"She's late. Should we leave?"

Hannah and I are seated in a booth in this fancy Mexican – Seafood hybrid restaurant, waiting patiently for her grandma to arrive. Our hostess, a redheaded woman named Cheryl, brings us two cups with lemon in them and a jug of water with a bright smile on her face. I thank her before going back to my menu.

"Do you think I should get the surf and turf?" I ask seriously. "Or should I get the fish tacos? Do you think they'll be good? I've had some hit-and-miss fish tacos before, and I'm kinda scared."

"Did you hear me?"

"Yeah. We're not leaving." I say. "We're already here, and I doubt Cheryl will appreciate that. So let's focus on my food."

Hannah rolls her eyes but she leans over, peering at my menu. "Get the Mexican style tilapia. The fish tacos might be horrible and who gets surf and turf at a Mexican restaurant?"

She makes a good point.

"Cool. Now, they don't have a separate dessert menu, so-"

"Nate, you are not siphoning a dessert from my grandma!" Then she remembers who I am. "Sorry, do you know what that means?"

"Um, yeah? Who doesn't?" I say, looking up from the menu and grinning at her. "It's like when you drain gas from someone else's tank, through one of those tube things. Right?"

"You can easily define what siphoning is, but you couldn't tell me what intrepid was when I used it yesterday?"

"When am I ever gonna use the word intrepid?"

"You're unbelievable."

Still grinning, I return my attention to the desserts. Then someone above us clears their throat and we look up at them at the same time. Next to me, Hannah makes a high pitched squeaking sound.

It's a thin Asian woman with black hair cut sharply around her chin. She's also wearing a red pantsuit despite the fact it's like ninety degrees outside and I'm sweating like anything. Currently, she's not smiling, but she's doesn't look upset either. Her face is kind of tight like she's stressed, or nervous. I can't tell which one.

"Hello Hannah." She says.

"Grandma." Hannah says. "I mean – hi."

The woman's face gets tighter. "Call me Granny. That's what Kimmy calls me."

I look between the two of them a few times, trying to figure out what's going on. She was not what I expected. I expected someone like my grandma, someone short and cuddly who smells of those soft strawberry candies all grandparents seem to have in constant supply. Whose grandma wears a red pantsuit in the middle of June?

It kinda makes sense though. She's clearly an older woman too, and I can see the similarities in their faces especially now they're both staring at me.

"Hi." I say when I realise they're waiting for me to speak. Her grandma smiles at me.

"Granny, this is my friend Nate." Hannah says nicely. "We're going to New York together."

I stand up and offer her my hand. She shakes it firmly so I try to match her pressure and I feel relieved when she seems impressed.

"It's nice to meet you, Ma'am." I say.

"And you, Nate. You can call me Granny too." She smiles at me and sits down across from the two of us. "Have you ordered?"

"Not yet." Hannah says, robotically. "We were just about to get the, uh, the... what was it again?"

"Mexican tilapia." I finish. She sends me a grateful look.

"Oh, it's so good here. Your grandpa loves it. Much better than the fish tacos." Hannah's grandma leans forward and then whispers: "The fish tacos are terrible here."

Cheryl comes back and takes her grandma's drink order, coming back within two minutes with a glass of red wine. Then, when she's gone, we all go quiet. It's tense as hell for me, so I wonder how Hannah's feeling. I can see her leg bouncing underneath the table, and she's chewing on her bottom lip like it's a piece of gum.

"So." Hannah's grandma clears her throat. "I was really surprised when Jihun told me you were driving this way."

"Yeah. It wasn't really planned." Hannah replies slowly. She doesn't sound like herself.

"I can tell. You didn't seem very willing to meet up today."

Hannah's eye twitches. "Yeah, well, I could say the same for you for these past eighteen years. But I know I wasn't planned either."

I pull a face. I thought that Hannah was excited-nervous to meet up with her grandma, but I guess it's more angry-nervous. They just stare at each other, unblinking, and instead of reminding them that I'm here, I focus on my glass of water. This lemon slice is a lot bigger than the one in Hannah's cup, for sure. Oh, and it's got a seed in it. Interesting.

After their sudden staring match is over, her grandma picks up her wine and takes a really long sip. I've tasted red wine before - once at Chloe's house - and it's not that good, so I don't know how she's drinking it like this.

"Well, I'm here now." She says in a tight voice. "Isn't that enough?"

"I'm not sure."

"Ready to order?" Cheryl asks suddenly. She's still smiling, not picking up on the atmosphere at all. I go first, ordering the tilapia with Hannah. Her grandma gets some enchiladas.

Hannah wastes no time in launching into her next line of questioning after Cheryl disappears again. "Why'd you invite me here?"

"It's not like I just decided to reach out yesterday."

"It sure feels like you did. I've never even talked to you before, and you only started talking to my dad again two years ago. Just because you didn't like my mom."

"Oh don't be ridiculous." Her grandma swirls her wine in her cup. "It was more complicated than that. It was a lot when Jihun got his divorce, then you came –"

"Give me a break." Hannah interrupts, leaning back in her chair. "It was a lot for you to handle? Try being told that your grandparents on your dad's side don't ever wanna claim you because of how you look, and tell me if it's a lot then."

For a brief moment, I wonder if how I feel now is the same way Reese felt when I found out we shared a dad because there is no way I should be here right now. But then I push that thought out of my mind because this is none of my business and I didn't know this would happen, and he did. So, we ain't the same.

Still, I definitely should not be here.

I should definitely text him back though.

"It wasn't like that, Hannah!" Her grandma hisses. "You know he was married before he ran off with your mother? His wife was a family friend! Do you know how humiliating it is to have to apologise to them whenever we see them? We do business with them!"

"How is it my fault? Is it only now that business is less important than your granddaughter? I look like you, for goodness sake –"

"Okay, we have two plates of Mexican tilapia!" Cheryl says, placing our plates in front of us. Her timing is really something. "And the enchiladas, and some mole sauce! Did y'all want anything else? We have amazing sliders!"

"Can we get some chicken tacos, and salsa and guacamole, please?" Hannah's grandma asks sweetly. You can't tell that she's been arguing with her granddaughter, I'll give her that.

Cheryl is sunshine. "Of course! I'll be right back with that for you."

The table descends into an awkward silence as she leaves. Eager to ease the tension, I pick up my cutlery and cut into a piece of the tilapia. It tastes great.

"This is really nice. Good call, Han." I say. She mumbles a thank you, frowning as she eats.

I don't say anything anymore, focusing my attention on my food. Lunch is ridiculously quiet, and nobody eats the tacos or tastes the guacamole in the middle of the table. Hannah takes a while to eat so when I'm done, I excuse myself from the table to give them an opportunity to talk. I don't think they do: when I come back after a good ten minutes, the quiet is still ridiculous and they're not looking at each other.

"Why now?" Hannah asks as I busy myself with my phone. She sounds tired and she's looking down, frowning at her half eaten fish.

"I want to be more active in your life from now."

This is some déjà vu I'm having. Hannah's mouth twists downwards, her lips almost disappearing. She rolls her eyes and shakes her head and then starts to stand up.

"No." She says, picking up her bag. "Thanks, but no thanks. You can go back to pretending I don't exist. Nate, we're leaving."

I start getting my stuff together.

"Hannah, sit –"

"Don't tell me what to do." She stops and then just shakes her head. "When I was a kid, when Kimmy used to come up the Bay, she'd always mention you. And like, she made you guys sound so amazing, so I used to be so jealous of her, of everyone because I never had a grandparent before, and y'all were supposed to be the best people on earth. And then I overheard my parents talking about how you just didn't want anything to do with me."

"That's not the –"

"I'm not a kid anymore though. I realise now that I'm luckier than a lot of people because I've got two parents and sisters that care about me. And good friends, too. I don't need your validation, or your interference in my life. You didn't like my mom because of one thing, and we both know what it is."

Then, she stares directly at her grandmother. They hold each other's gaze before her grandma looks away, her cheeks turning red.

"You can't even deny it." Hannah says, shaking her head. "Whatever. Thanks for lunch. Next time buy us dessert."

Then she marches out of the restaurant.

I gape at her before I realise that I should probably follow. Her grandma's drinking her wine, still blushing.

"Um. It was... nice to meet you." I say lamely.

She doesn't even look at me. I feel stupid, so I just hurry out after Hannah who is already halfway down the street and definitely going in the wrong direction of my car. It doesn't take me long to catch up to her, and then we're pacing through D.C, neither of us saying anything.

All of a sudden, she stops. She bends over and takes a huge gasp, placing her hands on her knees. She stays like that for a few seconds and I wait for her to shout, get mad, something. But then when she stands up straight again, her face is completely neutral, normal. It's like I've seen it for the past few days, and I don't know how to take it.

"So," She says, sounding scarily like her usual self. "Bubble tea?"

☼ ☼ ☼

We're sitting on the steps in front of the Abraham Lincoln memorial, watching the tourists wander around the reflecting pool. In the distance, the Washington monument stands proud and tall, a large slab of rock that seems to pierce through the clouds. Hannah sips on her third cup of bubble tea while I eat some red grapes, staring at the changing colours of the sky. 

After lunch, we decided to be tourists for a day. We learned about the different types of rock the Washington monument was made of, took a dumb amount of photos in front of the White House and ventured into the Smithsonian. Hannah got mad when she saw all the body parts, and they creeped me out too so that was a really short trip. It's been quite a lot of walking and my feet are sore but I'm trying not to complain.

My mind keeps going back to lunch and how Hannah's situation really reminds me of my own. We haven't talked about it and I don't know if I should bring it up, or compare it and tell her why I'm so mad at my mom. It's similar but it's not the same thing and that might just piss her off.

"We should find a hotel soon. Preferably one near to that boba place." She says, draining her cup.

"You're going to become boba at this rate." I throw a grape in the air and successfully catch it in my mouth. Hannah nudges me while I chew proudly. "You wanted to watch the NBA finals tonight, right?"

"Sure thing." She says.

Then she sorta... slumps.

I wonder what to say. Then I wonder if I should say something at all. Sometimes the best comfort for me is silence but I don't know if it's the same for her. And if it isn't, then she'll probably get upset that I don't have anything to offer to make her feel better.

I don't know, I just don't want her to be sad. 

"Chloe called me this morning." I decide. "Said she's hoping we can get to New York by tomorrow and stay for the weekend."

"Yeah. My bad. Didn't mean to derail us too much." She puts her cup down and gets a huge chocolate bar out of her bag. She offers me some but I shake my head.

"Don't worry 'bout it, Kenickie." I say, trying to ease the atmosphere. She glares at me with a huge chunk of chocolate in her mouth. "Stop acting like you don't love that nickname."

"I'm not acting, Fish boy. I told you I'm definitely Frenchy."

"Beauty school dropout..." I start singing. She rolls her eyes. "Go back to high school!"

"You are such a terrible singer."

"Coming from you? With your High School Musical concert this morning? Girl, behave."

She giggles, then takes another bite of her chocolate. I lean back until I'm resting on my elbows and look up and around, focusing my eyes on the changing horizon. The colours all mix together, blue, orange, pink and purple. I've never been the type to care about sunset or whatever but it looks really nice right now. I take a few pictures on my phone.

"I'm sorry about blowing up on my grandma in front of you." Hannah says after a pause. I'm about to tell her not to worry about it but she goes on. "I didn't mean to. It's just that... she made me so mad. The whole thing about wanting to be in my life? Like, how dare she?"

I think of Mr. Saluzzo saying the same exact thing to me at the beginning of summer and remember how angry I was when he said that. I can understand her.

"You know why she didn't wanna know me or my mom?" She turns to me and her eyes are wet. I sit up, alarmed. "Because of our skin colour."

"Oh."

"Right? Like oh!" She wipes at her eyes angrily. "And like, my dad said she's working through her prejudice but imagine learning that your own grandma refused to talk to you as a kid because you're darker than her. Bullshit, right?"

"Complete bullshit." I agree.

"You know what's worse?" She lets out a fake sounding laugh. "That after having lived with that information, after listening to her speak and know more about food in a Mexican restaurant than me, I actually kind of wanted to forgive her. That I wanted her in my life anyway. Pathetic, right?"

"It's not."

"Yeah right." She scoffs.

"No, it really isn't." I protest. "She's your grandma. She's supposed to be there with flowery hugs and those caramel candies and whatever. It's okay to want that, because it's what you deserve."

"It really is." Hannah agrees, sniffling.

I see her bottom lip shake and panic, hoping she doesn't start crying. She manages to hold it in, grabbing a tissue from her backpack and wiping her eyes until there are little pieces of white fluff sticking to her face. I don't know whether I should bring it up or if it's not the right time to, so I leave it alone for now. The sun sets further but it doesn't get completely dark because of all the lights coming on around the National Mall. Hannah eats her chocolate bar and then polishes off a bag of peanut M&M's before she brings her knees to her chin and sighs.

I think about Reese and the unopened message on my phone. He probably doesn't have anything to say other than 'hi' or whatever stupid thought went through his head this morning, but still. It's not his fault everything's so messed up. I open the message and decide to stop being so difficult.

Reese: managed to get your mom to chill out on the open ticket thing. happy travels bro

He really is an idiot though. Maybe I'll be difficult for longer.

"It's her loss though." I say, stuffing my phone into my pocket.

"What?"

"She's never gonna get to know you or the big words you use." She rolls her eyes. "Or the fact you love Grease and every book ever, you hate spiders and cannot sing to save your life."

"Shut up, loser."

I do not shut up. "She's never gonna get to see how weird you are, y'know. And it's really her loss."

Hannah smiles, first at the reflecting pool but then at me. Then she throws her arms around me and pulls me into a tight side hug. It's hard to really return because we're sitting but I try anyway, and I pat her back, hoping to be supportive.

"Thanks Nate." She says once she lets go. "You're the best sometimes."

"I try." I say smugly. Then I stand up, brush off my sweatpants and hold my hand out for her to take. "Now come on. Let's get you another boba before the store closes."

a/n:

das eighteen weeks !

Love u guys  xx