"What's your favorite food?"

I looked at Nikki as quizzically as I could while trying not to move my face as Hanako carefully removed my makeup. We were sitting in Nikki's apartment as we got undressed from the day. We'd stayed in French Cup until it closed, and then gone here. I'd followed them, with Kazuya bringing up the rear with me. We'd gone out in the street dressed this way, and it had given me a rush. There weren't many people out, but knowing they were seeing me like this...but they didn't know it was me. It was the weirdest feeling in the world. Even people from work who saw me like this wouldn't know it was me...

"Um, spicy noodles?" I wasn't sure why he was asking.

He put his two fingers on his chin, deep in thought and nodding to himself. "Okay, did you have a childhood dog? What was the dog's name?"

"Hodu. It means 'walnut'."

"Aww, so cute," Kazuya grinned next to me. He was deeply involved in watching my transformation. My suit was neatly folded next to him on the wrap around kitchen counter of Nikki's apartment. We'd gone to Hanako's hotel room and collected it and Chidori. We'd decided to come here since there was more food. It didn't matter though, because we'd ordered out upon finding there was no food here. There'd only been a case of beer in the fridge, which was now being happily consumed.

I smiled a little, nervously. I'd never been undressed like this before. My wig had come off and so had the wig cap. My dress was still on. Apparently there were steps, and every drag queen did it differently. Kazuya had undressed much differently than I was. He was now wearing a light pink button up with cuffed sleeves at his elbows and light blue jeans. He'd styled his hair for a long time, and I'd stolen more than a few glances. He'd been so serious in the mirror, using a mousse and comb. It had taken ages.

The pizza on the counter was now forgotten about, most of it gone. There were many beer bottles surrounding it. Chidori was still eating a slice, paying attention to the conversation that Nikki had started all of a sudden. 

"Okay, then," Nikki said, ending his considering. He pointed at me. "Your drag name is Spicy Noodles Walnut."

"What, ew! Nikki!" Kazuya gasped, straightening up from leaning on his elbows with a start. "That's not how you find your drag name! That's how you find your porn name!"

"Well, now we know what Gyeong-Wan's porn name is," Nikki shrugged, taking another swig of the beer he was currently working on.

I hoped they couldn't see the blush that had now formed on my cheeks. Maybe there was still makeup there. What was Kazuya's porn name? Maybe cake...something... Now I really hoped there was still makeup on my cheeks.

"What's my porn name? My favorite food is tteokbokki," Chidori said, looking curious from her stool at the edge of the counter. 

"Ohh, tteokbokki is good. Good choice," I complimented her. I never would have thought that her favorite food would be Korean.

She smiled like she was in a dream. "Yeah, I know. It's so-"

"Ah-ah, I'll solve this. Wait, give me that makeup blender sponge," Hanako said suddenly, making me jump. Nikki shrugged and gave him one from his makeup case against the wall. The blender was hot pink. Hanako squeezed it in his hand with a sureness. "You want a drag name? Here's what we used to do back in the day. You're welcome."

"'Back in the day'? You're barely four years older than me-" Nikki started, when Hanako mysteriously threw the sponge randomly into the living room. It landed on the mint green couch. 

"Couch," Hanako announced. "Go get the makeup blender back."

"Am I a dog?" Nikki asked, getting up and going. He seemed to be a bit wobbly. He got it loyally and came back, smacking it back into Hanako's awaiting hand. He threw it immediately. 

This time, it hit the enormous flesh colored dildo sitting on the floor next to the reading lamp, making it sway back and forth menacingly. It made me straighten up in my chair and blink many times, not expecting that. 

"Hmm," Hanako said, his lips pressing into his mouth like a schoolmarm. "Whore."

"What? Why-" Kazuya started, just as surprised as me.

"Couch Whore. That's his drag name," Hanako said confidently, bringing his beer to his lips. We all sat in silence for a few seconds, maybe stunned.

Kazuya broke it. "What? NO! You can't find a drag name that way, either!" He was appalled, waving his hands in front his face frantically. I gripped my stool. Couch Whore. 

"Fine, give me the makeup blender. We'll try again." Hanako's hand was out once more.

"I really don't think-" Kazuya started, but Nikki was up and running. He retrieved it, and smacked it into Hanako's hand again. Before he could say another word, the blender arced into the living room. I watched it with bated breath. Could my fate possibly lie in-

"Bookshelf," Hanako said like a divine fortune teller. He pointed at it, and Nikki was up again. He brought it back in record time, clearly enjoying this. He rubbed his hands together in anticipation as he joined his beer again. The blender was gone as soon as he was back, and we all watched with wide eyes.

It hit the tip of the dildo again, making that wobble. My hands gripped my stool extra hard, my eyes wide.

"Penis," Hanako announced, his finger in the air. "Bookshelf Penis."

"Nooo," Kazuya moaned, leaning forward in protest. 

"I prefer Couch Whore," Nikki said seriously, picking up his beer. "It sounds like it has a story."

"You can be Couch Whore, then!" Kazuya growled. "Really, this isn't how a drag name is picked!" 

Chidori was trying to hide her giggles, her hand pressed firmly over her mouth. 

"The holy makeup blender has spoken," Hanako said, as if it were a prophecy. "You could have been Strawberry Lemonade or Lipstick Rose, but instead you are Bookshelf Penis. Congratulations." He unceremoniously picked up a slice of pizza and began eating. 

Was my drag name really going to be Bookshelf Penis? No way. But, I'd learned that drag mothers often had the gift of giving their drag daughters their names. And, Hanako had said he was my drag mother...

"Nooo, no," Kazuya sighed, his two fingers between his perfect eyebrows. "I know I chose the name Amelie, because it's French and classic. The name of a common French girl." He resettled on his stool, extending his legs in thought. His hands went on his knees as he looked at them. "I thought for a long time about my drag persona. She's a housewife after the war. I thought she fit me, because we both like to make patisserie. She's an extreme of me. Gyeong-Wan should find his name like that."

I'd never known that before. It made me stare at him with wide and new eyes. Had he thought of her for a long time? When did it start? What made him get into drag? I hadn't wondered about that before. It seemed organic in him, something that was always there, but maybe that was only because I'd only ever known him that way. I wanted to know more. My mouth opened to ask, but Chidori spoke before I could.

"Exactly!" She huffed at Hanako and put down her pizza slice in the almost empty box. "You didn't choose your drag name by throwing things! I know that for a fact! The name 'Hanako, the Flower Witch of Hokkaido' didn't come in a day! You need to give him the opportunity to find his own character. His name will appear that way. It's unfair to do it this way."

Hanako made a kind of dancing motion with his head as he ate, and I took it to be him agreeing.

"Well, it's like clowning, I guess." Nikki let out a breath and plopped onto a stool opposite from us, across from the counter. His hand was on the neck of his bottle of beer, paused there. He gazed up at the ceiling, clearly in thought. "In clowning, you find your character from deep within yourself. It's an extension of you. As Kazu said, it's an extreme of you. Your name comes from your character naturally. It makes sense with your character. You can't really find it until you know who your character is. In reality, it's who our character in life already is. Life is like a circus, and we're all clowns. What kind of clown are you?" 

He was staring at me seriously now. It made me shrink. These words were striking deep within me. My character. Who was my character? Who was I, really? When asking me all of a sudden, I wasn't sure. I hadn't really explored that. I'd conformed to what people wanted me to be. Trying to impress them. When left to my own devices, what did I have? It made me shrink more. My shoulders went in, caught off guard.

"Nikki, that was too deep for you," Hanako chuckled, gesturing his pizza slice at him. "How many beers did you have?"

"Hmm. A few," he shrugged, taking another drink. 

I just stared at the far wall, though. Thinking about his words. Before today, I hadn't ever thought about appearing in drag. Now, with my toes wet, it was a possibility. After we'd come back from the preschool, they'd been talking about when I'd appear in drag next. Kazuya really wanted me to do it, and I wanted to, too. It had surprised me. 

I didn't feel anything about these clothes. No special feelings. It had been what Nikki had said at the preschool: it was a costume. Something an actor wore. But, I hadn't been acting. I'd just been myself, but wearing these clothes. Was that what drag was? 

I'd watched them on stage before, Nikki and Kazuya. They'd been joking and laughing, making fun of the audience. I couldn't do that. I wouldn't have a joke in my body. I'd be too shy. But, at the hotel, I'd spoken with authority to Matsuda-san... I'd thought about French Cup, and it gave me courage. I didn't have any courage when wearing these clothes. If anything, they made me even more shy. But, they all had such confidence in these outfits. Watching Hanako and Chidori sing at the Grease showing... I couldn't sing, either. I didn't have that talent, but they both did. That's what they did in drag. 

I couldn't say that I had any talent. Didn't you need to have a talent? From what I'd seen, you did. You had to display something, a strength. It was like being in a show, right? That's what Nikki had said? Well, I didn't have anything to show...

I realized my face had gone sad. Too late, but I couldn't help it. Staring at the wall. But, right at that moment, warmth enveloped my hands. I jumped a little and looked down, then up at the person who'd grabbed them.

Opposite me, Kazuya was holding my hands. Smiling at me, just like always. He squeezed them two times, and there was blush on my cheeks again. His touch... He looked so handsome in his shirt, the cuffed sleeves. It made me press my lips together, exposing my dimples.

"It's okay, we'll find it," he said, as if he'd read my mind. It made me press my lips worse. Strange swirlings in my heart, grabbing at it as he looked at me so sincerely. The others were casually eating and drinking, as if nothing were transpiring.

I nodded, unable to say anything. He squeezed my hands again, but didn't move away. He held them firm. It gave me more courage than I could say. And from the now relaxing look in his eyes, it seemed like he'd understood that. 

"Hmm, nah his drag name is Bookshelf Penis. His drag mother has spoken." Hanako pumped his fist in the air like it was terrifyingly final. My eyes went as wide as dinner plates at him. 

"What?! Nooo, Hanakooo!" Kazuya moaned, groaning and releasing my hands. He covered his face, and I gripped my stool again, my dimples dangerously showing deep as my lips pressed together harder than they ever had. Hanako burst into a loud bark of a laughter as the rest of the room started laughing uncontrollably with him, too.