My phone had woken me up, buzzing too much at 5AM. It has woken me up throughout the night, too, and I didn't have the heart to bury it in my laundry or lock it in the bathroom under some towels.

I need to talk to you. Call me.

Seo-Yoon.

The same message in various ways. There was no way I could talk to her now, because last night I'd recognized what this feeling was and it was the most wrong to her.

Buzz, buzz.

No, no, no.

I picked up a little cellophaned bunny out of the box. It had a pink ribbon, the same color that I'd tied Kazuya's bag of bunnies with. The same color as his beret. Slowly, I brought it up to my lips. It was fragrant and sweet, a hint of yuzu inside. It was cold, because it had just come out of the fridge. 

But, even cold...

My lips touched the nose, my eyes closed. Imagining his smile, silent pictures. Holding a bunny of his own. Stroking the ears with one finger, his lips moving. Watching him eat the bunny, an unsure look on that cute face.

I knew what this feeling was as soon as I'd left his door last night: I had a crush on him. There was no question. Every time I thought of him, the feeling intensified, made me go crazy. Only thinking about him, wanting him near me. Needing to see him. His smile was what kept me going at work. The idea that I'd see him soon, just one more hour, just twenty minutes, two minutes. Wanting to jump over the gaps of the sidewalk to get there faster.

And he seemed just as happy to see me. I wasn't imagining it. He'd come to my work to give me a chocolate mille feuille. My co-workers had asked me about it afterward, and I'd honestly said I hadn't ordered it. I hadn't asked him to do that. He'd done it out of the kindness of his own heart. No other explanation.

Now, Seo-Yoon was texting me like crazy. As if she knew something was up. As if...she knew I was interested in someone else.

I want to talk to you about something.

I never wanted to talk to her less.

The sweet bread melted in my mouth as I closed my eyes and laid against my pillows. He'd purposefully made our bunnies kiss. His expression of surprise when I'd asked for them to do it again. What was that look? I couldn't afford to put my own emotional guesses behind it. Only he had the answers.

And yet...

Buzz, buzz.

My phone buzzed again just as I was unsure of myself. As if it knew my thoughts. But Seo-Yoon and I had known each other since we were five She knew everything about me, except one thing.

Buzz, buzz.

Seo-Yoon, I'm gay. Seo-Yoon, you're a good person and deserve the world. You deserve a husband who will take care of you and be a good provider. Not someone like me. Our parents always said you were a good catch, but did they ever stop to think of if I was? How shameful for you, to find out your boyfriend of twelve years isn't just holding out for sex after marriage. He's not attracted to you at all, even though you're pretty enough to be an actress.

I couldn't say that to her in a million years. Maybe better for her to never know. It would save her even worse trauma. Maybe it was better if I never went back, and never told anyone.

But, my heart yearned. It wanted to be free. Needed it. Free of any tethers, able to make my own decisions. No baggage, no ties to the earth.

How could I face Kazuya with these secrets? I wanted... If I wanted him, then I couldn't still be dating Seo-Yoon. And yet, I wouldn't be able to break up with Seo-Yoon without giving her a real explanation. I could never tell her the real reason.

Outside, it was still many hours before sunrise. The darkness seemed more ominous than before. It had been a sanctuary of Kazuya and I. Always meeting under the moonlight. But now it was just darkness. Stuck between sunrise and sunset, unable to move one way or the other unless told time was up.

Thinking about this, I reached for another bunny, pausing to sniff it before putting it in my mouth. The smell immediately reminded me of him. His innocence compared to me. I had too many skeletons in my closet. Such a difficult burden to bear. Maybe too heavy, ruining any hope that I might have thought I had.

"I found this in the couch."

A fuller sized, older woman was gesturing to Tomoko, Minami, and I, a napkin with a tiny brown object in it. Minami was noticeably grimacing, and I wasn't going to fault her for it. It was horrific, what this woman was accusing us of.

"Madame, I assure you, it can't be what you think it is. We have only been open for a week-" I started.

"So, I'm a liar?! They're all over my room!" 

"May I see it?" Tomoko asked, her hand going out for the napkin.

"What would you want to see it for?! My explanation and showing it you isn't enough?!"

Suspicious.

"Madame, we can switch you to another room. Please allow us to switch you to another room. Our deepest apologies," I offered, already knowing the answer. What she was accusing us of was impossible, so the only explanation...

"No, I want points! This is unacceptable!"

It was becoming clear to me that this hotel was going to have a big problem with points seekers. It was something I'd have to report to our GM, and also my company as a whole. It would have to be worked on, solutions made. Practices put into place. I could already see our monthly meeting, the structure of it. It only made me more tired. Here's what to do when presented with a situation where a guest asks for points as compensation...

"Madame. We must see the napkin to confirm that it is a bed bug. May we have a closer look?" I was losing my patience. Normally, I wouldn't. However, the stress I was under was doing it for me. 

"This is ridiculous! I already showed you! I want to talk to your manager!"

I leaned into the desk, giving her a side eye. "Madame, I am the manager. I must confirm it is a bug, and I can not give you points in this case. I can only move you to another room. It isn't the sort of situation where compensation is considered-"

"I don't want to move rooms!"

This wasn't like a situation unlike any other. This sort of thing happened every day. An upset guest, usually representing a whole family. Many families were staying with us right now for the special event 5K run that the hotel was putting on as a special to bring in more guests for the opening. Get media coverage of the event. Make us packed, to appeal to others to show we were popular. Get a lot of reviews at the beginning so people would book with us upon seeing those reviews. However, maybe these few were the loudest, but it didn't seem like we would be getting many good ones. 

Minami was eyeing me just like before. Looking for guidance, but also secretly showing her annoyance at the woman. It was the one time where I honestly didn't know what to do. I knew that if we gave out too many points, then it would fall on us and on this new hotel by the company as a whole. We'd already given out so many points, and without definitive proof-

"I bet it's a crumb!" Tomoko burst out, her hands splayed on the desk as she stood on the balls of her feet to get better height matched to the woman. "I bet that's why you won't show us and don't want to move rooms! We're not giving you points! You won't show us, so you're hiding-!"

"THE NERVE!" The woman boomed, making people look in our direction, pausing in milling about the lobby. 

I wished so hard that I had the courage that Tomoko had. It's what all three of us wanted to say, but unfortunately Tomoko said it first. 

"I deeply apologize!" I gasped, trying to seem as sympathetic as possible. I lowered my voice at Tomoko, speaking in hushed tones. "Tomoko, go in the back."

She made a huffed noise, and went through the door to the left. 

"She should be fired for talking to me like that!" The woman shrieked, her arms crossed in front of her. "What kind of place is this?! I'm holding a bug in my hand for you, and you won't believe me! I demand to speak to the general manager, because obviously we're not going to agree!" 

Minami bowed as deeply as she could, almost hitting her forehead on the desk. "I'll go find him! I apologize!" She ran off, already breathless, but I knew what her real opinion was. She'd wanted to yell just as much as Tomoko.

That left me alone with the woman, and what followed was the most epic rant I'd ever heard. About the hotel, about Tomoko, and about my character in particular. All because we wouldn't give her points for the crumb that she was holding in her hand.

By three o'clock, I was so drained. I'd hardly gotten any sleep. That woman had colored the entire day, our GM coming down on us. He'd immediately rewarded her with points, saying that the two girls were still in training and did not know the brand standards. However, I knew that it would be the opposite the next time I saw him. Him telling me that we needed to stop the bleeding of points from this hotel. That it was unacceptable. It was always the opposite of what we told the guests. 

I was so tired. 

I rounded the corner and saw familiar lights. But, there was surprise this time, making me stop on the edge of the sidewalk as I prepared to cross the street. 

In the overcast gray of the late afternoon, French Cup was aglow with red, green, and gold lights. Tiny lights like sparkles, already on in the low light. All over the awning, tracing the show windows. Cheerful, blinking like stars. Handmade snowflakes made of paper and glitter were taped to the windows. And as I watched...

I sighed audibly as Kazuya came into view, holding a red glittery snowflake and taping it to the window delicately, so cautious about his work that he didn't even see me standing there across the street. 

How homey it looked. That warm light. Surely inside it smelled like chocolate and vanilla, nuts and cream, robust coffee and syrup. As I watched, he lifted a sign up and placed it under the snowflakes, for the world to see: 

Fresh hot chocolate! Dark, milk, or white! Mint, hazelnut, or praline! Please come in for your seasonal favorite! 

My feet zoomed faster than I knew they could, not even checking for cars. The idea of hot chocolate right now, that he made? Oh, it made any stress from the day melt away, like a snowflake in a warm hand. Like his chocolate in my mouth. This familiar feeling rushed up inside like autumnal leaves being swirled up by the wind, overtaking everything I knew. 

But this time, as I put my hand on the door handle of French Cup, I knew it was because I had a crush on him. And for some reason, even after all the stress I had all day about it, it only felt right. It was only perfect. The new hot chocolate smells filled my nose as I swung the door open, making me take in a deep, long breath of relief.

"Ah- welcome to French Cup!" 

When I looked up, there was only that smile that I wanted to see. That lovely blonde boy, wearing the pink beret that I liked so much, welcoming me so warmly inside. So warm, like hot chocolate on a cold winter's day.