I take a deep breath and adjust the cuff of my sleeve. Keeping my eyes down, I resist the urge to look around anxiously. Instead, I opt to just keep messing with my clothes until he arrives.

I hear someone behind me, and my heart beats faster at each step. What will this be like? Will he still be the same as before, or will he be like how he was the day he broke my heart?

I clear my throat as quietly as I can at the same time that he steps in front of me. My heart almost gives out right then; he's got this shy smile and the light reflecting in his eyes. He really hasn't changed at all.

"Hey," Seungmin says, his smile growing when he sees me. I offer a small, tight smile before looking away. I hate that I can't even control my own heartbeat around him. He steps a little closer, close enough that I can catch his perfume. Vanilla. Same as how it was years ago.

I stumble a step back, wishing for my nervousness to go away. Luckily, Seungmin catches onto how uncomfortable I am.

"You want to go for a walk?" He asks quietly, even though I was the one to call him and ask if we could talk. Nodding silently, I follow Seungmin as he leads us down the pathway. He looks back a little before falling into step with me. He doesn't pressure me to talk or say anything himself; he just walks next to me, keeping me company.

I sigh a little and stuff my hands in my pockets, glancing over at Seungmin. He's just looking straight ahead, appearing completely unbothered. God, how I hate his unreadable face.

"So, I have something to ask," I say, looking away from him and attempting to look as chill as he does. He hums in response and lets me continue without interruptions.

"The letter that you wrote after you left," I pause, looking over at him. He nods slowly, unsure of where I'm going with this. "You meant all of it? Like, it was completely sincere and you feel the same way now?"

Seungmin looks over at me, his eyes widening when we make eye contact. He quickly looks away, rubbing his hand on the back of his neck.

"I have a lot to say about that," he mutters, more to himself than to me.

"Well, say it then." I tell him, not sure where this sudden boost of confidence came from. "I'm giving you permission to say whatever you want to say. Right now."

Seungmin stops walking and looks at me, his eyes betraying how nervous he is. 

(yall i'm such a sucker for his eyes its not funny)

Taking a deep breath, he nods and pinches his lips together, nodding again. I stay quiet, both scared and hopeful for what he might say. I have absolutely no idea how this will end.

"Your boyfriend, Felix, right? He seems like a great guy. Truly." Seungmin makes eye contact with me, holding it as he talks. He gestures with his hands a little, showing how passionate he is about this.

"I know we weren't perfect, but you were my everything. I'm not wrong to say that you are my everything. You deserve every bit of love that Felix gives you, and more. If you're happy with Felix, and if you truly love him, stay with him. If he makes you feel like the only person in the world, then please stay with him. All I want is for you to be happy"

Seungmin steps closer, his eyes locked with mine. My heart's racing, and I'm glad my hands are in my pockets so he can't see how bad I'm trembling.

"But if he doesn't make you feel like that, if he doesn't treat you like the most important person ever, don't stay with him." Seungmin takes another step closer, almost close enough to touch if I wanted.

"If you're not happy with him, and if you don't love him, don't force yourself to. I'll always be here for you, whether you want me or not." 

Another step, and Seungmin and I are inches from each other. Lifting up on my toes, I could be breathing the same air as him.

"But you deserve to be happy. You deserve to be woken up every morning with someone's arms around you. You deserve to be told how beautiful your smile is and how you light up the room when you walk in. You deserve to be walked down a cherry blossom path and told that you are the love of someone's life."

Seungmin leans down ever so lightly, his bangs brushing against my face. My eyes flutter for a second; this feels too much like a kdrama to be real. I can feel his breath and I open my eyes to see him inches from my face. I've never seen him so serious.

"You can choose him and I'll still wait for you. I screwed up once, and lost one of the best things to ever happen to me. I won't make that mistake again. I'll wait, no matter how long it takes."

I stay still, shocked, as he reaches up to brush away some stray hairs from my forehead. His gentle touch is enough to bring me back into reality. Stepping back quickly, I blink rapidly, trying to get my heart rate back to normal.

I clear my throat and look at everything but Seungmin. When I called him for "closure", this confession was not nearly what I was expecting. I thought we would apologize, maybe go get food, and then never see each other again. Then my relationship with Felix wouldn't be haunted by Seungmin's shadow.

But that won't happen, will it? Because Seungmin will wait for me. So it's up to me to decide. How do you choose between your first love and the guy who, in every aspect, should be perfect for you?