Hermione sat down on the comfortable dark grey sofa in front of Severus' fireplace as he took a seat in his armchair.

"Now, where to start? Well, I grew up in the poor neighbourhood that was called Spinner's End in Cokeworth. It was always dirty and a bad smell was emanating from the little stream that was so dirty that no one ever wanted to touch it. 

Whenever I needed to get away from home which happened pretty often I went to the better part of Cokeworth. There was a meadow with an old dead tree on a small hill right next to an old swing set. I used to go there every day since I was around 7 years old. My father was almost always drunk and angry and my mother had to cook and clean up after him. He was hitting her, it wasn't rare that I came home to find her with a bloody nose or a gash on her cheek. 

I learned to heal things like that very early on. When my father witnessed that I was magically inclined he started hitting me too. I went out as often as possible, not that my parents cared. I was sometimes gone until late in the evening, and I'm not sure if they even realized. 

When I was around 9 Lily and Petunia, her sister, came to the little hill and that's where we met. I not so charmingly told Lily that she was a witch, which kind of put her off, but from that day on we met there, played and talked. Mostly she asked about the magical world and I loved the feeling of having someone who actually seemed to care whether I was there or not.
My father seemed glad when I got my letter. He couldn't wait to be rid of me and that made me scared of what would happen with my mother once I was gone.
In Hogwarts, I got sorted into Slytherin, obviously, and that separated Lily and me and caused our friendship to go away slowly but surely. Her friends in Gryffindor didn't like me and that made her stay away from me more frequently the older we got. James Potter and his so-called Marauders made it their priority to remind me that my parents weren't rich, that I was a half-blood and a Slytherin at that, too.
One time they really took it too far and that's what cost me the one genuine friendship I had forever. They hung me upside down with a spell of my own in front of the many students that were outside just like us.  They made fun of me until Lily came. When she tried to help me they started taunting her, too - and that made me snap. 

I - I was hurt and humiliated, but that is no excuse for the word I called her, but I tried to apologize. She wouldn't hear any of that until she died. 

The loss of that friendship and that incident drove me to become a death eater. I wanted power just once in my life. I wanted the people to stop laughing about me. But even then I should have known that that would be my ultimate ruin."

Severus didn't look at her, no. He was staring into the dancing flames in his fireplace, inwardly too scared of seeing her reaction. He realized that he was every bit of the coward Potter and Minerva had said he was.

"What did you call her? What could you possibly say to her that she never forgave you?" Hermione was shocked. She knew his past was unpleasant, but she would have never imagined that it was like that.

His head snapped up and he looked at her, surprised that she seemingly wasn't angry at all. However, his head turned away before he answered. He really hesitated. She could see that this was really hard for him to talk about. 

"The word was mudblood. I never wanted to use that word in my life, ever. Being surrounded by pureblood Slytherins I heard it a few times and I hated it. I hated it and yet I called her that. I was so angry. Angry at the marauders, angry at the people that used that word, angry that they used it that often that it eventually became normal to hear for me, but foremost I was so angry at myself."

"Are you sure she never forgave you?" 

"She didn't listen to me the many times I tried to apologize and she never so much as looked at me again. I'm pretty sure that she never forgave me."

"Severus, I'm sure she forgave you. After all, it was a slip of the tongue and well, I know what it feels like to be called that name. She'd have to be a really unforgiving person to not forgive you. I lost count of how many times Draco called me that name by the end of the second year and yet we spoke and while we're not best friends we can talk to each other like normal, civilized people. There surely must be another reason. But what happened with your mother?"

He gulped. This was a topic he didn't look forward to talking about. Taking a few deep breaths he mentally readied himself for this particular topic.

"She usually came to pick me up from the station once the year was over but after my sixth year, she didn't come. I luckily was allowed to apparate and so I went home to find her." He trailed off staring into the flames as though he was hypnotized.

"To find her?" Hermione wasn't sure whether her assumption on what he found was right and so she opted for asking instead.

"She was lying on the kitchen floor. There was blood everywhere. I lost her that day. She left me alone with him. She left me with the man who killed her. She was everything that held me back from Riddle and his followers. 

I made the most fatal mistake of my entire existence following her death. I just don't understand why Madam Pince suddenly is so obsessed with being her. I mean, if it truly was her, why didn't she say so sooner? Why didn't she do anything back then? 

I recall that she started a few years into my career here as a student and she never cared for me. It wasn't rare that they'd come and search for me in the library to taunt me again and she never did anything about it. She just can't be the woman who always tried to save me from Tobias. That can't be the same person. She always protected me, she always did."