Snow was swirling back up into the sky as I pulled Gyeong-Wan's hand toward my apartment. The chilly wind ripped up into my jacket, making me shiver. The temperature had plummeted as night fell. The snow crunched under our shoes, and I worried that his might be slippery. I'd brought my sneakers with me to French Cup, changing back into them now that work was done. But, Gyeong-Wan didn't have any such options.

As we'd sat together in the afternoon, he'd started to open up. Reiterating that something had happened at work, and it made him uncomfortable to talk about. I'd had to go take care of customers and prep for tomorrow's baking, but I thought for a while as I was in my kitchen. As I lined baking pans and pre-made my pâte à choux, I wracked my brain to try to find somewhere more private where we could talk.

French Cup was too public. It was fine to talk here about friendly things, but even when we were closed people would be able to see inside. We might be able to talk in my kitchen, but would it make him uncomfortable? Yash and Nikki had the keys to the front door, too. They might come inside for whatever reason. It wasn't uncommon for me to be catching up on baking prep late at night and for Nikki to stumble in drunk, telling me tales of his night so far. Yash would sometimes stay late, too, studying for school in a rare quiet place. Either of those two scenarios would be a disaster if Gyeong-Wan was trying to open up to me.

By the end of the day, I'd figured out where we could go. It hit me so fast, and was obvious. It made me blush to think about it, but it was the only option. I'd wanted to there with him, but in a different circumstance. I'd remembered in a flash, and it made me hold my breath. 

My apartment. Not even Nikki had the keys. Only I had them. No one would barge in on us. I'd wanted to have a real conversation with Gyeong-Wan. I wanted to get to know him. Now, maybe I might be able to if he felt comfortable enough. He was sad today, so I wanted to give him a feeling of safety. There was nothing safer than my apartment. Somewhere definitely private.

He'd agreed to go, easily. Much too easily. He'd brightened at this, looking up from eating his chocolate mints. He'd been eating them slowly, reading something on his phone while he did. As soon as I'd suggested it, I had his full attention. I finally got a smile out of him. 

We now were walking up the steps of my building like I'd wanted to. Holding his hand as he trailed behind, carefully making his way up. I thought of his slippery shoes again and matched his pacing, despite how excited I was. We made it up to my floor, and the wind was still biting as I dug for my keys in my coat pocket. He was rolling on and off the balls of his feet, probably trying to keep warm. I hurried myself, seeing this.

As my door swung open, I realized the mess that I'd left inside. My eyes widened at it. My breakfast plate on my coffee table and a cup to go with it. The clothes from yesterday draped on my couch as I'd stripped while going to the bath. Not caring, leaving these things, because I never had any visitors except Nikki, who was used to it. As we entered, I dashed to clean these things up, gathering my clothes in my arms. 

My hand was about to grab my cup, when I heard a chuckle behind me. I straightened up, and a mortified blush appeared on my cheeks.

Gyeong-Wan was standing in the doorway, observing my mess. His finger knuckle was at his lips as he giggled. 

"Oh- sorry, I've been- you know, busy, and I just- well, I just-" I offered him a laugh, too, trying to make a joke about it, but failing. We stood awkwardly.

"No, um, I think it's cute. You always look neat and tidy in appearance, but this is..." He chuckled again, clearly happy. It made me relax. "You're human now."

"Of course I'm a human," I grinned, holding my crumpled clothes to myself. "Uh, here. Sit on the couch. Do you want something to drink?"

He nodded, closing the door behind him and finding the locking mechanism. "Water is okay," he said, taking off his scarf. I smiled as he took my lead, throwing it casually over the arm of my couch just like my clothes had been doing moments earlier. 

I peered at him over my shoulder again as I put my cup in the sink. He was fully relaxed on my couch, his arm slung over it. I wanted him to sling his arm over me like that- My eyebrows went up and so did my shoulders. I went back to him to grab my plate. "Are you sure you want only water? I have soda and tea, too."

He gave me another chuckle, and every time he did it made me smile and be more at ease. "No, you don't have to serve me. We're not at French Cup."

"Oh, that's true. I guess I'm still in that mode. 'May I get you some more coffee? Would you like a pastry with it? How about a box of chocolates, they're only six hundred yen?' I can't stop." 

He laughed with me as I filled cups of water for us. I came over and sat next to him, our thighs accidentally touching. I jumped away, covering it up by placing my cup further away on the table and scooting to match it.

He scooted to me anyway. Our thighs touching. It made me sit more primly, gripping my knees. I breathed in, seeing his thigh there, feeling its warmth. It was more firm than I'd have guessed-

"Please tell me what's going on at work," I blurted, interrupting my thoughts before they had the opportunity to run away. "That's why I brought you here. I wanted to bring you somewhere private in case you wanted to talk about it. You're sad today, and I wanted... Um, I wanted..." 

The way he was staring at me so close. His serious face. His full lips. He was so close that I felt his breath. His lips parted.

"Do you..." I started, but I lost my words. 

He stared at me, those eyes as shiny and large as a puppy's. His full lips, moisturized and silky looking. Too close to me. His eyes traveled up and down me, and he got closer. 

I was running away with it. No stopping myself. My hands went to his thigh before I knew it. Touching him there, his muscle tight. His eyes flicked downward, and I felt myself breathing harder. His hand met mine, and he took it upwards. He held my hand, our fingers intertwined. He rubbed his thumb on the back of it, and my breath slowed, but no less heavy. There was a fine blush in my cheeks. He had to have noticed. The same feeling as last night, but this time I wasn't drunk. 

He'd held me last night, too. For far too long. Not seeming to want to let me go. 

"Kazuya," he said, breaking my wandering thoughts. I looked up at him, finding I'd been staring at our hands. 

What met me was a sad face. His eyebrows were slightly peaked, his lips still parted but in a hanging unsureness. Hesitation there. 

Hesitating? About what? 

"Yes?" I asked in little more than a whisper. Wanting him too much.

"I have to tell you something."

My heart caught in my chest. I squeezed his hand, letting him know I'd heard. I nodded, wanting to know what he had to say. In this private space, had my plan for him to open up worked? Was he going to say what was on his mind, and was it a dream-

"Um, Kazuya..." Those eyes became shiny. I leaned in, hoping he was going to say- "I- um- I have a girlfriend..." That voice, descending into vulnerable dampness. 

I froze. 

"Um, I'm sorry. I don't like her. I don't..." He was sputtering, much quieter now, staring down at his knees.

"Oh." 

"Yeah... I haven't spoken to her in almost a month. I don't want to. She isn't a part of the life I want to have, she..."

His words faded around me, and the blush in my cheeks must have been bright red. And all the while, our thighs were touching. He was holding my hand as I went numb on the inside. Trying to listen to him, but not being able to. Too many millions of panicked thoughts swirling around in my head at once, like all the little snowflakes outside twirling into one big blizzard of chaos.