What was I supposed to do in the meantime? That was the question. The sky was a clear one, and I let Kazuya lead me to his apartment as I stared up at the stars. They were numerous, pinpricks in the sky. We were far from the metro, less light pollution. I kind of wanted to stay out here with him and gaze up at them. What else was there to do? Now that I had decided... 

But, what had I decided? I'd had some hours to think after writing my letter. Going back and forth. Knowing that this letter could spell my doom. Trying to make a plan if it did. I didn't know the outcome to that letter, and I'd have to work at the Modern until I did. Or even after I did. I didn't have any certainty that I'd be fired over this. My father was high up in the company, so maybe that would be a factor. But, if he found out about it... That was something I hadn't considered in my rash decision. 

Would my father see that letter? I'd said everything in there. My opinions about the guests and where they come from. This neighborhood and all the wonders in it. Being gay and identifying with the residents and therefore seeing where they were coming from. Having explored the area as myself and wanting to save this place. Would my father see it all? Had I outed myself without even realizing?

But as I felt Kazuya's hand in mine, the fear lessened a little. He was guiding the way, just like he always did. Maybe I wasn't so alone as I thought. And there was French Cup... He'd said he'd train me to be a chocolatier. I couldn't wrap my head around that. The suddenness of it. What that meant. For me, as a person, what that meant. As I saw chocolate in my head, melted and dripping down from a spoon in a bowl, whatever it was I could be doing with that, there was only calm. This different path. No more wearing suits. No more taking orders from someone higher up. No more having to wear a face.

Having a face. I always hated having to put one on. Listening to others with a mask on my real opinions. Yes, sir. No, sir. Doing what they said. This whole time I'd been here, they'd shown me a different path. And now, here was another. A way to break off from the path that had been chosen for me. 

I loved chocolate. The smell, how it feels when its melted between my fingers. The taste, of course. So many things you could do with the taste. It was endless, limitless. All those different kinds of chocolates. Things from famous brands, but also the uninvented. What possibilities were there? And to think he'd be there with it all. Admiring what I put together. Making it together. 

As he led me to his door, I thought about poking the tip of his cute nose with melted chocolate from my finger. Seeing his reaction. What would be his reaction? I wanted to see it. Playing together. Helping him bake, taking things out of the oven. Arranging things on the racks, wrapping them, learning how to decorate. It was endless. All these possibilities. This freedom. And we'd already had a taste of it. I'd gone there to help him before. I already knew what it felt like.

His key bit into the lock as I was lost with abandon. I'd get to watch him every day create the most beautiful bakes. Croissants, cakes, tarts, everything. Maybe I could learn it, too. Help him even more. Then, it wouldn't be all on him anymore. He could relax, maybe even get more sleep. He needed more sleep.

He led me into his apartment as I thought dreamily. All this weight lifted even in a few minutes. To think, it could be forever. Working there with him. How would it change me? Every day, I was so worried about what my superiors would think. Pleasing them, making deadlines. But, even the customers at French Cup were different than the people I usually saw. These were people that I actually wanted to have conversations with. Learn about their lives and relationships. I was so interested, that I wanted to see them again and again. Could I be seeing them endlessly? Maybe some every day? 

And Kazuya... I could see him every day. Every morning. There were no days off, and I'd never want a day off. It wouldn't even be...work. Would I know the word? I could never call being near him work. Helping him, making sure he was okay. That could never be work. I'd never work another day in my-

"Are you hungry?"

I jumped a bit, standing just beyond the doorway. Kazuya was taking off his coat, smiling to himself. He was happy, too. Finally happy. When I'd found him today, he'd seemed a bit disturbed, but he was smiling now. Such relief to see him smile. I began taking off my coat, too, always following his lead, nodding rapidly at his question. Suddenly, I was ravenous. I hadn't eaten dinner yet. My dinner plans had consisted of shrimp chips, but those were quickly forgotten, my canvas tote set next to the door. 

He smiled, setting his coat on a chair at his kitchen island. "What would you like to eat? There's Thai, a couple of good ramen places, McDonald's, a beef bowl place?" 

I neatly folded my coat in half and set it on the armrest of the couch. Standing there now with nothing to do, awkward. "Hmm. I don't mind. Choose what you want to eat." Not knowing what to do with my hands. Seeing him there. We were alone together in his apartment. My eyes went a little wider, needing to stare at the floor. 

The first time we'd been alone in his apartment together, I'd blurted out something awful and ruined our moment. Would we...have another moment? It made my heart beat faster immediately, a blush rising to my cheeks as I stared at the floor, trying to hide it, but probably not being successful.

"Thai it is." 

I nodded, smiling to myself despite it all. Thinking about him sliding his hand to my interior thigh like that time...

"Come here." 

I looked up, surprised. He was over at his kitchen island, his phone out. Making hand motions to get me to come closer. Such a kindness there, like always. I joined him, trying to act casual. Sitting on a chair there next to his, looking at his phone and wondering about what to order. It was so normal. I couldn't get over it. I still felt awkward, but being near him. I'd been near him so much, and now...maybe we could be near each other all the time.

That idea just made me relax instead of nervous. Such a surprising response. 

After big bowls of yum woon sen, we were relaxing on the couch together. Too full to move, like happy puppies after a big drink. The TV was on to a game show, but we weren't really paying attention. Instead, he'd been talking to me about chocolate and I felt the most content I probably ever had. We were under a throw blanket, too, so it was warm. Feeling his body heat mixing with mine, unable to tell who's belonged to who. His body against mine, just like when we'd watched Anpanman together. Being in this position again with him. I couldn't describe how it made me feel.

"Dark chocolate can be deceptive," he was saying. "Especially when you're experimenting with it from a client perspective. Every age group has a different taste. Dark chocolate is interesting, because it can be any amount of bitter or flat. It can taste so rich, but the percentage of sweetness can be relatively low compared. It really is the most robust of chocolate flavors, an acquired taste such as with the black of coffees, but you know? If you ask the average person if they like dark chocolate, they'll say no. Isn't that weird? They're missing out on such a wide experience. It's like not going into the jungle, because you just decide you didn't like it after wiggling your finger in there. Not even going inside, just tasting it. It can be like wine, in that regard. Wine has such a wide world of flavors. But, most people choose one or two or pair it with food and that's it. There's no will to explore. I don't understand it. That's chocolate in general. You can't judge it from just one time. Every person makes it differently, has different preferences. There's so much to consider, from cost to how they personally like it done. What do you sweeten it with? There's so much to choose from. Some people even use chocolate that's already sweetened, skipping that step, and build from there. And still, there's others who use others' chocolate and create sculptures. Have you ever seen them? They're incredible. Would you ever be interested in that? Some of my classmates were really into it, but they weren't very good at it. Chocolate sculpture can be deceptive, too. It looks so simple when a master does it, but mark my words it is hard. Chocolate is melting as soon as it touches your hands..."

He'd been talking about chocolate for about twenty minutes. Quickly switching from subject to subject, each one leading into the next. I could absolutely listen to him talk about it all night. Everything he was saying, I agreed with it. And yet, I didn't want to interrupt him. He looked so happy doing it. He wasn't thinking about anything else. What a change in him. Ever since he'd brought up my becoming a chocolatier, he'd lit up. 

I never wanted that to end. 

"Now, I don't know about this new 'ruby chocolate'. It's been out for a while now, but when it was first a rumor it split the world apart. Everyone wanted to get their hands on it, and at first it was really expensive since it was just one maker. But, ruby chocolate is the same as white, in a sense. That sense is that some people don't consider white chocolate to be real chocolate, since it is butter based. I hardly dabble in it myself. It's hard to work with, because it melts a lot easier than other chocolates. This is a tricky thing to master at first, all the chocolate melting points. You have to master it, or your chocolate won't be glossy. The 'glossy factor', as I call it, that is not its official name, is so important for 'window appeal'. That's another term of mine. How shiny is your chocolate in the end? The shinier it is, the more your client will want to eat it. And isn't that the best part of chocolate in the end? Eating it?"

He paused here, finally coming up for air. I was just smiling so much. Learning a lot. I nodded to him and he grinned, satisfied. 

He went right back. "A little experiment I've been trying is the idea of different kinds of fruit chocolates. Ever since ruby chocolate came along, I've been thinking about this. I don't know how popular they'd be, but since ruby chocolate is pink I've been thinking about other colors. How pretty would a rainbow of chocolate be? They'd all have different flavors, like macarons. I've never seen anything like it. You hear about all these fancy flavors from add ins such as nougat and nuts, but for there to be true chocolates that taste like other things as a base? I also looked at Pocky and thought about the creamy part. Is that considered chocolate? All those different flavors, such as banana. Would that count? I want to study it."

"We should get some. We can taste test and you can tell me how much you think they're like chocolate. What makes chocolate be chocolate?"

Oh, the grin I got at this response. I never wanted it to stop. 

"Exactly! What makes chocolate a chocolate?! There's so much debate in that. As I said, some people don't even consider white chocolate to be chocolate. Is it only chocolate if there's cacao in it?!" 

He was getting more excited. Way too adorable. 

"Hmm. I think it's the creaminess. The 'creaminess factor', if you will."

"The creaminess factor!" He jumped up a bit in our cuddle, his mouth open so wide, making me giggle. "This is an excellent term!"

"Yes. If it melts like chocolate, acts like chocolate, how is that not chocolate?"

"I don't know!" He was giggling, too. "Ruby chocolate melts like white and regular chocolate, so people consider it to be chocolate, but I don't know!"

"You know what? I've never had ruby chocolate." Giggling worse, because I could almost predict his reaction to this. His cute mouth fell open and I was right.

"What?!" 

Suddenly the TV was off and he was pulling me, getting up. I followed him, still laughing. Felt like I could laugh for the rest of my life. "Where are you taking me?" I asked, but I already knew. With his other hand, he was picking up my coat from the couch's armrest. As I stood up, he presented it to me and my cheeks hurt, I was smiling so much. This feeling...

"A quest!" He announced, bouncing off to the chair with his own coat on it. "I know exactly where to get it! You can try it! We can't talk about chocolate if you don't know the taste!"

"Ooh, where are you taking me?" 

He did a little twirl, putting on his coat. It made me sigh inside, so happy to see this. It was like we were normal again. This new kind of normal. As if nothing sad had happened. As if inside this apartment was our own little world where there was no sadness. Nothing to worry about. Just a world of chocolate and he and I. 

But, as I watched him button up his coat, I realized that wasn't true. He smoothed down his coat, checking himself over as I knew him to do. He was so particular about his clothes like this, and it was now one of those comforting things. He tugged at his sleeves in finality. No, I knew. Just by watching him like this? 

He came over, taking my hand, digging his keys out of his pocket. Pulling me again so that I could follow to another world, just like Alice down the rabbit hole. Just like the first time. 

As we left, I knew certainly: anywhere he was, that was a place of comfort. I'd come to that conclusion before, but being with him just brought it forward. This beautiful thing. This blissful, heaven place. It was anywhere he was.