"Ready, Hermione?"

Hermione, who had just arrived back in the entrance hall, nodded at the older man's question to which he reacted by taking her arm and leading her outdoors.

Together in comfortable silence, they walked until they got through the wards surrounding Hogwarts. Taking her arm more securely he looked at her for affirmation before initiating their apparition.

Within seconds, they found themselves standing on green grass seemingly in the middle of nowhere.

"Where are we, Severus?" Asked Hermione slightly confused.

"It's not far from my home. I haven't been here in decades and I figured it can't hurt to go on a little walk and enjoy the weather. This way we also won't be seen by muggles, so that's another bonus I guess," smiled Severus.

"Why haven't you been here in decades? It is so beautiful and peaceful here," replied Hermione looking around her in awe.

"It's complicated," said Severus in a tone that left no space for discussion.

He was about to start walking in favour of getting home when he remembered what Minerva told him that very morning. This was not really related to their relationship but maybe him opening up a bit could not hurt?

"Come, I'll show you a nice spot," said Severus before leading her to a nearby tree to sit under as the early summer sun was already beating down on them.

"Right, it's a long story why I have not been here in decades. See the dead tree up there?" asked Severus, pointing towards the silhouette of an old tree on a hill, to which the brown-haired witch sitting next to him nodded looking quite puzzled.

"This is where everything started. I first met Lily Evans up there by the tree - I had been hiding behind that tree from my father. Lily and I used to spend a lot of time here as children. It soon became my sort of safe place. Here I could be me and my father never once thought to search for me, so I indeed was safe," said Severus, leaning against the tree, looking off into the distance with an unreadable expression.

Hermione sat there next to him, thinking about what he said while wondering why he changed his mind.

"What changed? I guess your father was still there and abusing you so why did you stop coming here?"

"I messed things up. I made the biggest mistake of my life in my fifth year. I said a word I didn't mean and also one I never wanted to use and yet I did."

"Yes, I remember that you told me that when I asked about your past. But why did that stop you from coming here?"

Hermione saw that being here was really hard for him and she admired him for the decision of staying here of all places and talking about these things.

"I always associated this place with her. I feared that she'd come back here when we were home for the holidays and I hoped that she would forgive me eventually if I only gave her some space, but she never did. Then after graduating from Hogwarts I became one of them and I had not had the time to come here and in the end, I couldn't come here because I was responsible. 

I was responsible for her death and the death of her husband. Until a little more than a year ago, I thought that I loved her and I may really have, just not the way I initially thought - I was set free when I nearly died. It was as if I was freed the moment I had given Harry my memories and with that the information that he needed, because I had completed that last task. I was ready to die and to be honest, I hoped that I would not survive this. I don't deserve this, not after all the sorrow, anguish and ruin I brought over other people," said Severus, getting quieter and quieter the more he spoke, until his speech was merely more than a whisper in the slight summer wind.

The young brown-haired witch looked alarmed at him. She had never heard him speak like this. To her, it almost sounded as if he had suicidal thoughts.

She inched closer to him and put her small hand on his much bigger one.

"If you are not deserving of living then tell me who is. I know no one who did more for others without thinking about himself than you."

He looked first at his hand on hers before then facing her fully.

"Thank you."

And Hermione saw that he really meant it.

"Why don't we head to your home? It's nearing noon and I think you've been here long enough now?"

Without answering he stood, helped her up and took her arm leading her on into the direction of Spinner's End in Cokeworth.

++++++++++++

A few minutes later they stood inside his small and rather darkly furnished house.

"There's nothing much to show. There's the living room and this is the kitchen. My potions lab is down in the basement if you are in any way interested. Upstairs there is only my bedroom, a bathroom and my childhood bedroom. I would not want you to have to sleep in that room. After all, Peter Pettigrew had to live in there the summer before I had to kill... You know," explained Severus while walking into the kitchen, Hermione following closely.

The dark-haired man moved about the kitchen with ease, cooking them something for lunch and Hermione could only watch in awe.

Not long after that, they sat there enjoying their lunch when Hermione asked: "How did you get these fresh ingredients, Severus?"

He finished chewing before answering: "I had Linky, one of Hogwarts' house elves, stock up my storages. He is extremely biased on me just like Dobby was with Harry. I freed him from Umbridge during the year you were in the woods."

"I see. But please don't tell me he is ironing his own hands whenever something does not go according to plan just like Dobby did?"

"No, he is not. I found a suitable punishment should he see fit to be punished -only if he thinks he did something terribly wrong because, from my experiences, things are getting worse the more they are forbidden to be punished. It is their way of living, so one just needs to outsmart them."

Hermione looked curiously at him, silently asking the obvious question that was plaguing her mind then.

"He's not allowed to serve me for a week and instead has to watch me calling for another house elf. It does not really make any difference as I ask for the assistance of one maybe once or twice a year, but he decided that this would be his punishment and so be it. It is what is best for all."