The new batch of chocolate in my bain-marie was perfectly melted and glossy. Another fat, juicy strawberry hung from my fingertips and dipped inside, and with a twirl of my wrist it was perfect. I waited a few seconds, then did it one more time. Like this, I set it on wax paper to complete a line of them that were waiting. My hand slipped under the tray and I marched to the refrigerator. This tray met its fellows, so many double chocolate dipped strawberries chilling. 

I'd decided late yesterday that today was strawberry day. Strawberries were cheerful, and I needed cheering up. Someone else did, too. 

These chocolate dipped strawberries would be perfect for Gyeong-Wan. They weren't something you ate every day. They were special. And he needed something special. He'd seemed to be doing better yesterday, but only slightly. He'd been pretty quiet overall. He usually was, with that shy way about him. It made me stop in my tracks for a second, remembering his usual face. Staring at me with a slightly curious expression, a careful way. 

I'd chosen to let him do what he needed to do. He'd been so upset the other day, convinced his girlfriend had seen him. I still didn't think she could be in Tokyo. It was such a stretch. Would she really come here? He said she had money, but... 

If I really thought about it, I'd go over the ocean to see Gyeong-Wan, too. So, maybe it wasn't such a stretch. 

Hurriedly, I placed these strawberries in the fridge. But, why was I moving so fast? Was I trying to run away? His situation was complicated, but we were adults. We could handle it. But, if I thought about it more, it was way more complicated than on the surface. 

My own situation had been complicated, too. If I compared them...but there wasn't any use comparing them. Each situation was horrible. I'd come out to my mom at the age of seventeen. She was all I'd had, the only person that I would tell. I hadn't told her due to feeling confident in her. I'd only felt it was a part of myself that she should know. She hadn't wanted me to have a girlfriend during high school, because of my studies. But, I was going to college soon and she'd be expecting it then. She didn't consider my line of study in college to be intensive, but that's where she was very wrong. However, due to this belief she'd hinted every now and again about it being okay for me to date in college. 

I'd told her on a cold night during my senior year. She wasn't the type to scream and yell, but what she did was worse. It was the same as when I'd do things such as accidentally break something of hers or be irresponsible. She sat at the table with me, and after the words left my mouth she stared down at her hands, a complete look of disappointment on her face. A sadness there, one that I knew I'd caused.

She outed me to her sister in order to talk about it. I forgave her for this. My aunt was a little more accepting, trying to explain wrongly to my mom that I must have been influenced by the ways of the west since I was so obsessed with French patisserie. She did understand that being gay isn't something you just pick up, but she assumed that I must have thought it was okay since it was okay in the west. Her ultimate assurance to my mom was, "well, what are you going to do? It's done. Can't change it." Which was far from excellent. 

When I went to college, there was one phone call which changed my life. My mom called me one day, saying she'd thought about it. She didn't mention what "it" was, but it was implied. She let out a deep, long sigh and said: "First your father, now you." These words weighed me down like ten million pounds. I'd hung up on her and put my face in my hands. Because, she'd meant she felt as if she'd experienced my death. That she was mourning me. There was no other meaning. We'd spoken a few times over the years since then, but that was it. She didn't even call me on my birthday. 

I'd only become alive again when I met Nikki and everybody at the drag club. When I acquired friends. I'd never been lucky in romantic love, and used that fact to beat myself up, my mom's words echoing in a dark space. I thought that way for a long time.

So, I understood Gyeong-Wan. What he could lose. His fear. 

As I was thinking, I'd been laying out ingredients for mini tarts. I'd be making strawberry ones, two kinds. One with vanilla cream, the other with chocolate. It was time to make my pâte sablée tart crusts. It'd take a little more than two hours, and I was ready. I needed to take my mind off of things, and though this dough wasn't fussy, it was time consuming. It was perfect for my purposes.

My elbow was on top of the counter as I observed our usual customers. They were in their same spots as always. In fact, a few of them would become awkward if they came in and their usual spot was taken. They'd sit nearby and eye their spot, almost confused as to what happened. Luckily, that wasn't the case today. It was a pretty lazy day for a Friday. I'd have to think about our New Year's Day meal for everyone. Who'd be coming this year? The occasion became smaller some years, bigger in others. Hopefully it was a smaller turn out this year, because if so, that meant there weren't as many people who didn't have families they could go home to. Instead, they'd have their found family with us. And we were more loving than any biological family, at least in my opinion. 

Miyuki would be planning, too. She'd be gathering her ingredients, going to the Nguyens' shop. I'd told Yuko about the nian gao cakes this morning. We'd had a good discussion about it. She said they weren't overly hard to make, but making them pretty was a different story. "They will be delicious any way," she'd told me firmly, "but when they are pretty, they are more delicious." I couldn't argue with that.

I'd have to go to the Nguyens' myself later when Yash got here. I'd be going to gather ingredients for the honey cookies that I'd promised Gyeong-Wan. Oh, the honey filled feeling that started to flow whenever I thought about them. Seeing his face, hoping he'd like the taste. 

I almost missed the bell chime as it went off. My chin slipped from my hand and I straightened up just in time. "Welcome to French Cup!" I called out, but I was smiling immediately. "Oh, welcome back!" I started waving to a now familiar face.

She came inside with a careful way, as if seeing our shop for the first time. She swept her long, straight black hair behind her shoulder as she observed the walls, lingering on a Degas painting of ballerinas. She tugged slightly on the bottom of her smart looking black and white jacket. 

"Navette Fleur d'Oranger!" I called out, pointing at her. 

She jumped, her mouth opening as she saw me. But, just as soon there was a smile. "Yes!" She gasped, like I'd said her name. She happily came over to me. She bowed a little, much too formal. 

I waved it away. "How did you like the madeleines?" I asked, so glad to see her up close. 

"They were wonderful! I swear, they were the softest madeleines I've ever had. But, they weren't crumbly! To get such a texture and have them keep their form? How do you do it?" Her eyes were lit up like fireworks were behind them.

I chuckled at her enthusiasm, so glad she liked them. "Well, first I-" 

Before I could get another word out, the bell rang again. Both of us jumped and looked at the doorway. Ah, this was the moment I'd been waiting for all day. 

"Gyeong-Wan!" I called out just at the same time she did. My face fell, my eyes in shock. "Huh?" I asked, but she was waving to him. He hurried over, sheepish and blushing as soon as he got close. She punched him in the arm and he rubbed the spot, acting like it hurt. My eyes went wider.

"You slow poke!" She sighed at him. "What were you doing? There's nothing to look at out there. I must have been a minute ahead. You're the athlete, aren't you?"

"I saw a cat."

"A cat, huh? Another one?"

The way they were speaking so casually together. I leaned forward. "Um, excuse me..." Tentative. Gyeong-Wan was smiling at her, almost as if he could laugh. It was slowly dawning on me. 

"Yes, it was a calico. A really fat one. It has a tiny ball of a tail."

"I need to see this cat."

"Um, that cat's name is Whisper," I said, unsure what else to say. "She's pregnant, that's why she's fat."

"Ohh." Gyeong-Wan was grinning at me now. Immediate blush splashed onto my cheeks. Finally paying attention to me. It made my hands into fists in nervousness under the counter. He'd been so involved with this girl the moment he came in. The way they were speaking, like they were good friends. I let out a little gasp, but at the moment of recognition- "Kazuya, this is Seo-Yoon. Say hi, Seo-Yoon," he said so full of undeniable joy.

And that was it. My finger was pointing at her terribly rudely, my mouth wide open. But so was hers. 

"I know her already!" I yelped, just as she said, "I know him!"

"Wait, what?" Gyeong-Wan asked, deep confusion between his brows. Oh, but she was laughing. Easing any tension. My fists became hands again as I followed her lead. 

"She came in two times. I gave her madeleines the other day," I explained, still feeling awkward, but a little less. She was just as warm as she'd been on that day. 

"What, you've been here?" Gyeong-Wan asked her, a friendly accusing, craning his neck around at her to investigate. It was a whole different side to him. This friendly familiarity he had with her. How open he was being, no hint of shyness. It made me blush worse, my desire for us to have this as well. I stared down at the counter at this, becoming more awkward. 

"Yes! When you told me the name I already knew!"

"You should have told me!"

A small, bickering fight. But, they were so kind to each other. They really did seem like they'd been friends for a long time, to be this easy with each other. My fingernail tapped the showcase and they stopped for a second. Gyeong-Wan's smile was unparalleled. As soon as my finger touched the showcase, I had an incredible realization, and I couldn't stop smiling myself.

They were being friendly to each other. He'd been so scared of her only a couple of days ago. Now, they'd come in together. Did that mean...? I started grinning. 

"It's strawberry day," I explained. "Pick something, and let's go talk."

"Ooh, strawberries," Seo-Yoon breathed, crouching down to see everything better. Gyeong-Wan leaned over her, peering into the top level. Together, they were as excited as children just like that. Enchanted by my sweets. 

Inside, I breathed in and out slowly. Pleased at this new development. They were friends again. And even if he hadn't yet told her about himself, if that's what he truly wanted to do, then at least they were friends again. He didn't have to be as fearful as he was. 

As they began talking together about the tarts, my fingers laced together against my apron. Just so happy to see him happy.