He'd called it a perverted game. That we were using his children. Accusing them. I'd caught them red-handed, but had no evidence. He said I had no claim to damages, but Kazuya did. Matsuda-san was upstairs now, probably laughing about our meeting. Laughing at us.

To say they'd probably tracked that piece of firecracker home on one of their shoes. Our general manager saying that to Matsuda-san. Telling him to be as well informed of my accusation as he could, as if to prepare himself. Deconstructing those pages to make the words he'd said, calling it a game. 

I'd written that statement as a courtesy to the hotel before going to the police, in the small hope that the hotel would be more proactive, since it involved guests who were minors. Some kind of organized effort. A united front. I don't know what I'd been hoping for. I'd been in a panic. I'd been in my emotions. 

I'd paced around my room for who knows how long. Deep in my thoughts, going over the events. It was now day three, and my wits were coming back. Able to think clearer. But, every time I thought about Kazuya they fell apart.

Him coming to see me at the hotel. That must have been hard. I always was the one to go see him. I didn't want him to have to come here. Yet, I had to talk to him. Yesterday, we'd exchanged phone numbers "just in case", as he'd said. I was happy to have it, to finally know it. I'd already memorized it. When he'd input it into my phone, he'd put a heart after his name. Was that just for me, or did he do that to everyone's phones? 

I wanted to see him somewhere else. Somewhere safer. Somewhere far away. Somewhere with a sense of safety, where he could be more comfortable. But, where was that? 

Maybe somewhere noisy, where nobody would be paying attention to us. Certainly not here. Every time I thought about bringing him here to talk now, it sent shivers up my spine. Knowing the Matsudas were right upstairs. Their opinions of us, real. 

Eventually, the morning rays crept into the room. The soft white of the see-through curtains became brighter. In my mind, I remembered that I had a to feed a creature who also lived here. So, robotically, I knelt down and put kibbles into the bowl. I filled the other one with fresh water. I went to the bathroom and emptied his kitty box of mess. These other things to do, somehow they cleared my mind more. These things I had to do, just like any other day. Grateful Kuro was here so that I could do something else. 

When I came out of the bathroom, Kuro was there chewing on kibbles. Strangely as I knelt down again, he didn't move away. Gently, my fingers touched his back. As he ignored me, my fingers patted his smooth fur a couple of times. 

I righted myself back up, staring at him below me. We stayed like this for a while. So incredibly, he didn't run away. 

In the late afternoon, I invited Kazuya to go to an arcade. I didn't know if he'd accept. I'd have completely understood if he wasn't in the mood. An arcade was a cheerful place. I honestly didn't want to go there either, but I determined that it'd be so lively that no one would look at us. There'd be so many people there, that maybe we'd feel safe. People doing their own things, off in their own worlds. No one would target us...

I'd spent my day behind the front desk. By now, everyone knew about what I'd been through. So oddly, most of them appeared to be on my side. No one acknowledged it exactly, but everyone was friendly just as they had been. In fact, Minami and Tomoko were more accommodating toward me than ever before. Their actions said they felt bad, and that they stood with me. Minami even bought a water for me from our expensive shop, using her own money. They tried to take over most of our duties, showing me how much they'd learned. They still had some questions, but I was so proud of them. Tomoko even said she'd be training with our night auditor tonight, since she'd been showing the hotel some interest in that role. 

The conversation had shifted toward general dislike for the hotel, and I didn't glance at the camera in worry that they might hear us. There were no microphones in the cameras, and from their attitudes it didn't feel like they'd ever say anything. I didn't dare say a word, but it was clear that their opinions had shifted. Tomoko had seemed like she didn't favor the hotel much before, but now her story was coming out into the open.

"Yuuto-san told us what the general manager said during the meeting," Minami had told me. "I can't believe that. He told everyone. He said he can't keep his mouth shut about it. To think, the perpetrators of that attack are right here in the hotel. It makes sense, because that café is right around the corner from here. The proximity."

"Can't there be anything done about it?" Tomoko asked, acting like she was working by shoving papers around for the camera. "You can't go to the police? They can be brought on charges. I know they can. How about for blowing up a building? That's a charge. You don't need to have claims for damages. That's worse than silly. For Matsuda-san to say that."

"They're going back home on Friday. You need to get them before Friday. I don't know the laws. If they're out of the area by Friday, can charges be brought?" Minami was very troubled by this. I had the answer, but I didn't want her to be more stressed out. The truth was, it was very slippery. They were minors. They were affluent. Their father was a lawyer. It'd be a lot harder to prove once they went back home.

I was thinking about this when I was in the Uber going to Kazuya's place. I'd called him on the phone to tell him I was on my way. It was our second time speaking on the phone together. He sounded so different on it again, jarring me. As if the phone were distorting his usual voice. He'd told me I sounded different, too. Almost a laugh there, but not quite. I wanted him to laugh, even though I was nowhere near laughing. An impossible laugh.

The sky was becoming overcast by the time we made it to his apartment building. I stared at his door, waiting for it to open. Five minutes passed, and I took out my phone, tapping around in it to call to let him know we were here. As I did, a door slammed and I jumped so hard. My heart racing, this sudden noise. My head snapped up and there he was. Locking his door. The door slam had been him. Scared of this noise, when it had been him? My breaths were harder, too. This sudden fear. 

He was dressed in a lighter jacket, since it wasn't freezing today. A strange warm winter day. He looked much more put together than yesterday, but I was eagle eyed. Checking him over as he came closer for any signs of stress. If so, I'd hold him in the car. I didn't care about this Uber driver or what she thought. I'd comfort him the way he deserved to be comforted. 

He got in, slamming the door closed. This made me jump, too, but I don't think he saw. Overly protective maybe, I helped him with his seatbelt. Making sure he was buckled in tight. This got a smile from him, making me smile, too. As the Uber driver got going, his hand snuck into mine. Right there in the middle seat, out in the open. Exposed to this unknown person. Somehow, it felt more scary now. When we'd gone to Odaiba, we'd held hands the whole day. I'd held him in an open square, and no one had looked at us or cared. But, in front of this one unknown person, I felt fear now. My hand squeezed his, and he squeezed it back. He looked at me shyly, and I gave him an encouraging smile. Maybe he was feeling the same as me. 

After a quiet ride, we got out and were immediately swarmed with noise. This area in the middle of Tokyo. It was so much louder and busier than where we were from. We were in a suburb compared. There were television screens with moving pop idols and loud music streaming down from everywhere, songs conflicting. Cars beeping at each other. People walking about, going on with their own lives. It's exactly what I'd wanted. No one would be looking at us. There were too many other things to look at. Compared to our situation, we were lost in a sea of other complexities. Like this, I ushered Kazuya inside the safety of the arcade. He didn't protest. 

Once inside, it was chaos in a good way. Every machine was playing its own music. Bright, flashing lights of every color and strobing white ones were distracting. Children were running around, adults milling about. People were winning and big noises were going up every few seconds. He took my hand and we walked around, peering into machines and he offered a few words here and there. I found out he was a fan of Anpanman through this, but it made sense since he's a baker. We stopped and admired a UFO catcher machine that was full of prizes from that TV show. He appeared nervous, so I took out my wallet. I was too quick for him to protest, and before he knew it I was gunning to win. 

"Over there! Oh no, too far! Ah, the timer! Ah, too late!" He gasped as the claw came down nowhere near one of the prizes. Immediately, I shoved more coins into the machine and he jumped up and down. We were laughing like children, losing ourselves. He pointed rapidly in excitement at the one he wanted, a pinkish-red character. My brain thought of a million strategies to win. 

This time, I was ready. I wouldn't lose. If a plush from Anpanman would make him feel better, then I'd get it for him. My claw was poised, my shoulders were up. He went around me, his face practically pressed to the glass as the music started. His hand went over his mouth as he spoke through it, the stakes so high. But, I had this. I'd get it. 

The machine went wild as the timer ran out, the claw descending. My hands were in fists, focusing so much on my mark. He gasped so hugely as the two prongs went under the plush's chin, and they began to rise. 

"Oh, you got it! Oh it- oh no!" His hands went onto the glass as we watched in dismay as it fell down, the claw too weak to pick up even this small toy. 

But, that was okay. I snapped my fingers and loaded more coins into the machine. He took his hands off the glass, moving so close to me. It made my heart beat fast for such a good reason. 

There were people walking all around us. So many alarming noises nearby. So many flashes of light. But, as we focused together, we forgot about all of it, all that sadness. As I concentrated on winning him a beloved prize from a show he really liked, I spectacularly forgot about everything else without even realizing it.

We'd gone back to his apartment after. We'd each won an Anpanman toy at the arcade. He'd gasped at me, could not believe I didn't know the name of the character I was holding. 

"They're the main villains of the show!" He'd informed me, wiggling his pink-red plushie. "You don't know them?!" 

I'd laughed with him, making my plushie dance, too. He'd giggled at this, such a relief to see that. "Let's go to your apartment and you can show me. Anpanman was on TV in Korea, but I never saw it. I know who Anpanman himself is, but not these characters."

So, now we were here. Eating ice cream, another comfort. Wrapped in a blanket on his couch, a DVD in his player. His body heat and mine were heating us up, our plushies nestled with us. I knew no matter what, the character who was my plushie would be my favorite. How could he not be? That would stay with me forever. 

He'd seemed a little embarrassed when the show first popped on, but he saw how much I was enjoying it. He relaxed and started explaining to me who the characters were, their histories. It was evident that he'd watched the show for a long time, since he was a kid probably. It made sense if that was the case. Eventually, our pints of ice cream were long gone, our spoons left in the empty containers. We were entwined with one another, with him laid against my body. 

The DVD finished, the ending credits coming to a close. The DVD titles showed again. As the music of them played cheerfully, he sighed something into me that made my heart stop.

"I think I died. This is heaven. If this is heaven, it's okay." Said in such a tranquil voice.

Suddenly, all that happiness was gone. Swirled away up into the air, out the window maybe. Where it had gone, I didn't know, but it was replaced with a darkness. As if today hadn't happened at all. 

His saying that was a nightmare. 

An image of him in French Cup, instead of being okay he was on the floor. Everyone was on the floor, and it was on fire. Everyone was helpless, there was no way out. Seeing him there, no way to help him. Not even able to cry, there was just a nothingness. 

These thoughts. Wondering what it would have been like if he'd died instead. Instead of being here with him on the couch, this cheerful music from the DVD titles, watching his favorite show as we cuddled all cozy. The idea of having lost him two days ago instead. It wasn't even swirling darkness. It was a nothingness, nothing there at all. As if there weren't a future. As if it had vanished, and now I didn't know what to do or ever again.

"Don't say that," I whispered to him, realizing there were tears taking over my sinuses. My eyes burning. My arms went tighter around him. "Don't think about that."

"Gyeong-Wan?" There was alarm where tranquility had been. 

"What if it had been worse? What if I'd lost you? What if it had been a real bomb and not some stupid little boys with fireworks?" 

"What is- what are you saying? I don't understand- wh- what?" The softness in it, his voice fuzzing around the edges with his own tears.

"I don't want to lose you. I don't want it to happen again."

He sniffled. Sniffling more. Tiny gasps in it. My head pressed to his, our cheeks touching. I brought him even closer, needing him to be. I didn't want to let him go, now that I knew he was thinking about that. Having imagined it myself. 

"It can't happen again."

"Yes, it can. They can do it again, but worse. Nothing's going to happen to them."

He tried to shake his head, but we were too close. Small sounds came from his throat in his crying. "No, it can't happen again. We can't open French Cup, so it won't happen again. We- we're..." A huge sob made me hug him the tightest I could automatically. Not even knowing in myself to get myself to do this. "We have to close..." A whisper, an awfulness.

I began shaking my head terribly. What he was saying had to be as fake as what I'd imagined. I couldn't stop. "No, don't think about that. French Cup isn't closing."

"No, we have to close, because whoever did it could do it again. Nikki said, and he- you know- I don't-" He made a sound like a sneeze, his hands over his face in it. Those tears that I'd tried so hard to prevent. But, on my face there were tears, too. Too shocked to take any of it in.

We didn't have any words for a long time. Nothing was sinking in for me, just confusion. The DVD was untouched, going around over and over again in the little song on the DVD titles. I watched it, no thoughts in my stunned mind. Not able to comprehend his words. They'd been so similar to mine, but different.

French Cup was closing, so that it couldn't happen again? Is that what he'd said? 

These words went over in my mind, no meanings to them. As if I'd forgotten how to speak Japanese. They mashed and mixed with the images that I'd horribly thought of earlier, of him face down in French Cup with the others. Myself the only survivor, the only witness. 

We held each other, and I was unsure how to move forward. On the periphery of my mind, I had other things to say. Things I'd wanted to tell him this morning, but been unable to figure out how. Instead, focusing more on his comfort. Wanting him to feel better. But, with what he'd just told me, he'd never feel better again. On top of it, I wouldn't-

Suddenly, Minami's voice was in my head and I couldn't get it out of there.

You have to get them by Friday. If they leave, can they be charged?

This truth that everyone knew at the hotel, but nobody involved with French Cup knew it yet. That determination I'd had this morning, though an awful confusion also. Not knowing how to tell him, but there was no time. It was already Tuesday night. 

"Kazuya, I have to tell you something." Said so small, but I'd said it. This hard part, starting the conversation, was finally over. It was in motion, and even if I wanted to stop it I now could not. 

"W-what is it?" Breaking my heart, his crying voice. 

I adjusted myself, wanting to see his face. Needing to see it. I didn't know how this would hurt him, but he had to know. He had to help me do this. If he refused, I'd make him see. I had to find a bravery in myself. It had to be there somewhere, hidden away. I'd said I didn't want French Cup to be attacked again, and he'd said it, too. That much I could make sense of. Here was a solution, if I could only convey it. If I could somehow get him to agree.

But, his crying face. That innocence there, that devastated hurt. The defeat in his eyes. Making me cry again. 

"I- I have to tell you something. Okay? I don't want to hurt you, but I need to tell you."

His face crumpled into something even worse. Descending into child-like crying. A fear. I brought him close, putting his face on my chest. Holding him protectively. His arms tightened around me, showing me he wanted to be there. I laid my cheek on top of his head, wanting no harm to come to him, but I had no choice. 

"Kazuya, do you remember when I asked about two boys coming into French Cup?"

He sniffled, swallowing hard and a small breath came out in his effort. "Y-yes..."

"You told me there were two boys and their mom."

"Yes..."

"Kazuya...um..."

He was patient. Waiting. I didn't want to say this, but the image of him on the floor as French Cup burned prevailed. A new image, of those same boys playing in a field somewhere. Completely free, no consequences at all. Free to do something like this again. Not even a slap on the wrist, or a reprimand from their own father. Their father, who was probably happy to see everyone so distraught on the news. Their father, who didn't like rainbows, but really, he didn't like us. All his speeches that I'd heard. Probably more that I hadn't heard. His hatred for us.

"Kazuya, I know those two boys. I saw it all. They're staying at the hotel. They're part of a family called the Matsudas. When I ran out of French Cup, I caught them. They confessed to me..."

He gasped slowly, his body expanding a little in my arms. 

"They- they confessed to me. They, um, confessed to me that they're the ones who set off those firecrackers in French Cup. They didn't even try to hide it. They were..." The older Matsuda boy's unfeeling face. How blank it was. No hesitation when I'd asked him why he'd done it. "They were proud of it, be- because they said their father doesn't like French Cup's rainbow flag."

Slowly, he reacted to this news. I don't know what I expected, no way to prepare. But, slowly he began to make noises. Gathering, growing noises that I didn't know he had in him. Frustration, anger, sadness. Deep grief. 

As I held him, clinging to him desperately, he began to scream into my sweater. Muffled sobs, raw and bare. In a horror, the same one that was already in my heart.

The knowledge that it was two young boys. Ones that he knew, too, had even been kind to. From that small story he'd told me on that day, how kind he'd been to them. Giving them tarts. Being nice to their mom. 

Those boys. The same younger one, who had shown Tomoko and I his hurt finger. The same older one who had taken his younger brother fishing. 

These same boys, we both knew now, had done this terrible thing and it was a horror. Showing this kind of hate. Just kids, already acting on it in these horrifying ways. Maybe something they didn't even entirely understand. Maybe I had to tell myself that. Because, the other option was unimaginable.