is. The Moon Goddess saw you as special; saw you as an asset to this pack and as worthy of a wolf as independent as yours, worth a title just like the Alpha and Beta are."

"I know, Ava." I interrupted her usual speech, "Trust me, I know."

"No, let me finish, Alexandros. The Omega is such an important role! You act as the glue that holds the pack together; you keep Mila and Noah jr in line and keep them focused on what's important. The Omega is an independent wolf, isolated by its pack, but survives because it's stronger than all of them. You have proven to the Moon Goddess that you can deal with the isolation that comes with being Mila and N.J's friend, and she has rewarded you with your title and your wolf. I wouldn't take it as insult; you're clearly not a runt, Alexandros."

"It's true." Mila interjected, "From what I've read in the library, you're probably stronger than me, or Dad, but you're independent enough to not need to rely on the pack or the status of Alpha."

"Not you too." I groaned, "I hear this enough from Ava."

My wolfs ego was through the roof hearing all of this; he obviously agreed with what they were saying and had been trying to convince me of this same fact since day one. He resented that I was initially embarrassed by the title of Omega and had been proving to me ever since that he was the strongest wolf in the pack. He enjoyed winning spars against the future Alpha.

"And you'll keep hearing it until you learn that this role isn't what you think it is." Ava persisted.

"And don't forget you'll be inheriting your father's role as head of security. Big boots to fill, mind you, Phil has done fantastically." Xavier hummed.

"Greg is the best." Cameron grinned.

My father had taken on the role of head of security not long after the rogue attacks. For the last sixteen years he's been working tirelessly alongside the Alpha, Beta and Luna on drills, safety plans and security measures to ensure that what happened back then may never happen again. Everyone was deeply affected by the passing of Noah senior, but my father in particular took it as a personal failure; he saw it as something that could have been prevented.

"I take it you all finished this weeks reading, then? If you were up all night studying it." Xavier's tone was knowing, unconvinced by their previous lies.

I nodded, having read the material given to me already. The same could not be said about N.J and Mila, who were avoiding eye contact with the Alpha. Mila wasn't as bad as N.J, usually, but the both of them struggled to keep up with the expected work load Xavier put on all of us. I understood both perspectives; Xavier wanted us to be prepared but they just wanted to be teenagers who had fun. Mila, in particular, feels like she's being rushed into the Alpha role while simultaneously being treated like a child.

"Not yet, Dad." Mila admitted, "I started it! It's just a lot to get through, especially at the same time as school and everything."

"We understand that, Mila, but being Alpha is going to be demanding! We're just trying to best prepare you. You're an adult after-all, now."

"Funny you should say that." Mila locked eyes with me, "I want to move into the pack house, where Xan lives."

Oscar's eyes flitted across the table to Ava, who of course already knew. Mick whispered 'oh shit', which led to Beth swatting his arm. Cameron's expression was unchanged but Xavier looked sad, as did N.J, who was now pouting. Gracie was busying herself with homemade pesto pasta. I copied Gracie, hoping to stay out of this as much as possible.

Mila had been psyching herself up to asking to move out for a long time now. Living under her parents roof at eighteen was proving too restricting for her, and she longed for life in the pack house. She didn't believe me when I said it wasn't all it was chalked up to be, but of course she didn't. She's a headstrong Alpha.

"Have I pushed you away with all the Alpha stuff, sweetie?" Alpha Xavier's voice was softer than I had ever heard, stepping on eggshells.

"Of course not, Dad." Mila sighed, "I just want to experience what it's like to be like the rest of the pack. Every other person moves in there at like, sixteen! Xan did. I'm eighteen now and I want to try it. Maybe it'll bring me closer to the rest of the pack; help me relate to them."

I wanted to chime in saying that it didn't make a difference when I did it, but held my tongue. I had never wanted to move into the pack house, personally, but it was something that was important for my parents. They had lived there before they were mated, and wanted the same for me. They didn't always understand that I will never get the community-loving experience that they got. My dad was a bit baffled by the whole 'Omega' thing.

"Is that really what this is about? Bonding with the pack?" Xavier seemed dubious.

"Of course, Dad. Maybe they'd see me as more approachable if I lived amongst them."

Xavier seemed to be thinking it over when Cam finally spoke.

"Do what you want, sweetie."

Xavier looked at him in shock, as did a couple of us who were baring witness to this conversation while sat at the table. I hadn't expected Cameron to be so chill about this,

"Thank you, Dad."

"What about me! I'm old enough, too." N.J piped up.

"Don't even think about it, mister." Gracie warned.

"But I've never lived away from Mila..." N.J frowned, looking distressed.

Everyone's heart melted hearing that. The bond between the two was essentially like adopted siblings. Mila was adopted by Xavier and Cameron into this household when Noah was barely walking, and it had always been the five of them under this roof since that day. Mila trying to change that was clearly distressing for a lot of people.

I couldn't help but wonder, however, how Gracie would cope if N.J moved out too. Having read the diaries, I couldn't take my eyes away from her reaction. Her expression was conflicted, clearly wanting to let her son do what would make him happiest, but she wasn't ready. Noah junior was an extension of the person she had lost sixteen years ago, and I imagine it would bring back those memories of grief she had experienced when she first lost Noah senior.

"If that will make you happy, Noah." Gracie's voice was surprisingly controlled, "I don't want to pull you away from Mila."

N.J's face burst into an expression of glee as he excitedly turned to Mila and hugged her, bouncing up and down in his seat with joy. Her wanting to move had given him a lot of anxiety, so this was the best outcome for the both of them. However, in his careless glee, he failed to notice the sadness in Gracie's eyes as she watched him celebrate leaving. She did all she could to keep a positive exterior, a wide smile plastered across her taught face, but she couldn't stop her true emotions from shining from within her eyes.

Everyone was finished with their food, for the most part, so I excused myself from the table and said my goodbyes. What had happened at lunch had left me with a lot to think about, and I needed to clear my head with a walk. It was hard to feel happy about Mila and N.J moving into the pack house with me when I saw how sad it made Gracie and Xavier. It would make my days less lonely having them there, but it felt so hard to see past the negatives initially.

The leaves rustled above me in the wind and crunched beneath my feet as I walked, clearing my mind of thoughts. Autumnal colours coated every surface as far as the eye could see and the cool breeze had a nip of winter in the air. It had been raining a lot recently, but today the sun shone through the canopy of trees, leaving puddles of light throughout the forest. N.J would love to photograph todays scenery.

It wasn't long before the looming pack building appeared in the distance, a large victorian mansion sitting in all of its grandeur. The front door was propped open with a weathered, old plant pot and it was constantly in use as people filtered in and out of the large house. Entering past the plant pot myself, my eyes trailed up the grand staircase and up the high ceilings. I headed up countless steps to the top floor: Xavier's study. I knew he wouldn't be here, as I had obviously left him at his house mere minutes ago.

The wooden door to the office loomed above me as I pushed it open, revealing the beautifully old pack meeting room. Every wall in this room was lined with impossibly tall bookshelves with a railed ladder to reach the balcony that wrapped around the top ones. The books smelt like dust, but were gorgeous, plentiful in their volumes and leather-bound. The fireplace was only ever lit by Cameron, but the sun coming in from the old windows caught the grand chandelier in the centre of the room, hanging above the conference table, and lit up the entire room in warm, evening light.

I climbed the ladder to the book-balcony and nestled into the nook I frequently sat in, located in the far corner of the balcony just underneath one of the windowsills. Here I felt out of view and alone. My safe place amongst the chaos of the pack house; away from the penalising eyes of the pack elders and away from the subservient avoidance of the pack. I allowed my head to rest against the cold stone of the wall for a second, the soothing feeling spreading across my forehead and through my temples.

My fingers twitched and I bit my lip, pulling away the loose, wooden radiator cover to reveal the gap between the wall and radiator that I had found so many years ago. Reaching in revealed a worn, tatty old leather-bound book stashed away by somebody who obviously used to also find solace in this quiet spot once upon a time. Admittedly, I had read this whole diary back to front more times than I could count throughout the years. It was an invasion of privacy on my behalf, but I had read it so many times by now that I recount the words page by page.

I thumbed the name pushed into the leather cover, tracing the letters as I flipped it open to its first page. As far as I am aware, nobody knows, or remembers, that this diary exists, or is here. In the countless years that I have been coming here, not once have I found it disturbed from its spot or any new words added. I had not even told Mila or N.J of my discovery.

There were many reasons I had not told them, would never tell them, and very few in favour of me telling them. I placed my jacket behind me to use as a pillow and curled up with the book, my eyes running across every familiar word ritualistically.