The bell chimed one more time as I closed the door. The night air was chill and comforting, swirling in a breeze around Gyeong-Wan and I, and still my heart was warm. It had been warm all day. My key inserted into the lock and twisted, this same motion that I did every day. It usually told me of a job well done, a satisfied feeling that made me immediately tired and prepared to go to bed.

But, today was different. Gyeong-Wan had told me in the middle of the day that he'd wanted to tell me something. Something he couldn't say at French Cup. It had made me immediately blush. I'd been doing that all day, too. He'd seemed nervous about it, making me nervous, too. But, as we'd worked together, that nervous feeling tried to ebb away. We were in sync together, it seemed. Like this was meant to be. I'd hand him a waffle cone, and he'd take it as if he were expecting me at that right exact moment. As if we were cogs in a clock, those Swiss or German clocks you see, with the little people spinning around when the clock struck twelve. 

Here we were now, though. He was taking me back to the hotel, and it was surreal realizing he still had something to do with it. I'd been in a dream all day it seemed. Trying so hard to forget reality, hoping this was my new reality. That any worries I had weren't true, just making ice cream cones with him. Seeing all those smiling customers. The rose part of my rose colored glasses, nothing else going on beyond my rims. 

I'd even watched him eat a large chocolate ice cream when we'd taken a break. I'd been eating vanilla, but hardly able to focus as I watched him lick. He'd been distracted, still trying to learn from Nikki. Observing him going around the room, no doubt trying to see how he held the coffee pot. But, I'd been watching Gyeong-Wan's tongue. Hoping this reality never became untrue. Wishing we served ice cream more than once in a blue moon. Astonishing me that I was looking forward to it this much. Coming out of a nightmare, this incredible feeling.

Now, I was going back to something that wasn't the reality I wanted. These intrusive thoughts from earlier, about Gyeong-Wan's employment. Realizing now that he still lived at the hotel. As we walked together, he held my hand tightly in his mittened one. I loved that mitten. Not many men wear mittens. But, he was wearing mittens. There was something adorable about it. It almost showed a vulnerability about him, something else I loved.

I loved everything about him, and I didn't want him to live at the hotel. I hadn't thought about that before. It was just a fact, him working at the hotel. Living at the hotel. But, he didn't work there anymore. 

Sudden worry. Folding in on itself, compounding. He didn't work there anymore. He was still living there. How did that work? Was it a term of his employment? Was he allowed to still live there? 

I didn't want him to live there.

The lights of the hotel appeared as we turned the corner. It was large and imposing as ever. It looked so normal, like nothing had happened there at all, too. Completely clean. It was surreal. Seeing it like that. I blinked a few times, seeing the crowds of people in my mind's eye who'd been there not even a few days ago. Now they were all gone. And yet, there wasn't a valet outside. There were no cars in the drive. It gave my heart a blip of hope.

As we ascended the stairs, I decided to focus on his hand. His mitten. The lights were more powerful here, though strangely a soft golden glow. It reminded me of the golden glow of the fairy lights in the back patio of French Cup, such a strange comparison. How could they be similar? And yet, they reminded me of that. How odd. 

Gyeong-Wan opened the door that was beside the revolving one, and suddenly we were inside. It smelled clean. There was light piano music playing over a speaker. The piano in the corner was silent, nobody there. It felt so fake. Piano music over a speaker, when there was one right there. It only justified my feeling of this feeling so foreign and wrong. How much Gyeong-Wan didn't belong here. This fakeness of the hotel. 

I didn't want him to be here. I never wanted him to ever have to come back here. And yet, how was that possible? Somewhere inside, there was a small hope that if this was still his residence that meant he could stay in Japan. Even if it was awful, maybe if he continued to live here...but I knew that couldn't be. I didn't want him to live here. 

Without even looking at anybody, we rounded the stairs and went behind them. We traveled down a small hallway with big windows showing the back. I'd never seen this before, and with a small pleasure inside I saw that very clearly you could see Pinky's Books framed perfectly in this view. Right there for everyone to see. How much this hotel didn't fit into this neighborhood. Pinky's was like a middle finger to the hotel, and must have been this whole time. These lovely big windows, and Pinky's right there with all it represented. It filled me with so much joy, such a strange feeling so opposite of what I'd just been feeling. But, I was still so conflicted. Knowing how wrong everything still was.

The elevator doors dinged opened and Gyeong-Wan led me inside. I got close to him as I cleared the doors, making sure I was all the way inside. The elevator was surprisingly spacious. It was obvious this hotel had spared no expense. There were brass railings in here that were so polished they looked like gold. I could see my face in them as I stared. But, I thought about Pinky's right there. Preferring Pinky's and everything it represented. Deeply preferring it. 

I was only reminded that Gyeong-Wan had gone in there when he'd first arrived here. Hearing that from Ayane. Had he seen Pinky's from that same view? Had he been curious about it? How had it happened? Had he felt safe in there? 

The doors were open too quickly to complete that thought. He tugged my hand again and I followed him out of the elevator. The elevator had been so fast, but we were only on the second floor anyway. We went down a hallway that I of course remembered. The carpet was red with gold trim. The doors were a fancy wood. The numbers on the doors had to be brass as well, but they looked golden, too. 

We came to the same door as before. He pointed his phone at the handle and the brass lock's light turned green. He opened it and helped me inside. 

Oh, but immediately. I was greeted with such a welcome sight. Such relief. 

A black mass was on the bed. Curled up in a ball. Because of the door sound, those familiar yellow eyes were open. 

"Kurooo," I called, gasping. My arms were out for him. He didn't move, but my palm descended on his lovely black fur. That purr started up and I respected him by not picking him up. Honoring him with my pets. Using both hands as he enjoyed it. He flopped over and I petted his sides, remembering not to touch his belly or I'd receive his wrath. 

Behind me, the sounds of Gyeong-Wan hanging up his coat. In no time, he was grabbing at mine. I twirled around and he was smiling so much. Together, we took off my coat and gloves. He hung them up with his own, and I paused seeing them there on the same hook. This new feeling inside, seeing them there. 

He leaned down and took two waters out of the mini fridge. They looked store bought, not from the hotel. That made a little bit more relief inside. He gestured toward the bed and I sat. Kuro leapt off it at this and I watched him go into the bathroom to hide as Gyeong-Wan sat at the edge of the bed with me. I took one of the waters gratefully and opened it, taking a drink. I noticed I could see us in the mirror of the dresser opposite. It reminded me of how small this space really is. 

I heard his water bottle opening, too, and I turned to him in thought. But, before I could get a word out, he began speaking. I suddenly wanted to take his hand. He was so close to me. Almost touching. A weird feeling of missing him, though we'd been together this whole time. It was just seeing him in this hotel, I realized. How far away he seemed.

"I was texting with someone from the hotel earlier," he began. "Um, I'm not sure how to say this. I wanted to say something last night, but I wasn't- I didn't know how to form the words. How do I say this? It's hard to say."

He was so hesitant. He'd been texting someone from the hotel? Why was that? What would they want from him?

And then my stomach filled with dread. 

"Well, we were texting, and um. Gosh, this is really hard. I need to ask, no... That's not right. Ummm."

His hesitance. He was blushing, and it was becoming more bright red. He'd brought me here, when we could have any other private space. But, he'd brought me here instead. Now, he was saying he'd been speaking to someone at the hotel. 

I was putting two and two together. My thoughts from earlier. Wondering about where he was going to stay now that he wasn't employed here. They were talking to him, and the only ties he had now were to this room. Him staying here. 

Fear was rising up. I didn't want him to be here, either. The decision was an easy one the second I thought of it. No hesitation. I didn't need any thought, just the same as I'd had earlier when I knew I'd work three times as hard if he could stay in Japan. 

"Um, Kazu, they said they want to hold a dance for the neighborhood-"

"I want you to move in with me."

The silence that fell upon us was like a living thing. My mouth was open. His mouth was open. His water bottle, thankfully closed, fell out of his hand. 

"What?" he asked, his eyes wide. His mouth remained open. 

"What did you say?" I asked. "Um- a dance?" My voice was so quiet, but light. Breathy. Overwhelmed, but happy. This strange happy feeling, having just told him my sudden thought. How right it felt. Almost a confusion, because of how right it made me feel. 

"Yeah, the hotel wants to hold a dance as an apology to the neighborhood- you want me to move in with you?" His face looked so adorable. He was just as confused as I was. 

I put my water bottle down on the bed, going to hold his hands. He met mine in the middle. I just nodded, and his blush deepened. His eyebrows were peaking. 

"You can't live here anymore," I said, trying to explain as I was trying to understand it myself. "You can't live here, right? I was thinking about that. Coming here, it's so wrong. You don't work here. You work at French Cup. So you..."

It had made sense in my head, but not out of my mouth. The conclusion I'd formed so fast. He worked at French Cup, so he should live somewhere French Cup associated. Putting two and two together. When he'd worked at the hotel, he lived at the hotel, so therefore... Did it make any sense? Something in me didn't care. That same spot from earlier that had been so warm wanted this so badly, with every part of itself. Pointing in the right direction, showing me the way home.

"Um, to be honest..." 

I looked up from our hands, noticing I'd been staring at them instead of his face. A strange fear, but he didn't sound unkind. He never did. That warmed that part of myself, too. This one that knew the right way. Seeing his face now, it was as kind as ever. That smile I loved, that shy one that always hesitated, but was so welcoming to try new things. 

"To be honest," he reiterated, obviously nervous. "I was wondering where I was going to live. I knew I couldn't live here for much longer, but it'd take me so long to find a new place. And since I don't work at the hotel anymore, my legal status... I wasn't sure if I'd be allowed to rent. I don't know the laws."

I wanted to tell him I didn't know the laws, either. I didn't know, like a lead weight now trying to come between us, if he'd be allowed to live with me. My landlord might not like that. But part of me wanted to turn my back to this unkind weight. Let things fall as they would, trying to fix the situation now and fixing what would come later. 

In fact, there were so many things to consider. One of them was that I'd never adopted Kuro, because I wasn't allowed to have a cat in my apartment. Well, I probably wasn't allowed to have Gyeong-Wan there, either. Really, I'd been rash. But, I found I didn't care. Holding his hands now, feeling their bones and softness. His grip on mine. How real he was. I wanted him to be my reality. This reality I was dreaming of. It was so close. All I had to do was reach out and grab it, and figure out the rest. 

Why couldn't we have this? Another rash thought. If we couldn't live in my apartment, we'd find another. One that would allow all three of us there. It was the same feeling of working hard. I'd do anything to make this work. Anything. This sudden dream. Was it so sudden? If I really thought about it... How right it all felt. 

I realized I'd been quiet a long time. I just gripped his hands more. It caused that smile I loved. I peered up at him and saw him fully and he looked so pleased. His eyes were relaxed in that smile. His relief. 

"I don't care about the laws. I want you to live with me," I reiterated. Squeezing his hands. This warm feeling taking up my entire body. By the way he squeezed mine back, maybe he was feeling that, too. I had a hope. 

Maybe it was too quick. Maybe it was stupid. Maybe it was childish of me. Making this decision like this. But, seeing him here, in this small room. In this fancy hotel that wasn't for him. This last tie to it, that worry that they'd kick him out because he still lived here despite not working for them anymore. I thought, if I eliminated that chance, could he stay in Japan...with me? 

Oh, but another sudden thought. My face crumpling, seeing his face so concerned. All that worry, overcoming my entire being. He was hugging me close, all of his warmth everywhere.

"I want you to stay in Japan," I found myself saying. These thoughts coming out. "I don't want you to leave."

But he'd heard it last night. I'd told him this already. Holding him so close, just like last night. Breathing a little easier in my tears, because I knew he already was aware of my feelings. 

"I don't want you to ever leave," I sniffled into him. Hearing his heart beating as I was pressed to his chest by his strong arms. Those now so familiar arms. Their weight. His heart beating, so real. He was right here with me, and I couldn't bear it being so far away in Korea. 

He rocked our bodies back and forth. Holding on so tight. His chin was on my shoulder, his cheek pressed to mine. Holding me for a long, long time.