So, uh.

I don't know what to say.

I mean, I know what to say, kinda. I could say a lot. For example, I could say:

"Reese, I haven't seen you in a year!"

Or,

"Reese, why haven't you picked up any of my calls?"

Or even,

"Dude, you look terrible."

Not because he looks terrible though. He looks the same as always: tanned skin, big brown eyes and unruly brown curls. He just hates it when I make fun of him and his 'dashing good looks'. Or at least, he used to hate it. I don't know if he does now. I don't think I can say I know him now.

So, I don't say anything. I let Reese drive, and I let the radio blast through the speakers, loud and strong. He doesn't say anything either. We just drive, in the car with the music loud and the windows down and the silence that's sitting between us.

"How was your senior year?" He says.

"Cool. How's college?"

"Weird." Reese sighs. "Like, the amount of things I go through in a week down there?"

"Do you hate it?" I ask, mostly because I'm worried about my own experience. Reese breezed through high school like a dream. If he hates college then I don't think I have a chance.

"I wouldn't change any of it." He starts smiling, but then he stops and clears his throat. "I heard you almost broke a swim record."

"You did?"

"How could I not? Dad talks about it all the damn time, and it was everywhere. Plus, when I told my college friends about us, they always mentioned it." He laughs, but the sound is off. "You're like a hero or something."

I stare at my hands, unable to find the words to reply to him. He doesn't add anything else to his statement either and we descend into a stiff, awkward silence. I wonder what he wants, why he's asked me to come on this drive with him when we're not saying anything that matters. It's only been fifteen minutes tops, but I feel like he should get to the point. I should say something, but I don't know how to speak to him anymore.

"Um... when did you get back?" I ask.

"Few weeks ago. Been keeping busy though, had some friends I had to see and stuff."

"Oh." I frown. Those friends didn't include me, clearly.

"Have you spoken to... er, Chloe recently?"

"Just got off the phone with her before you came by."

Reese snorts. "Of course you did. I'm not surprised, the two of you have always been like freaking bosom buddies or something. Even when I was with her, she talked about you endlessly."

"Bosom buddies? Is this Anne of Green Gables?" I joke, disregarding my embarrassment and also trying to lighten the mood. Maybe it was too much for me to expect him to laugh though, as the only reaction I get is an eye roll.

Maybe it's time to get serious in here. He clearly has and I'm falling behind.

"Reese." I startlyquietly. "Why didn't you pick up any of my calls?"

"I needed space. No, I needed you out of my space for a little bit." He sighs. "Everywhere I turned, you were there Nate. And then you were suddenly in my house too and –"

He doesn't finish his sentence. I notice that he's circling back, taking the roads that lead to my street again. Short drive. I want to ask why, but he's not done.

"You get it, right?" He says eventually.

"Get what?"

"Why I couldn't talk to you?" He gulps. "I'm guessing you know now. It was hard for me last summer, so I know it'll be... They have told you, right?"

"Told me what?"

The car comes to a jerky stop. I look up, unsurprised to see that we're in front of my house, and the lights are on, meaning I either left them on, or my mom is home. I'm hoping it's the latter.

"They haven't told you?" I stare at him blankly. He curses and looks down. "They really haven't told you."

"Reese?"

"Look, Nate. I don't know what they're waiting for, but I-." He sighs and runs his hand through his hair. "I'm sorry, okay? But it explains a lot. Remember when we were kids and your mom used to drop you off at my place after school? And my mom and your mom were always so weird?"

"You're not making any sense." I say slowly. He shakes his head.

"I know. But... She wants to tell you first." He says, sighing. "And I like your mom. I respect her a lot. Well, I used to. So, I'm gonna honour that."

I squint at him. "Honour what?"

"You should go, Nate." He says.

I stay in my seat. "What's going on?"

"Your graduation ceremony. When is it?"

"Saturday." I say slowly. "Are you coming?"

He licks his lips. "No." He says and I wrinkle my nose. "But – call me that evening. You'll know why. Okay?"

Reese stares up at me, his brown eyes somehow pleading for me to agree. So I do, nodding slowly and then confidently.

"Okay." I say and get out of his car.

He speeds off as soon as I shut the door. I stop and watch the car, up until it turns the corner and disappears. Reese has always been impulsive and temperamental, but he's never been this weird before. It's making me feel nervous.

I try to squash those nerves as I head back inside to pick up my gym bag, but my stomach doesn't quite settle.

☼ ☼ ☼

"You look so much like your Grandpa, Nate." My mom says as she descends the stairs.

I'm standing by the hallway mirror, absentmindedly looking at my face and thinking about Reese's request. It's been a few days since he dropped by and we had that short conversation in his car. He won't return any of my calls or my texts, and I've thought of going to his place to see him but I don't know if he'll talk to me if I do that.

But today's graduation, and he's not one to break his promises.

"The two of you are practically twins." Mom says. She reaches over and adjusts my blue tie, knotting up the top real tight. "You know, your Grandpa had blue eyes too?"

"Yeah, mom, I know." I say, moving her busy hands away. She has a bunch of photos of him hanging in the living room, including one of him from when he was in his twenties. The resemblance is almost uncanny.

"It's a shame he died right before you were born. He was so excited to meet you." Mom sighs. "And your Grammie wanted to be here today but Howard's sick and she didn't wanna leave him."

I think of my grandma calling to tell me all this last night. She actually wanted to speak to my mom, but she wasn't home, nor was she picking up her phone, so I had a lengthy conversation with her about Grandpa Howie's health. I even managed to talk her through how to use video chat, and she told me that I look like my biological grandpa too.

"I'll video chat with her at the ceremony so she can see me in my cap and gown." I tell my mom.

My mom smiles and pinches my cheek. "You sweetheart! By the way, I made dinner plans for tonight at that seafood restaurant you like so much. You're not doing anything, right?"

"I might go get some ice cream with my friends, but I can be back in time. When's the reservation?"

"Seven, you good for that?"

"Sure." I smile.

My mom smiles back, but it doesn't seem real. There's a glint of worry in her eyes. I want to ask her what's wrong, but it disappears, and she starts hurrying me out of the house.

"Come on, baby, we don't wanna be late!"

On the way to high school, I think about Reese telling me he respects my mom, and I want to ask her what that's supposed to mean, why he was so insistent I spoke to her before him. Instead I let her talk to me about her stress at work and pretend not to notice the strained look in her eye each time she 'sneaks' a peek at me. I think she's thinking about me graduating, and going to college and all that. I feel like a jerk for picking a college all the way on the other side of the country and leaving her here alone, but there's not much I can do now I've already committed.

When we get to my school, I promise my mom I'll see her later before I'm whisked away to get my cap and gown. Once I'm dressed, I sidle up to Candela, who is grinning and nudges me in the side a few times as she speaks. Eventually, she slips her arm between mine, and I ignore the look coming from Kel.

"Dude, you need to stop playing around about her." He says on our way to the lawn. Candela's ahead of us, talking to Blossom about something. "She's real life into you."

"No she is not." I insist.

"You need to stop playing around and let her down gently." He says. "Because this is gonna blow up on you if you don't."

"I don't need to let anyone down –"

"Yeah you –"

"Because Candela isn't into me. At all."

"She so is."

The both of us turn around, tense, but I relax when I see it's only Hannah. She's got a great big smile on her face, and she's twirling her graduation cap within her fingers. We make space so she can walk with us and she slips in, putting her cap on.

"See?" Kel says. "It's so obvious that even Hannah – who has only hung out with us once – noticed it! Nate, you gotta do something about it."

"Hey Hannah, when did you get here?" I ignore him.

"I've been around, I guess." She answers. "I like your tie. Mom pick it out again?"

"Not this time, no." I smile as we approach the lawn "Where are you sitting?"

"My surname's Lee, so with the other 'L' people." She says.

Kel and I stop by the 'H' chairs. Our surnames are close alphabetically, so I'm assuming we're sitting next to each other, like we usually do. Hannah lingers for a second before waving goodbye, but then I think of this afternoon, and how I kinda wanna talk to her some more and I call her name. She turns around immediately and waits.

"We're getting ice cream and hanging out after – wanna come?" I ask.

"Can I bring a friend?" She asks.

"Sure you can!" Kellan answers for me. "You know, ah, Iggy's by the bay? Nate works there, he can get us all a discount."

She looks at me. I nod. "Okay. We'll be there."

"Great!" I say. Hannah smiles at my sudden enthusiasm. "We can meet after the photos? Then all go together?"

"I'll be down for that." She says. Then feedback sounds on the mic and we all look toward the front. "I'd better get going."

"See you later." I wave at her as she leaves.

We find our seats in the H row, together like I thought. For a while, we settle in and chat idly, until he lets out one huge sigh.

"She's right about Candela liking you." He says. I roll my eyes.

"Can we not talk about this? Like at all?" I fidget with my gown and avoid his gaze.

He keeps lecturing me with that know it all look on his face until Principal Grant steps up to the stage. She makes a sappy speech about how much she loved our grade, which is a lie and we all know it. Halley's our class president, and she gives a great speech too. Kellan shouts a loud 'I love you, baby!' which attracts loud laughs from the audience, but Halley keeps going.

They start herding us to line up when the G's are being called out and all of a sudden, my name's being called and I'm on the stage. I shake hands with the principal and the cheers get louder when they mention my swim scholarship, so I show the crowd a thumbs up. I can just about see my mom as I get off the stage, and I wave at her, happy when she waves back.

The ceremony wraps up quickly after that. Our principal and Halley give their last words before we come together for the hat throw.

In sync, we all launch our hats up into the air. For a long moment, there's a flurry of blue and grey above, and then suddenly the moment is over and they all come raining down. It hurts, but it's the good kind of hurt. The hurt that makes me happy to be alive.

a/n:

I always say something at the end of these chapters but I don't have anything to say today. So. I hope you lot are well and staying safe. X