━━ CHAPTER FOUR / panic

"What was it that you were saying last night?" Poe asked over the comms. She could make out his X-Wing a few metres in front of her. Their test flights were still scheduled for 1200 but they had both woken up earlier and wanted to blow off some steam. So, they had gone on their own test flights without informing anyone else, the perks of being a Commander.

"I don't wanna talk about it," Eliana snapped in response. She pushed the ship down, letting the X-Wing dip. It was the modified one so she was still getting used to the sensitivity but she had noticed how the anti-grav capabilities were so much smoother than she was used to.

"You made a bold claim. I'm gonna have to keep you to it," He retorted as he continued to speed ahead of her. Poe always saw these test flights as a race but Eliana just wanted to make sure the X-Wing had no issues. And if any arose, she could smooth them out with Leia. Which is why she kept pushing it higher and higher into the atmosphere despite her better judgement warning her against it.

"And you stopped teasing me for once, guess we both did things we don't mean," She retorted playfully as she pushed the controls higher. Poe had lost sight of her on his radar but assumed she was safe. There was no distress in her voice and instead, her words made his eyebrows draw together beneath the helmet.

"What are you trying to say?" He sounded almost offended and she rolled her eyes, pushing the craft even higher. She broke above the clouds and although that was usually a sign to return back to the surface, Eliana didn't. She wanted to see how far she could push it before the sensors told her to put her shields up or go back down. It should kick in soon enough.

"You're a horrific flirt, Dameron. You can't even pretend," Her tone was teasing. She could hear the huff Poe let out in response. She chuckled and pushed the craft higher and then she felt it. A jolt and a crack and her eyes widened. "Crap!" She shoved the controls down, nose-diving the X-Wing towards D'Qar's surface again, "Shit! Shit, shit!" She cursed as she checked over the ship's vitals. That should not have happened. She should not have done that. The sensors didn't even beep at her. Her gaze flicked over to the fuel chart and the fuel tank was suddenly dropping rapidly. The fuel line, "Kriff," She cursed again. All of it was picked up by the comms. Her heart thrummed against her chest as she tried to work out what to do.

There weren't many options and with how dangerously low the fuel was getting, she could drop out of the sky. Her head was spinning and all she could think about was how reckless she had been but also how lucky she had found that fatal flaw. If it was anyone else, they could have panicked and made a mistake much worse than what she had. Her hands were clammy and her whole body felt like it was on fire as she flicked a few buttons.

"Are you alright? What happened?" Poe's voice came through the communicator. Eliana pushed the ship further down, getting below cloud level again. Once she had put herself on a stable altitude, she pushed her body to the side, trying to get a look at the fuel line but the viewport limited her vision. So, she sat back down.

"I hit the outer atmosphere without my shields up," She spat out, her words were a jumble but Poe seemed to understand them. She then glanced at the fuel consumption. It was worse. It was dropping scarily quickly and so she made the split second decision and nose-dived right towards base. Her head was spinning worse and she felt like her heart was about to beat out of her chest. Her hands were sweaty as she tried to keep a hold of the controls. The nose-dive would use up her fuel and if the line was cracked then it would leak out quicker but there was no safer way.

If she wasted any time discussing with Poe, the fuel would run out and she'd drop out of the sky. Poe watched as she raced back towards base and went straight after her. The landing bay crew didn't expect her back so soon but they were quick to drop the ladder next to her X-Wing once she had haphazardly landed.

Once the X-Wing was on the ground, she glanced at the fuel consumption. It had nearly run out. She was lucky. Her heart didn't stop thrumming against her chest as she pushed the hatch open. She clambered out and on top of the X-Wing, finding the source of the leak.

And it didn't even take a genius to see it. A fissure tear right down the centre of the durasteel behind the hatch. It seemed that at some point the X-Wing's hull had been repaired but there was some weakness in the metal which had led to it ripping open under the sudden change in pressure. She huffed and kicked the hatch of the X-Wing closed so she could safely slide over and onto the ladder.

But before she could get onto the ladder, Poe had clambered on top. The panicked look on his face as he looked up at her. He had trapped her as she sat awkwardly on the glass viewport. He reached out and pulled her helmet off, checking her face for any damage. He didn't know how bad any of it had been and he was worried.

His helmet was still on his head and it didn't seem like he'd even taken a moment to come down from his flight. He just came straight to her. Eliana slipped forward a little but he had her body trapped against the viewport.

"What happened?" He asked, their chests pressed together as he looked into her eyes. Her head was spinning and the nausea was clawing at her stomach. She felt sick and heart wouldn't stop thumping. He was waiting for her to respond but Eliana was finding it hard to find the words. The adrenaline and their proximity made it hard for her to even think straight and he tilted his head, waiting.

"I was testing the system to make sure it'd warn me if I was too close to the outer atmosphere without my shields," She managed to find the words before she let out a sigh. Her head fell forward as she squeezed her eyes shut. Her hands were a little shaky as she ran them across her face, "and I got cocky. I didn't even realise how far up I was until we were breaking out. The kriffing metal cracked and it left the fuel line exposed and I think it hit the engine." Her words were muffled behind her hands before she let them drop to her sides again.

"Leia isn't going to be happy," Poe mumbled and Eliana nodded. She grabbed her helmet from his hand and let him climb down from the ladder. She joined him and the nausea hit her like a racing speeder. She had to hide the way her breakfast tried to come back up through her throat and forced herself to walk beside him.

Her whole body that had just been bouncing with energy was now coming down from the adrenaline high and she felt increasingly worse. Her head was spinning, her throat was dry and her stomach was turning but not in the fun way. She felt on edge, paranoid.

"We'll have to report to the mechanics," Eliana nodded and the pair headed straight towards the mechanics deck. As they walked, Eliana got quieter. If she hadn't been careful, she could have died. If it had been anyone else and they had panicked, that could have killed them. It terrified her that she could have died then and there, Poe watching as her ship dropped out of the sky with no way of saving her.

She hadn't even realised that they had moved from the mechanics to the changing room. So terrified of the thought that she could have died. All of her life gone in a second. She had so much she still wanted to do but then and there, she would have been gone. And it was only when Poe opened his locker that she came out of her head.

Her locker key was in her hand and she opened it up, staring at the change of clothes. Poe appeared by her side and gently took a hold of the clothes. He then placed them in her hands and nudged her to go into the changing room cubicle. Eliana met his gaze and sent him a half-smile to indicate 'I'm fine' and headed into the cubicle.

She unzipped her suit and switched back to her civilian clothes. It was black pants today, a cream shirt and a jacket. Her - Poe's - jacket was wrapped firmly around her as she sat on the bench in the cubicle. Her eyes closed as she pulled it tight around her. Her head fell back against the wall and she felt her heart tighten. Anxiety was not something she experienced often but the come-down from that experience had left her shaken.

"Eliana," Poe called over the door. She stared up and realised that she had to at least seem like everything was okay. It happened all the time. Damage during test flights was relatively common but she had never done anything so recklessly stupid. But he didn't need to know how much it bothered her so she stood up.

She pushed the door open and Poe tilted his head slightly. She smiled again, forcing it on. He couldn't think it had affected her that much. They had both watched people die in the field. This should have been nothing and yet Eliana was terrified.

He took her suit and helmet from her hands without question and put them in her locker before he turned back to face her. She hadn't moved from her spot and he watched as her face morphed into terror now that she thought nobody was watching. He had never seen her look so distraught after a mission.

His steps were cautious as he closed the gap between them. But Eliana didn't even seem to notice him until he lifted her head up by her chin. His skin radiated warmth and Eliana stared at him, not entirely sure what to think. Poe had always been so kind after missions in the field that had gone wrong. She tried to put up a brave face every time but Poe could just tell that something was wrong.

"You're not going on the Squadron test flights later." His voice was firm and although Eliana wanted to protest, she couldn't find the will. So, she simply nodded her head and he dropped his hand from her chin. He opened his mouth to say something more but another voice interrupted him.

"How were test flights?" Nettie appeared with a grin on her face. She quirked an eyebrow at Eliana, clearing having caught a glance of their touch. Eliana forced a happy look onto her face and shrugged her shoulders.

"They were alright," The sudden change in demeanour confused Poe for a moment but Eliana just smiled, "Dameron got ahead of himself, as always," Eliana's voice suddenly had so much joy to it. Poe found it disconcerting how easy she found it to pretend that everything was okay and act like she hadn't just faced certain death less than an hour ago.

"We still on for speed trials later?" Nettie asked as she looped arms with Eliana. The brunette shrugged and glanced back at Dameron, cocking an eyebrow. Eliana knew what they had just agreed but she couldn't say anything to Nettie about this. She was the Squadron Leader, a Commander. She couldn't be weak or show how much everything had bothered her. Nettie didn't even need to know what happened.

"You ready to be beaten, Dameron?" She asked with a slight tilt to her head. Her whole persona changed in an instant and he tried to find his own footing in the conversation but was floundering. She was teasing him and he opened his mouth but found he had nothing to say.

"What did you say to him before I got here? You don't usually find Dameron speechless," Nettie teased as Eliana dragged them towards the door. Eliana expected Poe to follow but instead, he stood there dumbfounded. So, they left Poe, dazed. He had always known that people lied about how they feel. Hell, he did it all of the time. But not like that. He had never seen someone do that.

Be so blatantly not okay and suddenly, jump right back into normality as if nothing had happened. He learnt more and more about Eliana everyday and she seemed to become more and more of an enigma to him.

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NOTE; they are my beloveds <3