WARNING: transphobia

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POV: Evander 

I slid my iron boots on, reaching for my diamond chest plate. Today I planned on going to the nether. Don't get me wrong, I was horrified. I was super scared to hear that voice again. But I also REALLY wanted to use quartz. And where was quartz? In the nether. 

I growled, but I also realized I had mindlessly put on all my armor. I grabbed my diamond sword, fear rising in me. I refused to let it show though. I went to my chest and grabbed two stacks of dirt, and found like the two pieces of wheat I had. I grabbed those, and walked out of my house. I  played with the dirt in my pocket as I walked all the way from my house too Carrot's place. Once I got there I saw Carrot picking wheat. "Hello Evander!" She said, picking the last one that was ready. 

"Hey Carrot!" I said with a smile, waving to her. Carrot got up. "Whatcha doin?" She asked. "I'm going to the nether! I was wondering if I could use some of your wheat for a hay bale? There's a big drop in the nether and I don't want to die..." I explained nervously, continuing to play with the dirt in my pocket. "Sure, I'll give you the wheat! But, y'know- you don't have to go." Carrot answered sheepishly, handing me some wheat. "N-no, it's fine. I can do this." I said, trying to cheer myself up. 

"If you want I can turn it to peaceful." Carrot offered. "No need, I'm fine-" but as I started the sentence, Carrot had already pulled out her communicator and turned it to peaceful. "No one says 'I'm fine' when they're fine." Carrot pointed out, putting her communicator away. "Oh, well- should I go craft up the hay bale now?" I asked, slowly side stepping to Carrot's storage, which I knew had a crafting table in it. "Sure!" Carrot said, giving a little wave. I smiled underneath my mask, walking into the storage house.

—————— (Time skip brought to you by Santa)

I stood outside the nether portal, holding back the urge to turn and just run. Carrot had left to go hang out with Robo, so I was alone. I hesitated for a moment, then took a step forward. I did it again, inching closer to the portal. Once I got to where I was just in front of the portal I stopped. I gripped my sword, gulping. I walked in the portal, fear crippling me. I felt the familiar feeling of being thrown into a different dimension, and my fear spiked. 

I feel backwards out of the portal, nearly landing in lava. I pushed myself up, and I decided to block out the lava by the portal with dirt. "That's better." I murmured, watching as the lava drained away. I hissed out a breath, jogging to the place where me and Carrot died a while ago. I stared at the drop, wondering if I could scaffold over to the little land and save myself with the hay bale. But in the middle of my thoughts-

Hello.

I froze, looking around wildly. "Who's there?" I barked out, my legs shaking. I was shaking so badly I could hear my armor clank together.

Just an old friend. I missed you.

I looked back at the drop, my justified fear trying to push me to the ground. "Get out of my head." I meant for it to sound intimidating, but it came out as a whimper. 

What am I supposed to do though? I'm trapped here, are you're the only person I can talk to.

I stayed silent this time. Not because I didn't know what to say, but I felt as if I opened my mouth I'd probably throw up in fear. I pulled out a stack of dirt and started to bridge over to the small island far below. I breathed in the ash in the air, trying my absolute hardest to distract myself from the voice.

Ignoring me huh? That won't work for long.

I continued being silent, trying to appear more tough then I actually was. I knew the voice would see right through me, but I could try! 

Hey, Evil X-

"Evander." I corrected. 

What? 

"I go by Evander."

I heard what seemed to be a growl, then the voice continued. Well, Evander, how was the void? I'm glad I missed out on that!

I put my hand to a fist, holding back tears at the memory. "You left me. You left me to rot. If it wasn't for my sketchbooks getting me through there I would be dead." I hissed trough my teeth. 'It was all your fault.' I thought angrily.

Don't put your blame on me! You listened. You followed my commands. You didn't even ask for help! You were the one getting your hands dirty. You pitiful, pathetic child. You're just a clone. A stupid little clone.

At this point I didn't know how I wasn't balling already. I just pulled out my hay bale, and jumped. I felt oddly empty as I fell, holding the hay bale. Just before I reached the ground I placed it, breaking my fall. 

Ooh, first try!

The kindness sounded so fake. Like, the amount of fake-ness was bigger then the amount of disappointment you got when you tried to go the Aether in a vanilla Minecraft world. "I don't need your praise." I hissed, picking up the hay bale. I pulled out more dirt and hobbled to the other side of the island, and started bridging. I didn't know where I was going, I just went.

You're trying to act strong, aren't you? Listen, I know you. I know you're fear. That trick won't work on me.

I froze, and fell to my knees. 'Don't cry don't cry don't cry-' I told myself over and over. But it was no use. I was balling now, my tears evaporating off my face in the heat. I laid down on my stomach, using my arms as a pillow. I cried into my arms, the rough feeling of dirt making it just feel worse. 

Woowww, even more weak then I remember! Poor guy, so utterly pathetic. Suck it up.

I just kept crying, somehow feeling worse. 'I'm not a guy.'

Oh? Evil X says he's not a guy? Boy, listen. You are a guy. Always will be.

'I'm a they.' It wasn't quite telling the voice, more of telling myself. Assuring myself that I was, in fact, a they.

They, hm? Boy, there is no 'they.' There's only boys and girls. There's no third option. You are a boy, and always will be.

"IM A THEY!" I suddenly screamed, clawing at the dirt below me. My devil tail slashed back and fourth, tears still pouring from my eyes. They were still evaporating, leaving trails of salt on my cheeks.

Stop lying to yourself. You're a boy, and you're evil.

"I'm not either of those.." I whimpered, clutching onto the dirt. "I-I'm Evander..." I whispered, tears still streaming. 

You're Evil X.

"I'm not. I'm not." I kept repeating that to myself, hoping it would help. It did not.

Stop lying to yourself. 

"IM NOT LYING!" I screamed, and in one act of defiance I pushed myself off the dirt and into the lava. 

No one's proud of you, Evil Xisuma.

I quickly took off my armor so it wouldn't get damaged. Then-

<System> Evil_Xisuma tried to swim in lava.